Not looking for pity, but why can't I do this??

amyd2785

No matter how much I want to finally lose the 100 pounds I feel is keeping me from living a real life I can't!!!

Food is how I comfort myself and relax myself. It's all I think about! 29 year old mom of 2 in a TERRIBLE marriage looking for some support in how to get started and stop letting
my binge eating stop me
From doing this.

I have no excuses- I have time, resources and even a brand new elliptical staring me in the face. But I'm scared to lose my 'conmfort'.

I barely leave my house and have absolutely no social life whatsoever. I'm making my family miserable because I am so miserable but I'm just stuck in this horrible cycle of bingeing and starving myself with no consistency. Anyone else going through something similar? Please add me also I have no MFP friends. Would love to see others doing well

jlahorn

Stop whatever you're doing and go do one good thing ***right this second***. Put on your shoes and do five minutes on the elliptical, or walk around the block, or make a meal plan for a healthy dinner that uses ingredients you already have in the house. ***Right now*** Go!

Post what you've done.

mandyedwards101

The hardest thing is admitting all this and being honest with yourself so well done you've made a start! Now ask yourself how much longer you intend to let everyone and everything dictate your life to you?
You have a choice. Bin the crap - all of it. Find comfort in walking, clearing your head, start small and rebuild your desire, your strength, your appetite for life. It's yours if you want it - don't live every day the same for 75 years and call it a life - change NOW! You CAN Do this!

zoeysasha37

I've been exactly where you are ,I know just what your feeling . I hated being over weight but just couldn't seem to stop eating and eating and eating . The more depressed that I became , the more I ate .
Finally one day I had enough of the wishing to be healthy, and I decided that I'd truly change this time. Of coarse I had plenty of set backs, but I did it ! I'm 135 lbs now and I feel great!
I didn't deprive myself of anything, I just learned portions and moderation .I learned how to weigh my foods and log everything accurately. All you need is a food scale! :-)
You can do this too!! Seriously, weighing and measuring works.get started today and keep going ! Once it becomes part of your daily routine, it gets a lot easier.
Best of luck to you!

jmpags

Feel free to add me if you need some support

debbysatit

Food is always there...you need it every day,you can't try to quit it cold turkey like cigarettes. It also can be warm and comforting, or cold and soothing. So trying to lose weight against this great beast is hard. I have not tackled it and still am trying to get some control over it.
I think start small, baby steps, and then add to it. Also like the "just for today" note on here. Every day make a just for today goal. And come back to MFP, even if it is days,weeks or months later. Even if it is once a week,or once a month. Perseverance will get us there..it make take awhile. Let's make 2015 the year of change!
Also you mentioned a terrible marriage perhaps going for counseling will help with that, because you are too young to not enjoy life and your kids need you be a strong and happy Mom.
You can feel free to add me as a friend. I am returning to MFP and am trying the baby steps above. This is a tough job, and so hard to do. I envy people who start and can stick to it and lose lots of weight, I have no had that happen, but one day I will figure it out!☺

airmedic8

Its is easy to be like everyone else. Remember that you have one life and there is no do over. If I could make a suggestion. Look up on You Tube the following videos/people Les Brown, CT Fletcher Greg Plitt, zig ziglar, tony robbins. People will roll their eyes if they hear you are watching these motivational speakers....well your not them so tell them to f--off!

As crazy as it sounds i always envisioned what my kids would have to go through if i was gone. If i didnt fix my issues, that always got me through the process. You must realize this is bigger than you.

Flab2fitfi

jlahorn wrote: »

Stop whatever you're doing and go do one good thing ***right this second***. Put on your shoes and do five minutes on the elliptical, or walk around the block, or make a meal plan for a healthy dinner that uses ingredients you already have in the house. ***Right now*** Go!

Post what you've done.

Second this. Baby steps.

cosmichvoyager

Do you have access to any mental health support/resources? A good therapist might help?

