Not looking for pity, but why can't I do this??

shanaet

I would like to add you so we can help each other. I know we must take one day at a time

tamiramac

amyd2785 wrote: »

No matter how much I want to finally lose the 100 pounds I feel is keeping me from living a real life I can't!!!

Food is how I comfort myself and relax myself. It's all I think about! 29 year old mom of 2 in a TERRIBLE marriage looking for some support in how to get started and stop letting
my binge eating stop me
From doing this.

I have no excuses- I have time, resources and even a brand new elliptical staring me in the face. But I'm scared to lose my 'conmfort'.

I barely leave my house and have absolutely no social life whatsoever. I'm making my family miserable because I am so miserable but I'm just stuck in this horrible cycle of bingeing and starving myself with no consistency. Anyone else going through something similar? Please add me also I have no MFP friends. Would love to see others doing well

OlgaGetsFit

I felt like I was reading this about myself! (except for the bad marriage). It's simple you have programmed your brain to believe you can not do it. You are what you perceive and life is what you make it. You can continue walking through life with a thorn on your side or you can choose to take the thorn out. I would suggest you hear Earl Nightingale "The strangest secret" on Record. Every single day you have to remind yourself that you are committed to your goal, every single day you have to fight. Don't allow negative thoughts to enter your mind and keep your mind clean. Today I worked out for the first time in many many months. I started to get scared when I felt the pain and I was struggling. For one second the thought of giving up working out crossed my mind, then I started laughing because I remembered that I am the only one who can decide when I am done. I finished the 45 minute work out and it was fun! It's all about how you see things. You are taking the right steps by finding support from people on the same boat. Use your elliptical and push pass the excuses, past the negativity, past all obstacles and just use it every single day for a few minutes. That elliptical is your best therapy. We can get through this! I have struggled with obesity for 13 years and now I am finally ready. I understand that only I can make the change necessary to see the results I want. Results are in direct proportion to your efforts, if you don't try you won't see results but if you do try well then you will see results. I just completed day 3 and I am not hungry, sad or miserable because I will simply not allow my mind to think that way. I am also 29 years old and a mother of 2. I refuse to go another decade hating who I am. Weight is something you can actually change! You can't grow taller or get shorter but you sure can be healthy. Follow me and we can share our journey! I welcome anyone to follow me. Thank you and good luck on your journey!

shanaet

Would like to follow you I need all the help I can get

rachelalexis23

I know how you feel. I will be 29 next month, I married young and have 3 children. I have been a stay at home mom for a long time. While I wouldn't say I was stuck in a bad marriage it definitely has its ups and down (of course if you ask me tomorrow I might tell you different). I think my body image had really affected my marriage and my attitude towards life. I have no career skills and not much to offer, my self esteem has suffered tremendously. I have noticed that my attitude in the last couple of weeks has changed though. I feel more confident than I have in a long time. It's time for me to get off my a×× and do something with my life. I'm to young to feel this old. As crazy as it sounds I know once I decide to take control of my life and make changes it will be hard for me to not hate myself for not doing it sooner. I grew up comforting myself with food, I love to cook. You want to know what's crazy. I am practically setting my own children up for the same struggles I am facing, but yet at the same time feel like I am denying them some kind of weird heritage. I am from texas and my husband from louisiana. Letting go of some traditional foods is scary for me. I realized something though. I didn't get this size from eating a big Sunday dinner once a week. I got like this from eating those things all the time. I realized once I get to my goal weight my maintanence calories aren't crazy low. I can still eat that traditional Sunday dinner. As long as I am making healthier choices the majority of the time and try to stay active. This isn't goodbye to all those comforting foods. It's just saying you will see them later in moderation.

ltssharon

I am depressed and feeling insignificant at home today. Let's both persevere just for today and avoid making things worse. Yesterday I felt the same way and managed to just binge on low-calorie stuff which luckily was around. I also can be too lazy to get stuff to take care of myself. I did allow myself just to relax yesterday which helped, and I slept in a different room from my husband, so I got some peace and sleep. I also avoided arguing with him magically.

ltssharon

By the way, I do feel sorry for you, but in a good way, not a mean way.

pyrowill

I would suggest you look into some emotional eating self help books maybe? There are some good ones out there, which unfortunately I can't recommend.

shanaet

New day new beginnings don't get upset with one bad meal look forward to next meal having better food choices

CaGinger

Added. I feel like that when I am depressed. Sometimes our frame of mind is everything.

