So my dad died suddenly 3 days ago....

stargazgal

On Sunday, I received the shock of my life that my dad suddenly died....so now, after 21 days on track, measuring, staying within calorie range, working out..starting to get results....I'm off the rails and don't know what to do...
I'm not hungry but when ppl bring me food...I'm forced to eat and it's been high carb foods...not too healthy and I feel like I'm undoing all the past month...I haven't been to gym because on top of this grief I'm super sick with head cold , likely because I haven't stopped crying...not sleeping and not eating properly....I know I shouldn't be concerned with this right now...but... I fear I'll be back to square 1 or I won't get back on track.

Sarahlascelles

Sorry for your loss.

Right now, your short term well being is more important. You need to grieve, and you don't need to worry about calorie counting.

Take care.

LeanButNotMean44

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I have not been through anything like this before, so I guess take this however you wish, but I don't think you need to have the added stress of tracking, working out, etc. on your shoulders at the moment. Take time to grieve in whatever way suits you. My guess is that between your cold and your heartbreak, you probably will have a hard time overeating.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

Unknown

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Liftng4Lis

So sorry for your loss. Forget counting calories, let yourself grieve.

Azathera

I am sorry for your loss. Take the time to grieve and eat well to recover from your cold. Don't worry about anything else. You already educated your own body on what to eat and how much, so you will make some good choices without even thinking. And even if you eat too much you already know how to lose it. You will get back on track in no-time.

About the extra food, if I may suggest, you can donate it to some neighbors in need or a church or a house for elderly. It will make you feel good for helping out and it will remove the temptation from under your eyes.

I would recommend some good soups for your cold and for your soul. And remember, every time you miss your father kiss your own hand. Part of him will always live in your blood and in your flesh.

Condolences.

socajam

As someone who went through three of this last year (mother, close cousin and friend), take one day at a time. Your emotions are going to be all over the place and the last thing you need to worry about is calorie counting to add to the stress you are under.

Sued0nim

I'm sorry for your loss and you do need to allow yourself to grieve.

But if counting calories helps you feel in control in any way then do that.

If not do not worry about it

MrCoolGrim

So sorry for your loss!

chisholm_laura

i am terribly sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are dealing with but can I venture to say that life feels out of control? You had no control over whst has happened with you Father and now you feel like you are losing control over your eating. I say get back in track with it because it may be a goid distraction, something you do have control over and you may feel a bit better. I remember when I lost my first pregnancy i felt better cleaning the house and putting things in order. Hope this helps and take care.

sevsmom

My dad died suddenly on Mother's Day 12 years ago. I know how such a sudden thing can rock your world! I would say be gracious in thanking people for their kindness when they bring food. But, most people understand that grief doesn't always make people hungry. DO eat to maintain your health, but don't eat out of a sense of duty to those who have brought food! Hang in there. Cherish time with your family and the warm memories you have of your dad!

girlviernes

There isn't a right or wrong way to grieve. If it's helpful to you, continue to count, if it's not helpful, take a break. You can get back to it whenever you choose to. Just be as kind to yourself as possible during this difficult time, just as your father would want you to be.

kim_m_kk

losing a parent just plain sucks. Take care of you. People make you food because they want to comfort and nurture you. Eat it if that is what you want to do but if not don't feel like you have to. Say thank you - put it away and deal with it later. Freeze it, give it away, take some to to a neighbor or family who needs it and just explain you have too much.

Snip8241

I am so sorry for you and your family. Take time to grieve and take care of yourself. If you need us to be here for the process we are. If you need time we will be here when you are ready. Either way it will be ok.
Hugs....

Talkradio

I'm so sorry for your loss. If you feel like you need a break from counting calories, please take one. Maybe it would help to set a date on the calendar to start again? If you really feel like you must continue, maybe just eat to maintenance and give yourself a lot of grace.

ninerbuff

Loss of a parent whom you loved definitely takes precedence over anything else. Don't fret about the diet and weight loss right now because if your grieving time for you isn't attended to, then regret could cause an even more harsher comeback. You don't have to accept to eat other people's food too. It's okay. I truly doubt they'll be offended if you don't.
Condolences and do remember that your dad wants you to live life to it's fullest with happiness and not sadness.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

TimothyFish

I'm sorry for your loss. It might actually be beneficial to continue tracking, because it will give you something normal in the midst of the chaos. I don't think people will be offended if you don't eat the food they bring. If they are, there's something wrong with them. And try to get back into exercise when you can. It can be difficult, but it helps with depression.

Wiseandcurious

I am terribly sorry for your loss. Grieve takes time in which to happen and it can take a while to feel whole again.

There are no rules and musts in grief, do what works for you. It is normal and OK to be looking after yourself still, and to be concerned with yourself, yes, even right now. Your body and soul do what it takes to get a hold back on life. There is no shame and guilt about things like worrying about your intake and if it helps you to feel stronger when you log and try to get on track, then do it; if you feel overwhelmed and want to take a break, do that.

My heart goes out to you

catruledquilter

I've walked your path. In a span of 8 months, my husband and both of my biological parents died. Only one was expected...my mother. Let yourself grieve and don't worry about food tracking. If you aren't hungry, you don't have to eat what other have brought. Eat WHAT you want WHEN you want to eat. Take it a day at a time...there will be times you'll need to take it a minute at a time. I like LucyAndKay's idea of kissing your hand to remember your dad. If there is grief counseling available, please take advantage of it!! It helps you understand that your devastating feelings are NORMAL!! Our crazy society has the "okay, you've grieved for 3 days...get over it" type of attitude that comes from people being given only 3 days bereavement leave. Everyone experiences grief differently because everyone had a different relationship with the loved one who has died.

