First Apartment with boyfriend - any advice?
Replies
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It's normal to be nervous. It's a huge step.
I moved in with my boyfriend after we were dating for 4 months. He had 6 months left of his lease and we wanted to see if we would do well living with each other before we signed a year long lease with each other. I had my mom's to go back to if it didn't work out. It was my first time moving out of my parent's house and while there were some things to adjust to (bathroom connected to bedroom... oh joy) it was such a great idea.
Make sure to do your part around the house and try not to nag him in the beginning. See what type of chores he does, how often he cleans, does dishes, etc. Every person takes care of their living space differently. I like to save the majority of cleaning until the weekend and my boyfriend likes to little things throughout the week. We understand how each other works and that allows us to live together without pulling each other's hair out.
i like the tip about never going to bed angry. That's a rule of mine as well.0 -
You are nervous because you are entering into a terrible sin. Sin means it is bad.
You might be struck with lightning, but I don't know if God still does that.
"If he likes it, then he better put a ring on it." -- Beyonce.
I have to agree. Is there any way you can ask your mother to move in with the two of you?
This way she can make sure you two don't consummate before marriage?
Oh wow! I was all for this because I was under the impression her mother WAS moving in with them. That was my understanding from reading the OP. If I misunderstood then I have to join the voices of those saying this is a mistake. Until you have promised yourselves to each other before God and witnesses with vows never to part then any pleasures of the flesh should not be occurring and I just believe the temptation will be too strong if you are unsupervised under the same roof.
Think about it: is a few moments of carnal pleasure worth eternal hellfire?
Carnal. Uuuuuuuunhhh! That word always drives me nutsbonkers.0 -
You are nervous because you are entering into a terrible sin. Sin means it is bad.
You might be struck with lightning, but I don't know if God still does that.
"If he likes it, then he better put a ring on it." -- Beyonce.
Agreed! check out statistics on Divorce rates among people who live together first. They are much higher. If he doesnt care enough to marry you then you are setting you up for heart break.
I am not a statistic...but my hubby and I lived together for three years before we maried (even had a kid first - SHOCKING, I know) but we are celebrating 21 years next month. So, statistics are averages..just saying.0 -
Who's going to be the first to fart in front of each other? You or him?
NO NO NO - no farting in front of your significant other. Burping is bad too. My advice (before I saw that post) was exactly this: do not get too comfortable that you scratch inappropriate stuff or fart in front of him. lol
Only fart and belch DURING sex. He won't even notice...0 -
Everything thing that he does will eventually annoy you, even though you love him to bits.
1) leaving dishes with scraps of breakfast cereal in the sink (so its super hard to wash!)
2) leaving washing on the floor, even though there is a wash basket RIGHT FRICKIN THERE!!
3) his hobby(s) take up entire household, whilst yours are shoved in a corner, and the moment you dare to leave your yoga ball out your 'taking up the whole house'
4) its like having a 3rd child, although this child you get to do more adult fun things with.
Ill leave my list there, i love my hubby to the end of the world an back, with or without the annoying traits
Number 1! Drives me nuts. He likes to leave his baked bean remains in the bowl as well. That stuff is super glue.
Number 2: He leaves his in the dryer until i need to do laundry then I have to put them in the basket.
I love him though so those things don't bug me for long.0 -
Separate bank accounts.
Make sure he has a job first.
Never rent-to-own furniture or appliances. Use milk crates if you have to.
Make sure you don't move next door to 1ConcreteGirl... or Urkel... or just_fur_luck.
Steer clear of the midwest. They get a little uptight when black women start stealing all their white men.
HAha! This^^0 -
You are nervous because you are entering into a terrible sin. Sin means it is bad.
You might be struck with lightning, but I don't know if God still does that.
"If he likes it, then he better put a ring on it." -- Beyonce.
Agreed! check out statistics on Divorce rates among people who live together first.
