Dealing with people who try to derail you.

yoovie

i just giggle. it's adorable that they think they have anything to do with my body projects.

if you dont want me to turn around and start pointing out body parts I dont like on you, or things you eat that are stupid, or how damn lazy you are, dont even think about saying words about my personal projects, which aren't your biz

yoovie

PRMinx wrote: »

I would lose the mentality of "someone is trying to derail me." That gives over too much power to other people. Just do you. People say stupid sh&t all the time. That's life.

^

and build up a thicker skin now, cause it will happen for the rest of your life and it should never be a 'reason' to slow down or quit or question your goals.

aakaakaak

I like getting all serious about it and making them cry about how disrespectful they're being to my healthy life choices. "Oh, you want me to eat just one twinkie because it won't hurt? I already enjoy what I eat without eating garbage. I control what I put in my mouth so that what I put in my mouth doesn't control me. The backstory I'm reading from this offer is that you want me to lose control, be unhealthy and die a fat disgusting diabetic slob. Do you dislike me that much? Yes, I know what you're saying with your mouth, but your actions are hurtful and unwelcome."

dubird

If she's normally a nice lady that you like and you feel like you need to say something, just tell her your doctor told you to lose weight so you won't go blind. And when the doctor says you've lost enough, that's where you'll stay. She doesn't need to know how much it is, but maybe telling her a doctor ordered it will make her stop commenting.
Otherwise, smile and nod and go about your business. I learned that lesson a long time ago and it makes dealing with people who are negative or trying to control what you do a lot easier!

JoRocka

^^^ Lol one step further- break down into tears and tell her you have the 'dbeetus and to thanks alot of her all "help".... you're going to go eat ice cream and probably die.

then she she gets panicked and starts apologizing tell her just kidding- hopefully you learned your lesson and you'll leave me alone now.

aakaakaak

JoRocka wrote: »

^^^ Lol one step further- break down into tears and tell her you have the 'dbeetus and to thanks alot of her all "help".... you're going to go eat ice cream and probably die.

then she she gets panicked and starts apologizing tell her just kidding- hopefully you learned your lesson and you'll leave me alone now.

YOU! I like your style.

_FATNSASSY

No one person is the same... you have to learn to work around people like that... keep coming back to MFP... get more friends on MFP... You got this!

MoiAussi93

She may actively be trying to derail you so that she "fits in" better with the group as others have said. Or she may genuinely think she is being helpful. Some people really do believe they are healthy at very high weights and that others are as well. It is hard to guess what her true motivations are. But it doesn't matter, just ignore her. I would just thank her and change the subject as you already do.

I have found that almost everybody I know...whether they are very thin verging on underweight or overweight themselves...keeps saying things to me like "You don't need to lose anymore" or "Be careful you don't lose too much". If they ask what my goal is, they ALL say "Oh, that is much too low for you." For the record, I am still 10 pounds overweight based on BMI, and my goal to lose about 30 more which would be roughly the mid-point of the healthy BMI range.

Some could just be being polite. But with others, I think the issue is that when people are used to seeing you at a certain weight, they come to accept that as "normal". If you deviate too much from that, even if you are still not anywhere close to being underweight, they become concerned that you are aiming for something unhealthy or may develop some eating disorder. My theory is that the "shock" of seeing you make major changes somehow causes an emotional reaction to override logic.

I don't generally get into big discussions about it unless they are close friends. With others, I just say thanks and move on.

JVS1

Wow, I'm blown away by the support from you all here. It really means a lot to me. I appreciate all your advice and all the laughs you've given me today, which has given me another kick in the right direction! And some good tips for future sabotage!

I'm actually 44, which I believe is the older end of the scale for this condition. Under normal circumstances, I'm very capable of looking after myself and taking on board the knocks we have in life having experienced many, and I have cared for others since I was 18, both professionally and personally. I think I'm feeling more vulnerable than usual, as for the first time, I'm now on the receiving end of the care and it's taking a little time to get used to. But I know I'll get there, and when I reach my goal of 145 lbs, which is a good weight for my height and build, I'll know I've done my bit to try and be healthy. My health is my own responsibility first and foremost.

