Who Pays?!

WifedUpMartin

I am newly engaged and starting to plan a wedding (holy crap I had NO idea how much work went into it). I was looking for advice on bridesmaids dresses. Who pays for them typically? Our budget is already stretched thin and one of my bridesmaids hinted that she bought the dresses for her wedding party the first time she got married. So I'm thinking she wants me to buy hers... But I was under the impression that they buy their own?

Any advice on who is supposed to pay for what?!

lborsato1

Well..... My wedding was a loooonnnnggg time ago, but my bridesmaids paid for their own dresses. Typically that is how it works, unless times have changed that much....but I doubt it...

Sinistrous

See if you can get people to donate, that way it's win-win, and a final vote on dresses from the people that donated.

orangesmartie

Traditionally (in the UK) the bride pays for the bridesmaids dresses, particularly if you want them to wear a particular style/colour.

If you don't mind what they wear, regardless of any colour scheme that you have, then you can ask them to pay - but they might not match.

SparkyJess3

I'm in 2 weddings coming up in February and I paid for both of my bridesmaids dresses.

ltlemermaid

Typically if one agrees to be part of the bridal party they should know that paying for the dress is on them. I have seen instances where the bride did buy them for the girls but that is not typical in my area.

ilfaith

I have always paid for my own bridesmaid dresses...with the exception of one very expensive Vera Wang gown that the bride's family partially subsidized. My bridesmaids all bought their own dresses...although I did help cover the cost of my maid-of-honor's dress as she was going though a rough financial period.

With the exception of the dress I wore to my brother's wedding (my sister-in-law let us choose our own gowns as long as they were long and black) I never wore any bridesmaid dress after the wedding.

Myhaloslipped

I have been in a couple of weddings, and I paid for my own dress both times. However, the bride consulted with us first on finding reasonable dresses at reasonable prices.

bambi2578

Congrats on the engagement! I'm getting married soon, and my girls are paying for their dresses. If you agree to be a bridesmaid, you agree to all the expenses that come along with it. If you want to pay for their dress as their gift, you're more than welcome to, but that's at your discretion. Just make sure you do gift them well, since they are putting out some big bucks to be a part of your wedding.

eeelizabeth2012

My sister is getting married and we are picking our own and paying for them.

seltzermint555

I am pretty sure the past and current norm is for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. I've read enough "wedding guides" and rants from bridesmaids online (who think the chosen dresses are ugly/overpriced) to realize that ;-)

When I was married in a traditional wedding back in 2002, though, I paid for mine. We were all in our twenties and my girlfriends didn't have a lot of income, most were students or had babies/toddlers at home and were in NO position to drop even $50-100 on a dress they would wear once, much less spend any more than that. I didn't feel right asking them to and I know they appreciated it.

I have been in a lot of weddings as an attendant and as maid/matron of honor, and only once has the bride paid for my dress. Then again a lot of my friends had really nontraditional weddings or just asked the attendants to have a specific color of dress, which I loved and did not mind paying for it myself. In fact I preferred that because I could find the right cut/fit with no embarrassment and bargain shop for the dress.

I realize none of this is the "norm". Just another view!

tomorrowstrength

My bridesmaids paid for their own, and I have since paid for my own when being a bridesmaid. Thankfully I and My best friend were able to find the perfect "off the rail" dresses in Debenhams (6 years apart) so it didn't cost each girl an arma and a leg.

Azexas

I was in my best friends wedding in May and bought my own dress. I think that its becoming the norm for the bridesmaids to buy their own.

Spnneil06

The bridemaids usually pay

ninerbuff

My wedding, my wife and I paid for both the bridesmaids and grooms attire. I don't know where the rule came from or where it's set in stone, but IMO if a couple is requesting their favorites to be in the entourage and they have selected the attire, the others shouldn't have to be obligated to pay. It's their wedding and if for some reason a bridesmaid or groom can't afford it, then they may opt out of the entourage and some feelings may get hurt.
I feel the same about parents having to pay too. It's not their responsibility, IMO. 2 people want to get married, it's should be their debt, not anyone elses.

