Afraid to change the way I look/feel
koosobie
Posts: 27 Member
I have been apprehensive lately about losing weight. I didn't start losing weight seriously until just before Christmas. I started off at 232 pounds, I am currently at 209 pounds. I believe my goal weight is probably 160 pounds. I keep having these feelings that once I lose the weight I want to lose my skin will be so loose that I won't like the way I look anymore. My main concern is excess skin but also just the fact that my body won't look or feel like my own anymore and I have gotten really used to and fond of the way I look. Of course I know that there are upsides to losing the weight that I'm looking forward to. I am very sentimental about the way things are (or were) and even the weight that I have lost I have noticed and I miss the plumpness of my chest and the the firmness of my skin. It may seem sort of pointless to be upset about my positive acheivement but losing weight never really was about body image or disliking myself. It is more about being a lighter more healthy version of myself. I have many health problems in my family such as type 2 diabetes heart disease and cancer and I want to do everything I can to avoid having those issues before I need to or at all. I guess I just want to know if anyone else has the same apprehension as I do. But in the end I suppose it will be worth it, just shopping all those stores that I never could fit anything in before. Lastly I should mention that I am not really interested in doing tummy tuck or breast augmentation so it's hard for me to lose all the things that I used to find attractive about myself like my chest and the fact that every things seemed to be where It was supposed to be. I suppose I may change my mind once everything is said and done. I have a feeling that I will probably want a breast lift of some sort but I don't know if I will have the money or the courage to do it.
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Replies
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I kinda know how you feel. I'm scared of the uncertain future, maybe even scared of failing. I'm worried I won't love the new me and having high expectations.
Just try and stay positive. Think of the reasons you are doing this your health and a happier future
good luck -1 -
How did you lose so much weight? I need to lose weight too!0
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meeshasingh wrote: »How did you lose so much weight? I need to lose weight too!
It was sort of incidental, I got sick a few times around christmas and lost weight there, but i was about 223 before christmas. So not all of it was super sudden or anything. I am just portioning very well and undercutting my base calories. Some days too much maybe, but those are days I do literally nothing. Sadly I am betting I am losing muscle weight as well but that is life I suppose. lol.0 -
imabeevampire wrote: »I kinda know how you feel. I'm scared of the uncertain future, maybe even scared of failing. I'm worried I won't love the new me and having high expectations.
Just try and stay positive. Think of the reasons you are doing this your health and a happier future good luck
I find men are very accepting of the way I look now, as am I... even being over weight I don't feel ugly or fat. Sure I have my moments, but maybe it is just because it took me a process to love myself... it is sort of like I am abandoning that. Like I am being hypocritical or something. Ugh, weight loss is more in your brain than any place else!0 -
and also good luck to you too.imabeevampire wrote: »I kinda know how you feel. I'm scared of the uncertain future, maybe even scared of failing. I'm worried I won't love the new me and having high expectations.
Just try and stay positive. Think of the reasons you are doing this your health and a happier future good luck
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Well.. if you're basically happy with your weight now, why not just concentrate on getting fitter and eat at maintenance or just under? You could slow down your weight loss to be very gradual but get fitter at the same time. If you lift, this will help with maintaining your muscle mass, and possibly will help with loose skin too.
Unless your weight is causing you medical problems.
ETA Aha I see the history of diabetes in the family. I would still advocate losing the weight at a slower pace though.0 -
Think back to when you gained the weight. It was gradual, creeping, right? It will be the same for the loss.
