Did people calling you fat or negative comments help you lose weight?
elsinora
Posts: 398 Member
Weight gain happens for all sorts of reasons and as all different personalities there maybe reasons for lack of exercise or binge eating etc
Recently with all the Katie Hopkins, Steve Miller et al. being brutal on fat people comments, some people say that it has helped them while some say it's bullying.
Genuinely interested to see what people think? When I was at my biggest and even when I clearly overweight, I have always had friends and family effectively lying and said "oh I am fine", "you're built to be bigger" even at a size 22/24 and I've found it hard to trust people on compliments.
When I got negativity from strangers with no vested interest it made me realise just how much bigger I actually was (I thought I was overweight but not has hideous as I was back then) and actually helped me.
Recently with all the Katie Hopkins, Steve Miller et al. being brutal on fat people comments, some people say that it has helped them while some say it's bullying.
Genuinely interested to see what people think? When I was at my biggest and even when I clearly overweight, I have always had friends and family effectively lying and said "oh I am fine", "you're built to be bigger" even at a size 22/24 and I've found it hard to trust people on compliments.
When I got negativity from strangers with no vested interest it made me realise just how much bigger I actually was (I thought I was overweight but not has hideous as I was back then) and actually helped me.
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It really depends on the person. Some people thrive off of what others had said to them in an effort to prove them wrong. To others it actually completely demotivates them. I actually prefer people critique me over complementing me because I think it lulls me in to a false sense of security. One of my friends is the exact opposite, they can't handle critique and will essentially stop trying if you say something negative.0
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I've had a few incidents in my life: a kid at the pool who splashed me and told me I was fat, a great uncle who told me I was the fattest member of that family he'd ever seen, a co-worker who joked about it, etc. I think most people who've been heavy have run into this.
I remember them keenly, but I can't really say they did much to motivate me. I knew I was fat and didn't want to not be fat enough to make a permanent change.0 -
No. It was totally opposite for me. When anyone commented negatively in any way about my weight, looks, size, etc, it made me NOT want to lose weight or change my habits at all. It made me fear exercising or eating lighter, lest I be criticized even further. It made me want to retreat into "safe" places with people who loved me and didn't criticize, and lots of yummy food, and my own "little happy world" where I felt attractive and healthy and was in denial that I had a serious weight problem for decades (once reaching 307 lb).
Only self-criticism, perfectionism, and fear (the very real fear of developing serious medical problems due to weight) helped me decide to change. That got me only so far, though.
My husband is actually what helped me take it another step forward (into being a healthy weight) because knowing that he was 100% into me regardless of weight made me feel stronger and so much more confident and like I was worthy of going for loftier goals re: health and fitness. Without that, I'd never have changed as much. I might have gotten to my previous low weight of 220-something but I don't think I ever would have made it to the 160s where I am now.0 -
My dad said he was gonna buy me a bra when I was 13. That bothered me.0
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I had a woman tell me one day "wow you have put on a lot of weight since the last time I saw you"
My response to her was "Yep, I have a mirror so I know."
She didn't make me more or less motivated just made me realize to avoid this person at all times.0 -
I suppose it's context but at my biggest, I never had a bad word about my size from anyone really. It was only a few negative from strangers or, well, honest comments that made me actually see how unhealthy and obese I was. I genuinely couldn't see it.
I just wish people were more honest with me and didn't cart me around as the token fat friend.0 -
I don't think I ever got motivated from people telling me I'm fat. It made me angry and just not want to speak to that person. I get motivated by people recognizing my hard work and complimenting me.0
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No, I didn't want them to think they were the reason I was trying to lose weight, because people like that are disgusting.0
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auntchellebelle wrote: »I had a woman tell me one day "wow you have put on a lot of weight since the last time I saw you"
My response to her was "Yep, I have a mirror so I know."
She didn't make me more or less motivated just made me realize to avoid this person at all times.
^^This. Right here. Easiest way to lose unwanted weight too.
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dougpconnell219 wrote: »My dad said he was gonna buy me a bra when I was 13. That bothered me.
My mom did the same except I was in high school.0 -
For me, negative comments are just piling on. I already know I am fat and don't need anyone to tell me - it is just depressing.0
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Negative comments just make me sad and want to eat more and AVOID that person! However, I find positive comments are motivating!!!0
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Nope. It just made me hate people more than I already did. I'm already an introvert with mild social anxiety.
If the comment was from someone I was already friends with who knew me personally and intimately, I was more likely to take that comment to heart. But from from random stranger (or a guy), it just made me want to crawl back into my hole and stay there.
