Some thoughts on "Starting Over"
Replies
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I "started over" for 20 years...then I found MFP...3 years later.....I haven't started over since.
Your post is great for those who have been here before....and are starting over.
I think you do get to a point where it's the last time you start over...and this post may just well be the catalyst for some.0 -
Great post. I have started over multiple times. Each time I have learned something new that helps. When I fall off the wagon I dust myself off, not beat myself up.1
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Coming back to this post, as I am "starting over" again - or continuing to learn and moving forwards
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The thought of throwing out half of my favorite thing feels almost blasphemous
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I needed this today, as I am starting over again. I needed motivation and encouragement instead of feeling like I can't get there. Thank you.0
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I was going to "restart" in the new year, but this post encouraged me to start today. I have slipped up on my healthy habits a lot recently, I'd like to blame the holiday, haha. Im personally learning I need to be more self-motivated and not rely on others as much. Although encouragement is always nice!2
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Thank you so much for taking the time to write out this thoughtful post.0
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Bumping.0
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Bump0
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I was on MFP a few years ago. Have tried many things and some worked for awhile, but I am now at my highest weight ever. I appreciate this post because too many people on this site are so negative when you say you are starting over and need motivation. I thought this was supposed to boost people not put them down. That just makes me more depressed and unmotivated. Yes it is my issue, I understand and agree with that, but when you're down and go on here for inspiration this is the type of post I am hoping to see. If you're already feeling bad, the last thing you need is negative comments. I am starting over once again, and I do think I have figured out a few "what works" and "what doesn't work" things. But it's still trial and error and probably always will be. There will always be new foods or recipes to try. I also do a fasting day once in awhile. It just seems to boost me up a little and helps get rid of some of those cravings. It doesn't work for everyone and not everyone agrees with it. That's fine, we all have different opinions on what works. But if something does work for you, please share because it might be something that someone else could benefit from.
So thank you for this post. I for one truly appreciate it. I'm going through old posts for encouragement and insight and I'm insight and this has helped.3 -
Thank you OP! This was truly needed.0
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What a great post. I'm printing it out and putting it on my wall. Thanks!0
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Starting Over
Since starting to use MFP – I have noticed a steady stream of people writing “starting over” posts. They tell the age old story of “I tried and failed, now I'm trying again”. There is often an unhealthy dose of self-flagellation – as if beating up on yourself is actually going to help. There is often the plea of, “Help, I need motivation.” I've wanted to respond with something more helpful than the useful mix of “Welcome back, you can do it” and “Tough Love” meted out by the majority. So this is my attempt to answer the “starting over” post.
But first some background. I've always struggled with weight – not in the supersize category – but enough to be unhealthy. I'm now 53 and have had ME/CFS for almost 25 years. My worst weight gain actually started in the lead up to ME/CFS and peaked at 109kg – maybe higher – I didn't weigh at that stage. At that time the mantra was “exercise” - which is a bit of a problem with ME/CFS. But with Atkins I managed to reach 92kg – but it was not sustainable for me – and I crept back up to 103kg. Interestingly the increased protein and vegetable intake did seem to improve my capacity a little. Several years later I saw Michael Mosley's “Eat, Fast and Live Longer” documentary – and it made sense – especially as hunger and insulin resistance were big problems for me. The maths convinced me that while exercise is helpful, it's really primarily about the intake. It also offered the opportunity to “eat what I like”, most of the time. I got back down to 91kg fairly easily without tracking, but got stuck for a year despite switching to 4:3. However, I did maintain for a year and that alone was a huge success. It was then that I “bit the bullet” and started tracking using MFP – and sure enough the weight loss started again and I switched back to 5:2. My day job is as a counsellor, so I work with people struggling to overcome all types of lifestyle issues – and “starting over” is normal. So for all you “Starting overs” - here's my perspective. I hope you find it helpful.
