there's just some things you shouldnt say to a new mom
SarahKJ0704
Posts: 25
I just need to vent and get this out so I don't go to sleep upset tonight. I'm a mom of 2, one of which I had just 5 days ago. I was struggling with my weight before becoming pregnant, wanting to lose about 80 pounds. Well I weighed myself today and was actually proud to look at the scale noticing Im only 5 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight. Still have the 80 to go for my original goal but still happy that after 5 days I'be lost almost all my baby weight. Well watching TV with my husband we see an actress on TV which I'm not striving to look like but I said something about her being pretty but not as good as a lot of people say she looks and my husband says well she has a really nice body. Really? Not something I want to hear especially right after giving birth. Needless to say I went to my room and cried and haven't been saying much to him after. I told him how I feel much of anything.idk I'm probably over reacting from horomones and what not but just needed to get this off.my chest before I drive myself crazy.
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Replies
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I just need to vent and get this out so I don't go to sleep upset tonight. I'm a mom of 2, one of which I had just 5 days ago. I was struggling with my weight before becoming pregnant, wanting to lose about 80 pounds. Well I weighed myself today and was actually proud to look at the scale noticing Im only 5 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight. Still have the 80 to go for my original goal but still happy that after 5 days I'be lost almost all my baby weight. Well watching TV with my husband we see an actress on TV which I'm not striving to look like but I said something about her being pretty but not as good as a lot of people say she looks and my husband says well she has a really nice body. Really? Not something I want to hear especially right after giving birth. Needless to say I went to my room and cried and haven't been saying much to him after. I told him how I feel much of anything.idk I'm probably over reacting from horomones and what not but just needed to get this off.my chest before I drive myself crazy.
Aww, I'm sure many of us mom's understand
Congrats on your new baby and on so quickly being near your pre-pregnancy weight and best to you on getting in to better shape!0 -
I have been where your at word of advice tell hubby how he made you feel.Truth is men are not mind reader's and they often don't think before they speak. He may have not meant it to hurt you,but he needs to know how it made you feel. Trust me if you don't tell him it will eat at you and then you will start to wonder what is he thinking every time he sees a nice looking lady.
Good luck..
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I think you might be right about the hormones. Don't let that get to you....I think he was just making an innocent comment and not trying to be insensitive.
You will have the body you want again. There will always be other women who are going to look better than me or you. But your husband's not married to any of them. 0 -
You'll be back to your pre-pregnancy weight/body in no time, heck you'll look even better than before. I'm sure he ment no harm with that comment. Speak to him about it so he knows how you feel, you'll feel better too. You can't ignore someone and expect them to understand why you are doing so.0
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I think you are right about the hormones. You husband just gave you an honest opinion. He didn't say anything about your weight and probably had no idea why you were upset. But you just had a baby and he will have to realize that you will be emotional for awhile. Congratulations on the new baby and it is fantastic that you are already only 5 pounds from pre-pregnancy.0
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Aw, I understand. But you are over-reacting. lol I say stuff about other guys all the time. Especially if they diss a guy I find attractive. Doesn't mean I find my man any less attractive. I'm sure he only said something because you did. He still loves you girl!
Also want to add... be careful doing sit-ups and stuff until after your 6 week check up. Getting back into exercising too soon can cause diastasis. Good luck!
ETA: spelling correction!