Focus on your health. You know you need to lose the weight. Would you rather be content with the status quo and ravaged by the health effects of obesity, or get healthy and face the *slim* possibility of feeling like you need an augmentation or skin removal?0 -
I have been apprehensive lately about losing weight. I didn't start losing weight seriously until just before Christmas. I started off at 232 pounds, I am currently at 209 pounds. I believe my goal weight is probably 160 pounds. I keep having these feelings that once I lose the weight I want to lose my skin will be so loose that I won't like the way I look anymore. My main concern is excess skin but also just the fact that my body won't look or feel like my own anymore and I have gotten really used to and fond of the way I look. Of course I know that there are upsides to losing the weight that I'm looking forward to. I am very sentimental about the way things are (or were) and even the weight that I have lost I have noticed and I miss the plumpness of my chest and the the firmness of my skin. It may seem sort of pointless to be upset about my positive acheivement but losing weight never really was about body image or disliking myself. It is more about being a lighter more healthy version of myself. I have many health problems in my family such as type 2 diabetes heart disease and cancer and I want to do everything I can to avoid having those issues before I need to or at all. I guess I just want to know if anyone else has the same apprehension as I do. But in the end I suppose it will be worth it, just shopping all those stores that I never could fit anything in before. Lastly I should mention that I am not really interested in doing tummy tuck or breast augmentation so it's hard for me to lose all the things that I used to find attractive about myself like my chest and the fact that every things seemed to be where It was supposed to be. I suppose I may change my mind once everything is said and done. I have a feeling that I will probably want a breast lift of some sort but I don't know if I will have the money or the courage to do it.
Lose slow, lift heavy, stay hydrated. And no I much prefer my body now than when I was fat. :noway:0 -
So, how do you know you won't like your look? Proportionally, your breasts will likely still look plump compared to your newer smaller waist. And, you may not care much about loss of muscle mass now, but when you are older and have to worry about osteoporosis, you might be sorry you lost too quickly.0
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Well.. if you're basically happy with your weight now, why not just concentrate on getting fitter and eat at maintenance or just under? You could slow down your weight loss to be very gradual but get fitter at the same time. If you lift, this will help with maintaining your muscle mass, and possibly will help with loose skin too.
Unless your weight is causing you medical problems.
ETA Aha I see the history of diabetes in the family. I would still advocate losing the weight at a slower pace though.
Mostly because if I don't push on I will quit. It isn't ever a priority for me to lose weight, thus why I never have. That is mostly why. Also I feel like at this point my joints could use a break. I have been getting a lot of knee pain in general, and wrist pain while doing yoga. I like doing yoga so I sort of want to make it easier to do the things I like also.0 -
Think back to when you gained the weight. It was gradual, creeping, right? It will be the same for the loss.
Focus on your health. You know you need to lose the weight. Would you rather be content with the status quo and ravaged by the health effects of obesity, or get healthy and face the *slim* possibility of feeling like you need an augmentation or skin removal?
At the moment I would rather be content lol. It is likely my problem, but I never like to ignore the better choices in life. But still, I have reservations
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Firstly, I'm going to use the disclaimer that this was how *I* felt, not trying to judge you or say you feel the same way, but if I can give insight I'd rather speak up.
I'm tall as hell and was quite..well, fat. Bigger than you look in your picture by a lot. But, I loved myself for who I was (A long battle to be sure) and had no health issues. I had spent years learning to love myself and it felt like a betrayal to admit I needed to lose weight. I was hiding that fact with self acceptance, as weird as that is. My excuses of "loose skin" and stretch marks were just that, excuses because I was afraid to start.
I'm not saying you need to lose weight, maybe your health is fine and perfect right now, and your self esteem seems great. But one day, it will catch up to you.
Slow loss, like other suggest. Lift heavy, set your goals to .5lbs a week? You may find, like I did, that once you really start, you'll realize you want to.0 -
So, how do you know you won't like your look? Proportionally, your breasts will likely still look plump compared to your newer smaller waist. And, you may not care much about loss of muscle mass now, but when you are older and have to worry about osteoporosis, you might be sorry you lost too quickly.
I never had issues gaining muscle. Most shirts I own don't fit comfortably because my bicepts are too big when I bend my arm. A lot of girls, thin.. larger... whatever they are always much weaker than I am, and I honestly do very little to maintain that. My sister was bodybuilding and I am pretty sure (minus the fat) my bicept was still larger than hers lol. I took after my dad lol. And I eat loads of protein so that likely helps.
