Weight loss and marriage/relationship

DanniB423

How has your weight loss journey impacted your marriage/relationship? I am just curious because I see a mix of answers. Some spouses can become insecure or maybe jealous and some can be your biggest fan. My husband is supportive of me. He has no interest in changing his habits right now and that is fine with me. I don't think he really has much interest or understanding of the process. He has a very physical job that counteracts his "truck driver" eating habits. But still supportive the best he can be. How about you?

Holly_Roman_Empire

When we first met, I was the fat one, and my husband had a beautiful muscular body. He was fit. Now I'm the fit one, and even though he isn't fat, he isn't as fit as he used to be. He was and always has been my biggest fan, even after 7 years.

The_Sandra

My husband likes the results, but doesn't like the impact that my efforts have on him. It takes me time to work out, meal prep, and plan, and I think he'd rather I spend less time/energy on those things. He doesn't come right out and say it, and when I've brought it up he denies it (he may not even realize it himself), but he definitely comes across that way to me. I just make a point to still spend lots of time with the family and take care of my home/work responsibilities.

I wouldn't say that he is super supportive, but he isn't terribly unsupportive, either. There isn't much net impact on our relationship, but when I eat right and get in a good workout I'm a generally more pleasant person to be around, so that has to help some!

theadamswolfpack

When I met my husband 8 yrs ago I was 5'11 135 lbs and wore a size 8. After high school I went away for college so we were long distance for 4 years and I gained a lot of weight. I'm currently still 5'11 but I weight 227 and I'm a size 16. We just got married last month and I've been wanting to hit the gym because we're having a beach wedding in Aug. However, he DOES NOT want me to get skinny again because he's afraid I will leave him. So he always encourages bad eating habits and whenever I want to go to the gym he says "babe, let's watch a movie" things like that. It's getting really frustrating.

jgnatca

hollydubs85 wrote: »

When we first met, I was the fat one, and my husband had a beautiful muscular body. He was fit. Now I'm the fit one, and even though he isn't fat, he isn't as fit as he used to be. He was and always has been my biggest fan, even after 7 years.

My situation is similar. I wouldn't call my hubby my biggest fan, but he doesn't get in my way, either. He also loves the healthy cooking which he is totally in for.

With significant weight loss comes a new mindset. My support team warned me that such a change can impact those relationships closest to us. I think we'll be fine. But I am a different person and he has to come along for the ride, for whatever that ends up to be.

Oh, P.S. - we watched "Unbroken" together and during the flashback running scene, hubby asked if he might be riding his bike along with me? I said, "Sure, by this summer I'll be ready."

KHaverstick

It doesn't have much of an impact right now, to be honest. When we first got together, we were both young and fit. Over the past 18 years, we've gone through various phases where one or the other was less fit or overweight...he's had health issues, I've had kids, we've had our share of major life stresses, etc. There have been times where we've both committed to working on our health and fitness, and times where we've both slacked. Sometimes we're on the same page, and sometimes not. Right now I'm very close to my goal. He's not actively trying to lose weight, but would like to get back in shape--it's just not something he's working on currently. He's definitely supportive of my efforts. It doesn't have much of an impact on him day-to-day, because he IS a truck driver.

jsobole

My husband is an athlete and has been his entire life - college football player, national champion in javelin, etc. He has his "workout" he's always done and has the body to prove it works for him.

But - he eats like CRAP! He's lucky - he's 36 and it hasn't caught up with him... yet. He's always talking about how badly he eats, but won't listen to me about changing his habits. Sadly, this means we have a LOT of temptation in our house.

When I first started this journey he had the gall to ask if I was "doing it for him..." No sorry dear, I'm doing it for ME. Needless to say he loves the new body.

2bfit_2015

Well for me i was not obese by any means when i met my husband but i was about 20 lbs overweight. After we got married, all the unhealthy eating and going out , the lack of exercise and increase in stress contributed to the additional 60 lb weight gain thereafter! He has always been really good looking and muscular and just overal has a great physic. I never had a great physic when we first got to know each other so he met me while i was overweight and never complained about it. It wasnt until the additional 60 lb weight gain that he started to have worries that i am putting my health at risk being so overweight. He still never said anything negative and still finds me attractive. On the other hand i for sure have noticed more than he has how much the 60 lbs has affected my self esteem and self worth. I started exercising and eating smaller portions about 2 weeks ago and ive lost 12 lbs. i initially didnt even want to bring up the attempt at weight loss to my husband because i have tried so many times in the past and usually stopped at about the first week. The great thing about not tellng him is that he already noticed a difference in my body and asked me if i was losing weight

ew_david

My ex loved me thin, fat, fit, whatever. We had other issues, but losing weight and getting fit gave me the confidence to face those issues and do something about them.

ernurse167

I was pretty chunky when my GF and I met, still amazed she went out with me actually! She started working out first when she hit 40, just wanted to tone up and lose the extra baggage of 3 kids, though I didn't think she needed to change anything. I saw just how hard she was working and started to see the change in not only her shape, but also in her moods and energy levels. When she started asking me for positive affirmations that is when I was spurned into working on myself.

Now we both exercise quite a bit and watch our diets most of the time. She is my biggest cheerleader by far. Always telling me how much she likes my upper body being so hard and asking daily how my workout was and what did I do in crossfit. She keeps me motivated!

I try to do the same for her by asking about her zumba classes and suggesting higher weights and rubbing her sore legs and butt after each class.

