Seriously don't know what to do anymore

Laneybug081012

I am at my breaking point right now I feel because I really don't know how to get myself motivated to do what I need to do here. 2 years ago I was so motivated and lost so much weight and felt so confident that I was really on track to changing my lifestyle for good and then I got pregnant and gained all the weight back and I literally feel like it is just impossible now. I come on here and I see all of these amazing people who have lost so much weight and I sit here and invision myself doing the same things but then reality hits me and I just end up saying to myself "no thats not me I dont think I can do that"...I'm even seeing a counselor to try and help me but I honestly don't think it's doing any good. I am so embarrassed at how I look now I hardly want to go out and be seen in public. I'm so scared that one day everything Im doing wrong is going to catch up with me and it will be too late to do anything and I won't be around to raise my daughter. All of these things scare me and make me so upset so I don't understand why i still find it SO HARD to just eat the right stuff and get up off the couch and do what I need to do I see people do it EVERY DAY. I hate sounding so negative because I'm normally such a positive person but I'm just feeling so broken like I REALLY feel so lost and my head is spinning a thousand different directions and I really just don't even know where to begin. I keep saying well if this was this way it would be easier or if this were that way etc etc etc etc. I dont want to be like this anymore I know that so I don't understand why I'm finding it SO HARD to change my life for the better and become the person I want to be.

jandthebops

You poor thing. I'm glad you are seeing a counsellor and hopefully he/she can help you get to the bottom of why you are feeling like you do and how you can address it.

How old is your little one? I'm just wondering whether anyone has looked at whether you might have PND. I hope you don't think I'm out of line but it can come on even months after baby is born. As I say, I don't mean to be rude.

I struggle with my motivation too and it is hard when you have a little person needing all your attention too. I'm trying hard not to use that as an excuse any more as my youngest is now 14 months. I try to remember that I am doing it for them too as I want to be around for them for a very long time and I don't ever want them to have to worry about my health or my weight when the weight is something I can do something about and I can keep as healthy as possible with exercise. This is from recent experience of dealing with a mother in law with serious health problems caused at least in part by her weight, poor diet and lack of exercise.

x

Laneybug081012

Thank you! My daughter will be 10 months on the 10th! I have been struggling so much to get in a routine since shes been born and its just been so hard. I'm not sure what PND means? can you clarify that for me? I know I feel like all I do is make excuses and its becoming harder and harder to get that kick in the butt I feel I need to really make the necessary changes I want/ NEED to make.

After posting my OP I spent some time looking around on this site and trying to figure out a real plan that will work me and I feel better than I did before. I think one of my biggest issues is I focus so much on the long term that its sooooo intimidating and I feel like I will NEVER get there. I am going to try and set some smaller goals that I can accomplish so that maybe I will get motivated by those achievments and keep going.

haroon_awan

Your daughter is cute.

Anyway, lol these videos might help
First watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDANtU4LUkc
Then watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=QHHzie6XRGk

d_Mode

I know it was tough when my Son was born...I wasn't on MFP back then, but I have been here at home with him ever since. He's 2 now...all I can say is just try and do a little something everyday. You'll get back on track.

careydesignstudio

Save money on the therapist and hire a good trainer

usmcmp

Quit looking at the big picture and start small.

Start just tracking your food.
Then start trying to keep it under 2000 calories.
When you can do that lower it to 1800.
Then start going on walks...

Doesn't sound like much, but it works in the long run.

Pixi_Rex

Get professional help.

Seriously if you hate yourself you will never succeed, find a good therapist that can help you work through your mental blocks.


Stop compairing yourself to others.

Stop compairing yourself to yourself from the past.

Make a plan.... Execute the plan.

It wont be easy, but it is worth it in the end.

Also... stop being ashamed of yourself, it does nothing for you but make you feel like *kitten*

meredith1123

Throw all bad and/or unhealthy foods out and KEEP them out of your house, always! That's the BIG KEY. If its there, we will eat it!
Buy only healthy foods such as raw veggies to snack on (no chips darn it!).

It's MIND over MATTER. You CAN do this but you have to tell yourself that you can.
The hardest part is getting started. After you create the habit to eat right and exercise regularly, it becomes second nature.
Don't let your esteem or confidence issues take control. You have the ability to take control over your mind and your addictions. You just have to believe in yourself.
Learn your own inner strength, and USE IT.

Lyerin

It will get better. Really, it will. Especially with your first child, it is really hard at first. REALLY HARD. No one tells you that it's hard and that sometimes it just plain sucks. However, it really does get better and the reasons for it being hard change. Eventually, she won't depend on you for everything like she does now, and you'll get some time back for yourself. I have two kids, ages 9 and 4, and now I'm able to take exercise classes, go running, etc. I never could have done that when they were babies.

Focus on really short term goals. Take it day by day and hour by hour if you need to. When I had my second child, I set two goals each day: take a shower (which I'm sure sounds stupid to people without kids as a goal, but you know what I mean) and leave the house. I had him in February so I would drive to the mall and walk around pushing him in the stroller. Got in some walking and got me out of the house. My recovery from having him was dramatically easier and more pleasant than having my first.