Sending good vibes your way.... also I agree with doing one small thing today. Then again in 30 minutes. Then again tomorrow. Keep making progress no matter how small.

fallingtrees

"One good thing" is great advice.

Also, make a list for yourself of foods that are good for you body, and foods that aren't. Tell yourself you will eat from Column A. When you are hungry, eat something attractive from Column A.

Log everything in your food diary. Maybe set your goal to just a half-pound a week, just so you can see how the calories add up without setting yourself limits you aren't ready to achieve.

Log exercise if it is intentional--that is, activity above and beyond what you would normally do in the course of a day. Then, don't "eat back" those calories. If you are truly more hungry after a lot of hard exercise, allow back no more than half.

You will find your appetite adjusts after a while. Don't expect too much too soon, just keep at it. Allow yourself something from Column C if it fits in your calorie budget, and if it isn't a "trigger" food. You will find that once your body becomes attuned to better food, "triggers" won't be as effective. Another trick I use is to have something else with the trigger food, like a boiled egg, milk, or cheese. This increases the satiety so the trigger isn't as strong.

The BEST thing you can give your children is a healthy eating model.

Strength for the journey...

yellowlemoned

The biggest and hardest step is admitting you have a problem and that it's all your own doing. You're already well on your way to fixing it just by doing that. I -love- food. Comfort eating is a big problem of mine too, but I've had to learn to comfort/reward myself with things that aren't food. It wasn't easy at first, but eventually I found I was super excited to get something nice to wear (even pajamas) in a size smaller than I wore before. Granted, nothing is as amazing as a cheeseburger to me still, but I've learned to find ways to make them fit into my calorie goals. Start out small. Don't deny yourself anything, but try to only eat the suggest serving size of whatever you eat. That alone will make a huge difference to start with. Log everything you eat, even if you aren't proud of it. Even if your calories are double or triple what they should be. Seeing it on the screen in front of you, makes it hard to justify to yourself and deny what's happening.

lorbie49

Been there...done that...got the T-shirt (a 4XL at one point!) Nothing clicked for me until I finally decided to look inside and decide that I was important and that no one could love me if I didn't love myself first. Is it a struggle? For sure. Do I fall? You bet. I lost from 335 pounds down to 200 and gained back 30 0ver the last year. I am struggling to get back to that point where I was. Real life ( a full time job and a full time grad student) allowed me to put myself back in the position of not thinking of myself first. If you dont take care of you...you cant take care of anyone else. Don't give up on you! Take small steps and do something good for you everyday. Even if it is something small...they add up! Change your mind...change your life. Feel free to add me. I am determined to get this last 100 pounds off and would love all the company and support I can get!

999tigger

You need to think it through properly. You kind of know all the reasons why you wnat to lose weight. You now need to make the jump to commit to lose weight which means behaving in a certain way and dealing with the consequences of that decision if you wnat the benefits. The good news is its straightforward. Plan well and take babysteps, then that builds confidence and off you go.

brenn24179

I hope you soon learn to take care of yourself, if you disrespect youself you usually let others disrespect you. Lose the weight, lose the husband if you need to or make sure he respects you. Life is too short not to enjoy yourself and be happy and look after yourself rather than everyone else which is hard for Moms to do but necessary. Overeating is so destructive, it should just be to fuel our bodies not to emotionally soothe us. Hope you try other ways to comfort yourself like the gym or exercising some, some councel. Do something good for you, don't hurt yourself with destructive overeating. Geneen Roth has some good books on emotional eating. Make yourself do it and don't let food dominate your life. There is a lot of stuff out there for your and your children to do besides eat so take care of yourself while you are young and learn good eating habits. If you are religious pray for strength, you can do it.

