I cried today...I need all the help I can get!

Look_at_me

I was attractive once. I felt beautiful and sexy. Not right now. I let myself go and there is nobody else to blame than me. I am only 51 years old and feel like my life is over. I cried when I took the pictures today. People cry on funerals, so I guess it's alright. I buried the old me today.

My husband, who loves me unconditionally, is on a business trip. I went to my doctor first thing in the morning. Got my blood results, went on the scale (243.5 / 5'8) and before he could give me a speech I told him to "zip it". I told him what I am going to do and I have his approval.

Look at me...look at my picture. I did that to myself. You see the dog in the pic. I can't walk her right now. I don't have the energy to carry myself and all that extra weight around. I bought a treadmill today. It is going to be delivered tomorrow. I WILL walk on that thing. I will start slowly, but will walk 1 mile every day...even if it will take hours.

I want to have a healthy weight and I will do everything that I can, to make it happen. Food is not my friend. I used food to cover up my emotions. I feel lonely. We just moved here one year ago and I haven't made any friends yet. So I ate, food became my best friend. Chocolate, carbs, bread, butter. I love to cook, eat during cooking. Then I sit in my chair and read or watch TV. Drink too much wine to numb myself more. It's not that I need it. I don't even know why I do it. Did it make me feel good? Not really. I felt always guilty, but avoided the ugly truth. Wider shirts, elastic pants, bigger jackets...I am a master in disguise.

Not anymore. The old me is gone, the new me was born today.

I had a open bottle of red wine, I poured it down the drain. All chocolate, candy and other things are now in my neighbors house. I emptied the pantry, got rid of everything that won't fit into my diet plan. My husband will come back on the 23rd., that's 10 days that I can just focus on myself.

I will take a weekly picture in the same outfit. I will be brutally honest. I hope to find friends on my way to a new me. I would help others, but right now I need all the help I can get. Look at me?

Please help me!

MelanieMamaof5

Good for you. Remember that it will take time. Keep your motivation going. Favorite quote, "The journey is long but quitting wont get you there any faster."

You will have to find ways to fill those emotions you have been trying to bury. First step comes in identifying them. When you have a desire to eat (other than at meal or snack time) be sure to identify, out loud, what it is you are really feeling. "I'm angry, not hungry", or "I'm lonely, not hungry." It has helped me.

MSeel1984

First thing I can say is it's better late than never-you have taken an important first step by deciding to be better to yourself!
That being said-be careful not to go to the opposite extreme of cutting everything out and going on a crash diet...(you didn't give details of what you plan to do diet/calorie wise, etc so I'm just advising against it)...Feel free to add me if you like!
Just remember that cutting out everything you like can cause you to get frustrated and go right back to where you were...find changes that are sustainable and find exercise you enjoy doing. If you look forward to it, you're more likely to not only enjoy it, but you'll be less likely to skip it.
Also, check out skinnytaste.com! Fantastic website with healthy (and DELICIOUS) recipes!

FabulousJasper

Hi Look

You can do this!

I've lost 53lb slowly with the help of friends on MFP and a new way of looking at food.

Feel free to add me

patb987

Good luck on your journey! Change does not come fast, but by bits and pieces if you want it bad enough!

katierrt

you can do it!! I did!! but I've not worked out since May and I need to get back to it, I have kept off all but 7 lbs of what I lost, and I'm okay with it, but I still need to stay exercising because it's beneficial for my heart! add me if you like, my diary is open and I'm not a critic!

27SweetV

I think it's amazing that you decided to do this for yourself and I think that's the best way to accomplish weight loss goals. I just started watching what I'm eating and slowly working out last week because I am the heaviest I've ever been and am unhappy about it. I know I did it to myself as you said above and I know I'm the only one that can change it. What you're doing is terrific and I hope you get to the point where you're happy with who you are and how you look again, I know that's what I'm trying to do!

sussexbythesea

I hear your pain. You can do this. You have a positive attitude. I started walking one mille a day too though I did not need to lose as much as you I still walked through the pain and you can too

hectorjp87

You go girl!!