I would say that you aren't the only person going through these sorts of feelings and it's a lot to expect of yourself to move through it without support or help. If you can, find a therapist that can help you. And keep in mind you can choose your therapist--look for one you think can be a real partner and will help you move through this to something better

glowgirl14

I have read so many people on here who have changed their lives, one tiny bit at a time. You're looking for motivation, and that only really comes when you start to see results. As the first reply says - ONE thing. FIVE minutes. Either a walk, or the elliptical, or something else. Just get up, and do some sort of exercise for five minutes. And then, set a timer...do it again in an hour. When you make your plate of food, take a little back off. Just a little of everything except the veggies.

If you're in a cycle of failure, you have to allow yourself chances to succeed to prove you can.

Learning to see every hour as a chance to move just a bit more...every meal/snack as a separate choice can change your life. Once the weight starts to come off, chances are, the motivation will be there.

mccindy72

amyd2785 wrote: »

No matter how much I want to finally lose the 100 pounds I feel is keeping me from living a real life I can't!!!

Food is how I comfort myself and relax myself. It's all I think about! 29 year old mom of 2 in a TERRIBLE marriage looking for some support in how to get started and stop letting
my binge eating stop me
From doing this.

I have no excuses- I have time, resources and even a brand new elliptical staring me in the face. But I'm scared to lose my 'conmfort'.

I barely leave my house and have absolutely no social life whatsoever. I'm making my family miserable because I am so miserable but I'm just stuck in this horrible cycle of bingeing and starving myself with no consistency. Anyone else going through something similar? Please add me also I have no MFP friends. Would love to see others doing well

Please don't let your weight define the life you live. Why should your size or weight be the reason you are or aren't living a 'real' life? You have 2 kids. Don't make yourself and your family miserable over your weight. There has to be more to you than your body. And really, is the size and weight of your body all that defines you? Are there no redeeming features to you? Nice hair, pretty eyes, lovely lips....?
Set a good example for your children. Show them that there is so much more to life than just being hung up on your physical appearance.

kenyainez

You say you don't want to lose your comfort....but at the same time there is something within you that is ready to detatch from that comfort. That's why you have your elliptical, that's why you're here, that's why you're looking for assistance on why you feel how you feel. That "Why" is what you need to hold on to in order to push forward.

I remember watching Cast Away. Tom Hanks' character did so much to get off that island. He worked really hard, suffered many years, finally put something together where he could escape and when he finally did, he looked back on it with fondness as if he's going to miss it. It's not that he didn't want to leave, he just feels like he's been there so long it's what he's used to and he's taking a journey into the unknown without an idea on what to expect yet he knows within his heart of hearts its worth it. That's what this journey is to you. Will you be able to stay the course, will you slip back to food being your comfort, will you fail, will you injure yourself, will you endure new levels of hate from those watching you move forward, so many unknowns, but you know in your heart of hearts you need this, so don't let anything or anyone stop you. Friend request sent. :0)

Flexitarier

jlahorn wrote: »

Stop whatever you're doing and go do one good thing ***right this second***. Put on your shoes and do five minutes on the elliptical, or walk around the block, or make a meal plan for a healthy dinner that uses ingredients you already have in the house. ***Right now*** Go!

Post what you've done.

This!
Great piece of advise.

And one other note: there will be set backs. But the most important thing is to not let yourself be stopped by one set back. Just start again right away. No "Well, this week is screwed, I will start all over next week again"
The moment you failed passed and then you need to get back up right again.

jguidroz

Some great advice has been left already. All I can add is you can do this. You can find comfort in setting a small goal and achieving it. I can relate to the stresses of a bad marriage and the stresses that come after as mine ended in divorce. Between that and a surgery depressions set in and I found it easier to pick up food than cook. I would have days I would eat well then weeks I wouldn't. I have been back at this only for two days but I feel better than I have in a while. I find netting the few goals I have set so far left me feeling better than binging has. Feel free to add me we can do this.