Alidecker

I didn't read all the other advice, but I was in your position once. I can honestly say that I don't know what triggered me to do it finally. I do know that I looked at it differently this time around.
1)I didn't give up any food, I just ate less of it.
If I had a bad day, I didn't throw in the towel and go back to my old ways.
2)I had the resources to hire a personal trainer to help me in the gym, so I did it. He kept me motivated with the fitness side and helped me with my diet....and helped me through the rough parts.
3)I did have an ultimate goal of losing 100+ pounds, but I broke it down into smaller goals to make it more manageable.
4)I also told people I was trying to lose weight, not a lot of people, but my family and some close friends. They cheered me along the whole way.

I am now a gym rat, I do the occasional triathlon, mud runs and other races I never would have considered before.

It is worth it, you have to want it, it isn't easy, but it is definitely doable.

Good Luck!

davis978

amyd2785 wrote: »

No matter how much I want to finally lose the 100 pounds I feel is keeping me from living a real life I can't!!!

Food is how I comfort myself and relax myself. It's all I think about! 29 year old mom of 2 in a TERRIBLE marriage looking for some support in how to get started and stop letting
my binge eating stop me
From doing this.

I have no excuses- I have time, resources and even a brand new elliptical staring me in the face. But I'm scared to lose my 'conmfort'.

I barely leave my house and have absolutely no social life whatsoever. I'm making my family miserable because I am so miserable but I'm just stuck in this horrible cycle of bingeing and starving myself with no consistency. Anyone else going through something similar? Please add me also I have no MFP friends. Would love to see others doing well

PLEASE look into finding an eating disorder clinic in your area, and maybe a support group. Anorexia and bulimia are NOT the only eating disorders.

Also, please get some books on emotional eating. Geneen Roth has written a lot on the subject, and I have found her books particularly helpful. A few favorites are "When you Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair," "When Food is Love," and "Take Back Your Life" and they probably have these at your local library. From your post, needing to lose 100 pounds is not your problem - it is the symptom of your problem! Your real issue, which I know you already know, but I am saying it for the other people reading this post, is your emotional relationship with food and the level of importance it plays in your life. You are already overweight. Nothing you do in the next 7 days is going to fix that. So, I challenge you to decide to NOT spend the next 7 days figuring out how you are going to lose the weight, but instead spend the next 7 days figuring out how you are going to pursue some balance in your life. What steps are you going to take that are going to START you on a path to some kind of healing. You are not going to get to healing by losing weight. You can do this. But you probably won't do it if you don't change your goal immediately.

BTW, at my heaviest I was 150 lbs overweight and I have maintained a "normal" BMI for 15 years now, so I know a little something about this.

Barbs2222

How old are your kids? I'm worried you could have postpartum depression. My husband was a real jerk when our kids were little too. He was smoking but not around us so he was constantly crabby and criticizing me.

newsize56

Feel free to add me too! I've lost 45 of my 100. We can do this! I will help cheer you on.

oxers

Okay, here's the thing though - I didn't lose a THING until I started respecting and liking myself. I spent twenty years miserable with my weight and flailing around, trying to lose, and nothing stuck. I tried diets, counting calories, straight up starving, everything I could think of but I always fell off the wagon after a few weeks and tried to justify it, telling myself it wasn't so bad.

I was lying to myself, which was my problem. Saying it was fine and I liked myself all right was a lie. I didn't like myself, and I kept saying everything would be better if I could just lose weight. Which was *kitten*, obviously. So I spent a few years putting my life together, focusing on having fun and going after the things I wanted and learning to like and respect myself. Once I was happy and felt good about everything, then I naturally started taking better care of myself. I started counting calories and now I'm twenty pounds off from ultimate goal weight.

It sounds like you're in a *kitten* situation. Bad marriage, kids to worry about, and you're really down on yourself for "lack of control" or whatever it is we beat ourselves up for. You need to deal with that *kitten* first. It's not going to get better or easier if you're thinner, but taking care of yourself will be a lot easier if you respect yourself and like your life.

