Dealing with trainer BF's flirtatious client.
Hi pals! I am new here so I apologize if this is off-topic... I really need some neutral advice from fellow fitness buffs on how to deal with my gym owner boyfriend's flirtatious female client. I'm a naturally jealous person so I need other's feedback on what to do.
Long story short, I'm 25 and have been in a serious relationship for 2 years. Relationship is very stable and happy. My SO and I communicate very well and basically tell each other everything. My BF and his 2 partners opened their own CrossFit box/PT gym 5 months ago. At the time, BF was training at a different CrossFit box where he became friends with the other members. A female member *Mary asked if she could come train at BF's box when it opened and he said yes, no problem. She had his cell phone number from when they used to train together.
Mary started coming to BF's gym (I work out there too and am constantly there). From the beginning, I got weird vibes from her. She never said hello to me or acknowledged me in any way. Whatever - that's fine. Mary is 35 and just broke up with her boyfriend. After the breakup, she constantly started texting my BF about the most mundane things. She would initially start a conversation by asking him something diet/fitness related but then segue into non-related topics. A little weird, but I figured maybe she was just lonely. Boyfriend didn't answer her texts anyway unless they were fitness related. I was weirded out her friendliness so I brought it up to him. It turned into a fight but me and BF resolved it. He said he didn't think the texts meant anything but he would address with her and tell her not to text him outside of "business hours" or if it's not gym related. He also said he would address her not saying hi to me since that bothered him too. I told him not to worry about it as I didn't want to cause issues with him and a client. The business just opened and they really needed members/money.
This past month, things got weirder. Mary started bringing boyfriends GIFTS. He mentioned he liked this certain kind of cashew milk and tea. She bought it for him and brought it to the gym. I told BF this made me uncomfortable and he told me he would address it. I told him it wasn't a big deal, maybe she was just being friendly. A few days later, I was at the gym with boyfriend and he mentioned he wanted a toothbrush to keep at the gym. Mary said, "Oh I'll bring you one!" We thought she was joking. Lo and behold, the next day she brought a toothbrush (I'm not kidding). She also brought this very expensive jump rope. She told BF that she had bought one for herself and thought he would like one. He didn't accept these gifts - he told her (very nicely) to stop buying him gifts. She said she understood but brought him another gift the next day (a protein shaker) claiming it was for the gym. He told her to take it home.
BF acknowledges Mary is super inappropriate. He told me he is going to ask her to find another gym and refund her money as her actions are disrespectful to our relationship. However, I don't want him to lose money or business over her stupidity. Also, Mary seems to have finally gotten the hint. I am still uneasy around her as I think it is just a matter of time till her over-the-top friendliness
starts again. Should I just swallow my pride and be nice to her when she is at the gym? Or should I just let BF cut her loose? My gut says to be the bigger person but it's hard when someone has so blatantly disrespected me and my relationship.
What do you guys think?!
Long story short, I'm 25 and have been in a serious relationship for 2 years. Relationship is very stable and happy. My SO and I communicate very well and basically tell each other everything. My BF and his 2 partners opened their own CrossFit box/PT gym 5 months ago. At the time, BF was training at a different CrossFit box where he became friends with the other members. A female member *Mary asked if she could come train at BF's box when it opened and he said yes, no problem. She had his cell phone number from when they used to train together.
Mary started coming to BF's gym (I work out there too and am constantly there). From the beginning, I got weird vibes from her. She never said hello to me or acknowledged me in any way. Whatever - that's fine. Mary is 35 and just broke up with her boyfriend. After the breakup, she constantly started texting my BF about the most mundane things. She would initially start a conversation by asking him something diet/fitness related but then segue into non-related topics. A little weird, but I figured maybe she was just lonely. Boyfriend didn't answer her texts anyway unless they were fitness related. I was weirded out her friendliness so I brought it up to him. It turned into a fight but me and BF resolved it. He said he didn't think the texts meant anything but he would address with her and tell her not to text him outside of "business hours" or if it's not gym related. He also said he would address her not saying hi to me since that bothered him too. I told him not to worry about it as I didn't want to cause issues with him and a client. The business just opened and they really needed members/money.