And you will find that the higher divorce rates are for people who have lived with multiple partners. People who live with, then marry one partner have similar divorce rates as people who never lived together.0 -
I was barely 19 and nervous too. Everything went fine though. Being on your own is pretty scary!0
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You are nervous because you are entering into a terrible sin. Sin means it is bad.
You might be struck with lightning, but I don't know if God still does that.
"If he likes it, then he better put a ring on it." -- Beyonce.
Agreed! check out statistics on Divorce rates among people who live together first. They are much higher. If he doesnt care enough to marry you then you are setting you up for heart break.
I am not a statistic...but my hubby and I lived together for three years before we maried (even had a kid first - SHOCKING, I know) but we are celebrating 21 years next month. So, statistics are averages..just saying.
Statistics are so mean0 -
You are nervous because you are entering into a terrible sin. Sin means it is bad.
You might be struck with lightning, but I don't know if God still does that.
"If he likes it, then he better put a ring on it." -- Beyonce.
I have to agree. Is there any way you can ask your mother to move in with the two of you?
This way she can make sure you two don't consummate before marriage?
Oh wow! I was all for this because I was under the impression her mother WAS moving in with them. That was my understanding from reading the OP. If I misunderstood then I have to join the voices of those saying this is a mistake. Until you have promised yourselves to each other before God and witnesses with vows never to part then any pleasures of the flesh should not be occurring and I just believe the temptation will be too strong if you are unsupervised under the same roof.
Think about it: is a few moments of carnal pleasure worth eternal hellfire?
Please tell me you guys are being sarky and are not really stuck in the 19th century? ohwell: (or should that be :devil: )
Moving out of home is always a mixture of excitement and nervousness. It's totally normal to be a bit nervous, it's a huge step and congratulations on committing to it, I'm sure you will do well.
Most important rule is: Remember you're still two people, don't suddenly become glued to each other. Don't give up your hobbies/catchups with friends/etc. and don't expect him to give up his. Otherwise one of you will sooner or later feel a bit choked.
I disagree on the no joint bank account thing, I found it makes things so much easier when paying rent/bills/nights out. Just have it in addition to your sole accounts and agree on a set and equal amount that you're both going to put in each month (say a grand each). That way if things ever do go wrong, you know to split whatever's in there in half.
Have rules around the chores, like if you cook he washes up and vice versa. Same with the cleaning, one week you do the bathroom he does the kitchen, next week you swap over.
It'll take a while for a good routine to establish itself, but as long as you two can work in a team together and talk things through whenever something bugs you you'll be fine. I wish you many happy years together :flowerforyou:0 -
pretty sure he didn't say that. Please show me where he says that.
like they had remotes back in the day0 -
Wow, the people saying keep your money separate are kind of cynical. If you're confident in your relationship there is no reason to keep money and bank accounts separate. Plus when you are splitting bills with separate accounts, it will always feel like one of you is paying the other. Kind of weird in my opinion...but that's just me. I'm confident in my relationship. My boyfriend had NO problem whatsoever starting a joint account with me.
What my honey and I did before we moved in together was have a good long discussion about bills, housework, all that... I to the cooking, laundry, and usually all the vacuuming/mopping. He does dishes and cleans the kitchen. We split litter-box-scooping duty and cleaning the bathroom.
For us, sharing the bathroom is the hardest thing! We get up at about the same time and leave for work about 30 minutes apart. He spends the first 15 minutes in the bathroom showering, then I shower for the next 15. 10 minutes later he's in the bathroom for another 20 minutes so I had to move my moisturizer and stuff like that to the bedroom. This brings me to my tip - compromise is one of the biggest keys to happiness and harmony in a relationship. If it's one-sided, it won't work.
Good luck!!!0 -
pretty sure he didn't say that. Please show me where he says that.
like they had remotes back in the day
God has always had a remote, and ever shall he.0 -
Don't get a joint account0
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How do you think god gets embarrassing bodies on after corro? He isn't getting off the sofa hen he can do everything - he is remoting the **** out of that0
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You are nervous because you are entering into a terrible sin. Sin means it is bad.
