How to Feed My 4 Year Old Dessert?

Options
1235»

Replies

  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
    Options
    Why are parents 'making deals' with their children? You're the parent! No deals, you make the rules!

    I totally agree.

    Who is in control here? I was a psychologist for many years, mainly helping children.

    It is nice that you want to not pass on your food problems from growing up to your child, but on the flip side, you are adding problems by giving choices that maybe not necessary.

    I have read some of your replies, that your child only eats dessert a couple of times a week. Other times they are eating fruit n veggies as snacks.

    Why give the choice of dessert if you are giving them a substantial and healthy meal?

    Later in life when they are a teen and let us suppose that the same child wants to bring a boyfriend or girlfriend over and they want to sleep in the same bed, then, how are you going to instigate control? Do you say once or twice a week is OK because my parents would not have allowed it?

    There are a lot more situations I could give you but I am sure you get my drift.

    It really is important to create boundaries, even if you feel mean doing it.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    Options
    OP, my mom was the same way. If my plate wasn't clean by midnight, I got it for breakfast, lunch and dinner the next day until it was all gone. She sent me to school with a bowl of oatmeal on my head in the 2nd grade because I didn't want to finish it. It took me a really long time to get over the "need" to clean my plate, and when I had kids, I told my mom she was NEVER to force my kids to eat something they didn't want. We never made a big deal about dessert with our kids. Usually they would've had a jell-o or something in the middle of the day, but if they had asked for something after dinner, they would've had to have at least made a reasonable effort to eat what was on their plates. It's the one thing I can say I did right in raising them. It actually makes me crazy that they can have candy in the house for months that goes untouched. I envy that in them.
  • Bernadette60614
    Bernadette60614 Posts: 707 Member
    Options
    Adding this: Our son is 11 and we never make him clean his plate. That kid can eat 1/4 of a cookie and just leave the rest cause "I've had enough."

    I think one of the dangers of the clean your plate strategy is you get a kid who doesn't know his/her own hunger signals.

    Adding this:

    Yes, indeed, you are the parent (as I am), but what I want to teach our child is how to make good choices...not to force choices on him. You could sit down with her and say:

    You know it is important to eat healthy foods so you'll continue to grow and be healthy. Someday you might want to (play soccer, be a ballerina, be the strongest geek in the library). Eating veggies and fruits are a part of that.

    So, you give me 3 ideas about how you can get more fruits/veggies into you during the day. And, then modify the ones which work for you.

    I've found that our son is actually pretty resourceful at figuring out ways to do what we want him to do if we present it to him as being in his best interest.
  • MerBear1985
    MerBear1985 Posts: 131
    Options
    She sounds like she already has a pretty good relationship with food if she is not asking for treats every night after supper. It sounds like you have taught her well. I never really had dessert in my house growing up, but maybe just have her eat her dinner until she is full and then give her a choice of mom approved snacks for a little while after when she may still be hungry. You are the mom and can still dictate what her snacks are and still give her a bit of choice, so if she ate well that day and two hours after supper she wants a treat, make that a choice, if she didn't eat well don't make it an option.

    In the end sometimes it doesn't matter what you do environment can ruin good habits. I grew up with no sweets in the house and very little access to them, until I went to grade 7 and my school was across the street from the mall, and I was allowed to go to the store by myself, and then I got a job and had my own money, etc.

    Basically what I am trying to say is that is sounds like what you are doing is working and if she wants a treat now and then and it's not all the time, that's great. Keep doing what you are doing.

    P.S. You don't have to listen to my advice, I am not a mom, but I spend a lot of time with my brother and his 6 kids and I see a lot of patterns there too.
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
    Options
    I think it is a very dangerous idea to tie rewards to eating or not eating. I think that rewarding eating certain items or cleaning their plate sets kids up for an unhealthy relationship with food. Food should really not be a reward, nor should eating or not eating be special behavior.

    We don't really have "dessert" at our house. We usually have a night time snack. Sometimes it's healthy food, sometimes it's not. If you are hungry at 7:30, you have a snack. If you are hungry at 5:00 or 6:00 you eat dinner. If you're really hungry you eat everything on your plate (and maybe have seconds). If you're not very hungry, you stop eating when you're full. No one needs to eat stuff that they hate, regardless of how "healthy" it is.
  • MochaMixAZ
    MochaMixAZ Posts: 844 Member
    Options
    I think it is a very dangerous idea to tie rewards to eating or not eating. I think that rewarding eating certain items or cleaning their plate sets kids up for an unhealthy relationship with food. Food should really not be a reward, nor should eating or not eating be special behavior.

    Agree.

    And to the OP - It really sounds like you and your little one are doing WELL with food and she's got a pretty balanced intake. My opinion is honestly maybe kids know best and are still in touch with their hunger signals.

    It may sound like a ridiculous comparison, but I've got 2 80 pound dogs. We feed them exactly 1 cup of their exceptionally balanced food twice a day. They get 1 "cookie" or dog biscuit every day. On our active hike days, they also get an extra cookie.