This past month, things got weirder. Mary started bringing boyfriends GIFTS. He mentioned he liked this certain kind of cashew milk and tea. She bought it for him and brought it to the gym. I told BF this made me uncomfortable and he told me he would address it. I told him it wasn't a big deal, maybe she was just being friendly. A few days later, I was at the gym with boyfriend and he mentioned he wanted a toothbrush to keep at the gym. Mary said, "Oh I'll bring you one!" We thought she was joking. Lo and behold, the next day she brought a toothbrush (I'm not kidding). She also brought this very expensive jump rope. She told BF that she had bought one for herself and thought he would like one. He didn't accept these gifts - he told her (very nicely) to stop buying him gifts. She said she understood but brought him another gift the next day (a protein shaker) claiming it was for the gym. He told her to take it home.
BF acknowledges Mary is super inappropriate. He told me he is going to ask her to find another gym and refund her money as her actions are disrespectful to our relationship. However, I don't want him to lose money or business over her stupidity. Also, Mary seems to have finally gotten the hint. I am still uneasy around her as I think it is just a matter of time till her over-the-top friendliness
starts again. Should I just swallow my pride and be nice to her when she is at the gym? Or should I just let BF cut her loose? My gut says to be the bigger person but it's hard when someone has so blatantly disrespected me and my relationship.
What do you guys think?!
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Replies
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Don't crossfit boxes double as swinger clubs anyways?0
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Just break-up.0
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So she has a little crush on your boyfriend. Not a big deal unless he decides to act on it. Maybe you should try to be friends with her. Invite her out to coffee or something. She's not your competition.0
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You have far more self control than I would have by now.
IF the decision is made to let her stay at his business, he needs to end all contact with her. He has business partners that she can go to with questions. Use sexual harassment as the reason.0 -
So new that your profile and age mentioned in this post don't match...
I find her behavior odd if your bf really has said anything to this woman.0 -
Does her membership fees keep the lights on?
If she skipped a month, would he default on a loan?
If he's considering ending his working relationship, let him. Is there other trainers there? Suggest she move to one of them.
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You have far more self control than I would have by now.
IF the decision is made to let her stay at his business, he needs to end all contact with her. He has business partners that she can go to with questions. Use sexual harassment as the reason.
Thank you
I wanted to see if I was overreacting. Maybe I am. 0 -
Having good client boundaries is important, and being able to enforce them even more so. If your bf has a partner, can he mention to Mary that said partner could take over her training or whatnot?0
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I'm kind of confused. If it's your boyfriend's business with a partner(s) shouldn't it be their decision as to what happens with this client? Or are you allowed to make those decisions too?0
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He's a grown man, I think you should let him make his own decisions. You can be civil to a person without necessarily having to be "nice" to them.
And this really isn't about you either. He knows what he needs to do, let him take care of it. You just step back and mind your own business. There is no woman who can "steal" a man from you, because if he leaves, it was a choice that HE made.
Besides, it doesn't sound like he's got any intention of leaving. So relax. Work on that jealousy thing of yours and let him take care of the nutter himself.0 -
Make better #gains than Mary by doing PHAT training and avoiding crossfit classes. And/or join class and kill it and again, make #gains.
At the end of the day, trust and respect. It comes with the industry and having "clients", be firm in your resolve and know and trust daily that its yours. And if in the end you get "cheated" on, then swing your fist and cry out #mother**ck*rneverlovedus while listening to that New Drake.
True confidence and trust will always win over a Side B and it sounds like he's just hustling hard to make some funds so as long as no cheating and/or emotional cheating and no leading on, let her finance his gym and/or get another instructor within the "business" so that way in the end he still makes monies etc.
Thats all, best of luck.0 -
I'm kind of confused. If it's your boyfriend's business with a partner(s) shouldn't it be their decision as to what happens with this client? Or are you allowed to make those decisions too?
