boyfriend and summer nearing causing anxiety

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  • notnikkisixx
    notnikkisixx Posts: 375 Member
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    I have a couple of thoughts on this...first, HE CHOSE YOU. Unless he is pressuring you to lose weight, I think it is safe to say that your weight is a non-issue for him. He wants to do these things with you not because he wants to see you in shorts, but because he wants to share experiences with you.

    Second, if you're this insecure at 165 you're going to be just as insecure at your goal weight. When I was 17 I weighed somewhere in the 170's but dropped to the 130's in my early 20's. The insecurities didn't go away with the weight and instead of loving my new body I wasted too much time worrying about it not being perfect enough. Now, weighing in the 140's with some weight to lose I appreciate my body more than ever.

    Instead of worrying about how to change your physique, maybe you should worry about what's making you so down on yourself?
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,933 Member
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    Last summer, I went to a beach with a friend of mine who is very self conscious. She kep saying how she felt fat and such in her bathing suit and how she wanted to be skinny. I eventually told her to just take a moment to look at all the women on the beach in detail. Spend a few minutes doing that. Know what she noticed? Not one of them was perfect, and the ones who looked best were the ones who looked like they were having more fun than the others!

    So just go, find a bathing suit you feel good in and then stop worrying and have fun :) Happy women are the prettiest women.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    hon, if he said for you to get in it, did he mean get on with the idea of not hiding in your jeans all summer or did he mean get on the lose weight track, so you will wear a bathing suit? First things first, you need to feel comfortable in your own skin and do things that make you happy, for you. Best wishes!!
  • karyabc
    karyabc Posts: 830 Member
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    seriously people need urgently to love them self more! :s conditioning your self love/admiration to only when you are in a target weight seriously wtf. your boyfriend chose you just the way you are, show him how amazing you can look.

    you know the only thing worst than 165 lbs yeahhhhh 165 and hiding in clothes with zero confidence, now that is unappealing to most man.
  • RogueinSF
    RogueinSF Posts: 20
    edited February 2015
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    The bathing suit problem, I know this one. I got my swimsuit here: http://www.popinaswimwear.com/ It is vintage inspired swimwear that offers good coverage without looking dowdy. I love my swimsuit and it functions when I am 170 or 130 (though barely) it is so well made. I bought a size large when I was about 155 and I am 5'6. If you have a bit of a booty and a waist, you probably still have a nice shape, and a mid-century style suit will probably look cute on you.

    Oh, and if you are 22 then your skin has probably never looked better! Your teenage acne is probably gone, and you have no wrinkles or age spots yet. Enjoy it, I wish I had spent more time appreciating my perfect 22 year old complexion. On that note: wear sunblock and don't smoke! Also, your picture is super cute, so enjoy being adorable and if you want to get fit you will. In the mean time, be nice to yourself :)
  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
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    Honestly, most men find some roundness to be very sexy. A big booty and even the round belly can be very attractive to certain guys. Just cuz you're not a "skinny tan swimsuit model" doesn't mean you're not suuuuper sexy and grabbing his eye.

    Your body may not be exactly what you want it to be right now, but you're working towards becoming healthier, and that's something to be proud of.

    In the meantime, you shouldn't let NOW be squandered! You have a boyfriend who likes you for you and it sounds like you have a really fun summer to look forward to! Don't let something as silly as your body fat percentage keep you from enjoying being alive right this very moment!

    I recommend finding a REALLY cute one piece swimsuit that makes you feel REALLY sexy and confident and accentuates your curves just the way you like. This might mean making a bit of an investment, because a NICE swimsuit can get expensive, but then you can smile and laugh and get out there and have a good time!

    And like other people have said, it's that confidence that he'll find downright sexy, and will make your summer unforgettable and so much fun. :wink:
  • tekkiechikk
    tekkiechikk Posts: 375 Member
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    OP, if you are losing weight only for him, it will never, never, never last (I mean both the weight loss and the BF). If you aren't doing it for the right reasons, you will find yourself thin(ner) but miserable, anxious, and constantly worrying what the BF and his friends think about you. It's a head game from which there is no escape. Talk to a trusted friend and try to get some objective feedback. Just MHO.
  • Sugarbeat
    Sugarbeat Posts: 824 Member
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    Is he actually saying you need to lose weight, or he is he saying he wants to see you in shorts/swim suit and if the only way you'll do it is to lose weight, then get to it? I think there's a difference but its entirely possibly I'm reading your post wrong.
  • Vex3521
    Vex3521 Posts: 385 Member
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    It's about balance and knowing what you can and can't do. If you aren't doing it for you there is no point. Next it will be more control and changes you need to make because he says so. Is that the life you want to live?

    Unless you magically went from 'model type' to You overnight he knew exactly who you are when you started dating so really it's his issue.

    Find clothes that make you feel good and flatter your figure and that will go a long way for confidence. Making you feel more uncomfortable is crap and I agree... if he keeps it up its the fastest 100+ lbs you will ever lose by losing him.
  • Sandcastles61
    Sandcastles61 Posts: 506 Member
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    I guess at 54 I can look back on all the fun times I held back on because I "thought" I was too fat to wear a swimsuit. Geez, if only I was as thin now as I was then.......