I don't know that I will dislike how I will look, but I am certain that if I have loads of excess skin I will be disgusted by myself. It isn't shameful or anything, I see other people with excess skin and they look like successful dedicated people. The idea of myself having a goopy belly and pancake boobs makes me want to cry.0 -
Basically, I think losing weight will make me upset with my body image. I don't care that being thin will make guys notice me. I don't care that guys like all kinds of boobs, even if they are flat. I like myself the way I am... and I am changing into something I feel I won't like.
The last time I lost weight I was under a lot of stress. I lost it without knowing I did, and people thought I looked great, but I felt terrible naked. my stomach was goopy, my boobs didn't fill out my clothes. It is a hard thing to explain.
I read an article about women that purposely gain weight until they are mildly obese, and some say they are the happiest and most attracted to themselves when they are obese. Maybe I am like that to a degree? Maybe I am a fat girl to say "hey fat girls ARE sexy too".
That could be it, sadly. lol0 -
shadowofender wrote: »Firstly, I'm going to use the disclaimer that this was how *I* felt, not trying to judge you or say you feel the same way, but if I can give insight I'd rather speak up.
I'm tall as hell and was quite..well, fat. Bigger than you look in your picture by a lot. But, I loved myself for who I was (A long battle to be sure) and had no health issues. I had spent years learning to love myself and it felt like a betrayal to admit I needed to lose weight. I was hiding that fact with self acceptance, as weird as that is. My excuses of "loose skin" and stretch marks were just that, excuses because I was afraid to start.
I'm not saying you need to lose weight, maybe your health is fine and perfect right now, and your self esteem seems great. But one day, it will catch up to you.
Slow loss, like other suggest. Lift heavy, set your goals to .5lbs a week? You may find, like I did, that once you really start, you'll realize you want to.
the part where it will catch up with me is why I do anything at all. I am very active compared to what most people would think of me. Last year I uninsured my car, just so I had to bike to work. Which I did, and averaged about 100 km a week or more. I know I am healthier than most people even though I am chubby. I out skated my thin guy friend last winter.
I think it is the same mentality, but I don't know if it is an excuse that I like myself this way. I think I just really do like chunkier girls including myself. There is always a limit, but I don't feel I ever crossed it. I am doing this because I should more than anything. That being said, I find loads of female shapes attractive, thin and otherwise. I think, if I have to be thinner, I want to look like my preference at least. Which lies the problem, most of those women have never been fat.0 -
And just for notes, I don't diet strictly. If I want to eat more I have been, its just that my stomach shrank and I sorta haven't felt like eating more than 1500 calories. (sans exercise, I have been sedantary lately)0
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So, how do you know you won't like your look? Proportionally, your breasts will likely still look plump compared to your newer smaller waist. And, you may not care much about loss of muscle mass now, but when you are older and have to worry about osteoporosis, you might be sorry you lost too quickly.
I never had issues gaining muscle. Most shirts I own don't fit comfortably because my bicepts are too big when I bend my arm. A lot of girls, thin.. larger... whatever they are always much weaker than I am, and I honestly do very little to maintain that. My sister was bodybuilding and I am pretty sure (minus the fat) my bicept was still larger than hers lol. I took after my dad lol. And I eat loads of protein so that likely helps.
I don't know that I will dislike how I will look, but I am certain that if I have loads of excess skin I will be disgusted by myself. It isn't shameful or anything, I see other people with excess skin and they look like successful dedicated people. The idea of myself having a goopy belly and pancake boobs makes me want to cry.
Well, here is the thing. If you lose weight quickly, then you will reduce muscle mass and have more chance of loose skin, and droopiness. However, if you lose weight slowly, you will keep more muscle mass, your skin will have a chance to adapt and not end up being too loose, and you likely won't end up droopy. You are still young, so that is also in your favor. Don't wait until you are over 40 or 50 and direly have to lose it for health, then your chances of those negative outcomes is much higher.
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shadowofender wrote: »Firstly, I'm going to use the disclaimer that this was how *I* felt, not trying to judge you or say you feel the same way, but if I can give insight I'd rather speak up.
