My friend has BO....How do I tell her?

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LisaBeateith2012
LisaBeateith2012 Posts: 346 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi there in a bit of a dilemma, My friend has really bad Body odor and I do not know how to tell her! She hasn't always been like this...its ever since she had her third child I have had to deal with it. It is making me feel sick when I am around her but the thing is she is a really loving kind person and I cant bring myself to tell her in case I hurt her feelings.Her child is almost 7 months now so this has been going on for that length of time. I was hoping one of her family members would have said to her but it seems not the case.

I am now getting really embarrassed to walk with her and go places with her in case they think it is me that stinks.How can she not smell it herself???...... it is so strong and why haven't her mum dad or brothers said anything or even her partner! Somebody out there must have dealt with this problem please help me!

:o))
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Replies

  • LisaBeateith2012
    LisaBeateith2012 Posts: 346 Member
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    bump
  • stewartbeaton
    stewartbeaton Posts: 14 Member
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    Bump because need to know what to do as my friend also had body odour problems!
  • StrongAndHealthyMommy
    StrongAndHealthyMommy Posts: 1,255 Member
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    maybe she can smell herself, but she cant do anything about I.... I have a co worker who is the same way..... but she doesn't even uses Victoria secrets lotions! no good...
  • jj2step
    jj2step Posts: 16 Member
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    This is a hard one honey all the best.
  • kendrafallon
    kendrafallon Posts: 1,030 Member
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    There's no easy way of telling someone they have BO. If you're going to be the one to tell her, make sure you do it where you're not going to overheard by anyone and you're prepared for her being upset with you as well as embarrassed. Good luck
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    It's hard, but you're really doing her a disservice by not telling her. Think about it, if roles were reversed, would you want for someone to not tell you and just let you walk around stinky? Maybe she's having trouble finding time to shower, maybe she's depressed, maybe her hormones have changed...either way, if you really care, you'll tell her.
  • IbiH
    IbiH Posts: 250 Member
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    I've had this happen several times in work, not nice and had to mention it to a member of staff.

    If it's a friend it's different, one easy way is to say that you've found some bogof / 3-4-2 offers in the shops and offer her one, be it deodorant or some nice body spray. If that doesn't work then you may have to be cruel to be kind and tell her.
  • mellyish
    mellyish Posts: 253 Member
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    I've had my share of BO issues in the past (maybe even now, who knows) because of my hormones going out of whack due to PCOS. I had one person tell me a couple years back and it hurt a bit. I started being more regular with personal hygiene but I can't put deodorant on out in public, I do what I can and carry sprays with me when I remember. I say the remember part cause I also have AD/HD -_- I don't forget like a normal person, no sirree.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    Lack of attention to personal hygiene can be as symptom of depression. She's recently had a baby so she may be at risk of post-natal depression. How is she generally? Bear in mind that some people are very good at putting on a brave face for the world then collapsing in a heap behind closed doors. Are there other signs that she's not coping well? (if she's depressed enough to not be washing herself she will have a lot of other issues as well, although it may all be hidden behind closed doors while she puts on a brave face)

    If it was me, I'd start by seeing how she is generally, asking her if she's okay, I mean really okay, if there's anything wrong, you can say that you just sense that something's not right and you can't put your finger on it... that kind of thing you dont need to mention anything specific (definitely not body odor). Then take it from there. If she is depressed, encourage her to seek help and then the issue with the BO will sort itself out.

    If it's not that and she's totally fine, just oblivious to what she smells like, maybe you just have to tell her, but try to do it in the nicest possible way.
  • Lobster1987
    Lobster1987 Posts: 492 Member
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    I would approach her gently about it, privately....

    Come from the angle of that you would want somebody to tell you if it were you. Explain to her that you notice that she hasn't smelled too good ever since she has had her little one, and that you are concerned that she maybe has bacterial vaginitis or something similar and that you think she should consult with a doctor. (It's a condition that makes you smell really bad down there...)

