My friend has BO....How do I tell her?

stewartbeaton

There is so much good advice here as I am dealing with this problem as well. It is a very hard situation I hope I can sort it out without hurting my friend. Keep in touch and let me know how you get on. Good luck .

OllyReeves

Yeah I had to deal with it with an employee. Very awkward, but her own fault, she just didn't wash enough. Very difficult conversation.

SaraBrown12

Bo can be hormonal. Some people cannot smell it on themselves, its possible that she is not aware of it so maybe speaking with her about the issue will be doing her a favour. I borrowed a jacket off my friend once at a do we were at, after wearing it for around 30 mins the arm pits were stinking of sweat even tho i was not the one sweating. The smell can be tuff to shift from clothes if you do not wash them straight away after sweating in them. It may not be that shes not looking after herself and showering/washing daily, the smell could be in the clothes shes wearing even though she has washed them.

In the UK there is a spray called stain slayer, its a lemon solution and it works wonders for removing BO stink from clothes (i have a teenage brother who gets stinky pits). It could be something simple like her not washing on a high enough temperature in the washer. A very simple change to make and an easy/ common mistake.

I would have a quiet word with her, Its a difficult convo to have but i think if your her close friend then she should respect the fact your speaking to her to try and help her.

BO is something i am paranoid about (what can i say i am a supersmeller and the slightest aromas can knock me sick when other people are not aware of them). When i hit the gym/ work out at home or go to work i have a roll on deoderant that's GREAT and its not expensive. Its called mitchum (in UK). Maybe if you have a few helpful points to try and help her combat this problem it might not seem so bad. Also i agree with the above poster, if the reason is shes not showering enough then it could be post natal depression in which case she needs the help of the doctor. On the same note having a baby can make you feel like your life is not your own and you no longer have time for yourself, especially when you have a demanding baby.

If she in an excessive sweater you can also get treatment from the gp in the form of a roll on called drioclor or something (not sure if you can buy it over the counter) You use it as a roll on in effected areas, let it dry before putting on clothes and it stops or reduces the amount you sweat.

What i am trying to say is, don't just swoop in and say... You have BO deal with it, Try to get to the bottom of what the cause it, it may be something very simple, ie the clothes she wears. On the flip side if could be medical, ie hormones and or depression. Its important to be supportive as a friend either way so shes not overwhelmed with a problem she dosen't know how to deal with although there are simple things to try to combat the issue.

Hope all this helps. Good luck, I hope she is understanding when you tell her xxx

nikilis

my brother doesn't really understand personal hygene and is a slow learner. it took a good 2 month long campaign involving me giving him all kinds of *kitten* for smelling like a hobo's armpit wearing rotten shoes. my mum also told him around 5 times, and we bought him some deodorant. he doesn't smell so much anymore.

just tell her. if you are her real friend, just tell her.

"look, i love you girl, so I'm gonna tell you something... I've noticed that..."

you have to do something or else eventually you wont want to do things with her. your trying to help.


or just use a big sign.

Inesesfitnesspal

I had also BO problem, which I was not aware of... And thank God my niece told me about it!!!!! Telling her is much better than keeping silence because at the end You`ll make her feel as if she would have been the stinky whole life...

Pretend that it is something recently appeared- Ask if she has changed her diet or using some medicine, because you notice some smell... Ask if she has forgotten her deodorant... Antiperspirants are not healthy, but propose to try one once in 3 days...

BUT tell her!!! Before people will start avoiding her...

kcoftx

I had a similar issue, coincidentally also after my 3rd child. It wasn't lack of hygiene. I went to a dermatologist. Even then it took about 2 years before it cleared up. I was wearing prescription strength deodorant a few times a week plus regular deodorant 4-5 times a day. My friend then clued me in on a different over the counter deodorant and it wasn't long after that before I was able to decrease how often I was using it. It still took awhile and I suspect my hormones were out of whack. I chose this crazy routine because it was suggested I get Botox injections in my armpits. I am a big baby on needles.

