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We broke up because...
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He couldn’t follow simple rules 😝0
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She thought her rules were simple0
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He had too many rules, I'm a rule breaker0
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Her basement was too crowded0
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She made me wear a blonde wig and sing happy birthday Marilyn Monroe style... Every.Single.Day0
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She spent all her time playing video games, when she wasn't wearing a blonde wig and singing 'Happy Birthday'.0
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He thought my hair was a wig and kept trying to tug it off1
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She didn't like me pulling her hair in bed0
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Kept trying to pull my hair and I'm bald...0
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He caught me poking holes with a needle in all of his condoms which explains all his kids.0
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Caught him poking a hole in the apple pie kept in the kitchen2
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He kept talking about the "special sauce."1
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She was always sauced up.0
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He didn’t trust me with his secret sauce recipe0
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She couldn't compete with my mammas cooking. Ouch!!0
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He’s right, I’m a terrible cook 🤷♀️ 😂😭0
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She couldn't even make a frozen pizza!!0
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He didn’t like what i cooked for him ever ;(0
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I forgot our 3 month anniversary and next thing i know she had booked us for couples therapy0
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He thought it was couples therapy, but it was secretly an all inclusive trip to Barbados...0
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