Constantly Intimidated...

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

Does anybody else kind of...get intimidated by people that are really experienced with weight loss? Somebody that has a really good profile picture or one where they're at the gym working out or holding heavy weights....?

I don't know...maybe this sounds pretty terrible to you guys, but when people have lost a lot of weight or are even a lot skinnier than me after having been my weight or near it, I am super intimidated and I just feel weird. I don't feel like I can talk to them. Maybe it's just my insecurity, but....

That's it, I guess. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm judging anybody.
I guess I just feel low and stupid when I see people that are better off than me.
It should be motivating, but it kind of kills me inside....

Does anybody else get like this?

Nurseweathers

DeffoMik wrote: »

Does anybody else kind of...get intimidated by people that are really experienced with weight loss? Somebody that has a really good profile picture or one where they're at the gym working out or holding heavy weights....?

I don't know...maybe this sounds pretty terrible to you guys, but when people have lost a lot of weight or are even a lot skinnier than me after having been my weight or near it, I am super intimidated and I just feel weird. I don't feel like I can talk to them. Maybe it's just my insecurity, but....

That's it, I guess. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm judging anybody.
I guess I just feel low and stupid when I see people that are better off than me.
It should be motivating, but it kind of kills me inside....

Does anybody else get like this?

I understand how you feel, but we have to learn to use other people's accomplishments as inspiration. If they can do it, so can we. I hope that you will soon give yourself the credit that you deserve. It will help you a lot on your journey. You will be less stressed and have more motivation. We are all here for each other and we are all on a journey together. Feel free to reach out if you need to.

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

Indeed. I'm glad you understand. I definitely wanted to be honest about my feelings. Seriously, though. Thank you.

jenncornelsen

we were all where u are right now! ugh how i used to dread the gym. but like i said keep in mind they all started somewhere, and many had an even longer journey and many many are still working at it.

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

Oh no, no, no...I LOVE the gym. I love working out. So much. Diet is the sucky part. I just look at so many people and wonder if I'm not doing as well because I don't want it as much or something. Ugh. Unfortunately, nobody can teach me to want this enough to really really try. I just work out 5 days a week and try to just move a lot more when I eat more than I should.

Wehsling

I don't believe everybody uses their own pic, all the time, for avatars. You are you. Your journey is different and those pics don't tell a full story.

Also, please, never feel odd for being honest, it's the best thing you can give anybody (whether they like it or not).

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

I totally appreciate that. I never want people to interpret my opinions as judgment....like, ever. I think it all comes down to how I see myself if anything....not judging anybody else. Ever.

Lounmoun

I guess I feel similar in a way. I feel more at ease with people who are more at my level or just slightly farther along. I do love reading that people found good success losing weight slowly while eating and living pretty normally and there is lots of good advice for those who have been doing this longer.
My goals are different from someone who lifts a lot of weights or runs in marathons. I definitely want to reach my goals as much as anyone. I'm doing great for me.

MikkLuhnRozzWhuh

Great way to look at it. Definitely something I need work on....

Lourdesong

I think I felt the same way at one time. I perceived successful people (esp super fit people) as having some inherent quality or something in their being which I evidently lacked. Something much deeper than the dedication and work they've done to achieve what they did.
I think a lot of it was me just psyching myself out, though. To make myself believe that I can't achieve the same thing even if I put in the same dedication and work that they do.

ZebsterBC

DeffoMik wrote: »

I totally appreciate that. I never want people to interpret my opinions as judgment....like, ever. I think it all comes down to how I see myself if anything....not judging anybody else. Ever.

I think you've probably hit the nail on the head there.
I hope you feel more comfortable as you get to know people on here.

ZebsterBC

Wehsling wrote: »

I don't believe everybody uses their own pic, all the time, for avatars.

True. I stole mine from a svelte friend.

rosiorama

Everybody started at one point. When I first stepped into a gym I was intimidated. Realize though that peoe are too interested in what THEY are doing to really care about what you are doing. I bought a book on weight lifting and some fitness magazines and read up on what I wanted to do when I got into the gym so that I didn't look totally aimless when I got there. I'm actually surprised at how often the guys with big muscles have really bad technique and do exactly what I've read you're NOT supposed to do.

