what have I done so ashamed

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healthiermeep
healthiermeep Posts: 76
in Motivation and Support
Four months ago I made this to lose so weight. I was 160 lbs a little overweight nothing major. Well now I am already 20 lbs heavier. In 6 months I gained 40 lbs!!! I am up 7 dress sizes and just miserable. I binge eat and feel guilty afterward. It is stupid self destructive behavior and I am so depressed. Yesterday I logged all I ate I started out so well! I need to get this under control now before I ruin my health and my life.
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  • killerqueen21
    killerqueen21 Posts: 157 Member
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    Maybe get professional help? If you have an eating disorder you need to address that! Don't be ashamed of yourself. There are thousands of people who are in the same situation, maybe worse. The good thing is, if you fail a thousand times, you can start over a thousand times. But no one wants to do that.

    Create a calorie deficit in MFP, get you a food scale, account for everything that goes in your mouth, practice portion control, and move around as much as possible. That's all I did. And you know what? I hit goal, and it wasn't really that painful because I didn't deprive myself of anything I wanted. I just didn't gorge on it. You can do it :) Come on, get started girlie. :)
  • healthiermeep
    healthiermeep Posts: 76
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    You are right crying about it is not going to help me out what so ever. I can't sit around playing games oooh I'm fat but not get off my butt and help myself. I am so grossed out with myself! How do I fix it do I just eat way less today or just start from scratch.
  • Barbellarella_
    Barbellarella_ Posts: 454 Member
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    healthiermeep wrote: »
    You are right crying about it is not going to help me out what so ever. I can't sit around playing games oooh I'm fat but not get off my butt and help myself. I am so grossed out with myself! How do I fix it do I just eat way less today or just start from scratch.

    Eating "way less" today keeps you in the binging cycle. Stay moderate as much as possible and avoid crash dieting.

    This is a really helpful book, and the blog has lots of free information as well. http://brainoverbinge.com
  • killerqueen21
    killerqueen21 Posts: 157 Member
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    Create a deficit in your diary. MFP will guide you along. What are your stats (height/weight/age)? I would suggest you not go under 1200 calories, and in my opinion, anything fairly close to that is going to make you miserable. Get a food scale and weigh out your portions before you eat them. A lot of times you can grossly overestimate the number of calories your eating. Just log everything you eat and try to stay near your goal. Do not feel like a failure if you fail some days. It's ok. Just try to do the best you can.

    It's up to you when you want to start; you can start today or you can forget about today and start over tomorrow. But just do it. Don't be grossed out by yourself. Love yourself. You still have worth just because you're overweight. It doesn't define who you are does it?

    I'm only saying these things because I've been there. I've never been overweight, but I have been grossed out by myself before and I just got fed up and did something about it.

    Pick up a fun hobby that gets you moving. You like to walk? Do zumba? Swim? Whatever. Do those things.

    Be patient. Don't let the scale frustrate you. You can do it. You can start off really small if you want. It may be easier. Take a short walk. Work out for ten minutes until you can work your way up to 30. What works for everyone is different. You just have to create a calorie deficit. :) And you have to want it bad enough to stick with it.
  • thismamarox
    thismamarox Posts: 105 Member
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    Get your mind in the game. For me, I give myself a start date and I stick to it. I mark my calendar with my goals, and I work to achieve that set goal by the date I specify. But one thing I think you need to do, is stop referring to yourself as gross... you are not gross! Everyday you should look in the mirror and give yourself positive affirmations (sometimes this is easier said than done) Focus on what is good and beautiful, and not so much on what grosses you out. The more you focus on the bad, the worse you will feel. Get up and get going....you are worth it!
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
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    When I first started to get things together, I meal planned and portioned everything. Have a plan and know exactly what you will be eating and how much. Get the binge foods out of the house - far, far away. As this became a way of life I have been able to not plan as rigorously. You can do this.
  • rainbowbow
    rainbowbow Posts: 7,490 Member
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    Whats going on in your life? Surely something has happened for you to have eaten that much over maintenance.