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I'm sorry! It's sooo tough in the early postpartum days as you feel extra critical of your own body and as if there is a long way to go. It sounds like you're well on your way. You'll get there! I am sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings but you could certainly bring it up. I bet he would feel bad if he knew how much his words hurt you. Hugs!!0
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Congrats on your new baby and WTG on listing the baby weight so quickly! Is your husband often mean to you? Clueless? It sounds like he was just commenting on the actress, and you - in your post pregnancy state were somewhat over hormonal. Hope that is all. Tell him how you feel.0
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Thanks for all the replies. I told him how I feel and he just got kind of mad and said he doesn't want me to look like a super model. No he's not usually mean to me, clueless yes sometimes lol he's a man and doesn't think before he talks.0
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I just need to vent and get this out so I don't go to sleep upset tonight. I'm a mom of 2, one of which I had just 5 days ago. I was struggling with my weight before becoming pregnant, wanting to lose about 80 pounds. Well I weighed myself today and was actually proud to look at the scale noticing Im only 5 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight. Still have the 80 to go for my original goal but still happy that after 5 days I'be lost almost all my baby weight. Well watching TV with my husband we see an actress on TV which I'm not striving to look like but I said something about her being pretty but not as good as a lot of people say she looks and my husband says well she has a really nice body. Really? Not something I want to hear especially right after giving birth. Needless to say I went to my room and cried and haven't been saying much to him after. I told him how I feel much of anything.idk I'm probably over reacting from horomones and what not but just needed to get this off.my chest before I drive myself crazy.
In this case, you are just emotional because of the trauma your body just went through and your hormonal balances. What he said really wasn't that bad, so just cut him a bit of slack. :flowerforyou:
And I am sure you look beautiful.0 -
I just need to vent and get this out so I don't go to sleep upset tonight. I'm a mom of 2, one of which I had just 5 days ago. I was struggling with my weight before becoming pregnant, wanting to lose about 80 pounds. Well I weighed myself today and was actually proud to look at the scale noticing Im only 5 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight. Still have the 80 to go for my original goal but still happy that after 5 days I'be lost almost all my baby weight. Well watching TV with my husband we see an actress on TV which I'm not striving to look like but I said something about her being pretty but not as good as a lot of people say she looks and my husband says well she has a really nice body. Really? Not something I want to hear especially right after giving birth. Needless to say I went to my room and cried and haven't been saying much to him after. I told him how I feel much of anything.idk I'm probably over reacting from horomones and what not but just needed to get this off.my chest before I drive myself crazy.
Let the guy off the hook. You opened the door by saying your thoughts on her appearance. Her having a nice body has nothing to do with your body or what he thinks of it.
He has had some big changes in his life too the last few days.
I have totally experienced big hormonal swings from pregnancy and serious hormonal issues and I know there are times I react strongly to things...I even know it when it is happening but that does not make it fair.0 -
Here's what I have learned. WHen I'm at a place where I feel good about myself it's a lot easier to ignore stupid comments like that. Just hang in there you are a new Mom! It's hard to love our bodies when we just had a baby no matter what our goal weight. Cut yourself and your husband some slack. When you get over the hurt try to tell him something you love about him and hope he has the sense to return the favor. You deserve to hear it every day but unfortunately some guys don't get it.0
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Yeh it does sound like hormones sweetie. Does he know that you're already within 5lbs of pre-pregnancy weight? If not, tell him, and also tell him that's a big deal and you did well, so he knows to cheer!
Five days after having my baby I was crying about half of the time I was awake - I cried because the soda in the fridge wasn't cold yet, because I couldn't decide what to have for dinner, because I had just got comfortable and then realised I needed the bathroom - anything that happens within the first two weeks of birth is fair game for emotional reactions.0 -
I would point out nice looking buff guys on TV but that might not bother him.
I'm not much help. My husband and I do stuff like this all the time and it doesn't bother us but i'm not a new mom or a mom period.0 -
I'm not a mom, but that does sound like a hormonal reaction. I think he was trying to say that the actress is foolish for saying she's not as pretty as everyone tells her that she is. Women in general tend to downplay just out beautiful we really are. Just because she's pretty, doesn't mean you're not. Of course you're gorgeous! How do you think that beautiful baby came into this world?
Congrats to getting close to your pre-pregnancy weight! i hope things go smoothly for you as you work toward your goal weight. :flowerforyou:0 -
I feel a bit sorry for your husband. I read these words...I said something about her being pretty but not as good as a lot of people say she looks
... immediately thought, "It's a trap!" :laugh:
I understand being sensitive and emotional, but really... you placed a land mine right in front of him. Nothing he said at that point would have been good. Heck, I know some women who'd say something like that, and even if the guy said, "I agree. She's overrated," they would have thought, "Hrrmph. If he thinks SHE'S not all that, what does he think of ME?!"