I'm tall as hell and was quite..well, fat. Bigger than you look in your picture by a lot. But, I loved myself for who I was (A long battle to be sure) and had no health issues. I had spent years learning to love myself and it felt like a betrayal to admit I needed to lose weight. I was hiding that fact with self acceptance, as weird as that is. My excuses of "loose skin" and stretch marks were just that, excuses because I was afraid to start.
I'm not saying you need to lose weight, maybe your health is fine and perfect right now, and your self esteem seems great. But one day, it will catch up to you.
Slow loss, like other suggest. Lift heavy, set your goals to .5lbs a week? You may find, like I did, that once you really start, you'll realize you want to.
the part where it will catch up with me is why I do anything at all. I am very active compared to what most people would think of me. Last year I uninsured my car, just so I had to bike to work. Which I did, and averaged about 100 km a week or more. I know I am healthier than most people even though I am chubby. I out skated my thin guy friend last winter.
I think it is the same mentality, but I don't know if it is an excuse that I like myself this way. I think I just really do like chunkier girls including myself. There is always a limit, but I don't feel I ever crossed it. I am doing this because I should more than anything. That being said, I find loads of female shapes attractive, thin and otherwise. I think, if I have to be thinner, I want to look like my preference at least. Which lies the problem, most of those women have never been fat.
You would be surprised at the number of very attractive female shapes of women here on this forum who used to be fat. The put in the work though to get where they are now.
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i started at 260 and am currently 195. i do not have any lose skin. i lift weights 3 days a week and cardio three days. i have lost the weight slowly at about .5-1pound a week and so my skin as adjusted with it as well. in fact if anything its seems tighter. i used to have leftover joggle when i waved and thanks to having awesome triceps now i no longer jiggle. I think you will be surpirsed at yourself.0
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shadowofender wrote: »Firstly, I'm going to use the disclaimer that this was how *I* felt, not trying to judge you or say you feel the same way, but if I can give insight I'd rather speak up.
I'm tall as hell and was quite..well, fat. Bigger than you look in your picture by a lot. But, I loved myself for who I was (A long battle to be sure) and had no health issues. I had spent years learning to love myself and it felt like a betrayal to admit I needed to lose weight. I was hiding that fact with self acceptance, as weird as that is. My excuses of "loose skin" and stretch marks were just that, excuses because I was afraid to start.
I'm not saying you need to lose weight, maybe your health is fine and perfect right now, and your self esteem seems great. But one day, it will catch up to you.
Slow loss, like other suggest. Lift heavy, set your goals to .5lbs a week? You may find, like I did, that once you really start, you'll realize you want to.
the part where it will catch up with me is why I do anything at all. I am very active compared to what most people would think of me. Last year I uninsured my car, just so I had to bike to work. Which I did, and averaged about 100 km a week or more. I know I am healthier than most people even though I am chubby. I out skated my thin guy friend last winter.
I think it is the same mentality, but I don't know if it is an excuse that I like myself this way. I think I just really do like chunkier girls including myself. There is always a limit, but I don't feel I ever crossed it. I am doing this because I should more than anything. That being said, I find loads of female shapes attractive, thin and otherwise. I think, if I have to be thinner, I want to look like my preference at least. Which lies the problem, most of those women have never been fat.
You would be surprised at the number of very attractive female shapes of women here on this forum who used to be fat. The put in the work though to get where they are now.
touché!0 -
i started at 260 and am currently 195. i do not have any lose skin. i lift weights 3 days a week and cardio three days. i have lost the weight slowly at about .5-1pound a week and so my skin as adjusted with it as well. in fact if anything its seems tighter. i used to have leftover joggle when i waved and thanks to having awesome triceps now i no longer jiggle. I think you will be surpirsed at yourself.