Relapse is normal – The average person making a serious lifestyle change, will fail around 7 times before succeeding. When you fail, you can berate yourself for being weak and stupid, or you can use the “failure” as an opportunity to discover barriers that need to be overcome. Actually you can do both, just don't omit the second.
Write Down What Works – Each time you have a period of success, even briefly, it shows that you can actually do what is required. When you start over – make a list of the things you KNOW from your experience, work – even if only for a limited time. They are clues for how to proceed.
What DOESN'T work – Also make a list of the things you have tried that DON'T work. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. But be careful about what you define as “not working”. For example – aiming for 1kg of weight loss per week – means a very restrictive calorie intake (around 500 calories less – every day of every week) compared to 0.5 kg weekly. Many people simply cannot sustain that. But that doesn't mean deficit eating doesn't work. It means a BIG, SUSTAINED deficit does not work for you.
What derails you? For every failure, there is usually a small range of events that lead to abandoning a plan that is working. They may be external – e.g. Walking past the Krispy Creme shop. They may be internal events, thoughts or sensations– i.e. the thought, “This is too hard, I can't stand it” the sensation of hunger, or the feeling of low mood or motivation. Succeeding means finding a way to address these barriers. If you know – write a list – in two columns – one for external events and one for internal events. If not...
Get better at noticing – Part of overcoming barriers is learning to spot them before you actually commit to an unhelpful response (like placing the apple pie with cream in your mouth). A helpful skill is “Mindfulness” - being able to tune into the present moment without judgement. Being able to STOP, step back, observe your thoughts and feelings without impulsively reacting is critical to success. Most people fail because of an impulsive response to a trigger, and the chain of self-defeating behaviour that follows. I have included some examples of potentially helpful Mindfulness exercises.
Mindfulness of thoughts -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iVRyXFMww8
Mindfulness of emotions -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00DeAwXuneE
Mindfulness and weight loss - http://www.excelatlife.com/downloads.htm#weight
If you don't like the voices, then keep Googling until you find a script and a voice you feel comfortable with. Mindfulness requires regular practice to develop the skill, but the real power lies in being able to apply the skills you learn in practice, to the real life situation when emotions, sensations or thoughts start to overwhelm your resolve.
Minimise the damage – One “failure” is never a cause for serious concern. Even if you eat 3000 calories in a sitting (pretty hard to do) – you will gain .5 kg and delay your goal by one week. It is the ongoing overeating and avoidance of healthy activity that leads to “square one”. So if you fall off the wagon, get back on NOW – not tomorrow.
Face your demons – At some stage in your journey – it is helpful to mindfully expose yourself to the “enemy”. Train your “willpower” in small steps. So try a day of not eating (but drink water). Mindfully observe your body and record your hunger out of 10 every hour. What did you notice? What thoughts showed up? Go into the bakery and buy your favourite treat. Cut it in half, throw half in the rubbish bin and eat the remainder slowly and mindfully. What did you notice? Spend some time each day paying attention to your thoughts and feelings about food and weight loss, writing them down in a journal or on a scrap of paper. Start with small, manageable exposures and build up. If you don't trust yourself, do it with an accountability buddy.
If you need to – log it. For a long time I believed, “It is too hard to lose weight – every time I get to 90kg, my body rebels, my metabolism shuts down, and the cycle begins again”. The promise of 5:2 was that by fasting, I would adapt to hunger and actually eat less on my non-fast days. Non-fast days would prevent my metabolism “shutting down”. Well that worked for a while, then stopped. I thought it was my metabolism – but then I started logging. What became crystal clear, was that I was a victim of “behavioural creep” - or cheating. A gradual increase in portion size and between meal snacks and a shift to higher density foods. I only started to lose weight again when I logged accurately and weighed my food. Fortunately, MFP makes this as easy as it is going to get. But it is still a pain. You will need to allocate 2-10 minutes a day entering your food and exercise. Every now and then, you will need to enter a recipe and calculate portions. Your mind will say “It's too hard. Do I have to do this for the rest of my life? I can't stand it”. Thank your mind for those thoughts, and get logging.
