boyfriend and summer nearing causing anxiety

Nikki_WantsIt

I am NOT looking forward to this spring and summer. My boyfriend is very into the pools and the rivers... Not to mention him and his brother are friends with a lot of beautiful, tan and skinny women who look like swim suit models. I'm not even comfortable in SHORTS in public. Much much much less a bathing suit. This is causing a lot of anxiety for me. He loves me for me, yes and at 165 pounds, I am the biggest girl he's ever been with. He's not used to someone who hides in jeans all summer and avoids outdoors because of it.. He has told me I need to really get on it BC he wants to see me in shorts and a swim suit. Soooo much pressure. He's right tho. I'm 22. No need to be hiding. HELP!

streamgirl

How tall are you? I hope he's being supportive rather than pressuring you to lose weight?

AllOutof_Bubblegum

What do you need help with? Do you just need encouragement and back slapping, or do you have a specific question pertaining to weight loss?

JustAnotherGirlSuzanne

Start your search for the perfect swim suit now. Also, if it makes you more comfortable, search for Bermuda style shorts rather than the shorter ones. You don't have to hide your beautiful self away until you reach your ideal weight range.

loveby30

If he's pressuring you to lose weight before the summer so you can "look hot" Get a new boyfriend. You'll dump over 100lbs right there

mizzzc

Once you stop caring it is so much easier to lose the weight. But all the pressure you put on yourself will thwart your goals. Idk your height so can't say much about your weight but go on Bodybuilding.com find an awesome program and get started. Also tell your bf how hes making you feel. I'm sure he just wants you to feel more comfortable being in shorts and a bikini but he shouldn't push it. Personally Ill walk around in boy shorts (below the knee) and tank tops and make it work! Boy shorts are totally cute !

Good luck.

Nikki_WantsIt

Bubblegum, just needed to vent and get that out to someone other than myself. Haha not sure why I said "help".. It just felt necessary.

Nessa_the_Wild

I know that feeling, all my boyfriend's female friends are these tiny, toned pixies.

surruhehlizabeht

Lots of guys like bigger girls, or don't really care about size, so if he says he's attracted to you, I would believe him! Definitely wear something that you feel comfortable wearing (I've never liked bikinis either, even when I was a super-tiny 128-pound teenager), but keep in mind that he's with you because he likes you and is attracted to you!

elizabethavery03

I know exactly how you feel! I hide behind my clothes all summer and I wear a t-shirt when I go swimming at the beach, I will even choose not to swim if possible (even though I LOVE it). My current boyfriend is way smaller than me with an amazing body and he's super into water sports and being outside all summer, so I've been having similar feelings! But what I can tell you is that if your boyfriend loves you for you, you have nothing to worry about. Know that no matter what happens you're going to be having an awesome time hanging out with him whether or not you choose to cover up! And tell him how you feel. My boyfriend knows how self-conscious I am and understands my clothing choices, despite how beautiful he tells me I am every day.

And if that's really not making you feel any better, know that you have time!!! It's only early February. You have lots of time to continue a healthy lifestyle and maybe achieve a body closer to what you want by the time it is the swimming season. But PLEASE do it healthfully. Please don't try to make drastic results happen right away, I don't want you to hurt yourself! Continue eating balanced and being active and as long as you feel good about what you're doing and your progress, the girls around you won't matter.

Ultimately if you're doing this for YOU and nobody else, just you and your health, that's what will make you feel the best at the end of the day. If you've made progress and you're happy with the way you're living then you've succeeded.

All the best,
xoxo

Holla4mom

I'm 165 in a swimsuit in my profile pic and my husband thought I was looking hot! I'm 5'7" though. How tall are you? It's hard for me to believe that someone who is 165 pounds has so many fat rolls all over their body and limbs that they would need to have on jeans all summer. Sounds like this may be more of an issue about how you see yourself.

Not to mention that's months away and at a 1 or .5 pound a week loss, I imagine you'd have to be close to your goal!

redheaddee

Find a suit that makes you feel great as you are. Eat less, move more.

And the BF sounds like a winner. You need to "get on it"...You cannot see but I am rolling my eyes. I think I would get over him and get under someone with more respect for women.

Holla4mom

BTW, is that you in your profile pic? You're gorgeous! You better own it!

Is your boyfriend saying you better "get on it" with losing weight, or with being comfortable enough to do the fun outdoor stuff he likes to do like going to the pool, etc.

