Stop deleting your friends with an ED!

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  • GnomeLove
    GnomeLove Posts: 379
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    People need to eat. I don't have the professional abilities to handle all that...
  • justbecause2014
    justbecause2014 Posts: 371 Member
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    Those who have an ED, and are looking for support for that, I'll delete. I have no interest in people who know they have a problem, but don't want to fix it. We're all here because we have some issue with food and if you aren't wanting to fix it then no thanks.
    Those looking for support to get healthier, I'll keep.
  • heykatieben
    heykatieben Posts: 398 Member
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    I deleted a friend with an ED because she yelled at me when I tried to support her by suggesting she eat more calories - and then when I PMed her asking how I could support her in being *healthy*, in a way that was agreeable to both of us, she didn't respond.

    I deleted her because she wanted me to support her in losing weight, when she was already underweight. I'm not doing that. I was friends with her for several months trying to support her in a healthy way by cheering her on when her calories were higher, when she lifted weights - but it just didn't work, she didn't like my support, and it's really difficult to support someone who doesn't like your support. She kept insisting she still had "just a few" more pounds to lose - all the time.

    Supporting obese people is different, because they're trying to LOSE weight, which is healthy. I wouldn't support an obese person trying to gain weight.
  • CrazyTrackLady
    CrazyTrackLady Posts: 1,337 Member
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    I delete them. I don’t want to log on to constantly see how some one is “feeling like a cow and not eating over 500 anymore”. Sorry. I’m sorry they are experiencing this mental illness, but I don’t need to put myself in distress over some one else’s problems. My priorities are my family, work and school. A stranger and their eating disorder don’t register on my list of things to worry over.

    I agree. Which is why in my profile I say I do not accept friend requests from people who starve themselves or engage in fad diets, take magic pills, or use supplements as their main meals.

    Honestly, it's really not my cross to bear or burden to have on my shoulders. Does this sound cold? Yes. I have enough issues with real life that I don't need more from strangers on the internet.

    I am supportive with healthy people, but draw the line at drawing drama close to me. I've had enough of the toxic stuff in my life.
  • Muddy_Yogi
    Muddy_Yogi Posts: 1,459 Member
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    *****es need to eat. I don't have the professional abilities to handle all that crazy.


    Pretty much THIS! I am here to help ME. And my experience with people with ED is that they don't listen anyway.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    some people can handle it, while others cannot. People who had ED's themselves can be triggered by some people saying "oh, I'm so proud, I've only eaten 'x' calories...." or "I'm so upset, I've eaten 'x' calories..." If you can handle it, good for you. Not everyone feels the same, unfortunately.
  • AshleyPaleo
    AshleyPaleo Posts: 121
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    I have that posted on my page, "Do not add me if you have an ED," why? Cause when I was a teen I happily suffered from ED's and when I offer help I get negative feedback, Sorry! and when they have profile names like "fadingawaysolovely", or :Fragiletinydoll" NO! and post pics of super bony thigh gaps....NO.
  • JenRun1
    JenRun1 Posts: 212
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    I'm always getting deleted by people who don't like to hear the truth about their diary. I've struggled with an ED since I was 14, and I dont publicize it at all, in fact I don't think any of my friends on my FL know but one person. But I've never deleted anyone over an ED.

    If I read your diary and I see you've only at 800 calories but exersized 400 away, I'm not going to say "Good job" or " Keep it up" I'm going to remind you that you need to eat more, politely. I find that many with an ED are so sensitive to this kind of comment they delete me.
  • Afura
    Afura Posts: 2,054 Member
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    Some people don't want to deal with people that have ED's, which is fine, that's their choice, as they are supposed to be 'friends'. There are plenty of people on MFP who want to help and support people with ED's, good on them, that too is their choice. It's like asking people not to post something on the forums. Just don't read it. In this case, just don't be friends with those people.

    I try and make sure that people know that I will look at their diary, and I will comment on their food choices, not to be mean, but because all of my friends are trying to lose weight, and just saying "way to go" when they eat under calories because they ate pizza and oreos is not the way I operate. It's not to make anyone feel bad, it's just to bring it to their attention, to make sure they recognize this. Or to eat more calories as apparently I have several friends who are at MFP deficit and won't eat back exercise calories. And I expect the same thing in return, the way my friends looked at mine for Sunday and went "Wait, what?" as they should have.

    Friends are by choice, in life and especially on MFP. If you don't get along, or agree with someone, remove them as a friend. People get so touchy about that, and it's not like you're saying you can't stand someone, and hate them. You're just not a good friend match.
  • MorbidMander
    MorbidMander Posts: 349 Member
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    Some people don't want to deal with people that have ED's, which is fine, that's their choice, as they are supposed to be 'friends'. There are plenty of people on MFP who want to help and support people with ED's, good on them, that too is their choice. It's like asking people not to post something on the forums. Just don't read it. In this case, just don't be friends with those people.

    I try and make sure that people know that I will look at their diary, and I will comment on their food choices, not to be mean, but because all of my friends are trying to lose weight, and just saying "way to go" when they eat under calories because they ate pizza and oreos is not the way I operate. It's not to make anyone feel bad, it's just to bring it to their attention, to make sure they recognize this. Or to eat more calories as apparently I have several friends who are at MFP deficit and won't eat back exercise calories. And I expect the same thing in return, the way my friends looked at mine for Sunday and went "Wait, what?" as they should have.