I was finishing uploading what i eat when i saw your post on the right side of the main page and I wanted to give you a thumbs up and show some support.

I believe that you can change your body as much as you want. It will be hard but totally worth it. One battle and one day at a time!

Eat better, do excercise, make healthier choices and soon when it will became a habit, you will enjoy it so much!

Everyday that you behave, and eat right and do some excercise, GIVE YOURSELF SOME CREDIT AND A GOLD MEDAL.

And if i may i want to tell you that steady changes are the way to go. The thing is that to change a body it takes a lot of time, but once you do it its not that easy to lose it.
You wont get fit by training one day the same way that you wont get fat by eating unhealthy one day. Its about change all the small things one at a time. What I am trying to say is that i wish you dont get discouraged by the slow changes. When that happen I would like you to think: SMALL PROGRESS IT IS PROGRESS.

All the good luck and positive energy in this quest!

kozinskey

I love that you're taking some time that you'll have to yourself to really kick off a health plan. Know that there are a lot of supportive people in this community and we all have your back! Feel free to add me if you need a buddy.

oedipa_maas

I just want to give you a big hug. It's a huge step you're taking. My only advice is to be careful not to cut everything you love out. I understand not being able to keep some things in the house--I honestly can't keep some food around. But for the most part I let myself have everything, just in more controlled portions. If you are too extreme, it might not stick. But I do think everyone figures out for themselves what works in terms of what they want to eat. Keep flexible and an open mind.

I eat my emotions like crazy, and I'm a recovered alcoholic, so I completely understand how you feel. Something that has helped me deal with my emotions more effectively (and so I don't hurt myself in the process) is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. That's a fancy name for techniques that help people with distress tolerance and effective management of emotions. There are workbooks like this one that are great: amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook-ebook/dp/B0041D8UWM/ref=dp_kinw_strp_exp_1_1

All good thoughts to you. You can do it!

roady29

I agree completely with MSeel, you can't cut it all out as you will get frustrated and go back to the same way. You can still have all those things just in moderation and not every day. Hearing you poured the wine down the drain made me cry!
Feel free to add me!

paulawatkins1974

Congrats on the beginning of your new life. I started with 122 lbs to lose & am almost half way there. It's going rather slowly for me, I plan to be at exactly half way by my 1 year anniversary mid February. Feel free to add me.

Linda_OD

Been there, done that. Just take it one day at a time! Tomorrow will be better!

CariJean64

I was where you are now just a year ago. (See profile pic) I started out with a lot more to lose, and it is daunting, but the key is to NOT GIVE UP. Bad days... bad WEEKS... don't let them derail you.

Best wishes to you! Friend me if you'd like.

GSL51

It will come off fast. Just do the math, set a caloric goal and enter you data faithfully and honestly. Watch the the Net Calories, once your in the grove its gets easier. You will have bad days but you will have good ones to, see that they average out. find low cal food you like and stock them

liketobike2

You can do this! But please remember that the weight didn't get added overnight and it won't come off overnight either. Make this a marathon and not a sprint. You will have setbacks and you will have successes. Don't let either change your course!

dallshouse0363

I feel exactly the same way. Moved to a new state about a year ago and I don't have a lot of friends and find it hard to meet new people. My husband is an amazing man and loves me unconditionally, I just wish I did. One thing I have found out is that you will need the positive energy to move forward. You have faced the hard truth, you have a plan, you know what you need to do so now it is the long road to getting where you want to be. Take this energy and use to stay focused, not to beat yourself up anymore. You need to love the new person you are becoming that way of it doesn't happen as fast as you want you know you are on the right path. It took a while to get there and it will take a while to emerge as the new you. I think there is a way to idnetify what state you are in and if so maybe you can pick up some MFP friends to work out with, even if it is a slow stroll around the neighborhood. It might be a good way to find some friends and give you the motivation to stay on your new path. Good luck and feel free to add me.

