I am not sure if I believe in myself anymore

Joanitude

I am the only loser who has tried to lose weight for the last 5 years without success?

Nope - I've been working on it for the past 40 years

I have done it so many times, including the last 2 years on MFP, that I feel completely defeated. All success stories on MFP, while very inspirational, seem like “not for me because I cannot do it”,

You *can* do it, you just haven't found the right way yet. One of my favorite quotes: I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.- Thomas Edison.

Most importantly, you have to find your path...the one that works for you. I have finally found one that works for me, and while slow, it is working. Of course in the process I found a whole lot of ways that did not work for me. I also found things that worked in the short term, but only for a week or two. This time it is different - This time I am making changes that I can live with the rest of my life. There is no 'diet' to 'fall off' of, no 'cheating', etc. I would rather have slow and sure loss that is sustainable.

[/quote]It is obvious the problem is emotional but I don’t feel I can face AO groups or anyone face-to-face for support. I feel even more loser that I cannot find a willpower to do it all by myself. [/quote]
I understand not wanting the face to face support. That is part of what I value here on MFP: I get support, but people that don't know me in real life. There is a saying in the 12-step traditions: "Fake it until you make it." You don't have to be the person who has incredible willpower....just pretend that you are and act as if you were that person just for today. Then repeat tomorrow if you feel like it.

lisaabenjamin

Yup, as someone said before me, it sounds like you're trying the same thing every time and expecting it to work this time...so you need to make some changes. It isn't easy, but here are some observations from your diary, from an outsider's perspective...I hope you take them to be helpful (which is what they are meant to be, not a put-down!!)

Assuming you are logging everything you eat (which I don’t think you are…), your eating habits are very erratic to say the least! One day last week you just had tomatoes for dinner, and another day you ate 4 frankfurters, a piece of blue cheese and some green beans for lunch – that’s kind of a weird lunch! I think meal planning could be your saviour. Instead of just grabbing random food from the fridge (which, from an outsider’s perspective is what it looks like you’re doing!) find some healthy recipes and plan out what you’re going to eat each day of the week. You could even try pre-logging these meals into your MFP so you know what calories you have left to play with. Meal planning also makes food shopping easier because you know what you need to buy and can stick to a list instead of just throwing random stuff in the trolley.

Meal planning will also help you to spread your calories out more evenly over the day. Instead of binging on a fry-up in the morning and then not eating properly for the rest of the day (which is what you seem to have done on the day you had tomatoes for dinner…) try to make your meals about the same number of calories each, interspersed with maybe a small mid-morning snack and a small mid-afternoon snack to keep you ticking by. By the way snacks are things like a piece of fruit, or a biscuit, or some nuts, not a piece of salmon, some rashers of bacon, a frankfurter, or a whole big bar of Ecuadorian chocolate....)

Looking at your diary I’ve noticed some places where you can make simple swaps to cut down on calories – and when I say cut down on calories, I don’t mean to starve yourself, I mean so that you can use up those calories in more filling, satisfying ways. For example, on days that you have cereal, you’re using full fat milk or calorific soya milk/yoghurts – try semi-skimmed or a light soya product instead. Those Caffe Nero lattes – why not make coffee yourself at home or at work and save money AND calories! If you must have Caffe Nero, go for a skinny latte instead. There are a lot of fatty breakfasts going on in your diary too – switch fried (or even grilled) breakfasts and pancakes for something like porridge. I am SUCH a porridge convert, the Oats so Simple ones with different flavours are delicious and really filling too.

LOG EVERYTHING and WEIGH EVERYTHING so you know how much you’re eating. I noticed a few 'quick added calories' in your diary, which may be legitimate, but are you being honest with yourself? Logging can be a pain, but it really helps you to stay focussed. My calorie goal is currently set at 1200 cals and I actually quite enjoy planning my meals to see how much I can actually eat for less than 1200 (that could just be me…!)

Lastly, just keep going! Even if you fall off the wagon, every time you decide to start again, you’re doing something positive for your health. Nobody on MFP is here to judge, after all, we're all here for the same reason!!

Vickil57

I understand how you feel. I have started so many times only to end up binging and feel worse. What I have learned is this is not a diet, it is a lifestyle change. Each day is a new start and we have to keep taking it one day at a time. I wish you the best of luck and don't give up. You are more then worth the effort. You can add me if you want.

toutmonpossible

It's an issue of commitment. If you really want to lose weight you'll find a way. For example, you might do better with one-on-one help, but financially that will be tough. You need to find the money, or find someone who has a sliding scale, or find a group that offers free therapy.