You can count all you want, but it'll be very hard to stick with it until you're happy, healthy and confident.

JoRocka

amyd2785 wrote: »

I am just inundated with all of the amazing advice and kind words. I feel like I have it ALL- time, motivation (I am Iin A weight loss challenge too), the ability to work out and buy healthy food. But instead I just spend my days isolated-playing in Facebook, eating unhealthy food, watching tv AND my life pass me by it's very depressing to feel so poorly you don't want to leave the house and simultaneously having a life where it's possible to cocoon yourself away
- This is just not what I want for my kids it myself any longer. Today, i am beginning to take baby steps and I thank everybody for the comments. I haven't quite figured this all out or how to add somebody but if you would like a new friend please send me a request

so what did you go do... and what are you going to go do today??

ehmadore

Best thing I did was join and gym and talk to other members! Now I have a network of people I see when I work out. We also do social activities too!

royaldrea

Only one thing - you're living a real life now. It may not be the life you want, but it's the life you have, so cherish it no matter what size you are. Seriously, make an effort to love yourself and appreciate your life. Focus on the good things in your life. It's so much easier to treat yourself well and take care of yourself when you love yourself. If this is too difficult to do, please seek support and assistance - maybe a psychologist or counseling is a good idea. Don't let anyone ever make you feel ashamed for wanting to better yourself emotionally or mentally.

Okay two things - When you decide that you want to be [insert what you want here - healthy? fit? skinny? happy?] more than you want to be comfortable and/or complacent, it'll be much easier to implement changes and stick to them. Because you'll be doing what you want to do. When you get to this point, remember to focus on determination rather than motivation. Motivation is good for the short term but it ALWAYS fades...ebbs and flows. If you are determined to do something no matter how you feel, that's when you'll find success.

Good luck!

jsissom86

ONE DAY AT A TIME! If you want something really bad, just remember - tomorrow is another day with another round of fresh calories to eat. Also, have a cheat day!!! If you really want that burger or chips, just think "I will get that on my cheat day this week". It's not like you'll never have it again!

mojohowitz

Therapy

KKJackson91

I have had the MFP app for like 2 years, and I've tried again and again and I just kept letting my excuses get in the way. The only time you are going to succeed is when you stop letting your excuses get in the way of your dreams:) I started at 256.4 and am now 231.4. You CAN do this. You're welcome to add me if you'd like. I'm great at encouraging. I just decided I'm not going to let "life" and excuses stop me from a body I'm going to be happy in. I now have 91 lbs to lose btw:)

Ohwhynot

Add me! I use food for comfort and it's HARD. You can do it!

Ceria

You have done the hard part...you have acknowledged that you have a problem that you cannot solve on your own and you have reached out. Good job. First thing first...you cannot be anything good to your child if you are not taken care of yourself. Transforming your life is the most difficult thing that you will ever do (even raising kids cause atleast motherly instinct helps out in times of uncertainty) so it should not be taken lightly. There is no switch that can be flipped, no magic pill, just hard work and dedication to yourself. With a child and an unsupportive husband it is impossible to focus on you. Stop, take inventory of what is important and just do the damned thing that needs to be done! Get some counseling-for yourself- and make a decision about your marriage. Either stay or go but if you stay, let your husband know what you need. If you go get more counseling and learn to love yourself. Feel free to friend me as I have been in your shoes and i know what it looks like from both sides of the coin. I didn't wake up until I had eaten myself to 405lbs and my exhusband was calling me a "fat pig" that no one would want. Boy was he wrong! lol

amyd2785

Your all wonderful ad I am taking in all of the kind words and encouragement. I'm ready to get started!!

cranium853

Five minutes is all it takes. To change a habit it takes just a few minutes of doing something else. Try this: put three poker chips or three pennies or three buttons in your right pocket. Do ANYTHING right for five minutes and move one to the other pocket. Do that three times. Then stop counting. You are not going to be perfect and you don't have to. But if you can just notice a couple of times a day that you are making an effort..... now if I see a poker chip I relax and smile. Beats the self-abuse.