He's with you. He loves you. He's obviously very attracted to you, or you wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place. Relax and enjoy your new baby.0 -
Congrats on your baby!!!5 days old wow I wish I was there again my oldest is 21 and youngest 9! Your husband didnt mean anything and you are sensitive right now,enjoy your baby and dont put yourself under pressure!once again congrats!!!!:flowerforyou:0
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When your hormones settle down a bit you should come back and read this. I think you overreacted just a teensy bit. :-)
Now, if he had said, "I wish you looked more like her," I'd say a swift kick in the 'nads was in order. But unless there's a lot more to this story, I don't think he said anything wrong.
And great job being so close to pre-pregnancy weight!0 -
Congrats on your new baby! I agree it sounds like a hormonal meltdown and you're absolutely projecting your feelings about yourself.
Give the poor guy a break, he's got a new baby in the house too, he might be tired, he could be stressed, he's just a human being and not a machine on high alert for everything that might make you upset right now.0 -
being that you're so young, I assume that your husband is just as young? men don't mature as quickly as women do... he's just being a man who hasn't matured enough to know better... talk about it when you're both calm and ready to talk... he needs to understand that you have feelings and if he loves you he needs to show it with words and actions. thoughts count too cause they turn into actions or words...0
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Yeah, men just don't see things the same as we do. He took your comment as an invitation to also comment because he didn't realize that doing so would hurt your feelings...and that being exacerbated by hormones just doesn't help.
But ignoring him won't help anything, and if anything at all, he probably doesn't even know what's wrong. Men must be told...not only are they not mind readers, but they also suck at hints. Tell him how you feel, and in the future, don't set yourself up by making a comment. It's quite possible that he might disagree with your opinion, so if you keep yours to yourself, he's more likely to keep his to himself and then you wouldn't be hurt by whatever it was anyway.0 -
You will have the body you want again. There will always be other women who are going to look better than me or you. But your husband's not married to any of them.
I LOVE that last part! Well said! 0 -
Right away my heart broke for you! I could also be incredibly hormonal, my kids are only 3507 & 3009 days old. Im still getting used to it.
Right after my oldest was born my husband said something awful and insensitive, too. He told me I could still lose a lot in my stomach and he thought it would be gone faster. JERK! I cried all night. I considered putting bacon grease in everything he ate for the next two years so my tiny tiny husband would finally gain weight. I thought about eating some fries because I didn't think i was going to lose weight, so why not gain it! I was not tiny before my pregnancy and actually only gained 8lbs during the entire pregnancy. So he was commenting on me, not my pregnant body.
Then I remembered he was one of THEM! You know, they come from Mars. They don't dissect everything they say. They don't know how to understand feelings. They know how to grab a hammer and some nails and fix your problems. You can walk up to most men and poke them in the belly and call them the doughboy, and they giggle!!! Most men don't understand womens body image issues, partly because they are oblivious and mostly because at the end of the day he loves you and doesn't see what you see. When you complain about what you look like naked all hes thinking is "YES! Shes naked!"
Make him wake up for a poopy diaper tonight and feel good that he loves you enough to do that. 0 -
I just need to vent and get this out so I don't go to sleep upset tonight. I'm a mom of 2, one of which I had just 5 days ago. I was struggling with my weight before becoming pregnant, wanting to lose about 80 pounds. Well I weighed myself today and was actually proud to look at the scale noticing Im only 5 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight. Still have the 80 to go for my original goal but still happy that after 5 days I'be lost almost all my baby weight. Well watching TV with my husband we see an actress on TV which I'm not striving to look like but I said something about her being pretty but not as good as a lot of people say she looks and my husband says well she has a really nice body. Really? Not something I want to hear especially right after giving birth. Needless to say I went to my room and cried and haven't been saying much to him after. I told him how I feel much of anything.idk I'm probably over reacting from horomones and what not but just needed to get this off.my chest before I drive myself crazy.