Angie1212mfp

Good for you!!! Just remember today is the first day of the best of your life. I t is best to start slow and gradually build up your endurance. And just want to add, slow and steady wins the race.Oh yeah, while walking a mile on your treadmill is a worthy goal... in my experience,it's not the distance walked or run, it's the duration of time that leads to long lasting results. oh yeah!! Don't forget to Hydrate1 HYDRATE!!Hydrate!!! you got this!!!

Angie

johanna306

I agree with the other posters -- it's never too late to start your journey! I will accept friend requests from anyone who wants some additional motivation. I am usually on here every day.

cautiouslyoptimistic2015

I would like to echo the other users about it's never too late. Try to be positive about yourself, focus on what you deserve and what you are away from the negative and make slow changes! You can do it! Be strong and know you're worth it! (*)

janerfitnesspal145

I so understand what you're going through. Four+ years ago I hit my heaviest weight ever (230 pounds and I'm only 5' 4 1/2") and was so disgusted with myself. I dropped 10-20 pounds or so, then got lazy and stopped watching what I ate because I hated "dieting." Two years ago my husband found MFP and it's been a life changer. I've discovered that I don't need to restrict myself by the old school way of "dieting;" rather I now use the word diet as the simple way of showing what I eat, period. I've learned the fastest way to ensure failure is to restrict myself so that I end up overeating when I fight off the urge to eat something I'm really craving. I've also learned that exercise adds to my available calories, and oh yeah, it's good for me too. I'll admit that I slacked off part of 2014, due to moving across the country, and I gained some weight back, but I kept logging! I'm back on track now (thanks to my hubby's Christmas gift of a Fitbit Charge, which I love, love, love), so feel free to add me!

zumbamomma2

Yeah for You!! The first step to change is realizing you need it and you are the only one that can take the action to do something about it. All the advice here is very very good. I have two suggestions along with my encouragement. One, drink your water, it does help make you feel fuller and it is so good for your body. I have to set time goals for mine (i.e. by 10:00 I have 22 oz drank, etc.). Two, after you have spent some time on the treadmill and feel more comfortable exercising, you might try an exercise class, as it is a great way to meet people. Find something you like to do (I tried zumba and fell in love with it, plus have met some incredible people). That might help with the loneliness. Wish you the best on your journey and as stated above, it is a marathon not a sprint!

Look_at_me

I am not alone. Thank you (((ALL))). Your replies meant so much to me. Happy tears now. I don't expect miracles. I know it is going to be a journey with up and downs. I have enough humor to handle bad days.
I will detox for 7 days with doctors approval. After that I will go on a healthy balanced diet. Lots of fruits, vegetables. Whole grains, green tea and healthy smoothies. Lean (organic) meat, lots of fish (what I love). I love to cook and have enough cook books with healthy recipes.
I am in it to win it :-). I am so glad I am not alone. I am overwhelmed by the friends requests, messages and replies here. I am glad I came here...this feels right.

lilawolf

Good attitude! Something like this happened to me: One day, I just said enough is enough! I never once looked back. Here are a few things that I'd suggest considering that helped me and/or that I've watched work for others on the 2.5 years that I've been on here:

