what have I done so ashamed

IndigoSue13

There's a lot of great advice offered here. Trying not to be so hard on yourself, and taking small steps at first are very important. When I started in earnest back in July, I spent a lot of time reading the forums and gleaning the good practices from the bad. The best advice I found was on the success stories forum. If you read some of the posts from folks who have lost a lot of weight over a long period of time and kept it off, you'll find some good advice and healthy practices. (As a caveat - you may have to wade through some stuff that is not so great advice -- fad diets and such. The more you read, the more you'll be able to discern the good from the bad, and what will work for you. It's good to keep in mind that not everything works for every person.)

Another good suggestion is to do what you normally would do for a couple of weeks, and just log all of it. Then you can go back and look it over to find the patterns that may be troublesome for you. Sometimes identifying the behaviors that aren't working for you is difficult until you see it all written down somewhere.

You CAN do this! You deserve it. Take one small step at a time, make small changes, and note how much better you feel with each change. Make each small success a building block and inspiration for the next success.