    She will be offended and embarrassed as hell, but again, be very caring and concerned. You are looking out for her, and reiterate that you would want to know and that you know that she would tell you if you were in her place.
  • nika_bolinhos
    nika_bolinhos Posts: 42
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    I have a friend that had this terrible habit of eating garlic crackers all day long. He also never wore deodorant and it was really hard on him. It was school days and he honestly didn't know why people wouldn't go near him.
    We had to tell him, as simple as that. Yes it was horrible, we didn't know how to go about it, but he was suffering with exclusion and he had no idea why.
    I think that the best way is to tell her, try to find a nicer way todo that, but if she is a good friend she will appreciate your honesty, if I was stinking and didn't know about it I would feel embarrassed to be told sure, but also grateful that is was someone close and that told me with the intention of helping me.
    Maybe ask her if she changed her soap or shampoo, say that whatever she is using doesn't match her natural body odour. Suggest a change of products, say that what she was using before was much nicer and suited her. It's a nicer way to go about it then telling her she stinks.
  • PlayerHatinDogooder
    PlayerHatinDogooder Posts: 1,018 Member
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    I think the most direct route is usually the best one.

    'Hey girl, you're a great friend but you smell bad. Maybe carry some deodorant around with you and spend a bit more time in the shower getting all those hard to reach places.'

    No need to make a big drama out of it.
  • bunbunzee44
    bunbunzee44 Posts: 592 Member
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    she might know it.. sometimes there's just not much to do. but you should try asking her gently about it.
    my man had issues with this when he was in late teens, although he has always been very hygienic and used deodorants, didn't eat anything that would cause smells.. it just stopped on its own.
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    Lack of attention to personal hygiene can be as symptom of depression. She's recently had a baby so she may be at risk of post-natal depression. How is she generally? Bear in mind that some people are very good at putting on a brave face for the world then collapsing in a heap behind closed doors. Are there other signs that she's not coping well? (if she's depressed enough to not be washing herself she will have a lot of other issues as well, although it may all be hidden behind closed doors while she puts on a brave face)

    If it was me, I'd start by seeing how she is generally, asking her if she's okay, I mean really okay, if there's anything wrong, you can say that you just sense that something's not right and you can't put your finger on it... that kind of thing you dont need to mention anything specific (definitely not body odor). Then take it from there. If she is depressed, encourage her to seek help and then the issue with the BO will sort itself out.

    If it's not that and she's totally fine, just oblivious to what she smells like, maybe you just have to tell her, but try to do it in the nicest possible way.
    Well thought out reply, some very good advice^^^
  • SutapaMukherji
    SutapaMukherji Posts: 244 Member
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    It's hard, but you're really doing her a disservice by not telling her. Think about it, if roles were reversed, would you want for someone to not tell you and just let you walk around stinky?

    This
    Maybe try telling her through hints and def prepare for her to be upset. But if she is your friend, she deserves the chance
  • mamosh81
    mamosh81 Posts: 409 Member
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    since she didnt have it always and only since the 3rd child it might be a hormone inbalance my mom said she had a bad smell as well after she had me not much you can do with soap and deo. Just ask her if everything is ok and that you noticed she smells different since she had her baby and maybe make a doctor appointment. That you worry for her that something is wrong.
  • pollyineedtobeskinny
    pollyineedtobeskinny Posts: 362
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    Just tell her... Buck up the courage and just tell her. It'll benefit you both.:smile:
  • LisaBeateith2012
    LisaBeateith2012 Posts: 346 Member
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    Just tell her... Buck up the courage and just tell her. It'll benefit you both.:smile:
    I really want to I know it would benefit us both I was just hoping one of her family members would tell her, you think her partner would tell her! Arghhhhhhhhhh! Wish I wasn't in this situation!!! :o((
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
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    This is my sister in a nut shell!!! I finally sat her down and helped her figure out a solution with google she ate a lot of parsley of all thing lol and got a special deoterant as well i will ask her what its called.
  • Frankii_x
    Frankii_x Posts: 238
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    Just tell her - awful and horrible but if you're close friends it's your job to say the horrible things as well as the nice things. You'll probably suffer a bit of a back lash but if you're good friends your friendship will survive that :)

    Also like other people have said up there ^^^ about the hormone imbalance. Maybe she doesn't know what's causing the smell - could offer options to her? Maybe to mention it to her doctor etc and offer to go with her to highlight that you support her and don't think she's just dirty :)

    Good luck xx

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