Jkowals123

I know how you feel! I love food and have a big appetite. What is working for me is replacing breakfast and lunch with protein shakes with banana and then eating a healthy dinner. It is keeping me satisfied. I also have an apple as a snack between lunch and dinner and I stay within my calorie count and am not hungry, it is amazing! Good luck!

JoRocka

Get off your chair- and do at least ONE push up- ONE jumping jack. ONE walking lunge. ONE YOGA POSE.

DO.
SOMETHING.

Then. In 30 min- do it again.

tomorrow- Do it again. and when you feel sorry for yourself- get off your *kitten* and go do something. ANYTHING.

Food is a comfort- it's always there for us- even in our darkest hour- it never judges- never leaves us- and never comments on us- it listens to us.

Find another source of this. Find an outlet- journal= yoga- talk to yourself= learn to do something (knit- crochet- paint- color- push ups- learn SOMETHING.

So you've effectively done 2 things.
1.) you're creating a new comfort/relax habit
2.) you're learning something new and creating positive self confidence about said learned thing.
success = self confidence... self confidence = courage to do MORE things = more success.

self motivating cycle.

PS- walking is free and cheap.

JoRocka

I'd also say- don't hate yourself for who you are.

You can want to change- and be the master of that change- and still think you are a wonderful fabulous person with valid things to say and add to this world.

There is- this trend where loving yourself means just being okay with who you are - and prehaps not changing- which is fine if that's what you want- but if you want to change- GREAT- but you don't have to hate yourself while you're doing it or for that to be the motivation to said such changes. .

those two things are not mutually exclusive. You can want to change- and learn to love yourself- independently.

just an FYI.

yoovie

No matter how much I want to finally lose the 100 pounds I feel is keeping me from living a real life I can't!!!

Wanting something is a great place to start, but wanting something, as I am sure you know, doesn't make it happen. if I that were true, I'd have everything I want right now too and I most certainly don't.

You feel that the pounds are preventing you from living a real life, but in actuality - it is the lack of action in correcting your health that is diminishing your quality of life. Not the pounds, the inaction.

Food is how I comfort myself and relax myself. It's all I think about!

Hey! recognizing your problem is not something that most people can do so quickly and once you put your finger on it, you are already taking control! look into other alternatives for comforting yourself. Im addicted to arts and crafts - when my life is spiraling out of my control or im not making progress where I want to - I build things. It tricks my brain into thinking im making progress, until I really am doing so again.

29 year old mom of 2 in a TERRIBLE marriage looking for some support in how to get started and stop letting my binge eating stop me from doing this.

you are so young!!! and you are at an optimum age for recreating yourself and making the most of your efforts to get healthy - like seriously - best timing ever. it's like your body just knowsssssssssssss it's time to get awesome.

Your binge eating however, is not preventing you from getting started. Getting started is dumb. It's one day. There's only one stupid first day one. It's awful and uncomfortable the whole first month. Then it starts becoming normal. But YOU actually have to stand up and make decisions for yourself. You have to own your struggle and learn to call yourself on your excuses and teach yourself personal responsibility. These are very important tools. The tools that WORK! The tools that people skip because they think all they need is a motivation hammer. NO. motivation is just fluff. You want the hard hitting tools like self-discipline and willpower - which you can strengthen all by yourself and turn into real weapons!!!

I have no excuses- I have time, resources and even a brand new elliptical staring me in the face. But I'm scared to lose my 'comfort'.


there you go! it's not the weight that is an obstacle! it's fear! fear can be squashed into submission.

Is it possible you dont yet believe that you have the right to be the whole package? that you deserve to succeed? fear of success is a real thing that many people suffer from and it can be overcome and in the process, you will really get to know and love yourself so much more.


I barely leave my house and have absolutely no social life whatsoever.

you will be so surprised when you see how much changes when you change your life!

exstromn

From a MFP article, "Forgive your slips ups. It doesn’t matter if you miss a day. It doesn’t matter if you miss a week. All that matters is momentum and that means all that matters is today. You have to be obstinate about the present. Have the courage to see your slip ups as progress. Because the obstacles are the path. And all you have to do, is keep moving forward."