It's funny how things changed once I reached a normal weight and how much nicer these same guys were. But I lost weight; unfortunately, I did not lose my memory.0 -
Like someone else said, it depends on the person. The only people to ever insult me because of my weight were my grandparents on my mother's side. It didn't do anything except tick me off; I didn't find it inspiring. I knew I was fat, anyway. I'm motivated by my own desires. I want to feel better about who I see in the mirror, sure. But I'm also motivated by my desire to be healthier and more fit. What other people think of me along the way--or from where I start--means less than nothing.0
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Nope. Like people have already said here, it actually demotivated me. I didn't hear many comments, thankfully, but those that I did get just made me want to hide in my bedroom with a tube of pringles and several bars of chocolate. I think it's stupid when those at a healthy BMI say 'oh it's alright to say that because it'll motivate them to lose weight, they need to hear it'. Bull. Overweight and obese people KNOW we need to lose weight, most of us anyway. Encouragement is needed, not nasty comments. Those will only depress us.0
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No, I didn't want them to think they were the reason I was trying to lose weight, because people like that are disgusting.
Oh yes! I agree. I didn't have a lot of people who (in the past) openly criticized my weight, but there was one RN at my previous job, a very bitter & angry 60-something lady, who made cruel comments that I heard about and one of my friends asked if I was going to facebook friend her just to show her that I lost weight and am now smaller than she is. Heck no...wtf!? She's disgusting to me.
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It's never in a person's best interest to be insulted or degraded. Usually the person with the negative comments is the person with the self-image problem.0
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When I got negativity from strangers with no vested interest it made me realise just how much bigger I actually was (I thought I was overweight but not has hideous as I was back then) and actually helped me.
I was in a bar in boston, a guy called me fat.
I have one of his teeth in my jewelry box now.0 -
No. I was bullied regularly as a child for being 'fat'. Looking at pictures of myself back then, I wasn't fat. However, I believe this had a big impact on my self image, and is partially responsibly for me actually becoming overweight as a teenager and remaining so as an adult (self-fulfilling prophesy). Because I had 'always' been fat.
Nowadays, I prefer people just not comment on my weight either way. I don't get too many comments from strangers because of my default death stare. But if someone made a negative comment on my weight, or anything on my appearance (except wardrobe malfunctions) for that matter, I'd probably just avoid them, as aunchellebelle said. I don't mind positive feedback from friends/family who haven't seen me for awhile, but I'd still prefer a 'you look beautiful' to 'you're so skinny'.0 -
The worst for me has always been doctors. All but the one I have now have gone on and on about me being morbidly obese and refusing to really help me with problems because well it'll stop if you lose weight. I had one recommend bariatriac surgery every time I saw him even though at the time I was working out 2-3 hours daily and dropping weight. I had one tell me that I needed to lose weight after I told him I sprained my knee because I fell while exercising. None of it ever helped. It made it really discouraging because some of my medical issues were actually interfering with my ability to lose weight.
The doctor I have now is way better. He didn't mention my weight my first visit and he talked to me about my blood work instead of being flustered because I'm actually very healthy despite my weight. When he finally did mention it he suggested that I try losing a pound a month before my next physical. That helped. I knew he took me seriously so I know I can trust his advice.0 -
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When I was a kid they used to have something called a 'husky' size codename for fat kid. I hated it then. i grew out of the weight naturally until later in my adult life but the word 'husky' was always a bad word.0
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It depends on who it is. If it is a complete stranger, I just figure they are rude and need to STFU and mind their own business. If it is an aquaintance or friend, it doesn't motivate me at all. The only time it would ever motivate me is if I really trusted that person and felt like there was not only genuine concern, but also a willingness to help me. Since I don't actually trust anyone that much, there isn't anyone who could motivate me by calling me fat.0
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it didn't really help me at first, but now that i've lost a decent amount of weight it keeps me going.0
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I've never really cared what others think or say, except for my doctor.0
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seltzermint wrote: »No. It was totally opposite for me. When anyone commented negatively in any way about my weight, looks, size, etc, it made me NOT want to lose weight or change my habits at all. It made me fear exercising or eating lighter, lest I be criticized even further. It made me want to retreat into "safe" places with people who loved me and didn't criticize, and lots of yummy food, and my own "little happy world" ...
Same for me. Insults and criticisms have helped create my disordered eating, lack of self-esteem, social anxiety, enhance my depression, make me withdraw and not have contact with other people.
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Yeah, I mean it's all to do with context, if someone was like "oh get out of the way fatty" that's different to someone saying "yes, you asked, you're really overweight and unhealthy but you can change that". I have major trust issues with any form of compliment because I got the same when I was obese and guess what - at the time I was super happy - despite being huge because I genuinely could not see how big I was then.0
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Nope. It made me hate them. Me wanting to do it made me lose weight. (Deliberate bad grammar there, I promise...literary license and all that...)
True story:
My brother-in-law's girlfriend, who is oddly prematurely aged but very thin (she has a model-shaped body underneath a sharpei exterior), seizure-texted me, text after text, one day this summer. She went on and on about how I could "save" my son (he is autistic) via various Dr. Mercola methods. She was trying to get me to listen to a podcast.
We were on vacation while she was doing this, and were on our way out the door. I had spoken to this woman three times, by the way. Yes, seriously, exactly three times. She didn't even start out her text with "This is M." I had to figure it out myself after the first three or four hyper texts right in a row. I even asked, "Is this M?" She didn't even answer me, just kept bulleting these texts at me about how I could "get my son back" (how weird...I thought he was right here).
