going thru a hard time

brenn24179

I am thinking maybe I am judging or is it discernment. I don't know she wasn't there and it is what it is. Want to get rid of this and move on, I am sure others have dealt with it, I am not the only one. I am sure in time I will get it figured out.

SueInAz

brenn24179 wrote: »

I am thinking maybe I am judging or is it discernment. I don't know she wasn't there and it is what it is. Want to get rid of this and move on, I am sure others have dealt with it, I am not the only one. I am sure in time I will get it figured out.

You most certainly are not the only one who's gone through something like this. Time heals all wounds, right? It'll fade as time goes on. The best thing you can do is try not to dwell on it. Call a friend you haven't seen in awhile, but who has always been a good friend, and make a date.

opalsqueak007

Very sorry for your Loss! May I suggest that this may be a good time to dump the dead wood in your life. Life is short - trim away those people and things that hold you back or hold you down. Wishing you all the best.

brenn24179

BZAH10 wrote: »

brenn24179 wrote: »

I don't want to take the victim role here, I guess we will just have a casual relationship if any at all where we will chat once in a while but neither will be there for big events, at least it will be even stevens that way and I wont get resentful. Probably save me a lot of work in the future. I don't want to go around saying poor me and be a victim all the time. Don't really know how to cope but this is all I know to do or get rid of her which may happen.

Good for you. Sounds like you are on the right track, as difficult as all this is for you. I'm very sorry for that. But, the fact that you can be open-minded and not blame others for your pain/loss is a good thing.

For your own peace of mind and possibly closure, I'd remind her, in very plain language what you've stated here: 1) she has a large family support system that she may take for granted since that's all she's ever known, whereas your family is very small and you were relying on your friendship with her for support; 2) that in your shock and grief you did not express your need for her to be there for you at the funeral clearly. It's understandable that in that situation you didn't say the exact words you would've liked to have used. Anyway, just a couple of thoughts. Hope it maybe helps.

I just called her, she sent me a text yesterday. This will give me some closure. Havent heard from her yet. It will probably end with I guess we shoudnt expect so much from each other at big stuff that is going on. Trying not to judge, we will see what she says. She probably has stuff going on but I cant break my neck to be there for her any more or I will lose my temper. Hope I can move on, think I can after I get closure. Thank you

brenn24179

brenn24179 wrote: »

BZAH10 wrote: »

brenn24179 wrote: »

I don't want to take the victim role here, I guess we will just have a casual relationship if any at all where we will chat once in a while but neither will be there for big events, at least it will be even stevens that way and I wont get resentful. Probably save me a lot of work in the future. I don't want to go around saying poor me and be a victim all the time. Don't really know how to cope but this is all I know to do or get rid of her which may happen.

Good for you. Sounds like you are on the right track, as difficult as all this is for you. I'm very sorry for that. But, the fact that you can be open-minded and not blame others for your pain/loss is a good thing.

For your own peace of mind and possibly closure, I'd remind her, in very plain language what you've stated here: 1) she has a large family support system that she may take for granted since that's all she's ever known, whereas your family is very small and you were relying on your friendship with her for support; 2) that in your shock and grief you did not express your need for her to be there for you at the funeral clearly. It's understandable that in that situation you didn't say the exact words you would've liked to have used. Anyway, just a couple of thoughts. Hope it maybe helps.

I just called her, she sent me a text yesterday. This will give me some closure. Havent heard from her yet. It will probably end with I guess we shoudnt expect so much from each other at big stuff that is going on. Trying not to judge, we will see what she says. She probably has stuff going on but I cant break my neck to be there for her any more or I will lose my temper. Hope I can move on, think I can after I get closure. Thank you

oh my I just talked to her, I believe I was judgmental. She said she was wrong, I know time will tell but I think she is honest. I have a very uppity family and she is without money, overweight, not status type, everything my family is and she read me wrong when I said that is ok if you cant go. She thought I would be embarrassed by her and didn't want to tell me. If you knew my family you would understand. She said I will be there next time. I am glad I was honest, made the call .

I use to would have stayed mad and ate, ate, ate. Working stuff out is hard, thank ya so much, I wanted ya to see how it turned out. Yes this is better than eating, confrontation is hard but well worth it.

VickiLee45

Talk to your friend about it and let her know how you feel. Then forgive her for your sake. Then chose whether she is really what you need as a friend. That will ease up that issue in your life. Then concentrate on the next one. Put one foot in front of the other and strive for your goals. Release the tears. Try the punching bag for exercise.

SwankyTomato

Thanks for the update. Glad you are working through your issues. That is the important thing here.

Now whether she is honest or not remains to be seen, but you are being honest with her and that is what counts.

HUGS!