Over time, you will smile more and remember more of the happy times. Cherish those memories!! You will also have things that trigger a "grief attack" (that's what we called them in group grief counseling). THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT TO GRIEF! Accept your emotions when they hit you and don't berate yourself for not "getting over" the death of your father. Some people find that things they think are "silly" will trigger a grief attack...or one just hits. It's okay...it's normal. In 19 more days, I have the 4th anniversary of my husband's death. I have no idea how that day will be for me...I will just take it as it comes. I'm sure I'll smile & laugh at some of the wonderful memories (I know I'll laugh at what we wore when we got married as I look through the wedding album...it was the 70's) and cry my eyes out because I miss him so much.

I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers. You'll be okay...your dad would want you to be okay. Let others reach out and help you in the ways that they know how. It's hard to know what to do or say and sometimes people do or say the wrong thing without meaning to.

Most of all...be true to yourself and your feelings!!

<hugs>

slimjaques

Oh honey - I am so sorry for your loss - my heart breaks for you. Like many others have said - do what feels best to you. If staying on track provides a center of gravity for a turbulent time, do it. If ignoring calories for this particular season feels better, do that. Take care of yourself.

igeekus

I'm so sorry for your loss. The most important thing is to take care of YOU. Mentally and physically. If counting calories and macros is soothing for you, go do it. If it adds stress, you certainly can take a break. Calorie counting will still be there after you've given yourself a chance to breathe. For the food, people are being nice. Accept it graciously and eat it. Or don't. There is no wrong answer. When you are ready for the health train again, we'll all be here supporting you.

Always_Smiling_D

ufff... I am so sorry for your loss. You shouldn't feel forced to do anything but to take care of yourself and give yourself the time needed to grieve the loss of your dad. I agree with a previous poster - if staying on track gives you a sense of stability and centers you then by all means do so -- but do not feel bad if that is not what is on your mind at this moment and you have to take a break from it all.

suelegal

I am so very sorry for your loss. I agree with the others. You are grieving and you need to give yourself permission to simply take care of yourself. I hope you have family and friends who can support you and I hope you reach out to them, and to us. We can be a strong cyber-shoulder for you right now. Bless you

Jamielynn_77

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my own dad almost 6 years ago, and I know how it can turn things upside down. I agree with what a lot of the others are saying, grieve in your own time and way. If you are hungry eat, if you aren't, don't. And if it helps distract you to count calories one day and not so much the next, do what you have to do to get through it. It will be hard sometimes, but I am sure I speak for many of us when I say that we are all here for you if you need support! I am sending prayers for you and your family. <hugs>

jessiruthica

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with not adding any more stress to your already overwhelmed heart. Live and love for today. You can't be told how long you'll need before things get back to "normal" because that's so individual. You'll be in my prayers.

cwolfman13

My dad, whom I was very close with passed away very suddenly in December of 2013 from a massive heart attack. He was actually one of my inspirations for getting my *kitten* together because I was heading down that same path.

My advise is to let yourself grieve. Don't worry so much about this process right now, particularly in the immediate aftermath. I would also suggest some grief counseling, it really helped me out.

As I recall, I took a good couple weeks off from anything...I wasn't eating enough or eating well and not really doing much for exercise for those couple of weeks...after a couple of weeks I started to reflect on things, particularly thinking about how proud my dad was to have witnessed me turn my life around and change directions. Ultimately I realized that being healthy and maintaining my healthy habits was the best way I could honor my dad.

My dad's heart attack was largely caused by complications from his type II diabetes. In honor of my dad I raise money and do the Tour de Cure in the spring (this will be my second run at it). It keeps me in the saddle and training and also provides support for a cause that is near and dear to my heart.

My condolences on your loss.

SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage

Condolences. Please take the time you need to grieve and take care of yourself. MFP will still be here when you're ready.

Amanda4change

I lost my dad five years ago, it was devastating for me. He was my hero (my mother is bat *kitten* insane). Take care of yourself first. If counting calories makes you feel in control then do it. If it's just one more stress put it aside for now. I had a very hard time eating the food that people brought (stress makes my stomach sensitive and adding food makes me throw up), no one was offended (or at least no one said anything to me) when I thanked them for the food but didn't eat it. Take some time for yourself, be it a walk, a bubble bath, or a nap. To be completely honest I pretty much crawled into a bottle about a week after he passed, and realized after a few weeks of drinking way to much that my dad would have been seriously disappointed in me if his death turned me into an alcoholic. So I stopped drinking and started running. I wish that I had done grief counseling. It's been 5 years and I still miss him like crazy everyday, but the pain isn't as sharp as it was.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

jgnatca

So sad to lose your dad. Priorities. Rest. Family. Love. Dieting and weight loss is an intensive activity. You can set it aside to deal with later.

sadiecara

I lost my dad suddenly 6 years ago and I have no idea how I got through those first few weeks, But Worrying about weighing food was definitely not an issue. Please just look after yourself and allow yourself to grieve. It is a tremendous loss! Eat when you are hungry and drink lots... Give yourself time and love yourself... So very sorry for your loss xx

prattiger65

I just want to echo, I am so sorry for your loss.