MKEgal

Wehsling wrote:

I don't believe everybody uses their own pic, all the time, for avatars.

What, you think I'm not a short, cute blonde with big ears who needs a chiropractor?
.

deffo wrote:

when people have lost a lot of weight or are even a lot skinnier than me after having been my weight or near it, I am super intimidated and I just feel weird. I don't feel like I can talk to them.

I think at least to some extent that's normal for anything where we can see that someone has achieved more than we have, esp. if we want to talk with them about that thing.
Weight loss, job success, doing a skill well...

Accept that it's sometimes difficult to approach people you look up to, screw up your courage, take a deep breath, and do it anyway.
Sometimes the person won't have realized that they're a good example, and will probably be pleased with & surprised by the recognition. (I used to be here.)
Sometimes they'll know they've achieved something & will be happy to talk with you. (Now I'm here.)
And yes, once in a while you'll run into a jerk, or maybe just someone who's too busy to talk right then. (Try never to be here.)

Look at what you've done here - you put your question out there for anyone on MFP to see & respond to. Anyone. Not just the new people, or the low-post-count-people, or the people who have as much weight to lose as you do.
And you haven't been jumped on, have you? People have been pretty nice, right?
I know there are some topics, and some members here, who get pretty rough, contentious, rude, etc. But for the most part we're here to help each other.

Now at the risk of being intimidating...:

(See, I can be nice even though I've been successful!)

SeattleJill

Everyone of us started out being chunky/shapeless/fat/thin whatever and derpy with exercises. My matial arts teacher said to us "if you don't look stupid the first two years you are doing this, you're doing it wrong". What he meant is that we were all new once, and we will all be new at something again in our life. People who look intense to you now will always have someone who surpases them that will make them feel like a derpy beginer. So don't feel intimidated. Feel inspired. Look at it as proof that someone normal, like you, was able to do it. And they are still doing it. Which means you can too!

CarlaKrl

Everybody is fighting their own demons. They may feel exactly the same like you. We all seeyto believe that for other is much easy to reach them goals while we are trying so hard...we all have our own frustration and certainly moments when u feel intimidated and wanna give up. But always thing that inside they may feel exactly like you.

jyogit

i felt a tad intimidated at first when i joined MfP too and after reading and reading a lot of posts i also felt a bit guilty, as i only wanted to lose around 30lbs and reading people who HAVE lost loads more and gained so much more in the process.
Along the way after reading and reading i also changed my goals to not only lose the weight but try and keep, and even gain some lean muscle mass.. I'm down to the 30lbs i wanted to lose and now i will continue my journey.. i don't feel intimidated now I've been here a while and I'm real glad that i worked through that initial feeling.

cwilson72180

I feel the same way. I always feel this way around people that act like that and it scares me.

999tigger

Dont worry just focus on yourself and your own achievements. What matters is your journey and not theirs.

I tend not to get intimidated by anyone on here, its just weight loss. Eating, not eating and a bit of execise. Get comfy with it and try not to worry because stress and worry undermine you. Keep it simple and the rest is just common sense, focus and consistency.
Get the basics right and you wont have to worry what other people think or do.

sengalissa

DeffoMik wrote: »

Does anybody else kind of...get intimidated by people that are really experienced with weight loss? Somebody that has a really good profile picture or one where they're at the gym working out or holding heavy weights....?

I don't know...maybe this sounds pretty terrible to you guys, but when people have lost a lot of weight or are even a lot skinnier than me after having been my weight or near it, I am super intimidated and I just feel weird. I don't feel like I can talk to them. Maybe it's just my insecurity, but....

That's it, I guess. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm judging anybody.
I guess I just feel low and stupid when I see people that are better off than me.
It should be motivating, but it kind of kills me inside....

Does anybody else get like this?