Seriously this. I am a mother as well and I understand baby blues as well as any other mom out there, (I had them pretty bad) but please don't take it out on your poor husband. He's there to help you! Is it really fair to make him walk on eggshells with you? Is he not supposed to walk past a Victoria's Secret store with you, in case you start freaking out in public? What if he offers you some broccoli, will you burst into tears, assuming he's trying to insinuate you need to diet? He can't even compliment a model/actress on tv without fear of the "silent treatment"? You're going to make him afraid to ever open his mouth around you. Poor guy!
If you feel the hormones taking over, try to excuse yourself and go have a cry. But don't punish your husband for saying something innocent that you probably wouldn't have given a second thought to only a few months ago.
Congratulations on your new baby, btw. And seriously sweet job for losing all your baby weight already! That's awesome!
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I just need to vent and get this out so I don't go to sleep upset tonight. I'm a mom of 2, one of which I had just 5 days ago. I was struggling with my weight before becoming pregnant, wanting to lose about 80 pounds. Well I weighed myself today and was actually proud to look at the scale noticing Im only 5 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight. Still have the 80 to go for my original goal but still happy that after 5 days I'be lost almost all my baby weight. Well watching TV with my husband we see an actress on TV which I'm not striving to look like but I said something about her being pretty but not as good as a lot of people say she looks and my husband says well she has a really nice body. Really? Not something I want to hear especially right after giving birth. Needless to say I went to my room and cried and haven't been saying much to him after. I told him how I feel much of anything.idk I'm probably over reacting from horomones and what not but just needed to get this off.my chest before I drive myself crazy.
So... I feel for you, but what you've done is train your husband to keep silent when a thought flits through his head. If that's what you want in your man, then no harm no foul, but if you want to communicate with your mate, you might want to re-think things.
YOU are the one who commented on the actress. Were you actually fishing for a compliment? If so, don't be afraid to put it out there! We are NOT MIND READERS! Ask him point blank "Honey do you still think I'm pretty?" or "Sweetie are you still attracted to me?" Assuming he is not an idiot, he will respond appropriately. Ladies, most of us men want to make you happy, but if you don't tell us what you need, we can't give it to you.0 -
YOU are the one who commented on the actress. Were you actually fishing for a compliment? If so, don't be afraid to put it out there! We are NOT MIND READERS! Ask him point blank "Honey do you still think I'm pretty?" or "Sweetie are you still attracted to me?" Assuming he is not an idiot, he will respond appropriately. Ladies, most of us men want to make you happy, but if you don't tell us what you need, we can't give it to you.
^^ THIS ^^^
best advice ever! If i get my hair dyed I don't wait for my husband to notice I walk in and tell him what I did and await my incoming complement. Tell your husband what you need and the good ones will always give it.0 -
I might be the only one to say you are not overreacting. Why? Because you just had a baby and you are super sensitive. Good thing you told your husband. You should start getting better but if the crying jags don't stop seek professional help. I would cry for hours if I read a sad news article or if my dog seemed wierded out by the new baby. Think about the positive things. Overreacting as what other posters are calling, is normal and sucks. Go ahead and have a good cry and hug your husband. My husband soon found out what I needed and was 100 percent there for me. I hope you get that, it just takes time.
BTW good job on the loss, it took me 5 months to get back to my pre pregnancy weight. I wore maternity pants back to work 9 weeks after the baby was born.0 -
I think you are really really really overreacting. You brought up how she looked and he offered his opinion on how she looked. If you arent trying to be like her then why do you care? And now you are avoiding him? Grow up.0
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It's the hormonal changes, lack of sleep, major life change (going from one to two is a big change at first). You are right that talking it out is usually helpful.0
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I think you might be acting a tad dramatic. Especially considering that you brought it up to see what his reaction was.0
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