    I'd address the underlying issue, create a plan, find a network of people who can support you, and then get disciplined.

    good luck!
  • healthiermeep
    healthiermeep Posts: 76
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    Well I lost my job and became a house wife I don't know if that's it. I think you are right no more putting my self down I will just eat better and clean out my cabinets. I will go get a food scale today. I think maybe basketball and running I use to love both of these. I do feel better and ty for the blog I am going to go read it now.
  • 1genemontgomery
    1genemontgomery Posts: 1 Member
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    I have met too many people that succeeded in weight lose for you to accept defeat. It is a process that requires a realistic plan, and the patience to let it work. It is not about starving, because you'll binge. Log your intake, learn what you are eating, find good substitute foods (no-fat cottage cheese, no-fat yogurt, healthy beverages, fruits, veg. Etc..) Measure your foods and/or weigh your ounces. If you learn what to eat, you will never need help again. Smaller, more, meals keeps me from getting big cravings. And Exercise, you body is a engine it needs to run and be fed. You got this, good luck!
  • Just_Ceci
    Just_Ceci Posts: 5,926 Member
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    Work on one thing at a time.

    Start by logging EVERYTHING you eat, the good and the bad. Look for lower calorie foods you can substitute for foods you love. (Fiber One 90 calorie brownie instead of a regular full calorie brownie for example.) Learn how much is actually a serving. When I first started, I made single serving size bags of snacks I liked, so I could grab a single serving instead of the whole thing.

    Add more movement into your routine- start parking the car farther away from the door, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc. Find an exercise you enjoy and do it- walking, swimming, zumba, whatever. (For me it was bicycling, then I added running later.)

    Don't beat yourself up if you have a high calorie day. Log it and move on. Tomorrow is a new day.

    Be patient, losing weight slowly will make it easier for you to keep it off.

    You can do this!
  • Tallawah_
    Tallawah_ Posts: 2,474 Member
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    I can't say it better than killerqueen. Just wanted to add encouragement.
    You can do it Come on, get started girlie! :smile:
  • loricatta
    loricatta Posts: 6
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    You will be Ok. "How do I fix it" is not just about eating less, but understanding why you feel depressed. It seems to me that you are talking yourself into hopelessness and helplessness. By focusing on the things you consider bad about yourself and rewarding this negative mood by eating (the negative mantra: I don't like myself, I am depressed, what matters if I eat more, I am just a fat-*kitten* anyway, ah - that tastes good) you create a pattern - a wagon track in your brain that becomes easier to follow with each repeated action (negative thinking =s reward of food =s negative thinking =s reward of food.)

    Break. The. Pattern. by changing it.

    When you start to think negatively, stop (and I mean, really, stop the negative though as close to mid-sentence as possible) and ask yourself what makes you worse than other people? If you can think of anything, write it down. Ask yourself what is the value of thinking this way? If you can think of anything, write it down. How does it help you? What do you want? What do you need? Does food really make you feel better in a way that helps you?

    What I mean is: Question your thinking. Interrogate it. Make it answer you.
    And if it doesn't answer you in a ways that satisfies you, get rid of it. Investing in negative emotions offers you no return. If you find you are eating something that tastes bad, do you not stop eating it?

    Your finding these answers will help you change the way you think. Don't accept the negative poop at face value, when it doesn't have real value.

    After each negative statement you say about yourself and when you start feeling helpless, ask "what law makes it so?" What law tells you that you have to eat to be happy? What law says you can't change for the better? What law says you are a bad person?

    And above all, remember, everything is temporary.

  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    You can do it. Do your best to meet your goals every day. If you slip, no beating yourself up, just get right back at it.
  • bunnerfly
    bunnerfly Posts: 197 Member
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    I'm in the same boat with my weight. I weighed 170-something last year, made a goal to lose 50, and as of December, I weighed over 200 pounds.

