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We broke up because...
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She wouldn't move to Australia0
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I moved to Australia and she got scared. Restraining order scared.0
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she had a court order to stay 100 yards away from old age homes at all times1
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False advertising.. he wasn't particularly happi0
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She found another.. dump me out on the curb1
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She's keeping him not me0
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She got away. Literally. I thought I had those knots tied tighter. 🤔1
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She had a Don Knotts lifesize doll tied up in her closet. Creeeeee-py0
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He said I looked like Don Knotts wtf0
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Kept calling me Barney and locking me in a cell0
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Callousedthoughts wrote: »Kept calling me Barney and locking me in a cell
Oh puuulllease, you begged to be put in there, Barney😄0 -
Told everyone about my fantasies1
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I was not in any of his fantasies0
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She didn't want to go to fantasy island
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I had to hear "Zee plane, zee plane" at least 8 times every.damn.day0
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They were too vanilla0
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I Lived a Vanilla bean lifestyle, simple yet versatile with that kick of spice that emerges every few licks. 🍦0
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She licked my cone.0
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He wouldn't let me lick his cone0
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