Edit to add: No one had to tell me. I was excessively sweating and noticed it myself. I did ask my husband regarding the smell. Having said that, there was one week at work I forgot my bag of tricks and I was embarrassed to even need to lift my arms each day I forgot. Finally my boss had to tell me during a team meeting with two of my coworkers that brought up the issue. They were more embarrassed than I was. I told them it was okay. I knew of the issue. I had been to the doctor. By the time they told me I had managed to remember to pack and store my bag of tricks at work. I told them what happened. I even gave me permission to say something directly so it can help me know to do what I need to do, should I ever fail that on my own. I was good about doing it 4-5 times a day, but that one week I forgot to pack each day. Having said that, I had sweating as a cue. Otherwise I might not have known.

maisid

Lack of attention to personal hygiene can be as symptom of depression. She's recently had a baby so she may be at risk of post-natal depression. How is she generally? Bear in mind that some people are very good at putting on a brave face for the world then collapsing in a heap behind closed doors. Are there other signs that she's not coping well? (if she's depressed enough to not be washing herself she will have a lot of other issues as well, although it may all be hidden behind closed doors while she puts on a brave face)

If it was me, I'd start by seeing how she is generally, asking her if she's okay, I mean really okay, if there's anything wrong, you can say that you just sense that something's not right and you can't put your finger on it... that kind of thing you dont need to mention anything specific (definitely not body odor). Then take it from there. If she is depressed, encourage her to seek help and then the issue with the BO will sort itself out.

If it's not that and she's totally fine, just oblivious to what she smells like, maybe you just have to tell her, but try to do it in the nicest possible way.

I really really like your reply, I think it is a great advice!

I believe it is always possible that there is a reason for why people change, have BO, don't clean their house etc. Always try to be the best friend possible and be there for support.

StacyJCrain

I would offer to offer to babysit so that she could have some "me" time. Suggest that she soak in a nice bubble bath. As a mother we tend to put ourselves on the back burner while caring for others but hopefully a little nudge will push in the right direction if it from the lack of personal hygiene.

peachfigs

If it's that bad, maybe she is aware of it but nothing is working. People with hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) sometimes can't even use normal deodorants because they won't work. If you don't want to say it directly to her, maybe refer to a product indirectly that is great for reducing sweating (for e.g. arrid cream?) and say you use it or something. Sounds a little silly, but it might be better than hurting her feelings.

Also, this...

I would offer to offer to babysit so that she could have some "me" time. Suggest that she soak in a nice bubble bath. As a mother we tend to put ourselves on the back burner while caring for others but hopefully a little nudge will push in the right direction if it from the lack of personal hygiene.

benol1

Hi there in a bit of a dilemma, My friend has really bad Body odor and I do not know how to tell her! She hasn't always been like this...its ever since she had her third child I have had to deal with it. It is making me feel sick when I am around her but the thing is she is a really loving kind person and I cant bring myself to tell her in case I hurt her feelings.Her child is almost 7 months now so this has been going on for that length of time. I was hoping one of her family members would have said to her but it seems not the case.

I am now getting really embarrassed to walk with her and go places with her in case they think it is me that stinks.How can she not smell it herself???...... it is so strong and why haven't her mum dad or brothers said anything or even her partner! Somebody out there must have dealt with this problem please help me!

))

Just tell her.

Lobster1987

OK.. This is what I'd do:

Keep it really light. After a day out together, in the middle of a girlie chat, I'd say something like "Hmmm, I think one of us has got a bit of BO, I keep getting a whiff of something slightly off.." Then dramatically sniff my own armpits and have a sniff in her direction... Then I'd be like "Ah, sorry, think it's you this time... We've had such a busy day, it's so hot, blah blah blah"

That might be all the nudge she needs.. If not, I'd repeat the whole scenario on another occasion, but this time mention the possibility of it being a hormonal change, saying that you never used to notice it before she had her last baby.

I'd also consider the possibility of her being depressed as another poster mentioned and only really attempt the genius approach I've outlined above if you don't think there are any underlying issues.

Obviously relationships vary and not everyone could pull off this manoeuvre. But it's what I'd do in your situation.. Good luck!

This is good too

littlelaura

Is she or was she breast feeding? If so her pediatrician would of told her to avoid deodorant so it doesn't get near breast tissue or absorbed into the milk and the baby consume the toxins, she may be using an all natural kind of deodorant which do nothing or not using any while breast feeding, just a thought. Simply tell her.

lauren3101

Lack of attention to personal hygiene can be as symptom of depression. She's recently had a baby so she may be at risk of post-natal depression. How is she generally? Bear in mind that some people are very good at putting on a brave face for the world then collapsing in a heap behind closed doors. Are there other signs that she's not coping well? (if she's depressed enough to not be washing herself she will have a lot of other issues as well, although it may all be hidden behind closed doors while she puts on a brave face)

If it was me, I'd start by seeing how she is generally, asking her if she's okay, I mean really okay, if there's anything wrong, you can say that you just sense that something's not right and you can't put your finger on it... that kind of thing you dont need to mention anything specific (definitely not body odor). Then take it from there. If she is depressed, encourage her to seek help and then the issue with the BO will sort itself out.