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ourtruelovewillneverdie

The norm where I am from is to buy your own. I have only not had to pay for my dress once and that was one of my brother's wedding. All the other bridesmaids in the wedding had to buy their own though.

Azexas

Now that I'm thinking about it- Can you split the cost with your bridesmaids? I saw you said your budget it pretty tight.

WickedPineapple

Myhaloslipped wrote: »

I have been in a couple of weddings, and I paid for my own dress both times. However, the bride consulted with us first on finding reasonable dresses at reasonable prices.

^ I've been in four weddings with one more coming up this spring and this has been my experience as well (in the US). In my sister's wedding, she didn't even pick dresses, we all wore a long black dress we already had. For my best friend's wedding coming up here soon, she told us a color and we pick out our own. I thought this was really cool because I was able to pick out a dress that I'll definitely be able to wear again.

Although I have heard horror stories about brides picking out really expensive dresses and/or shoes. So be cognizant of your bridemaids' budget. No one wants to bankrupt their friends!

ourtruelovewillneverdie

melschaben wrote: »

I am newly engaged and starting to plan a wedding (holy crap I had NO idea how much work went into it). I was looking for advice on bridesmaids dresses. Who pays for them typically? Our budget is already stretched thin and one of my bridesmaids hinted that she bought the dresses for her wedding party the first time she got married. So I'm thinking she wants me to buy hers... But I was under the impression that they buy their own?

Any advice on who is supposed to pay for what?!

If you can't split the costs do you have someone who can do the alterations for cheap or free? I know alterations cost a lot, so in our family weddings my mom always did the alterations for the bridesmaids and wedding dresses for free since she used to make formal dresses when she stayed at home when we were younger. It saved tons for the brides and bridal parties.

Archerychickge

Talk to your bridesmaids. Discuss budget with them if you expect them to pay for their dresses. If you can't afford to buy their dresses for them and they can't afford to pay either, you may want to choose to include them in the ceremony in another way (like they could sing or do a reading, or help with the guest book) so they still feel included as part of the wedding but not pressured to spend a ton of money on a dress they'll never wear again.

WifedUpMartin

Thank you all for the responses! I think it's a great idea to split the cost. I think that would be a nice compromise. The dresses I am looking at are only about $50-$75 so that wouldn't be too much of a budget breaker. It's going to be a small wedding so I only have 2 bridesmaids.

MinnieInMaine

Congrats!

I like the idea of brides paying for at least part of the bridesmaid ensemble (because there's more than just the dress - shoes, jewelry, hairdo, etc) and the more picky the bride is, the more she should pay for IMHO. OP, sounds like you found some reasonable dresses. Feel free to pay for part of them or maybe foot the bill for something else like a set of jewelry you'd like them to wear or the matching shoes.

One of my friends bought our jewelry and I think she also paid to have our hair done...can't remember for sure, that was almost 15 years ago.

seltzermint555

melschaben wrote: »

Thank you all for the responses! I think it's a great idea to split the cost. I think that would be a nice compromise. The dresses I am looking at are only about $50-$75 so that wouldn't be too much of a budget breaker. It's going to be a small wedding so I only have 2 bridesmaids.

I think that is very cool...I have a friend who has complained about spending $300+ on bridesmaid dress and then also having to pay for 2 plane tickets, 3 different gifts, and hundreds for her portion of a bachelorette party and shower. I can't imagine being out a thousand bucks (or more) to be someone's attendant...lol...I would opt out for sure. It sounds like your wedding won't be that sort of thing.

Organicgasm

I picked color and length and let my friend's choose their own because they were paying. But I was also a bridesmaid for my SIL's wedding (before my husband and I were married) and she picked it out and I bought it. I think it is sorta of a "gift" from your bridesmaid's that they buy their own dresses when you're paying for the whole wedding instead of your parents (a more modern concern) because they know how expensive weddings are. But if your friends are struggling financially helping out or buying them outright is a good thing to do.