He already spoke with them about it and apparently they noticed her weird behavior so they said it would be fine if he told her to leave,0 -
He's a grown man, I think you should let him make his own decisions. You can be civil to a person without necessarily having to be "nice" to them.
And this really isn't about you either. He knows what he needs to do, let him take care of it. You just step back and mind your own business. There is no woman who can "steal" a man from you, because if he leaves, it was a choice that HE made.
Besides, it doesn't sound like he's got any intention of leaving. So relax. Work on that jealousy thing of yours and let him take care of the nutter himself.
Lol "that nutter". Thanks for your feedback.0 -
Should I just swallow my pride and be nice to her when she is at the gym? Or should I just let BF cut her loose? My gut says to be the bigger person but it's hard when someone has so blatantly disrespected me and my relationship.
What do you guys think?!
If you have faith in your BF, there is no reason to lower yourself to feeling threatened. And you BF should be the one to handle it on a professional level, not have his GF stepping in his business.
My .02
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Should I just swallow my pride and be nice to her when she is at the gym? Or should I just let BF cut her loose? My gut says to be the bigger person but it's hard when someone has so blatantly disrespected me and my relationship.
What do you guys think?!
If you have faith in your BF, there is no reason to lower yourself to feeling threatened. And you BF should be the one to handle it on a professional level, not have his GF stepping in his business.
My .02
Appreciate it. I want posters to be honest and brutal if need be with their advice.0 -
It sounds like he's well aware of how you feel,Boyfriend didn't answer her texts anyway unless they were fitness related... he would address with her and tell her not to text him outside of "business hours" or if it's not gym related.
and well aware that she's being inappropriate,
and has tried to address it several times.
Other than throwing her out of the club, all he can do is continue to tell her "stop it", refusing her gifts, not answering her texts or calls unless it's about business & during normal business hours.
Maybe he needs to tell her very plainly (perhaps even in front of the co-owner?), "I'm not interested in you, I'm in a happy relationship. Stop trying to connect on a personal level - no texts, no gifts."
Some people just need it laid out very plainly, with pictures & subtitles & no room for misinterpretation.
He should not mention you in any way, and you should try to avoid her (or at least not be friendly).
He may need to repeat the above several times, and she might leave the gym on her own.
He could offer to refund her money, maybe something like "I don't want you to feel awkward working out here now that you understand I'm not interested in you, so if you want to cancel your contract I'll refund the balance of your fee".
And maybe he should have her work with another trainer?0 -
Honestly, your BF sounds incredibly mature and open. He's in a position of authority, girls are going to have crushes on him, no matter what. Can you handle that? He's gone above and beyond in regards to sending her very clear messages. I see no need for you to say anything to her. Kill her with kindness0
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LiveFree0505 wrote: »Honestly, your BF sounds incredibly mature and open. He's in a position of authority, girls are going to have crushes on him, no matter what. Can you handle that? He's gone above and beyond in regards to sending her very clear messages. I see no need for you to say anything to her. Kill her with kindness
That's what my best friend said to do! It's hard but I think that may be the best route to go Maybe if she sees that I am well adjusted and happy with BF, she'll back off? One can only hope.... I don't really understand her intentions at all. 0 -
You have far more self control than I would have by now.
IF the decision is made to let her stay at his business, he needs to end all contact with her. He has business partners that she can go to with questions. Use sexual harassment as the reason.
Thank you I wanted to see if I was overreacting. Maybe I am.
lol she would have had a restraining order out on me by now
You've done well with how you've handled it.
No doubt everyone has noticed her pathetic desperation
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gonna be honest, she's 10 years older than you and you've been in a commited relationship with this guy for 2 years. unless anything changes I don't think you have anything to worry about0
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smalltown_princess wrote: »gonna be honest, she's 10 years older than you and you've been in a commited relationship with this guy for 2 years. unless anything changes I don't think you have anything to worry about
Thanks!! If she is ten years older, I don't understand why she can't find someone her own age and single to pay all this attention too!0 -
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This discussion has been closed.
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