    But 2 weeks ago I sucked it up and put on a cute one piece so we could go swimming once a week as part of our fitness. With 20 pounds left to my goal, which will still be 10 pounds heavier than I was back in my 20's and just "thought" I was fat... It took a lot of courage to put myself out there but we had so much fun! They have super cute and sexy one pieces, or the tankini two pieces that are really flattering and can set off your assets while minimizing what you consider a problem area.

    Plus, even modest calorie adjustments can give you a half to one pound a week loss and with nearly 20 weeks until June, you could easily be down 10, 15 or 20 pounds by swimsuit season :) Best of luck on your journey!
  • NoelFigart1
    NoelFigart1 Posts: 1,276 Member
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    Look, if you want to lose weight, that's cool, but dayum girl, you're allowed to exist without being a decoration.

    If it makes you feel any better, I wear one of those hides nothing Speedos six or seven hours a week at the local pool, and I outweigh you by a WHOLE BUNCH.

    Don't let your perception of how decorative you're supposed to be interfere with living.
  • west1107
    west1107 Posts: 6 Member
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    Honey, if he's telling you to get on with loosing the weight, guess what, he's not worth it! He should love you for you no matter how big, small, tall or short you are! Men are such pigs and they are obviously only after pretty little air heads....I'd give him the elbow.

    You can only lose weight for you!!!! Chin up, big hugs and ditch him there are plenty of morons in the sea and trust me looks are not everything!
  • Sandcastles61
    Sandcastles61 Posts: 506 Member
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    Oh my gosh Nikki.~ I want first to apologize for not looking at your profile earlier but WOOWZA girl! You've got to acknowledge you have already lost 59 pounds !! :D<3

    Now I understand why you were hiding in jeans past summers. You've gotta celebrate how far you've already come, keep focused on the prize (being a healthier you with the side benefit of being slimmer and more fit). If your boyfriend has been with you through even part of that journey, he is no doubt proud of you too, just as you were when you met and where you are right now! Keep up the good work, and in a couple months treat yourself to a good self tanning lotion and go shopping for that swimsuit!
  • jpatton15
    jpatton15 Posts: 3 Member
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    loveby30 wrote: »
    If he's pressuring you to lose weight before the summer so you can "look hot" Get a new boyfriend. You'll dump over 100lbs right there

    I agree completely. You are beautiful just the way you are. Make sure you are doing this for you and not for him.
  • meritage4
    meritage4 Posts: 1,441 Member
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    You can get a flattering bathing suit.. Try a one piece or tankini or /
    When I wear at suit for work (a few times a year) I just add swim shorts over it (Men's as those teeny tiny girl ones do not slide over my hips). it sure beats the folks who just walk on the pool deck.

    Ok for shorts-start with capris, then bermuda shorts and finally daisy dukes! Really the attention will not be just on you! We only get one life-Go LIVE it girl!
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
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    If he is embarassed to be with you when you wear summer clothes, lose him. If he is telling you he wants you to get used to the idea of spending time outdoors and joining him in activities he loves, instead of hiding because you are worried about how you look, then he is right. If he has a problem with how you look, he should not be with you. If I understand right, you did not gain a ton of weight after he met you, so why do you doubt he likes you and believe he needs you to look different? If he wants you to enjoy life, have fun and stop comparing yourself to other women, he is 1000% correct.
  • kellycasey5
    kellycasey5 Posts: 486 Member
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    Is it that your boyfriend wants you to lose weight? If so...RUN away from that. Is it that you are body conscious and won't wear shorts and a suit, but he would love to see you in them? Then ROCK your curves. Not everybody wants to date/marry/be with a super skinny girl. MANY men love curvy women. Heck, I'D rather look at curvy women. Find stuff in your size! The only thing you NEED to lose is the anxiety :)

    On a totally swimsuit related note: have you considered a super fun vintage inspired one piece? Shameless plug but I got one last year and they are super flattering on almost any shape, look EVEN better on curvy larger girls, and are very attention grabbing! If you don't believe me, google some images and you will see the skinny girls look...sort of meh in them and the curvy girls....WOWZERS!!! You will be comfortable and covered, have a great style going on, and girls will ask about your suit GUARANTEED. This way you won't spend your day in the sun body conscious, but just relaxing and having fun! To me, it is a perfect mix of modesty, and has a glamorous vibe going on.

    Shameless shopping plug: Walmart has one- suddenly slim by catalina shirred halter in a ton of fun colors and prints. I go polka dot last year, will probably get the navy floral this year. You will get compliments in a suit like this. I like it because there is body flattering ruching on the front and a little skirt piece covering the front where the *ahem*-legs meet? Great quality, affordable... I have only seen one other women wearing it, and she had it in the red. Check it out, it may not be your style, but they are flattering on lots of different body shapes and sizes!

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