For fitness/weight loss goals, set small goals. Don't get caught up in how far you have to go. Decide you are going to lose 5 pounds. Focus only on that much. Eat well, track your food, and don't let yourself think about however many more pounds you think you need to lose - only think about those 5 pounds. Take a walk or do a short DVD in your living room, aim for an attainable goal at first - twice a week or three times a week. You will be amazed at how successes at the short term goals can spiral into helping you reach your long term goals.

Best of luck.

4_Lisa

You need to discover your "why". Why do you want to do it... once you find the "why" the rest comes easier. Set an example for your daughter, pretty soon she's gonna be running around and you're gonna wanna keep up. Use that beautiful baby girl as your inpiration and motivation. She is so worth it, and so are you!

Good luck!

Bekahmardis

I'm not sure what PND means? I think one of my biggest issues is I focus so much on the long term that its sooooo intimidating and I feel like I will NEVER get there. I am going to try and set some smaller goals that I can accomplish so that maybe I will get motivated by those achievments and keep going.

Post Natal Depression. It's entirely possible! Smaller goals would be an excellent start. This is not a sprint here - it's a marathon. I'm losing about half a pound a week. While it seems like a very small amount to lose, it's working fabulously for me and I don't have to worry if I eat an extra cookie once in a while. Slow and steady wins the race.

Getting up off the couch really doesn't have to be as dramatic as some people here on the boards. It could be as simple as taking your baby out in the stroller around the block. Think of it as doing it for the baby, rather than yourself, maybe?

lilkat_0087

I'm glad that you are seeing a counsellor. If the one you are going to isn't helping are you able to try out a different one? Not all counsellors are created equal. You need to love yourself. The first year after a baby is so hard and you need to find time for yourself.

TinaDay1114

I'm with jandthebops -- the months after the baby is born (ESPECIALLY if this is your first!) are very very tough, and with all the hormonal changes, it can take up to a year to feel like yourself again. I really felt just like you the whole first year of my son's life, like I was lost, frantic, racing thoughts/anxieties in my head all the time. Think of it -- you're sleep-deprived, you're figuring out how to take care of a baby and everything is brand new, and all of that takes a huge physical and emotional toll on you. I also gained over 70 lbs. with each of my kids, and thought I'd be that weight FOREVER. I'm now wearing 2 sizes below what I was when I got married, and am fitter / stronger than I've ever been. BUT, my oldest is 9, and my youngest son is 5 years old. It took me a while to get here. You can see some of my before photos in my profile, and where I am now.

I'm glad you're seeing a counselor. That worked for me, and she even put me on a low-dose anti-depressant that helped as well. It's so HARD to be patient with yourself when you want to do so many good things (be a good mom, be healthy, be good to yourself, drop some weight, start getting fit, etc. etc. etc.) But patience with yourself is what you need.

You need to take a deep breath and remember that there's a lot you are carrying right now, and you will get there. You just need to take one step at a time, and not beat yourself up for feeling overwhelmed, or stalled, or panicked. It's all very very normal. You wouldn't beat up someone else for these same things, would ya? :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: I say that because I need to remind myself of this ALL the time.

Hang in there. Everything you're going through is normal, and fixable.

conniemaxwell5

PND is post natal depression. Check with your doctor about it.

I suggest starting by logging your food, even if you aren't making any changes to your eating habits right now. Just getting a visual of what and how much you are eating and getting intot the habit of logging is a good starting point.

Setting small goals for yourself is a great way to start as well. Make them as simple as "today I will walk for 15 minutes" or "today I will eat 100 less calories than I did yesterday." Any change is better than no change. Don't be in a hurry to lose the weight, just make some small adjustments to your lifestyle to lose 1 pound or so a week. You didn't get here overnight, you don't have to lose it all overnight either.

If you are nursing your baby, make sure you talk to your doctor before changing your diet too much.

I'll be blunt - At some point you need to stop making excuses and just do it. If you don't you probably won't be there for your daughter as long as you'd like to be. If you can't do this for yourself, do it for her. You will never be sorry that you improved your life.

dmmiller80

I am a mother of 15 month old twins and I know how you feel! I just recently am able to get back on track and get into a more normal schedule with working out and eating healthy. I also work full time so trying to balance family/work/and life in general is a struggle but I found it does get easier. As you know having a baby is a huge adjustment for all and you are usually on their schedule, not yours. Start out with small goals such as going for a walk 2-3 times a week. This will help and it better than you sitting around and it gets you out of the house. Do you have any gyms near you that have daycares? That might be something to look into. Luckily my boys are at the age where they can entertain themselves in the same room as me while I work out....not that they don't try to climb on me or try to give me hugs but I always try to distract them with books and toys while I'm working out. I also don't keep any junkfood in the house. If it's there, I'll eat it! If it's not there, I'm not packing up the boys just to drive to satify my junk food craving! I also take some time on Sunday afternoons to cut up veggies and fruit so that they are available to eat through out the week, it saves time. I also plan healthy dinners for the week, buy what's needed and that way I don't have to even think about any temptations. I go for walks on my lunchbreak at work and that way if I can't get a work out in in the evenings then I don't beat myself up too much.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I know it sucks starting over from scratch but hey, you already made the first step on your journey and logged into this website and your trying to get help. You just need to find that motivation to get you moving and you'll find it! Good luck!!!