    I'm constantly amazed that some days - they leave their 1 cup in their bowls. Don't even touch it. I, for one, couldn't do that --- if you put it in front me, I'm going to eat. I know this about myself. On the days where they don't eat their food, they still eat their cookie.

    Maybe nature has it right.... they eat when they are hungry. Most days that's 2 meals and a treat. A few days it isn't. The vet says both are at perfect weights. If I could master the eat-only-when-you're-hungry, I could also probably eat what I wanted - as long as I stopped when I was full. It's an interesting topic for debate.
  • Polly758
    Polly758 Posts: 623 Member
    Options
    You may like this article, it's about how one mom is teaching her kids to be good eaters

    http://reelgirl.com/2009/12/girls-and-food/
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Options
    My kids have to finish their plates to get dessert, but we don't put a lot at all on it. I don't like it, honestly, but it's the only way we got them to eat veggies.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
    Options
    I don't have any children but I am really not a fan of forcing children to eat or not letting them leave the table until their plate is clean. That's one of the reasons obesity is so high. If your child eats as much as they can and they are full then let them leave. Don't force them to it there. If they want a little something a few hours after dinner let them have it. Telling them no because they didn't finish their meal is wrong IMO. There shouldn't be a "reward" because your child stuffed themselves with dinner and a "punishment" if they don't clean their plates. This can lead to a whole mess of other problems down the road, obesity being first and foremost.
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    Options
    honestly maybe kids know best and are still in touch with their hunger signals.

    Maybe nature has it right.... they eat when they are hungry. Most days that's 2 meals and a treat. A few days it isn't. The vet says both are at perfect weights. If I could master the eat-only-when-you're-hungry, I could also probably eat what I wanted - as long as I stopped when I was full. It's an interesting topic for debate.

    The problem with that is, nature doesn't always have it right for that specific individual. As a parent, you need to be aware of roughly how much your kid should be getting per day and make sure that they're getting at least close. If they are, then sure, let them pick and choose when and how much they want to eat. If not, then you need to get them to eat more. I was one of those 'failure to thrive' kids from 2-6 yrs old, and my parents were constantly trying to get me to eat anything. If you'd left me to my own devices, I wouldn't have starved, but I'd have stunted my development horribly and been deficient in several vitamins and nutrients.
  • SarahBeth0625
    SarahBeth0625 Posts: 685 Member
    Options
    I am a plate cleaner and it's a very hard habit to break. Honestly, I don't remember ever NOT cleaning my plate. Crazy, I know! I feel too wasteful, so try to only put on my plate what I will eat. Anyway...

    for my kids, it would depend on how much they ate. If they eat MOST of their food, they can have dessert, but by "dessert", it depends. If we are at my mom's house or someplace, dessert might be ice cream. At home, we have fresh or frozen fruit as our snacks, so the kids are used to that being "dessert". :smile:
  • Graelwyn75
    Graelwyn75 Posts: 4,404 Member
    Options
    Adding this: Our son is 11 and we never make him clean his plate. That kid can eat 1/4 of a cookie and just leave the rest cause "I've had enough."

    I think one of the dangers of the clean your plate strategy is you get a kid who doesn't know his/her own hunger signals.

    Adding this:

    Yes, indeed, you are the parent (as I am), but what I want to teach our child is how to make good choices...not to force choices on him. You could sit down with her and say:

    You know it is important to eat healthy foods so you'll continue to grow and be healthy. Someday you might want to (play soccer, be a ballerina, be the strongest geek in the library). Eating veggies and fruits are a part of that.

    So, you give me 3 ideas about how you can get more fruits/veggies into you during the day. And, then modify the ones which work for you.

    I've found that our son is actually pretty resourceful at figuring out ways to do what we want him to do if we present it to him as being in his best interest.

    Agree with this.
    Too many parents seem to project their own food issues onto their kids. And too many parents underestimate a child's ability to listen to their own bodies and know what they need. I find it absurd. Stop messing up your kids future by dictating what and when they should eat for goodness sakes. Give them healthy food choices from the start, and let them eat what they will of that healthy food. It is very rare a child will allow itself to starve. The idea of deciding when someone else should be hungry is just ridiculous to me. If a child is not hungry at dinner, fine. Let them have something healthy when they are hungry. A child is not a dog to be leashed and controlled, they are not your property or an extension of you, they are a unique individual.
  • SarahBeth0625
    SarahBeth0625 Posts: 685 Member
    Options
    When I was 4 or 5, I vividly remember being force fed a bun down my throat by my dad (clearly, the man had issues and it was just one of many reasons why he's not a part of our lives anymore). Because of that day, I did not eat bread again until I gave it another try at age 18. It would make me gag/heave. And he would torture me further by trying to get me to eat it at mealtimes, telling me I was "eating like a dog" if I wanted a plain hamburger (this was pre-Atkins, apparently). I would sneak the bun into a napkin and discreetly throw it away or one time around age 8, I even flushed a bun down the toilet.

    To this day, and I am about to turn 33, I cannot eat a plain bun.

Categories