Once it's truly a priority, things will sort themselves out. By this point, it's not a matter of lack of information. You need structure, repetition and reinforcement.

I read a popular psych article that claims it can help to acknowledge that ____ is not a priority. It quiets the conflict and sometimes can lead to change.

toutmonpossible

hello Everybody who is having trouble with sticking to your diets... First of all if you are calling it a diet, your looking at it wrong. you should be looking at it like a lifestyle change... its not a diet, its just the way you eat...

To me, that's semantic silliness.

I've never been overweight in part because over the years I have instituted all kinds of lifestyle changes (avoiding certain foods, walking instead of taking the subway). But when I am trying to lose weight I call my effort a "diet." I'm eating in a far more restricted manner than I normally do. I would never style my permanent life that way. When I get to do a good level I go back to maintenance and eat more liberally.

I suspect that some people don't lose weight because they do things in dribs and drabs, get discouraged and give up. They also don't understand that maintenance is almost as hard as dieting.

bethfartman

Self-control is a muscle, if you don't use it you lose it. It's hard, but just stop your binging- sit on your hands if you have to, anything! It will get easier every day. Also remember if you have a bad day, just start again the next day, never stop striving for a better day than the last.

akern1987

Think of it this way, for every success story, there are probably 100 people on this site, who've "fallen off the wagon" just that day. This is not easy, sure it seems simple enough, log your calories, exercise and lose weight, but we know it's hard.
I struggle everyday, I've lost the weightloss battle so many times, in fact, I weigh more now then when I joined this site, but I keep trying, because eventually I will find a niche that works for me...I think I have, and my new plan is to stop obsessing about the number on the scale and to focus on me and how I feel.
I just recently (and I mean within the last week) began to exercise even a little everyday (and I am not a gym rat, yes i have a membership, but I usually go for a walk, or do a Wii dance game, or just lift some weights and do some pinterest born at home exercise routines).

Don't give up on yourself. You have to want it, but if you want it, you will find a way.
Good luck!

Kai81109

Make a life style change eat healthier .. Once you really get goin it becomes second nature. if you fall off and eat something you shouldnt dont worry just continue what you were doin. Go for a walk every day it gives you time to just think and some time to yourself while still getting some movement in.

toutmonpossible

Self-control is a muscle, if you don't use it you lose it.

I've read conflicting theories. Some people suggest that self-control, or will power, can be strengthened to a degree. But far more these days argue that will power is a limited resource so you have to choose carefully the targets to which you apply it. For example, don't bring home foods that are inconsistent with your diet. You'll be wasting will power trying to resist them.

bethfartman

Self-control is a muscle, if you don't use it you lose it.

I've read conflicting theories. Some people suggest that self-control, or will power, can be strengthened to a degree. But far more these days argue that will power is a limited resource so you have to choose carefully the targets to which you apply it. For example, don't bring home foods that are inconsistent with your diet. You'll be wasting will power trying to resist them.

I know from personal experience the more I resist urges the easier it is to resist them in the future. It also becomes easier to resist/continue other things because I know I did it successfully with something else. For example I quit smoking, once I did that I found it immensely easier to ditch other bad habits like biting my nails. I used to not be able to not eat a candy bar in the freezer and now I buy them for my boyfriend and revel in the fact that even though I want to eat it I can easily resist it. Perhaps it's just changing one's habits rather than increasing will-power, but regardless being consistent helps big time.

mrshanrahan

You can do it! I have gained weight because I have terrible anxiety and I let that over come me. I have felt the same way, where I dont feel like I can lose weight. I actually have decided just in the last few days to eat completely healthy. I go grocery shopping a lot more than I used to, but that is because I am buying lots of fresh produce. I also have made my lunch a few days ahead of time. Today for lunch I have baked tilipia with brown rice and hot sauce. I love hot sauce. I made a huge salad to go with that as well and I have been drinking a ton of water. I actually used my anxiety as a positive thing. Every time I over think I have to drink a big gulp of water and trust me I have been drinking more water than I know what to do with. So for you, you can drink a big gulp of water every time you put yourself down. You can do it! Make lunches ahead of time. I am married and my husband loves junk food.. I let him eat that for dinner and I eat my healthy meal that I made ahead of time. Smelling his food is amazing at times, but I am determined to lose weight! You can do it!

bio01979

I think you also need to remember that it is ok if you give in to a craving It isn't the end of the world and your diet is not ruined Just go back to eating well after that slip up.

