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We broke up because...
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she told me it was safe to swim in the crocodile infested waters0
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Sook..0
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He went to the Amazon and never came back0
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she never dropped the soap in the shower0
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He never showered ..ewww0
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caught her in the shower with some bloke that lived down the road0
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That was Tom ..he came for the 3some you advertised ..0
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She kept Adele on replay....0
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I could never live up to @VikMcAnik's mystique0
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Painted me blue like Mystique0
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she went gothic on me! filed her teeth down like a vampire0
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painted the entire house 50 shades of blue didn't understand what I meant by 50 shades of grey!!0
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She went fifty shades too dark0
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claimed she had to wear shades when I took my shirt off because I was too white0
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thoguht putting sunblock on meant looking like a snowman0
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white wasnt the word...Porcelain would be better.0
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didn't appreciate my delicate skin0
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Kept singing Sam Hunt songs to me...0
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would sing 99 bottles of beer song on road trips. THE. WHOLE. FREAKING. SONG!0
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didnt like my southern drawl, told me to fix it or forget it0
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wouldnt eat my chicken0
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Kept trying to feed me chicken.0
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She was a lousy cook0
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"cooking" was merely mixing drinks and opening a packet of chocolate0
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Lol..omg ..thats been my life this past week..
She knew me too well0
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