If it's not that and she's totally fine, just oblivious to what she smells like, maybe you just have to tell her, but try to do it in the nicest possible way.

This is very good advice, and I would do that first.

If she turns out to be fine, and she is just not aware, I would approach it in a 'if the roles were reversed I would want to know' kind of way, and be blunt but kind. Tell her that you've only noticed this since she had her baby, and that sometimes a hormone imbalance can cause body odours. That will make her feel better as it's not like you are outwardly saying you think she doesn't wash. Suggest that her current products aren't working as well as they used to and having a look on your next shopping trip together.

Either way I think you should tell her, if I was your friend, I'd be mortified to find out later.

dennymau

Give her a gift basket with scented soaps and body lotion

sc10985

I wouldn guess it's her hormones. I had a similar situation after my daughter was born. It wasn't as bad as your describing but I had to cjange deodorant every few weeks because I felt like nothing was working. Every pregnancy and birth can affect us differently and my midwife told me it can take up to a year for our hormones to regulate (longer if nursing). Be gentle if you do confront her, she may be doing everything in her power to help it and may already be terribly embarrassed about it. On the other hand, three children are a lot of work so maybe she just hasn't noticed. Either way, proceed with caution and be prepared for initial hurt feelings. But most women would want to know. You'd tell her if she had food in her teeth or something stuck in her hair right? Same kinda thing, just a little more sensitive. Good luck

Oishii

Is she or was she breast feeding? If so her pediatrician would of told her to avoid deodorant so it doesn't get near breast tissue or absorbed into the milk and the baby consume the toxins, she may be using an all natural kind of deodorant which do nothing or not using any while breast feeding, just a thought. Simply tell her.

This was my thought too. I keep away from stronger chemicals when breast feeding.

I would bring it up by saying 'I noticed you've smelt different since no. 3 was born' and see how she reacts. Personally, I have a very poor sense of smell (it used to be excellent) and get stronger body odour at certain times (pregnancy, breastfeeding etc) so I'd want a friend to tell me. Then it would be up to me whether I wanted to do something about it.

Also, I've never been depressed, but I don't prioritise showers. I don't approve of the modern obsession with making humans smell not like humans and I think daily showers are a hideous waste of water and fuel. Go back fifty years and a weekly bath would have been the norm. I wouldn't want to go back to the yearly baths of the medieval period, but I do think the 'cult of clean' has gone too far now.

Dewdropps

I have 2 ideas for you.


First, if she recently had a child, it means she's only focused on the baby and not herself. Put together a gift basket with a focus on pampering mommy, like lotions, a nice smelling deodorant, shampoo, body wash, a poof sponge, some nail polish etc. and volunteer to give her some special time away from baby for a nice relaxing bath. I guarantee you she will jump at the chance.


Second.. if you don't want to do the first, fib a little. Get her a nice smelling deodorant and one for yourself (They often come in double packs around here). Give her one of them and tell her you've been using it and you haven't been having to shave as much... as if it's a deterrent to hair growth. Tell her to try it and see if it works for her :P

vanessadsilva

You have got to tell her. If she is a loving person she will accept the fact. but once she gets over it she will be fine and thank you for it. You can start by suggesting her some perfume or this powder named " Tawas" which can help against Bo. I told this to my friend cuz many ladies in the bus or the metro would find it out and speak things making some funny faces.
You should not waste time but help her asap.

noahsmama33

Please be honest with her, but as mentioned earlier be gentle. Perhaps she doesn't have time to shower with 3 little ones. Is it possible for you to visit and watch the children while she showers? Not everyday, but she would probably love the idea of a shower to herself. Go to the store before your visit, pick up a few hygiene products, throw them in a nice basket and give the basket to her. That way she feels like she has a solution right then. Hope this helps!

SnowCutieJade

find a shirt she has already worn and tell her to smell it

alasin1derland

I'm all for just taking a whiff of the air and smelling inside the front of your own shirt, saying I keep getting a whiff of BO. That lets her know you can smell something but not centering her out. Lets her save face in a way that she may have gotten away with it but needs to take steps to avoid a pattern that you only smell it when she's around.