You might be struck with lightning, but I don't know if God still does that.
"If he likes it, then he better put a ring on it." -- Beyonce.
Agreed! check out statistics on Divorce rates among people who live together first. They are much higher. If he doesnt care enough to marry you then you are setting you up for heart break.
I am not a statistic...but my hubby and I lived together for three years before we maried (even had a kid first - SHOCKING, I know) but we are celebrating 21 years next month. So, statistics are averages..just saying.
Statistics are so mean
Just making sure someone appreciated this.
/high50 -
Everything thing that he does will eventually annoy you, even though you love him to bits.
1) leaving dishes with scraps of breakfast cereal in the sink (so its super hard to wash!)
2) leaving washing on the floor, even though there is a wash basket RIGHT FRICKIN THERE!!
3) his hobby(s) take up entire household, whilst yours are shoved in a corner, and the moment you dare to leave your yoga ball out your 'taking up the whole house'
4) its like having a 3rd child, although this child you get to do more adult fun things with.
Ill leave my list there, i love my hubby to the end of the world an back, with or without the annoying traits
Holy crap, have you been spying on my apartment? Except it's not just his hobbies, it's just him lol 2/3 of the couch, 2/3 to 3/4 of the bed, 2/3 of the closet, 2/3-3/4 of the food.........seriously there have been big meals that I cooked that I got one small serving of and the rest he ate. And yes, he is a 40-year-old child. I have to constantly remind him to wipe his mouth when he is eating or when he is done, wash his sticky hands after eating (because for example, he can't use just fingertips or 2 fingers.....it's the whole hand or nothing LOL) and don't get me started on *bathroom habits* and *laundry* IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
I love him to pieces, but I don't want kids because I've already got him...I couldn't handle more!! LOL0 -
Wow, the people saying keep your money separate are kind of cynical. If you're confident in your relationship there is no reason to keep money and bank accounts separate.
The more money you have the more reasons to keep it seperate. Keep your money seperate.0 -
You are nervous because you are entering into a terrible sin. Sin means it is bad.
You might be struck with lightning, but I don't know if God still does that.
"If he likes it, then he better put a ring on it." -- Beyonce.
QFT0 -
Don't get a joint account
You should mention it a third time, because I don't think she saw it the first time when you were dooming her relationship.
By the way love bitter people they make the simplest things in life seem fun :-)0 -
Everything thing that he does will eventually annoy you, even though you love him to bits.
1) leaving dishes with scraps of breakfast cereal in the sink (so its super hard to wash!)
2) leaving washing on the floor, even though there is a wash basket RIGHT FRICKIN THERE!!
3) his hobby(s) take up entire household, whilst yours are shoved in a corner, and the moment you dare to leave your yoga ball out your 'taking up the whole house'
4) its like having a 3rd child, although this child you get to do more adult fun things with.
Ill leave my list there, i love my hubby to the end of the world an back, with or without the annoying traits
Hmmm... starting to wonder if my boyfriend is leading a secret life on the opposite side of the big pond because that's totally what he does... :laugh: Though he keeps his dirty laundry hidden in a pile at the bottom of his wardrobe and then complains that I only ever wash my own stuff.0 -
Don't get a joint account
You should mention it a third time, because I don't think she saw it the first time when you were dooming her relationship.
By the way love bitter people they make the simplest things in life seem fun :-)
I was posting it as a response to the person who said it was cynical - nothing to do with being bitter I would rather someone had told me how difficult it can be to sort out if things go wrong - dooming the relationship? Not quite but hyperbole seems to suit0 -
Wow, the people saying keep your money separate are kind of cynical. If you're confident in your relationship there is no reason to keep money and bank accounts separate. Plus when you are splitting bills with separate accounts, it will always feel like one of you is paying the other. Kind of weird in my opinion...but that's just me. I'm confident in my relationship. My boyfriend had NO problem whatsoever starting a joint account with me.