I texted her that we were going out, but that I would listen to the podcast the following day. This seemed to anger her, and she freak-out texted me that it had to be THAT DAY, or else the podcast would be $50. I politely answered her that I would therefore be unable to listen, but would Google reviews of it as surely other people were listening to it.
That's when she started the serious abuse. She told me I was poisoning and killing my son and so on. I texted her, "M, we are still friends, but you have crossed a line. Please stop texting me about this issue. I will see you the next time we all meet up."
She answered me that everyone in the family says that the only thing my son will eat is GMO-wheat mac and cheese (um, what?), that she has seen how he eats (I reminded her that I WAS NOT THE ONE bringing "bad" foods to the gatherings and that he typically doesn't get those items), she accused me of never bringing food to gatherings (again, erm, what? This woman had been to THREE of them...all of which I had brought HEALTHY choices to, just as I have for the past 12 years of family gatherings, hello, I'm the one who is actually a part of this family), that if I were telling the truth, "You'd be thin, but you're obviously not," and that "the truth hurts" and I "shouldn't shoot the messenger."
I had to actually call my brother-in-law to ask him to shut her up. I couldn't even clear out my box of her texts (maybe 10-14 of them in a 5-minute period?) because I'd go to delete and I'd be interrupted with a popup announcing another one. She texted me that she was "deleting" me (we had NEVER texted nor called before this, um???), but on my birthday, sent this "apology": "I am sorry that you felt you needed to shoot the messenger, but I wish you a happy birthday."
I have seen her only once since then and didn't say a word to her. She is an absolute freak. I don't need that, and no, her "input" did not encourage me to lose weight...particularly not using her methods, because whatever she's doing, it looks like it involves meth. She is seriously haggard, is more skin-aged than my mother-in-law who is in her 70s, trembly, strange and obviously filled with anxiety and anger. Nope. Don't want what you're selling, lady.
When I was 10, I did let people calling me "fat" (I was 5'1" and 120 lbs.) influence me. Today? Fark that. I decided to lose weight because I DECIDED. Nothing anyone has ever said to me about it has influenced me one way or the other, because I am a grownup.0 -
I was over weight from the age of 19, but it took me until I was 39 to actually acknowledge the reality that I was getting bigger & heavier with each passing year.
I have been called names or verbally abused because of my size by family members, mothers at the school gates & strangers in the street, to be honest I heard so many negative comments about my weight during those 20 years, that I couldn't even begin to list them.
Most of them just made me want to answer back with some equally cutting or insulting remark & I usually was very good at them (let's face it I had 20 years to refine witty/snarky retorts) but others seemed to cut me to the core & my head would play them over & over again, the only way to drown them out was to eat them into submission, adding yet more pounds to my every increasing waistline.
As for what inspired me to lose weight back in November 2012.... I think it was the fact that on my next birthday (October 2013) was going to turn 40 & I didn't want to be fat at 40....
Ironically enough I was recently accused of taking up a treadmill when I clearly don't need to - as I was stepping off a treadmill I said to a woman who was waiting to use it "It's busy her today isn't it" and she replied "yeah the place is filled with people like you..." so I replied "what do you mean by people like me?" Her response was "people like you who clearly don't need to be here!" so my response was "Love you don't look like you weigh 321lb" she said "No I don't thankfully" so I bit back and said "Well I USED to...." Then I stormed off before she could reply & before I punched her in the head.... I was bl00dy fuming!!
My story just goes to prove that you get criticism no matter what size you are, big, small, tall, short, fat or skinny - people who have no business doing so will judge you....
Anyway, I digress - I think that outside influences hindered my weight loss, it wasn't until I realised I had a problem that I chose to do something about it, now 26 months later I weigh 165lb, my starting weight (November 2012) was 321lb & I will NEVER EVER thank the fat haters - they are the ones with issues, they should mind their own business....!!
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In my experience, negative motivation only works in the short term, if at all (for me it usually doesn't). If it does work, and the person making the comments is only doing so from a position of good intentions to help, then it falls into the tough love category. That love part is the critical one, as the vast majority of the time, such comments do not come from such a place, and you can label it a personal attack, imo.
For what it's worth, I think we all face and inflict personal attacks on a regular basis, and of varying levels, so in this company, I am happy to put a crack about weight. I would not be comfortable labelling it bullying, in my opinion, as that word is bandied about too freely these days, and I reserve only a sustained campaign of attack on someone with the only intention of bringing that person down, as warranting such a label.
In any event, I'm sure it all depends on the person, as mentioned. We all find motivation and inspiration in different ways, plus it all depends on where the person is at, and ultimately who they are and respond best to. Personally though, I have a very, very low opinion of those who are prone to provide unsolicited comments about weight, who I do not know personally or count amongst friends/ family. Plus I would argue for each such comment that has an ultimately positive on a person, many, many more people it just has a destructive impact0
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