Hm, I am just plain jealous when I see lean people Seriously, they are the same, they simply started earlier!!!
I am pretty much at goal, humbled by those last 5-8 pounds though. So I might look successful from the outside, on the INside I am constantly failing! Feel like a beginner, wondering if I'll ever master maintenance, without counting even? I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that lifestyle change might be ok but I will actually have to watch my portions till I die! Which means that I will never be done ever.
Now think about why those successful people are still around.... they are not done. It is still a topic for them. They might have moved the goal post a little but in their view, they are still work in progress.

Bottomline: we're all in this together. No way around it.

runfoorun

I just see everyone as being at a different stage in their journey. MFP is such a supportive community. I get a bit of that intimidation when I get a FR from someone witch bulging muscles. Then they send me a message complimenting me on my accomplishments and despite the intimidation I feel welcomed in a way. Those of us that have been morbidly obese are the same inside. We can all relate no matter where we are in the process. Good luck to you.

tjcuts339

sengalissa wrote: »

DeffoMik wrote: »

Does anybody else kind of...get intimidated by people that are really experienced with weight loss? Somebody that has a really good profile picture or one where they're at the gym working out or holding heavy weights....?

I don't know...maybe this sounds pretty terrible to you guys, but when people have lost a lot of weight or are even a lot skinnier than me after having been my weight or near it, I am super intimidated and I just feel weird. I don't feel like I can talk to them. Maybe it's just my insecurity, but....

That's it, I guess. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm judging anybody.
I guess I just feel low and stupid when I see people that are better off than me.
It should be motivating, but it kind of kills me inside....

Does anybody else get like this?

Hm, I am just plain jealous when I see lean people Seriously, they are the same, they simply started earlier!!!
I am pretty much at goal, humbled by those last 5-8 pounds though. So I might look successful from the outside, on the INside I am constantly failing! Feel like a beginner, wondering if I'll ever master maintenance, without counting even? I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that lifestyle change might be ok but I will actually have to watch my portions till I die! Which means that I will never be done ever.
Now think about why those successful people are still around.... they are not done. It is still a topic for them. They might have moved the goal post a little but in their view, they are still work in progress.

Bottomline: we're all in this together. No way around it.

Agreed 100% Never should. one ever be intimidated! !! We have maybe been here longer.. We all started somewhere! ! Those that have been there longer only wish you success! !!! If they dont ?? You do not want to talk to them anyway!!!! Best of luck on your Journey! !!You need to bring a lot of Love on it! But it will Love you back....

RunRaineyRun

sengalissa wrote: »

Seriously, they are the same, they simply started earlier!!!

This quote just blew my mind. Sometimes you *know* things, but it still takes someone else to say if before it actually sinks in. That helped me immensely.

tjcuts339

That is why MFP works so well!!!!! We are all just a work in process. .. Trying every day to make this work..And we will together !!! Want to friend. Feel free its my pleasure. ...

itstimeRK

sengalissa wrote: »

I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that lifestyle change might be ok but I will actually have to watch my portions till I die! Which means that I will never be done ever.

This is exactly how I feel. Now that I am halfway to my goal, this is my biggest concern when I eventually get to maintaining.

tjcuts339

Personal. Jouney!!! You will hit bumps in the road but you will find ways around them!! I know this from experience. ...

EvgeniZyntx

If you feel intimidated - it could be an issue of self worth which *may* itself be a barrier to success. The people here will, for the most part, help out, address questions and be glad to share a laugh or three. Not one of them made of special matter from a far away planet that should intimidate you by their uniqueness - well, we are all star stuff and all that. Leave that fear behind.


Work on self-perception - if you feel intimidated, force yourself to reach out and break that barrier by getting used to knowing those people and learn their good practices. We all fart, laugh, poop, cry and eat.

tjcuts339

Exact 100% well put!!!!

Cortneyrenee04

You should reach out to those people who intimidate you. I think it would totally change your perception of them and it could motivate you!

This whole thing is easier when you can use (yes, use) people for their knowledge and experience. I know I wouldn't have stuck with losing weight for this long without the support of mfp

lbetancourt

yesimpson

^^ I love that.