Replace rather than eliminate – Rather than focusing on “getting rid of” - calories, or specific foods, think in terms of replacing. Ask what would be a healthier choice...based on your experience, not some guru, academic or author with a book to sell...remember, a smaller portion is still a healthier choice. Delaying for 15 minutes is also a healthier choice.
Let experience be your guide – There is a raft of controversy about calories in/calories out, the relative merits of fat/carbohydrate/protein and the complex relationships between food, neurobiology and behaviour (http://journals.cambridge.org/images/fileUpload/documents/PHN2014-007802_1.pdf)
By all means, read the various theories, but base your beliefs and plans on your experience. What foods genuinely satisfy you? Which ones just lead to hunger and overeating? What pattern of eating works best for you? Don't be surprised if something works for a while and then something changes and it stops working. However there are some things that seem more helpful than others http://www.womenshealthmag.com/weight-loss/successful-weight-loss-habits Try them and see if they work for you.
My journey is not yet over, and I might need to start over, once again. If I do, then I have learned a few more helpful things like - “I can stand hunger for a day”, “The sensation I often interpret as hunger is not satisfied by eating” and “Logging works”. If I do slip up and need to reboot, I might use my favourite motivational saying. “You don't have to get it right, you just have to get it started” (Mike Littman). Maybe that will work for you too?
Excellent post friend2 -
Thanks for the post. It let's me know I am not alone.1
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Great insights! I agree. Very good advice. I am currently starting over and I KNOW I can because I did it before. Some of the things I learned, (also things you mentioned), I am using again. The first day or even few days is always the hardest for me. (I am SO hungry.) Drink water first and delay the impulse to eat. Don't get overly hungry and then binge. Evaluate what I should do differently when I mess up and go over my calorie...learning daily from my mistakes. What worked for me before? The only way to really fail is to quit trying. Thank you for the great article!!1
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Such an inspiring thread. Really makes you think.
Stating over for the 100th time .......1 -
The last time I was here, I had a clear "end date" in mind. When I reached my goal weight (at the time it was 140 pounds), I was outta here. I was ready to BURN MFP. But, once I reached my goal weight, I had no idea how little I'd have to eat to maintain. In fact, it wasn't that far off from what I needed to eat to lose at my starting weight. I didn't know I wouldn't be able to EAT ALL THE FOOD. How do slender people live? I had no clue. I've been overweight or obese my entire adult life, and most of my childhood. I inevitably gained back 5-10 pounds quite quickly, I plunged into a horrible mindset of doom and failure. I refused to weigh myself. I ate without taking pleasure in what I ate. I was punishing myself for gaining weight with more food. How twisted is that?
This time around, I check in with myself every day to make sure that what I'm doing feels right, sustainable, and comfortable. I feel a little hunger, but I have energy to take care of myself and my kids. I exercise but not so much that my body hurts. I don't force myself to get up at 4 am to exercise when I clearly need the extra sleep (headaches, low energy).
I don't have an end date because I keep going and going and going. Sure, the weight loss is slow, but who I am in a hurry to impress? No one. My husband loves me just the way I am. My daughters don't care about my weight. They want a happy and healthy mommy. I want to be happy and healthy too.
So, it's not that I'm motivatived every single day, but I try to stay focused on my wellness every single day. I can eat out without guilt. I can parktake in birthday celebrations. I can skip a workout session. I've got this.