What my honey and I did before we moved in together was have a good long discussion about bills, housework, all that... I to the cooking, laundry, and usually all the vacuuming/mopping. He does dishes and cleans the kitchen. We split litter-box-scooping duty and cleaning the bathroom.
For us, sharing the bathroom is the hardest thing! We get up at about the same time and leave for work about 30 minutes apart. He spends the first 15 minutes in the bathroom showering, then I shower for the next 15. 10 minutes later he's in the bathroom for another 20 minutes so I had to move my moisturizer and stuff like that to the bedroom. This brings me to my tip - compromise is one of the biggest keys to happiness and harmony in a relationship. If it's one-sided, it won't work.
Good luck!!!
We don't pay each other, unless we are making a really big purchase, like our boat. One pays rent and utilities, the other pays groceries, insurance and funds IRAs.
As for sharing the bathroom, we shower together if we both want to take a shower in the morning. It hurries him along, so we both get clean in less time (and water consumption) than he would take on his own.0 -
All the god stuff is a joke right? People don't actually force their belief system like that on people in this day and age do they?
Bible says if you sleep with a squid you get smitten in the knees but I'm yet to come back from the beach walking like John Cleese...
You sleep with squid?0 -
Totally normal! I've been living with my boyfriend off and on since about the 3rd day we've known each other (3 1/2 years ago now). I moved in with him at his old place, then he bought a new place and fixed it up while I stayed in the old place, and tomorrow, I'm moving in to the new place. It can be scary - I know him VERY well and we have lived together, but I'm still nervous - but you'll do great. People have very different opinions about whether it's important to live together or not, but I'm a firm believer (and am a very traditional conservative girl). Would rather find out earlier rather than later that I can make it work living with someone (especially in 650 ft2!).
I echo what everyone else has said - be sure you have somewhere close by to get away - Starbucks, the gym, a place you can walk, whatever. There will be times you fight and need to take a breath of fresh air, but I think you'll find it to be very rewarding (and telling)
Good luck! 0 -
Many responses already but I thought it would be good to add my own opinion.
That is normal considering it is your first time moving out and first time moving in with someone who isn't your family. This would be scary and it is something that I have personally done.
My best personal opinion to make things work is to be honest and forthcoming. If there is an issue from either person it is best to calmly discuss the issue or problem and find a solution that benefits the home regardless of the person that it benefits. Keep finances separate until after you get married (not saying that you will, this is just experience talking here) and ensure that you both have certain 'rule' or standards that you live by. Like how long can the dishes sit in the sink before it's too long and other things like that.
And also find some personal space that you can do your 'me' time in and where it doesn't interfere with his 'me' time.
Fights and disagreements will happen, like any relationship it is going to be give and take and lots of hard work to keep it all together.
Best of luck in your new home together 0 -
Who's going to be the first to fart in front of each other? You or him?
NO NO NO - no farting in front of your significant other. Burping is bad too. My advice (before I saw that post) was exactly this: do not get too comfortable that you scratch inappropriate stuff or fart in front of him. lol
Why not? I mean I still find it a little odd that he always decides he needs to talk to me while I'm on the crapper, but I've got the whole animal brigade in there anyways. You're having sex you see each other naked you get your fluids all over each other why not let it rip if you have to and damn scratch away sometimes you just gotta itch. Maybe avoid smelling your fingers afterwards if you want to be polite, but dont worry he loves you.0 -
Steer clear of the midwest. They get a little uptight when black women start stealing all their white men.
Hey! I live in the midwest, and I'd be perfectly happy for a black woman to steal me. Alas, I've met all 7 of the black women in Minnesota and there was no chemistry.0 -
It will be fine.
Has your Mother explained your role?
Cooking, cleaning, laundry, getting your man a beer?
Has his Father explained his roles?
Car repair, jar opener, general maintenance, back rubs, foot rubs, purchasing tampons, preparing meals when you are tired from work, taking out the trash, telling you youre gorgeous every second of the day, leg shaver, giving you oral service at any time with no complaints?0 -
Keep your money separate, and your bathroom business private.0
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