The thing is I already have stomach jiggle after the last 10. My mom has the worst stomach from kids... her skin never even remotely went back. I do sit ups, I have muscle. Unfortunately I am not just afraid of it because I have no idea... it happened before and it is happening again. In general I have terrible skin, it is delicate... it has no elasticity (tmi but the top of my bum crack actually cracks sometimes just from sitting on the toilet badly) ...
ugh. I dunno. I am afraid more than anything I will hate myself for changing. I don't want to be disappointed in the way I look after all the hard work mentally it took to realize I looked great! I mean, I think I do. Okay, officially upset lol.
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is there anything that aids skin to go back?0
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In the end I want to be myself. If I don't feel like myself, what is the point really. I know everyone keeps saying exercise, but biking all last year didn't make my skin firm. my legs underneath yes. but my skin on them was loose, and i hardly even lost anything.
my sisters both have similar issues with their stomach areas now that i think of it.
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I hear you on the loss of the chest... my bestie and I discussed that not that long ago. I am not very clothing smart and was upset at the chest loss. She told me about these gel pouches you can get at walmart to slip into bras and introduced me to push up bras (some add 2 sizes!) why is the chest always the first thing to go when losing? such a bummer. Easily fixed!0
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In the end I want to be myself. If I don't feel like myself, what is the point really. I know everyone keeps saying exercise, but biking all last year didn't make my skin firm. my legs underneath yes. but my skin on them was loose, and i hardly even lost anything.
my sisters both have similar issues with their stomach areas now that i think of it.
That's because you still had FAT on the muscles. You lose fat by eating at a calorie deficit. Exercise helps you tone the muscle underneath but you still have to shed the fat. Exercise also helps you create more of a calorie deficit so you can shed the fat.
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shadowofender wrote: »Firstly, I'm going to use the disclaimer that this was how *I* felt, not trying to judge you or say you feel the same way, but if I can give insight I'd rather speak up.
I'm tall as hell and was quite..well, fat. Bigger than you look in your picture by a lot. But, I loved myself for who I was (A long battle to be sure) and had no health issues. I had spent years learning to love myself and it felt like a betrayal to admit I needed to lose weight. I was hiding that fact with self acceptance, as weird as that is. My excuses of "loose skin" and stretch marks were just that, excuses because I was afraid to start.
I'm not saying you need to lose weight, maybe your health is fine and perfect right now, and your self esteem seems great. But one day, it will catch up to you.
Slow loss, like other suggest. Lift heavy, set your goals to .5lbs a week? You may find, like I did, that once you really start, you'll realize you want to.
the part where it will catch up with me is why I do anything at all. I am very active compared to what most people would think of me. Last year I uninsured my car, just so I had to bike to work. Which I did, and averaged about 100 km a week or more. I know I am healthier than most people even though I am chubby. I out skated my thin guy friend last winter.
I think it is the same mentality, but I don't know if it is an excuse that I like myself this way. I think I just really do like chunkier girls including myself. There is always a limit, but I don't feel I ever crossed it. I am doing this because I should more than anything. That being said, I find loads of female shapes attractive, thin and otherwise. I think, if I have to be thinner, I want to look like my preference at least. Which lies the problem, most of those women have never been fat.
You would be surprised at the number of very attractive female shapes of women here on this forum who used to be fat. The put in the work though to get where they are now.
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I have some of these same fears, OP, but I am looking at 40 in less than a month. I definitely put lotion into my regimen because the sag is there. I find that my feelings of body acceptance, skills I learned while heavy, are still serving me. I figure that no matter what, my body will change as I age. I can either work to guide that body change or I can do what I was doing and just let my body go along without me. I decided I would rather be healthier under the skin since the droop is somewhat inevitable.0
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Well the OP is only 27 so she shouldn't have to worry about sag too much as long as she drops the weight slowly.0
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i always hated the idea of pushups. lol i guess i will have to deal tho.FarmallMom71 wrote: »I hear you on the loss of the chest... my bestie and I discussed that not that long ago. I am not very clothing smart and was upset at the chest loss. She told me about these gel pouches you can get at walmart to slip into bras and introduced me to push up bras (some add 2 sizes!) why is the chest always the first thing to go when losing? such a bummer. Easily fixed!
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