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Really thrilled by the positive responses from this! Thank yoy all and wishing you all the best.2
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First time I have seen this. Glad that it got moved up the the current posts again. So many very solid suggestions. Will share.1
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Bumping this up again. 1st post has very useful information.0
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Bump0
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Thank you very much I learning something new from this post as a "starting over" diet style, as long as I remember from 2017 until now still struggling.. 😂0
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Fantastic post0
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very thoughtful post and needed thank you for this. Today is my.... start over with logging foods again so that i can look at patterns and get my booty back in shape. Lose and care for myself better than i have a day ago.0
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I have gained a bit back from when I lost weight and then had twins. I’m starting back and this post was sooo helpful about tracking the good and bad0
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Thank you! I needed this advice!0
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Starting Over
Since starting to use MFP – I have noticed a steady stream of people writing “starting over” posts. They tell the age old story of “I tried and failed, now I'm trying again”. There is often an unhealthy dose of self-flagellation – as if beating up on yourself is actually going to help. There is often the plea of, “Help, I need motivation.” I've wanted to respond with something more helpful than the useful mix of “Welcome back, you can do it” and “Tough Love” meted out by the majority. So this is my attempt to answer the “starting over” post.
But first some background. I've always struggled with weight – not in the supersize category – but enough to be unhealthy. I'm now 53 and have had ME/CFS for almost 25 years. My worst weight gain actually started in the lead up to ME/CFS and peaked at 109kg – maybe higher – I didn't weigh at that stage. At that time the mantra was “exercise” - which is a bit of a problem with ME/CFS. But with Atkins I managed to reach 92kg – but it was not sustainable for me – and I crept back up to 103kg. Interestingly the increased protein and vegetable intake did seem to improve my capacity a little. Several years later I saw Michael Mosley's “Eat, Fast and Live Longer” documentary – and it made sense – especially as hunger and insulin resistance were big problems for me. The maths convinced me that while exercise is helpful, it's really primarily about the intake. It also offered the opportunity to “eat what I like”, most of the time. I got back down to 91kg fairly easily without tracking, but got stuck for a year despite switching to 4:3. However, I did maintain for a year and that alone was a huge success. It was then that I “bit the bullet” and started tracking using MFP – and sure enough the weight loss started again and I switched back to 5:2. My day job is as a counsellor, so I work with people struggling to overcome all types of lifestyle issues – and “starting over” is normal. So for all you “Starting overs” - here's my perspective. I hope you find it helpful.
Relapse is normal – The average person making a serious lifestyle change, will fail around 7 times before succeeding. When you fail, you can berate yourself for being weak and stupid, or you can use the “failure” as an opportunity to discover barriers that need to be overcome. Actually you can do both, just don't omit the second.
Write Down What Works – Each time you have a period of success, even briefly, it shows that you can actually do what is required. When you start over – make a list of the things you KNOW from your experience, work – even if only for a limited time. They are clues for how to proceed.
What DOESN'T work – Also make a list of the things you have tried that DON'T work. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. But be careful about what you define as “not working”. For example – aiming for 1kg of weight loss per week – means a very restrictive calorie intake (around 500 calories less – every day of every week) compared to 0.5 kg weekly. Many people simply cannot sustain that. But that doesn't mean deficit eating doesn't work. It means a BIG, SUSTAINED deficit does not work for you.
What derails you? For every failure, there is usually a small range of events that lead to abandoning a plan that is working. They may be external – e.g. Walking past the Krispy Creme shop. They may be internal events, thoughts or sensations– i.e. the thought, “This is too hard, I can't stand it” the sensation of hunger, or the feeling of low mood or motivation. Succeeding means finding a way to address these barriers. If you know – write a list – in two columns – one for external events and one for internal events. If not...
Get better at noticing – Part of overcoming barriers is learning to spot them before you actually commit to an unhelpful response (like placing the apple pie with cream in your mouth). A helpful skill is “Mindfulness” - being able to tune into the present moment without judgement. Being able to STOP, step back, observe your thoughts and feelings without impulsively reacting is critical to success. Most people fail because of an impulsive response to a trigger, and the chain of self-defeating behaviour that follows. I have included some examples of potentially helpful Mindfulness exercises.
