We broke up because...

g44219

she told me it was safe to swim in the crocodile infested waters

slimgirljo15

Sook..

RunHardBeStrong

He went to the Amazon and never came back

g44219

she never dropped the soap in the shower

slimgirljo15

He never showered ..ewww

g44219

caught her in the shower with some bloke that lived down the road

slimgirljo15

That was Tom ..he came for the 3some you advertised ..

J383

She kept Adele on replay....

synchkat

I could never live up to @VikMcAnik's mystique

Kvm11628

Painted me blue like Mystique

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g44219

she went gothic on me! filed her teeth down like a vampire

Sniper_Chick

painted the entire house 50 shades of blue didn't understand what I meant by 50 shades of grey!!

J383

She went fifty shades too dark

g44219

claimed she had to wear shades when I took my shirt off because I was too white

Sniper_Chick

thoguht putting sunblock on meant looking like a snowman

J383

white wasnt the word...Porcelain would be better.

Sniper_Chick

didn't appreciate my delicate skin

J383

Kept singing Sam Hunt songs to me...

g44219

would sing 99 bottles of beer song on road trips. THE. WHOLE. FREAKING. SONG!

Kvm11628

Drank all 99 bottles of beer on our date. Result? Ahem, whiskey d@@k.

Unknown

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J383

didnt like my southern drawl, told me to fix it or forget it

Unknown

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J383

wouldnt eat my chicken

synchkat

Kept trying to feed me chicken.

Unknown

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slimgirljo15

She was a lousy cook

synchkat

"cooking" was merely mixing drinks and opening a packet of chocolate

slimgirljo15

Lol..omg ..thats been my life this past week..
She knew me too well