    Although I'm not currently doing so, I struggled with binging. I would become so disgusted with myself I would purge (i.e. vomit)the things I binged. This left me with a swollen face, broken blood vessels in my face and eyes, a stomach that was so overly sensitive it developed ulcers (likely from irritated/torn stomach lining that wasn't healing), and weight gain.

    First thing you HAVE to do? Girl, cut yourself some slack. I struggle with anxiety over different things, one of which is my weight, and one of the ways I would deal with it is through food. The more I stress, the more I eat. The more I eat, the more weight I put on. The more weight I put on, the more I stressed. The more I was disgusted with myself, my flabby body, and my total lack of ability to put that box of Oreos down, the more anxious and depressed and out of control I felt. Finally, one day after a binge, I just told myself to log the calories and accept what I had done. I chose to eat them. I told myself that I had the power to say no and walk on by. I also totally stopped buying the foods I was prone to binge on. I told myself no, I MADE myself drive past the drive thru. I failed several times. It's been a long time, and I still binge if I'm stressed and let down my guard. However, instead of hating myself, I tell myself it's okay. I take it one day, one meal, one hour, one minute at a time if I have to. I keep myself busy. When I'm anxious, I try to get physical activity to "burn off" some of that nervous energy. I also started really examining the things in my life causing me stress and anxiety. My marriage had totally fallen apart, and my husband wasn't interested in trying anymore. We got divorced. I got a job and started being responsible for my own life instead of letting someone else determine my happiness with my life.

    When I slip up, I move on. I pat myself on the shoulder and say, "Sarah, old girl, you are still totally awesome. You've done incredible things, and traveled far in your life, and you have millions of adventures to come. One mistake isn't going to tarnish all of that, and the number on the scale isn't going to crush you." Then I think of all the things I like about my body, specifically things I like BECAUSE I'm overweight. Boobs. I have boobs, something I had very little of at lower weights. My butt. My soft face. There are beautiful, beautiful things about you that you just can't see because you are only focusing on the bad.

    Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Move on from the mistakes. Never resign yourself to unhappiness.
  • healthiermeep
    healthiermeep Posts: 76
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    OK even if its bad I will log it all I think I will try meal planning too
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    For many, many years every time I thought about dieting I would go home and indulge. In anticipation. Of months of misery. Really, you deserve to enjoy every day, even when dieting. You're not "good" skinny and "bad" fat. Food is wonderful. It's time for you to enjoy it again (within limits).
  • healthiermeep
    healthiermeep Posts: 76
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    This helped so much I think I am too hard on myself. I will be more realistic in my expectations. As my mom says you didn't put it on in a day you won't take it off in a day.
  • healthysls
    healthysls Posts: 4 Member
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    Hi I just started mfp today for the second time. When I read your post about losing your job and becoming a housewife. I thought that is just like what I went through. I started eating to fill the void. Don't under estimate how hard what you are going through can be. Its a big adjustment! My advice is don't isolate yourself maybe find a hobby if your mind is busy doing something you like you won't be eating because your bored. Are you alone all day? That may cause emotional eating, maybe think of what else you could do to comfort yourself. Please don't be ashamed of yourself you are very brave to share your feelings. You mentioned your depressed have you seen a doctor or counselor? If you like games maybe you would enjoy Wii exercise or Kinect games that you have to move a lot to play. Don't give up! You can do it!
  • healthiermeep
    healthiermeep Posts: 76
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    Ya I'm alone all day weird thing is I only binge at night when my hubby is home. He is a great guy who makes me happy so I know he isn't the issue.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    healthiermeep wrote: »
    Ya I'm alone all day weird thing is I only binge at night when my hubby is home. He is a great guy who makes me happy so I know he isn't the issue.

    Are you trying to not eat much during the day, and then you are so hungry that you binge at night? If I skip a meal then I tend to go overboard later.

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