SconnieCat

The problem I've found is that no matter what your size is, you're always going to find a flaw or imperfection and fixate on that.

The summer is a long ways away, OP! At least by my standards here in the midwest, I've got at least 4 months to tone up, myself. Take this time to work on yourself. If you're interested in losing weight, start now. Start small as so it's not overwhelming and be consistent. It won't be an overnight thing, but if you start with baby steps what might seem like a mountain will just be a lil' ole hill.

Also, and I think the deeper issue here is self-acceptance. I'd hope your boyfriend is attracted to you for other reasons besides looks and if he's not? Honestly, he's an *kitten* and you can do better.

The way I see it, there will always be someone thinner than me. And probably I won't be the most gorgeous gal in the room. But confidence is amazingly sexy and I'd rather be a confident slightly pudgy girl in a bathing suit, than a fit woman who is so ashamed of her body that I can't even go in public in shorts. Because both types exist.

itstimeRK

loveby30 wrote: »

Get a new boyfriend. You'll dump over 100lbs right there

@loveby30‌
This is the best comment I have read all day!

jennifershoo

Um, you need to lose weight for yourself, not because you feel pressured by a boyfriend.

AlayshaJ

I just want to point out to you all saying her boyfriend is a jerk. There is a difference between telling her she is fat and needs to lose weight before the summer and wanting her to lose weight in order feel confident in herself and do fun things with her in the future. I don't think his problem is her weight, its that she is self conscious about it to an extent to where they can't do certain things together because of it.

Also, I think your problem is more mental than physical. Try looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself that you love yourself and your body. Saying it out loud to yourself on a regular basis should help actually make it happen. Think about what your body can do for you, what you have seen it do, and tell yourself that you are doing a good job. Even though you aren't where you want to be, doesn't mean you can't learn to love yourself right now. I would also say try to eliminate any bad thoughts about your body. If you catch yourself saying something bad, tell yourself out loud, that that is *kitten* and you are good and your body is good.

af_wife2004

The only man to ever pressure me about my weight was my father, and because of him, I vowed I would never allow a man to comment about my weight. I married a man whose preference runs towards a curvy woman but whether I'm small or obese (and I've been both in the past 10 years) he has never once made me feel bad about my weight. So if he just wants you to "get on it" so you'll be happy with yourself and be able to enjoy some of his favorite activities with him that is one thing. If he wants you to drop weight so you compare to the other women that hang around, I'm with loveby30...drop a 100lbs of him! You need to find out what makes you happy and healthy.

af_wife2004

Another thing, I once saw on an episode of What Not to Wear with a woman who had extreme image issues. Have a friend help...get a large sheet of paper (bigger than you) and tape it to the wall. Draw your body, the size you THINK you are. Then stand again the paper and have your friend trace you so you can see the difference between what you visualize and reality.

Nikki_WantsIt

Wow, didn't expect this much feed back. Thank you all soooooo so so much. I am 5'4 with a big booty and thighs. Also a very pudgy gut.

yhealthy2000

Are you happy with this person? Is your lifestyle compatible with his? This pressure is only okay if you have been also wanting the change. At 22, I'm sure you are healthy, and if you are 165 lbs and healthy and this is where you want to be then heck with that pressure. But if you want the change then what change are you looking for?

notnikkisixx

I have a couple of thoughts on this...first, HE CHOSE YOU. Unless he is pressuring you to lose weight, I think it is safe to say that your weight is a non-issue for him. He wants to do these things with you not because he wants to see you in shorts, but because he wants to share experiences with you.

Second, if you're this insecure at 165 you're going to be just as insecure at your goal weight. When I was 17 I weighed somewhere in the 170's but dropped to the 130's in my early 20's. The insecurities didn't go away with the weight and instead of loving my new body I wasted too much time worrying about it not being perfect enough. Now, weighing in the 140's with some weight to lose I appreciate my body more than ever.

Instead of worrying about how to change your physique, maybe you should worry about what's making you so down on yourself?

VeryKatie

Last summer, I went to a beach with a friend of mine who is very self conscious. She kep saying how she felt fat and such in her bathing suit and how she wanted to be skinny. I eventually told her to just take a moment to look at all the women on the beach in detail. Spend a few minutes doing that. Know what she noticed? Not one of them was perfect, and the ones who looked best were the ones who looked like they were having more fun than the others!