Also you will find many times that you can actually fit that treat or slip up into your calories for the day and if you can't oh well, move on It won't wreck everything if you go back to eating well after the slip up - but it will if you think your weight loss is ruined and then proceed to eat more that you shouldn't just because you already ruined your weight loss

Also going for a walk or adding some extra exercise in on that day or the next can make up for the slip up

you CAN do it, and it is ok if you slip up Maybe you should plan a treat day in that incorporates the things you usually slip up with but fits into your daily goal Then you aren't slipping up but you are still getting those treats that temp you

katelynal

I recommend keeping a personal journal. Even if you can't afford a counselor, you should get some relief from writing things down.

You can do this!

jennifershoo

You know how to lose weight, so that's not the problem. And I think you know what to do. You mentioned support groups for emotional eaters. Just go and talk with other people face-to-face, which is really different than just typing on a keyboard. Do it for your kids. Be a good role model for them. Tell yourself everyday that you can do it. Stop putting too much pressure on yourself.

herblackwings39

Now imagine if that was your own kid saying that to you. What would be the first thing you would advise them to do?

I don't know. I have the knowledge, but I don't stick to it. I do know though I have impulse control issues. One split of second, I have eaten something which I shouldn't, and the moment has passed and my diet is ruined.
I don't feel it is a big enough issue to see a councellor (and it cost money which I don't have) but it is definitely one of my biggest issues.

I haven't read the other posts, but I think the bold is probably one of the biggest issues. One day of eating outside your plan, or a series of days is not the end of the world. It's life. If you can get out of the all or nothing mindset it might make a difference. Is your diet plan very restrictive? I mean to the point that you can't have a cookie or a scoop of ice cream or any type food...at all...ever?

The ruined diet thing is something I've had to over come. I find that by not being restrictive I can crack on with my life and eat mostly what I want. I just keep my calories near goal.

coreyreichle

Now imagine if that was your own kid saying that to you. What would be the first thing you would advise them to do?

I don't know. I have the knowledge, but I don't stick to it. I do know though I have impulse control issues. One split of second, I have eaten something which I shouldn't, and the moment has passed and my diet is ruined.
I don't feel it is a big enough issue to see a councellor (and it cost money which I don't have) but it is definitely one of my biggest issues.

I'm pretty bad when it comes to impulsive eating as well. When I splurge on something, I figure out the calories, and then try to burn it off with exercise.

jennifershoo

Now imagine if that was your own kid saying that to you. What would be the first thing you would advise them to do?

I don't know. I have the knowledge, but I don't stick to it. I do know though I have impulse control issues. One split of second, I have eaten something which I shouldn't, and the moment has passed and my diet is ruined.
I don't feel it is a big enough issue to see a councellor (and it cost money which I don't have) but it is definitely one of my biggest issues.

This speaks volumes. It's an issue that you don't address. You have to really want this or it's never gonna happen.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

This^

redcore

Here are some things that I am trying to keep in my for this time around:
* 1-2 lbs a week is good! Every loss is a loss.
* I am not in a rush
* Enjoy the small successes!
* This is a lifestyle change - so everything I do needs to be something I can do for the rest of my life

These are good tidbits from Kristin.

Take things day-by-day. Some days you're going to do really well. Some days you're going to just barely hit your goal. Some you're going to miss and eat something out of your normal diet that you didn't make up for with exercise. They're all okay. The key is to be consistently trying to hit your goal and take every day as a clean slate. Despite putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be perfect in your exercising and diet, you're going to tumble off the path at some point. We're human, it happens. It's just not feasible to be 100% on point for months on end when you have other priorities in your life, especially children. Realistically that pressure is only going to make you more likely to binge and crave comfort food; this has likely been your coping mechanism for a long time. That's a tough thing to break, so you'll have to slowly ween yourself away from it. Understand that if sometimes you just NEED some ice cream, that's okay - measure yourself one serving on a day where you exceeded your burn goal. Also start to find other things to cope with stress. I found boxing to be my favorite way to work on releasing stress. Find sweet treats that you're able to burn off quicker. For instance, my favorite ice cream is B&J's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch which weighs in at a hefty 280 calories per serving. That's tough to fit into a diet most of the time (and for most people, it's difficult to just eat 1/4th of a pint). Since I love coffee, a better choice for me is a tall iced coffee with 2% milk at Starbucks, which comes in at 90 calories, or an espresso frappuccino (similar to a coffee frappuccino, but with espresso shots instead of coffee syrup) if I can fit an extra 90 calories in on top of that and want that ice cream-esque texture.