I think I ended up having a rant on here instead of chatting to my other colleague who lost weight, as she's not on duty until Thursday. Thanks again and good luck to all of you with your weight loss/healthy living journeys.

ironblossom wrote: »

I would just say something like "I hear you" or "I'll consider that" that way she feels like her concerns are being taken seriously by you and then you walk away and go right on taking care of and feeling good about yourself.

I know a woman who is sort of related to me (by two marriages) who was always overweight and always wanted a boob job, so she got a personal trainer and a dietician and worked really really hard to get super skinny and looked great, got the boob job and a little lipo while she was at it. She looked great! But she has now put back on about 20 pounds. She still would look great if she purchased clothes that fit, but she keeps trying to wear size 4s while she's now a solid 6-8.

Regardless, during the same time period, I've lost about 40 pounds and I have about 40 to go. I'm doing it slower but I'm definitely hoping to keep it off! (I also work, she doesn't, and there are other factors that keep me just a lot busier.) So what was my Christmas gift from her this year? Food. Fudge. Sugar cookies, chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter cookies, various other candies. Popcorn.

I walked out of the house and looked at my husband and just laughed. I told him, get this stuff out of my sight, or I'll eat it all! And we got home and over the next 4 days I did indeed eat. it. all.

So it worked, her little derail worked.

I have my own opinion about her reasons, but the bottom line is that it worked because I let it. I could have put it away, I could have had my husband take it to his office. I didn't. And I'm paying for it. She's not! She didn't get heartburn because she ate two pieces of fudge and a handful of sugar cookies before bed! She didn't watch the scale creep up pound after pound!

So think about who's going to pay if you listen to your derailers. Are they? No. You are. You know what you need to do, you know what's good for you. You, and your doctor, know where you need to be. Ignore the jealousy, ignore the "you're fine/beautiful/fit/healthy just the way you are!" If you were fine/beautiful/fit/healthy, you wouldn't be here, and you wouldn't care if someone said that to you.

That story really hit home. I reacted sensitively to a couple of comments and you've had to deal with a confection factory land on your doorstep from a professional saboteur! I hope you use your sort-of relative's 'thoughtful' gift as your incentive to steamroll ahead with your healthy living goals this year. The best of luck to you.

kendalslimmer

Ironblossom I know exactly what I'd buy that woman for Christmas next year... I don't think I'm quite as nice as you at heart! Xx

sherbear702

She probably feels threatened because everyone else around her is either thinner already or is in the process of losing weight. If she tells you you don't need to lose anymore weight, it's probably because she doesn't want to be the only fattie in the office. I would just say "Yeah, I do need to lose more weight. Thanks for the input though" and ignore any future comments.

dopeysmelly

I never discuss other people's appearance or weight, either friends, colleagues or family, so I'm always confused when others express their opinions about mine.

I have also had a lot of comments about my weight loss, which has been very noticeable (I've lost 70 lbs, gone from size 16/18 to size 2, and I'm short with a reasonably lean frame, as I have discovered). For the positive ones, I just say "thank you" and change the subject, for the not-positive ones I just look blank or smile confusedly and ignore them. I don't see the need to justify a part of my life which has nothing to do with them. So, I just ignore things like overhearing "she's losing more and more weight!" as though it's the worst thing in the world and I'm deaf (actually, I haven't, I'm stable now and my hearing is just fine) or "I hope you're eating more than just carrots" (actually, I am, but if I chose not to, then really it's none of their business). It's tough when it's your boss or when it was a business conference in which I had 60+ people come up to me to share their thoughts on my appearance in the span of 36 hours. I honestly felt a bit like crying after that one.

I keep in my mind that eventually they'll shut up, and in the meantime it makes me more appreciative of meeting new people who never knew me in my old body. To them, I am just me as I am now and we just talk about work.

jgnatca

That lady has got to learn a few things about boundaries. Your fellow colleague has the right idea. Smile, nod, and dismiss.

http://jokes.cc.com/funny-school-jokes/25160g/two-southern-ladies

Never respond in a destructive way; that gives the dysfunctional power. I'd be tempted to bring up another controversial issue to her like BO, bad breath, hemlines, cleavage, or scents in the office (also boundary-busting topics IMO). Give her something new to obsess about.

NikonPal

You might like an article on WebMD entitled: “Are They Jealous of Your New Body? “