So just go, find a bathing suit you feel good in and then stop worrying and have fun Happy women are the prettiest women.

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

hon, if he said for you to get in it, did he mean get on with the idea of not hiding in your jeans all summer or did he mean get on the lose weight track, so you will wear a bathing suit? First things first, you need to feel comfortable in your own skin and do things that make you happy, for you. Best wishes!!

karyabc

seriously people need urgently to love them self more! conditioning your self love/admiration to only when you are in a target weight seriously wtf. your boyfriend chose you just the way you are, show him how amazing you can look.

you know the only thing worst than 165 lbs yeahhhhh 165 and hiding in clothes with zero confidence, now that is unappealing to most man.

RogueinSF

The bathing suit problem, I know this one. I got my swimsuit here: http://www.popinaswimwear.com/ It is vintage inspired swimwear that offers good coverage without looking dowdy. I love my swimsuit and it functions when I am 170 or 130 (though barely) it is so well made. I bought a size large when I was about 155 and I am 5'6. If you have a bit of a booty and a waist, you probably still have a nice shape, and a mid-century style suit will probably look cute on you.

Oh, and if you are 22 then your skin has probably never looked better! Your teenage acne is probably gone, and you have no wrinkles or age spots yet. Enjoy it, I wish I had spent more time appreciating my perfect 22 year old complexion. On that note: wear sunblock and don't smoke! Also, your picture is super cute, so enjoy being adorable and if you want to get fit you will. In the mean time, be nice to yourself

BlueInkDot

Honestly, most men find some roundness to be very sexy. A big booty and even the round belly can be very attractive to certain guys. Just cuz you're not a "skinny tan swimsuit model" doesn't mean you're not suuuuper sexy and grabbing his eye.

Your body may not be exactly what you want it to be right now, but you're working towards becoming healthier, and that's something to be proud of.

In the meantime, you shouldn't let NOW be squandered! You have a boyfriend who likes you for you and it sounds like you have a really fun summer to look forward to! Don't let something as silly as your body fat percentage keep you from enjoying being alive right this very moment!

I recommend finding a REALLY cute one piece swimsuit that makes you feel REALLY sexy and confident and accentuates your curves just the way you like. This might mean making a bit of an investment, because a NICE swimsuit can get expensive, but then you can smile and laugh and get out there and have a good time!

And like other people have said, it's that confidence that he'll find downright sexy, and will make your summer unforgettable and so much fun.

tekkiechikk

OP, if you are losing weight only for him, it will never, never, never last (I mean both the weight loss and the BF). If you aren't doing it for the right reasons, you will find yourself thin(ner) but miserable, anxious, and constantly worrying what the BF and his friends think about you. It's a head game from which there is no escape. Talk to a trusted friend and try to get some objective feedback. Just MHO.

Sugarbeat

Is he actually saying you need to lose weight, or he is he saying he wants to see you in shorts/swim suit and if the only way you'll do it is to lose weight, then get to it? I think there's a difference but its entirely possibly I'm reading your post wrong.

Vex3521

It's about balance and knowing what you can and can't do. If you aren't doing it for you there is no point. Next it will be more control and changes you need to make because he says so. Is that the life you want to live?

Unless you magically went from 'model type' to You overnight he knew exactly who you are when you started dating so really it's his issue.

Find clothes that make you feel good and flatter your figure and that will go a long way for confidence. Making you feel more uncomfortable is crap and I agree... if he keeps it up its the fastest 100+ lbs you will ever lose by losing him.

Sandcastles61

I guess at 54 I can look back on all the fun times I held back on because I "thought" I was too fat to wear a swimsuit. Geez, if only I was as thin now as I was then.......

But 2 weeks ago I sucked it up and put on a cute one piece so we could go swimming once a week as part of our fitness. With 20 pounds left to my goal, which will still be 10 pounds heavier than I was back in my 20's and just "thought" I was fat... It took a lot of courage to put myself out there but we had so much fun! They have super cute and sexy one pieces, or the tankini two pieces that are really flattering and can set off your assets while minimizing what you consider a problem area.

Plus, even modest calorie adjustments can give you a half to one pound a week loss and with nearly 20 weeks until June, you could easily be down 10, 15 or 20 pounds by swimsuit season Best of luck on your journey!