MOMENTUM allows you to focus on the present, what can you do RIGHT NOW to make your minute, hour, day successful? Just thinking about it vs just doing it. It's sooo hard not to just focus on the end result, 100 pounds. Instead allow yourself the room to gain that MOMENTUM. Each baby step counts, just make them every day. My first baby step was to log EVERYTHING on MFP honestly. My next baby step was to move everyday. My current step is plan the best I can to stay under my daily calorie goal and DO what I can to keep the first two steps a habit. Habit=21 days. Don't give up! You can do it, you can do it, you can do it everyday I know you can!!!

torisiegel

Logging all of my food is a great first step for me, even when I don't feel motivated to exercise at all. I love seeing those green leftover calorie numbers at the end of the day, knowing that today, even if it's only today, I met my goal! It may take a little more time at the beginning, but MFP populates a list with items you eat often, and you can copy a meal to the next day if you have leftovers, so it becomes very quick.

Also, try setting up some non-food rewards for logging your food or exercising. I get to play my favorite computer game (or watch my favorite show, or read a new book) after I've worked out. I really want that reward, so placing it after exercise works well for me.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!

alexishil00

I have been there too - so this is what worked for me. All of the above are great suggestions and will be helpful but it seems like you may be pretty entrenched in your problem. In that case, it is very difficult to just get up and walk five minutes. I echo one of the posters above and suggest you find someone to talk to who is not judgmental: a therapist, counselor, priest. If the first person doesn't help then try someone else until you find someone who will listen.

But even if you can't find that, I would suggest that you get a cheap notebook or a pad of paper. Every time you find yourself binge-eating, write down what you are feeling in that moment when you walk to the fridge or cupboard. Just words on a page, write in crayon if you want, point form is fine, nobody else will read it. It won't take long before you find a pattern, which is where a counselor (or someone) can really help. Your marriage may be a contributing factor but is not likely the only factor.

Finally, try to believe this: you are not crazy and you are not lazy.

theflyingpelican

Feel free to add me! Fellow mom. MFP is a great community and you'll find lots of support here.

jgnatca

You have a lot of legitimate reasons for not losing the 100 pounds. You are in a terrible marriage. That takes a huge emotional and physical toll. You are emotionally isolated. It's eroding your feelings of self-worth. Is there a reason you haven't worked out why you haven't fixed the marriage yet (get counselling/leave/stay)?

nlehe

Another fellow mom here! Just lost 25 lbs of baby weight, after not having any motivation. I joined a weight loss challenge and that was the motivation I needed! Please feel free to friend me. I have some tips I could give that worked for me! You can DO THIS!

AliceDark

amyd2785 wrote: »

I have no excuses- I have time, resources and even a brand new elliptical staring me in the face. But I'm scared to lose my 'conmfort'.

This jumped out at me -- are you talking about food being your comfort, or about the extra 100 pounds? I mean that as a serious question, because extra weight can function as armor for some people, and letting go of that can be scary.

If you're talking about the comfort you get from food, try not to think about it that way. You can learn new coping mechanisms and new ways to comfort yourself. I'd guess that should be really high on your list of new things to do, because I'd also guess that there are times when food doesn't actually work to comfort you.

If you're talking about the weight, you can always choose to gain it back. That sounds awful, but I mean it literally. Choosing to try out some new things in your life now doesn't necessarily mean letting go of everything you did in the past. It can mean that if you want it to, but it doesn't have to. You can come back to this place again if you want to.

People talk about "lifestyle changes" all the time here, but that's a giant scary proposition if you take it literally. You sound like you're overwhelmed already, and that may not be the best time to think about changing a ton of things in your life. You can make a huge difference in your life just by trying one thing now, and one more in 30 minutes, etc.