    Friends are by choice, in life and especially on MFP. If you don't get along, or agree with someone, remove them as a friend. People get so touchy about that, and it's not like you're saying you can't stand someone, and hate them. You're just not a good friend match.

    Very well said, I agree.
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,143 Member
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    I only deleted one friend who had an ED. That's because she would just add something ridiculous like 54,000 quick added calories to her diary, then write in the note section "I am a total loser", or words to that effect. After a month or so of trying to be supportive, it was starting to affect me emotionally.... I already suffer from depression and I didn't need anything to make it worse, so I reluctantly cut her loose. She needed more help than I could give her.
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    I deleted one of these people for posting about how she could only throw up half of the entire pizza she ate because it clogged up the shower drain. And when I made comments about how she should seek help or that it was unhealthy to purge, my comments were deleted. Obviously my advise wasn't very important. And if you want to brag about how little you ate or how much you threw up, I don't want to hear it.

    what kind of pizza?
  • jennifershoo
    jennifershoo Posts: 3,198 Member
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    People on MFP are not psychiatrists or therapists.
  • Hoosier96
    Hoosier96 Posts: 118 Member
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    I don't delete them, but I will not compliment or even comment on a day that looks like they are depriving themselves of food and overexercising to get a super low net. I have a couple who are netting 500 and under, but unless they ask for my opinion or help, I am not offering it. I am not a shrink, but I will be a supportive e-buddy if someone admits to a problem and asks for support.
  • smalls9686
    smalls9686 Posts: 189 Member
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    For the record, you can be anorexic or bulimic at any weight.

    One correction here, you can not be an anorexia at anorexic at any weight. One of the requirements of anorexia according to the DSM-IV TR one must refusal to maintain a body weight less than 85% of what is expected for their age, height, and frame. That is very much requiring them to be under weight. Sorry but as a therapist that specializes in ED I couldn't allow that misinformation to sit out there like that.
  • smalls9686
    smalls9686 Posts: 189 Member
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    I do. I don't feel guilty about it either.

    I'm not a psychologist and I'm not qualified to deal with such things. I'm not a parent, counselor, teacher, or anyone else who's involved in their life. Being an 'online friend' leaves you with a very limited ability to help and often times, with my complete inability to bite my tongue, I more often than not, will do more harm than good.

    I also can't deal with irrational and often overly dramatic status updates. I've had people with ED's on my list and I treat them the same way I've treated them with people in my real life that have gone through addiction. As soon as their willing to help themselves and make smart choices I'm with them 100% but until they make that decision their on their own.

    ^^^^^

    This is important as well, even as a licensed therapist I am not here to provide specific individual advice to ANYONE as that is unethical and illegal! Offering support and motivation is one thing...enabling and promoting ED is another.Unfortunately on my short time on MYP I have seem a lot of things that are borderline "proana" (and reported every last one!) I also, have seen may people throw the words ED around TOO freely when they mean disordered eating which is not the same thing. Education, open-mindedness, and objectivity are key.
  • smalls9686
    smalls9686 Posts: 189 Member
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    Well as a trained professional I would tell you that most any trained dietician who specializes with eating disordered clients especially ones with Bulimia or binge Eating disorders would HIGHLY dis agree with you. They not only would recommend calorie counting but would require it with supervision of a LICENSED team of nutrition/dietician/therapists...not just a website. I know first hand b/c I am a LC therapist and I specialize in the E.D. field.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    I do. I don't feel guilty about it either.

    I'm not a psychologist and I'm not qualified to deal with such things. I'm not a parent, counselor, teacher, or anyone else who's involved in their life. Being an 'online friend' leaves you with a very limited ability to help and often times, with my complete inability to bite my tongue, I more often than not, will do more harm than good.
    Excellent point. Going further, online advice can be potentially dangerous for someone dealing with an eating disorder, or other serious situation where those giving advice may not be qualified.

    MFP is not designed to address eating disorders. That doesn't mean EDs are "bad," or shouldn't be talked about. But it's dishonest to consider MFP a qualified resource for ED support (at least within the context of friends/status updates/the general forum/etc.) Private groups dedicated to ED support may be an exception.

    And I'll go ahead and poke the elephant in the room because I am as guilty as anyone. Lots of us like to give advice. Often, we're well-meaning and simply relaying experience and opinion. But it's an ego stroke. And that can sometimes mean being blinded by self-importance and/or codependency, taking on the confidant role, and suddenly finding ourselves in over our heads. If someone needs help, sometimes the best thing I can do as an Internet acquaintance is to point them in the direction of better resources.
  • MinimalistShoeAddict
    MinimalistShoeAddict Posts: 1,946 Member
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    *****es need to eat. I don't have the professional abilities to handle all that crazy.

    Its fine to say you do not feel qualified to provide support. Its not okay to call people with eating disorders "*****es" and say they are crazy.

    Please make some level of effort not to be so rude and condescending
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    *****es need to eat. I don't have the professional abilities to handle all that crazy.

    Its fine to say you do not feel qualified to provide support. Its not okay to call people with eating disorders "*****es" and say they are crazy.

    Please make some level of effort not to be so rude and condescending

    you need to upgrade your browser so that it can detect sarcasm for you

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