Mindfulness of thoughts -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iVRyXFMww8
Mindfulness of emotions -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00DeAwXuneE
Mindfulness and weight loss - http://www.excelatlife.com/downloads.htm#weight
If you don't like the voices, then keep Googling until you find a script and a voice you feel comfortable with. Mindfulness requires regular practice to develop the skill, but the real power lies in being able to apply the skills you learn in practice, to the real life situation when emotions, sensations or thoughts start to overwhelm your resolve.
Minimise the damage – One “failure” is never a cause for serious concern. Even if you eat 3000 calories in a sitting (pretty hard to do) – you will gain .5 kg and delay your goal by one week. It is the ongoing overeating and avoidance of healthy activity that leads to “square one”. So if you fall off the wagon, get back on NOW – not tomorrow.
Face your demons – At some stage in your journey – it is helpful to mindfully expose yourself to the “enemy”. Train your “willpower” in small steps. So try a day of not eating (but drink water). Mindfully observe your body and record your hunger out of 10 every hour. What did you notice? What thoughts showed up? Go into the bakery and buy your favourite treat. Cut it in half, throw half in the rubbish bin and eat the remainder slowly and mindfully. What did you notice? Spend some time each day paying attention to your thoughts and feelings about food and weight loss, writing them down in a journal or on a scrap of paper. Start with small, manageable exposures and build up. If you don't trust yourself, do it with an accountability buddy.
If you need to – log it. For a long time I believed, “It is too hard to lose weight – every time I get to 90kg, my body rebels, my metabolism shuts down, and the cycle begins again”. The promise of 5:2 was that by fasting, I would adapt to hunger and actually eat less on my non-fast days. Non-fast days would prevent my metabolism “shutting down”. Well that worked for a while, then stopped. I thought it was my metabolism – but then I started logging. What became crystal clear, was that I was a victim of “behavioural creep” - or cheating. A gradual increase in portion size and between meal snacks and a shift to higher density foods. I only started to lose weight again when I logged accurately and weighed my food. Fortunately, MFP makes this as easy as it is going to get. But it is still a pain. You will need to allocate 2-10 minutes a day entering your food and exercise. Every now and then, you will need to enter a recipe and calculate portions. Your mind will say “It's too hard. Do I have to do this for the rest of my life? I can't stand it”. Thank your mind for those thoughts, and get logging.
Replace rather than eliminate – Rather than focusing on “getting rid of” - calories, or specific foods, think in terms of replacing. Ask what would be a healthier choice...based on your experience, not some guru, academic or author with a book to sell...remember, a smaller portion is still a healthier choice. Delaying for 15 minutes is also a healthier choice.
Let experience be your guide – There is a raft of controversy about calories in/calories out, the relative merits of fat/carbohydrate/protein and the complex relationships between food, neurobiology and behaviour (http://journals.cambridge.org/images/fileUpload/documents/PHN2014-007802_1.pdf)
By all means, read the various theories, but base your beliefs and plans on your experience. What foods genuinely satisfy you? Which ones just lead to hunger and overeating? What pattern of eating works best for you? Don't be surprised if something works for a while and then something changes and it stops working. However there are some things that seem more helpful than others http://www.womenshealthmag.com/weight-loss/successful-weight-loss-habits Try them and see if they work for you.
My journey is not yet over, and I might need to start over, once again. If I do, then I have learned a few more helpful things like - “I can stand hunger for a day”, “The sensation I often interpret as hunger is not satisfied by eating” and “Logging works”. If I do slip up and need to reboot, I might use my favourite motivational saying. “You don't have to get it right, you just have to get it started” (Mike Littman). Maybe that will work for you too?
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Thanks for this. It gave me something to think abaut my behaviors in relation to food and why it's sometimes so hard and days that it's easy0
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This was so helpful, as I am in the “starting over” group. This gives me focus and makes me feel positive, yet realistic too. Thank you!0
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Great post I'm starting over again.1
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