One of my friends on here says he didn't lose 100 pounds -- he lost 1 pound 100 times. (I may be misquoting -- I think it's more, but whatever). I like that idea. It's just as true and not nearly as daunting.

MaggieLoo79

jgnatca wrote: »

You have a lot of legitimate reasons for not losing the 100 pounds. You are in a terrible marriage. That takes a huge emotional and physical toll. You are emotionally isolated. It's eroding your feelings of self-worth. Is there a reason you haven't worked out why you haven't fixed the marriage yet (get counselling/leave/stay)?

^ ^ This.

healthygreek

You've gotten lots of amazing advice here.
I'd like to add this-one of your baby steps should be to never allow yourself to starve because inevitably, that leads to a binge.

After the binge you hate yourself and/or are disgusted with yourself and once again, you starve.
And so, it continues.

Enter your weight etc. onto MFP along with lightly active and eat the calories it tells you.

Start using the elliptical (I love it) I had to start with only 5 minutes and gradually built up the time. Put it in front of the tv and watch your favorite shows.

Eat back 1/2 to all of your exercise calories depending on your hunger levels. Get a food scale to accurately weigh all that you eat. Log everything-even the binges.
I can now use the elliptical for 65 minutes straight. It gives me energy and it improves my mood tremendously.
It will lead you to other active things like walking outside and getting some light weights and starting to work your upper body.
One little step leads to another.
Weightloss will happen. Your confidence will grow.
Please get some counseling for yourself and perhaps eventually some marriage counseling.

But please stop starving yourself!!!! Slowly you'll be able to reduce the incidences of bingeing.

My heart goes out to you.
I've been there.
I had 60+ pounds to lose.

CoachPriscilla

So much of what I wanted to say after reading this has been said except for one thing. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. Many people feel like taking time to do their fitness program or to prepare healthy food is taking time away from their children or from others in their lives. But actually taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do for others. You want to be a good role model for your children. You want to be there for your children. You need to be present in their lives and be able to give them all that you can be. The only way that you can do that is to get healthy for yourself.

Support is critical and groups like this are here for you as you move forward on your journey. Please don't give up, don't lose sight of what your goals are - to be healthy for yourself and so you can be there for your children.

amyd2785

I am just inundated with all of the amazing advice and kind words. I feel like I have it ALL- time, motivation (I am Iin A weight loss challenge too), the ability to work out and buy healthy food. But instead I just spend my days isolated-playing in Facebook, eating unhealthy food, watching tv AND my life pass me by it's very depressing to feel so poorly you don't want to leave the house and simultaneously having a life where it's possible to cocoon yourself away
- This is just not what I want for my kids it myself any longer. Today, i am beginning to take baby steps and I thank everybody for the comments. I haven't quite figured this all out or how to add somebody but if you would like a new friend please send me a request

marya730

I'm so glad you posted here as a first step. Reaching out for help is hard, and you did it, so you are on the right track. It sounds like you might be clinically depressed, based on the feelings you described, especially if you've had them for a while. I have been there, I know it feels hopeless. I ended up in my doctors office sobbing one day, just because she asked "how are you today?" She put me on some meds, and I started seeing a therapist, and it made a world of difference.

Obviously I'm a stranger on the Internet, and I can't diagnose you, but if you are struggling with these feelings, it's going to be really hard to lose weight until you get help. It's not a failure of willpower or laziness, it's very real. I would forget about the weight loss thing entirely, and reframe it as taking care of yourself, mind and body. As others have said, you should look for someone non-judgmental to talk to. It can't hurt, right?!

You're going to be okay. Hang in there and find someone you trust to talk to - asap. You deserve to be happy and healthy.

akeimalg

I have has this app and it tried to do this at least 10 times. I have a bad day, go to lunch with my co - workers and feel shame and give up. I am not going to give up this time and neither should you. I am committing to posting everyday for the rest of the week no matter how good or bad it is. Good days motivate you to better. Life everyone else said baby steps. Can you commit to logging your foods daily? Get shoot for the elliptical next week.