As far as exercise - so what if you need support? That doesn't make you any different from most people. I realized long ago that I never go to the gym on my own - I have to go to group classes and work out with other people. That keeps me accountable and allows me to enjoy it more than going it alone. I respect anyone that can get up every morning to go running but it's just not me. I lost around 60 pounds doing group workouts (TRX, boxing, bootcamps, etc etc) and maintained that for years. l even managed to throw in solo workouts in my schedule where I'd go weight lifting, although it felt like a chore and I didn't care for it much. After a few years the gym I went to cut some of my favorite classes so I decided I could just do my own thing for awhile and join another gym after the summer, where I'm most active. Well, that didn't pan out :P I'm a little out of shape and have not been as mindful about my eating as I once was. That's okay. Life got in the way a bit, I made excuses for myself, and now I have to pay the consequences when I show up at bootcamp today! haha! There is nothing wrong with needing help and support from others, even if that's just working out around them, calling them to discuss your week's diet and exercises, etc. Always take advantage of any resources you have.

Diet and exercise, as others have said, are lifestyle changes not things you go crazy with for a few weeks to a few months to lose a bunch of weight quickly and then go back to your old ways. They're choices for the long haul. More specifically, they're DAILY choices to take control of your life, health and happiness. It's difficult at first to force yourself to REALLY evaluate choices like what to eat. For years we just ate what sounded good. "Ice cream for dinner? Sounds good!" haha. Now you have to think "okay, what is best for me calorically? How about protein for muscle recovery and building? How many carbs do I need to get through a tough workout? How much fiber does this have to keep me full so I don't snack on something I shouldn't later?" etc etc. Eventually, it becomes second nature. You start to find the foods that work best for you. You start to find the workouts you enjoy most and what works best for your body and goals. You start to lose your taste for sugar-laden foods because you love the feeling of being fit and healthy over feeling fat and lethargic and when you do have that donut, you appreciate it more as a treat and not as a meal (anyways your tolerance for treats with a LOT of sugar is down and you won't really want much more than one). Even if you fall off the wagon down the road and you're not working out as much as you used to, not sticking to a calorie diet like you used to...many of those new ways of thinking, eating, and exercising have become ingrained so you lean towards those over what you did before them. Replacing bad habits with healthy habits that you love just as much is key. You just can't tell someone who eats a lot of sugar that they can't have any more ever again. That's not realistic and it's not going to work. Give that person a granola chocolate chip Clif bar to replace chocolate chip cookies and that's when you are steering in the right direction. Deprivation does not work. Eventually the feeling of being fit and healthy is addicting and drinking something like soda (a total waste of calories) seems like an illogical choice to drinking water and maybe a Zico Chocolate Coconut Water as a treat sometime in the day. So that is the goal, in my mind: to feel fit and healthy, making healthy (and fun) lifestyle changes that always lead back to that feeling.

SoDamnHungry

Now imagine if that was your own kid saying that to you. What would be the first thing you would advise them to do?

I don't know. I have the knowledge, but I don't stick to it. I do know though I have impulse control issues. One split of second, I have eaten something which I shouldn't, and the moment has passed and my diet is ruined.
I don't feel it is a big enough issue to see a councellor (and it cost money which I don't have) but it is definitely one of my biggest issues.

A big problem I see is that one slip up counts as absolutely ruining your diet to you. So then I'm assuming you go "Whatever" and just start eating all sorts of stuff because it's over. Eating a few extra cookies isn't the end of it. Don't say it's over for today, don't say you'll start new tomorrow. Correct the mistake this second even if you only have 1/4 of a cookie left.

boophil

Forgive me if this has already been posted and I missed it, but have you tried reading "The Beck Diet Solution"? I absolutely loved this book. It is a day by day method to prepare you for losing weight and to help you out with whichever weight loss plan you choose. Some of the topics didn't apply to me, but some definitely helped me immensely! Give it a read. Good luck!