TinaDay1114

It will get better. Really, it will. Especially with your first child, it is really hard at first. REALLY HARD. No one tells you that it's hard and that sometimes it just plain sucks. However, it really does get better and the reasons for it being hard change. Eventually, she won't depend on you for everything like she does now, and you'll get some time back for yourself. I have two kids, ages 9 and 4, and now I'm able to take exercise classes, go running, etc. I never could have done that when they were babies.

Focus on really short term goals. Take it day by day and hour by hour if you need to.
Best of luck.

AMEN. I wish there was a LIKE button on these things.

michellekicks

It will get better. Really, it will. Especially with your first child, it is really hard at first. REALLY HARD. No one tells you that it's hard and that sometimes it just plain sucks. However, it really does get better and the reasons for it being hard change. Eventually, she won't depend on you for everything like she does now, and you'll get some time back for yourself. I have two kids, ages 9 and 4, and now I'm able to take exercise classes, go running, etc. I never could have done that when they were babies.

Focus on really short term goals. Take it day by day and hour by hour if you need to. When I had my second child, I set two goals each day: take a shower (which I'm sure sounds stupid to people without kids as a goal, but you know what I mean) and leave the house. I had him in February so I would drive to the mall and walk around pushing him in the stroller. Got in some walking and got me out of the house. My recovery from having him was dramatically easier and more pleasant than having my first.

For fitness/weight loss goals, set small goals. Don't get caught up in how far you have to go. Decide you are going to lose 5 pounds. Focus only on that much. Eat well, track your food, and don't let yourself think about however many more pounds you think you need to lose - only think about those 5 pounds. Take a walk or do a short DVD in your living room, aim for an attainable goal at first - twice a week or three times a week. You will be amazed at how successes at the short term goals can spiral into helping you reach your long term goals.

Best of luck.

^This.

I got myself together after my eldest was 6 and my youngest was 2. But I learned along the way - second pregnancy I gained way less (26 lbs as opposed to 70 first time). Life with littles is hard. Eventually you learn and get better at it, but your number one priority right now is loving your daughter and yourself and learning life together. You will find over time that you will begin making better choices - you can't very well shove a box of cookies in your mouth while giving her carrots, right? It will come.

(((hugs))) to you...

tripledipped13

Thank you! My daughter will be 10 months on the 10th! I have been struggling so much to get in a routine since shes been born and its just been so hard. I'm not sure what PND means? can you clarify that for me? I know I feel like all I do is make excuses and its becoming harder and harder to get that kick in the butt I feel I need to really make the necessary changes I want/ NEED to make.

After posting my OP I spent some time looking around on this site and trying to figure out a real plan that will work me and I feel better than I did before. I think one of my biggest issues is I focus so much on the long term that its sooooo intimidating and I feel like I will NEVER get there. I am going to try and set some smaller goals that I can accomplish so that maybe I will get motivated by those achievments and keep going.

Hey! I am thinking what the person is referring to is postpartum depression (PPD) maybe a typing error or could possibly be calling it by another name. This very well could be an issue but I am sure if you are seeing a counselor than you have talking about that. I have to say that I was in your shoes just a few months ago. Even tried to convince myself that I was happy being overweight! Honestly I joined this site thinking that if I didn't do it who would care?! Well since I joined I have added some really great people to my friends list who have pushed me and I actually find myself striving to do right (eating and exercising) to get the praise from them! And when I mess up they are not rude but remind me to pick myself up and keep going. Most people on this site are very supportive and can be great motivators. You are more than welcome to add me if you like and I can suggest a few of my friends to add if you would like as well. Like I said they are great and may be of some help. Good luck on your journey!

reddi2roll

Might also ask your doctor to check your thyroid. Sometimes that gets out of wack after pregnancy.

Momma2Nbr5

I have struggled with this off and on for years. It's SO frustrating because you can't even really explain it and it seems like if you're that frustrated, you should be motivated to fix it. DISCOURAGING. What's working for me right now is I'm trying to get healthy. Period. I want to feel better in general. So, I'm eating healthier, but still trying to keep track so that I control what I eat. It helps me not get out of hand. I think what has helped me the most though, is setting very small goals. I have an overall goal, but I try not to focus on that. It's overwhelming. So, I set 10 lb goals. When I get there, I treat myself. But NOT with food. With a mani/pedi, or massage, or even a purse or an outfit. Setting very small, very realistic goals will help me reach my overall goal without getting overwhelmed. For now...

Good luck!