1. No food is "bad" food. Don't demonize food, and try to avoid guilt. Depending on what your diet used to be, having a week or two without any of the foods that you normally over-indulge in might be helpful for cravings. After that add in small amounts. It's very easy to fit a single glass of wine or a piece of chocolate into your calories. Your mental health, happiness, and being able to stick to this new lifestyle is just as important as the vitamins in a carrot stick. It's all about balance.
2. Be honest with yourself. Log it if you ate it even if it wasn't the best choice. If you are over, look at your diet/exercise/hormones/feelings/etc and learn why you overate (and how to avoid it), acknowledge it and move on. NO GUILT. For instance, if I eat too many carbs and not enough protein/fat I end up overeating because I'm hungry. If I'm watching tv all day, I end up boredom snacking. Now, I make sure to keep water in front of me and go for a walk...
3. Write in a journal (or draw or sing or ?) to try and express and understand your feelings, especially those that make you want to eat or drink.
4. You have mourned the old you. Celebrate the new! Tell yourself every day how proud you are of the good choices that you made. Look in the mirror and say "I love you" and "I'm closer today than I was yesterday".
5. Consider putting the scale away for a while if the daily fluctuations are making you feel demotivated. If you do this, you absolutely must stick to number 2 and LOG EVERYTHING.
6. Take measurements. When you get to the end of the journey, you will seriously wish you did. (I wish I had). These can also help when the scale is being a lying B****
7. Find a class (water aerobics at the Y will have many people your size/age so you won't feel self conscious, but you will also get respect if you work hard in ANY class) or a walking group in your area (craigslist can be a great resource or maybe even your doctor). Find other like minded people who are on a similar journey. This will help with the loneliness and keep you on track. MFP is a great place for friends/support too of course, but face to face can be better.
8. Make sure to do your own research and listen to your body. Doctors often only take 1 nutrition class during school. A doctor is NOT a dietician. Here are some links to setting up your goals on MFP:
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/974888-in-place-of-a-road-map-2k13
9. Take small steps. You don't need to be perfect today. You didn't gain it in a day and you won't lose it in a day. Don't make yourself miserable (or sick) by trying to go too fast too soon, but also be honest with yourself and push when you can. Balance my friend
10. Never ever compare yourself to others. Don't worry about what "they" are eating, exercising they are doing, weight they are losing. Get ideas for meals and exercises but know that everyone has a different story. The only person you need to beat is the old you.

Feel free to friend me or ask me questions. I will warn you that I'm at a very different place in my journey. Sometimes I'm bulking (gaining weight while strength training to gain muscle) and eating a huge amount of food, sometimes I'm cutting (losing fat while trying to maintain the muscle mass I gained), and sometimes I'm traveling to far off lands and not logging at all so my diary can be all over the place.

Good luck!

BabyKiwi07

First off * hugs* an congrats it's amazing that you decided to do this an the treadmill will be amazing help for you. Your going to do an amazing job at this you got this! This is the new year for the new you! Feel free to add me if ya like an then I'll help ya with any tips that I have an of course motivation you can do this!!!

donnysoule

That's the spirit, you WILL do this.... I have faith and I think you'll be surprised how fast your energy and enthusiasm comes back Best of luck on your journey

aliwhiten

Hi! I'm 52 and also am grieving my former perfect body! The last 4 years I've gained 60 lbs! Partially menopause & part just sitting on my butt!
Please add me as a friend too - you can do this - I feel exactly like you described - just fed up & not understanding how I allowed this to happen!
- I keep buying " stuff" ( fitness related) but am not USING it!! I'm using this app for the first time ever & just the food diary has enormously changed me! This is the first real progress I've had !
- Let's do this together I need friends too

Holidaygirl16

Hi I am 55 years young and know how you feel. Menopause and stress has been big factors with me. Lost 20 lbs when I was very stressed but now the stress is gone weight came back. I have been tracking, I use the fitbit charge and work out 3-4 times a week and my weight won't budge. Getting very frustrated!!

mparker3kids

I'm right there with you sister! I'm 5'7 and as of this morning 251. But I am NOT depressed! I have a plan and I have a goal! I'm going to be under 200 by July 1. You can do it too. Guess what else? All I have is a treadmill. I've walked on it the last 2 nights and I feel wonderful about myself. I walked at what MFP called a leisurely pace at 2.5 mph, but I still did it for 50 min and 40 min. It's better than sitting on my butt! I am 40 and by 41 in August I'm going to be healthier and happier!

Holidaygirl16

paulawatkins1974 wrote: »

Congrats on the beginning of your new life. I started with 122 lbs to lose & am almost half way there. It's going rather slowly for me, I plan to be at exactly half way by my 1 year anniversary mid February. Feel free to add me.