WickedPineapple

MinnieInMaine wrote: »

Congrats!

I like the idea of brides paying for at least part of the bridesmaid ensemble (because there's more than just the dress - shoes, jewelry, hairdo, etc) and the more picky the bride is, the more she should pay for IMHO. OP, sounds like you found some reasonable dresses. Feel free to pay for part of them or maybe foot the bill for something else like a set of jewelry you'd like them to wear or the matching shoes.

One of my friends bought our jewelry and I think she also paid to have our hair done...can't remember for sure, that was almost 15 years ago.

Agreed. Do you want their dresses, shoes, and jewelry all to match? Do you want their hair/nails to match? Then yeah, you should probably chip in. If it's only the dress and maybe saying (any) black dress shoes and whatever jewelry they want, then I wouldn't stress about splitting the cost. Unless the dress is super expensive, but it doesn't sound like the one you've chosen is.

I've had brides pay for my jewelry as well. Usually it was the 'gift' to the bridesmaids from the bride.

beckibelgium

If I was ever to get married I would ask my bridesmaids (over 16)to buy their own as long as the colour was the same as my theme I would want them to be comfortable so they can pick the style length ect, I would pay to get their hair and make up done with me on the day but still ok for them to wear it how they were comfortable,if I had a child as a bridesmaid I would buy her dress but parents can buy shoes and I would make sure she was happy to wear it x

AkCyclist

I'm a groomsman in my brothers wedding at the end of March, and I'm paying for my own.

awilde4

I've been in a few weddings and bought my dress for one and paid the seamstress for the other (bride bought the material)
For my own wedding I bought the material and the seamstress was my step mother so she didn't charge.

How traditional is the wedding? How old are the bridesmaids?
I think it's pretty common now to have them buy their own dresses but it's also more common to be less formal so off the rack is more doable.
The one wedding I was in we all bought from the bridesmaid collection in the same colour and fabric. It looked great, everyone got a style they liked and everyone was happy for a good price.

T1DCarnivoreRunner

I can't speak for brides, but my sister is getting married next month. When she asked last summer if I could be a part of it, I told her I couldn't commit 100% to being there and didn't want to sign up for something as a result.

In Dec., she sent me a text telling me I need to get measured for a tux and gave me a code that it is under at the place to get measured. My brother got the same thing, and I got from him that apparently he and I are signed up to be ushers. I didn't realize that ushers wear tuxedo's, nor that I was going to be an usher, but ok, I'll do it.

My brother had gone in to get measured and they wanted a deposit at that time ($25 I think) and then said the rest he could pay when he picked it up... and that was going to be close to $300 for the rental. He and I both were not going to pay that to rent a tux to be an usher... we both have suits we can wear. So I talked to my sister, who said they had since gotten that all squared away... they were going to pay for the tuxedo rentals.

Personally, I feel a wedding isn't about the ceremony. It is good enough for me to do the paperwork to enjoy the legal benefits of marriage without the expensive fanfare. But I'm not a woman and I'm not married. I almost was married once, and we were going to do just that - get the paperwork done, but ran into some other legal issues with that. Anyway, I don't expect to be able to understand the desire to have a nice ceremony. From my experience with my sister, though, I urge clear communication regardless.

xcalygrl

The bridesmaids should pay for their own dresses, unless you want (have the funds) to offer.

If you are choosing the dress/dresses, you should ask each bridesmaid (privately) what she is comfortable spending. Then find a few dresses that is lower than the lowest budget price you were given. If bridesmaids A, B, and C give you budgets of $100, $300, and $150; then you need to find a dress that is no more than $100.

If you aren't chosing the dress/dresses, then give them basic guidelines (it should be knee-length or longer in a blush pink color) and let them do their own shopping.

patrickblo13

Why don't brides pick out dresses for their bridesmaids that can actually be worn more than once? It just seems crazy to ask someone to spend money on something that they will most likely only wear once