Angieh0811

Mine is supportive to a point. It has brought out his insecurities. He makes the odd comment about my meal prep, weighing all my food, the time I am spend at the gym and not drinking alcohol (it has been a freezing cold winter and the last thing I want to do is crack open an ice cold beer.) He knows I have made a lifestyle change and he is slowly learning how to deal with it. I have compromised on my gym days for him non gym days I am working out at home. He isn't too keen on the attention I am starting to get but after being chubby for so many years I have to say I am enjoying it

sherbear702

Losing weight hasn't impacted my marriage at all, really. I'm going to categorize myself as "fluffy" when we met. I lost weight after he proposed because I knew there was a wedding in my immediate future. Did pretty good with my weight until the 1st kid came along. Lost 30lbs after that. Gained some back, got pregnant with #2, gained some more. My heaviest (after #2 came) was 215. Now, I'm down 20 lbs, looking to lose another 25.

So I guess, long story short, my husband has seen me at my lightest and my heaviest and he's never ever complained about the way I look. Now, having said that, I know he really likes it when I'm on the thinner side because then he's got a "hot wife". So he's always supportive of me when I try to lose weight.

It's funny, now that I've lost some weight he's actually inadvertenly lost about 10 pounds. He hasn't been "trying" per se, but he's been more consciencious of what he's eating and it's had a positive effect on him. Who knows, in another couple months we'll be that good looking fit couple!

a_candler

Mine was supportive, but lately gives me a hard time saying he thinks I've lost too much weight. I haven't, I'm just skinnier than I've ever been before and I think it makes him uncomfortable or something. He hasn't changed his eating habits, and he probably should as his belly is getting bigger. So I get frustrated with him for giving me a hard time when he could stand to loose some. I hope we can come to terms with each others diets, and quit bickering about it.

palwithme

Even at my heaviest my husband never said a word about my weight. After I lost 45 pounds he said "I really like your new body. I loved you before but this is better." And that is all he has said. I wish he would go to the gym with me, but he is just not interested. I would love if we could do this as a couple.

mamadon

Well, both my husband and I started out thin together twenty four years ago. Then we slowly got fat together lol. Luckily we then both decided to lose weight at the same time. I think it would have been hard on the relationship if only one of us lost weight.

c_white1990

My boy friend doesn't want me losing weight so I have no support from him at all! And with me eating healthy he won't do it with me which is fine I still cook his meals separately but he gets very frustrated with me about what I choose to eat.. He says I'm too extreme with it... This is my 2nd week of eating healthy and we have butted heads at least 4 times. But that's not going to stop me! I'm on a roll and I will keep going!

inchwormbyinchworm

I'm going to cop out and say my weight gain is from baby bearing, baby feeding, baby rearing. Since he's the reason for the babies, he'd never said anything about the weight gain, and I know it didn't make me less attractive to him.

When last baby turned 2 1/2, I was ready. I joined a gym, temporarily, on a groupon offer. He said, "you know, most people who join in January don't even make it to March." But we've been married long enough that I know when to ignore him. I distinctly remember one evening coming home from the gym and he had a batch of cookies made, and told me that I deserved one since I worked so hard at the gym.

Then I had a fitness test done. 45% body fat.

That hit him hard. He realized in that moment that my old age would not be fun if I didn't turn Queen Mary around.

Now he's completely on board. He told me this month how nice it is that I have my legs back. He was really happy for me when I bought my first size 16 jeans in 12 years.

And, umm. He's noticed a significant strength improvement in my abs, which pleases him immensely.

Ixlr8a67

When I told my spouse that I was going to start my weight loss journey, she made cookies. And while she has been more supportive since then, I keep that action in the back of my mind as motivation to keep going.

sgfoster110

Losing weight certainly makes the physical side more appealing. Plus better health.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

Mine is extremely supportive of all of my efforts (not just weight loss/fitness). I try not to talk about it all incessantly lest it wear thin.

He has periods where he's into it too but mostly not. And he *hates* lifting. Makes me laugh how everyone assumes that I picked up lifting from him or that our bench/squat rack is his.

Sweets1954

I have been overweight the entire time I have known my husband, he is my second so it's only been about 8 years. When I was diagnosed with diabetes and started on insulin I made the decision to lose weight to be more healthy, I want to have a long life with him, my children, and now my grandchildren. I told him my doctor agreed with my that I should lose 75 pounds. His response was "You'll look like a stick!" I have stuck to it, with one big setback but I'm back on track again. I must say he's not very supportive at all! He has taken over the cooking in the evenings during the week and seems to only know how to fry things or make tons of pasta. If we go out he will make the comment "Is that all your are eating?", "Are you eating enough?" and the like. I try to compensate by cooking on the weekends and really watching what I eat during the day at work but it is a constant struggle.

randomtai

Mine is very supportive of everything that I do. He actually started lifting and counting because of me.

WickedPineapple

My spouse has always been very supportive in general. He's always been a good example with healthy eating and being active. Many of our dates have been hiking. We've gone through both uber healthy, active phases and lazy, 'fluffy' phases in our relationship. But ever since I started taking this seriously, he's been 100% on board. In the beginning, he went on walks with me in the evenings. We started eating out less, and he ate all of my healthy dinner attempts without complaint. Not long after I starting running, he joined me. He's more into lifting, but we're both training for a half. I've leaned out, and he's bulked up. I think this may have improved our relationship, doing it together. We're each other's cheerleader, that's for sure.

mefitforlife9

My dh is my biggest supporter and helper! He works shift so on his days off, he will go grocery shopping - he actually will go to different stores if the veggies don't look fresh enough. He doesn't eat veggies hardly! All for me.

When we met (online, yahoo chat - 15 years ago, before all the dating sites), I was heavy, 250 or so, at 5ft 4in not good. We got married and I gained, Oh, he is 6' 3" and weighed 170 when we met.. lol - scrawny! He is now over 220 and could use some "toning" only.

In the last 3 years, I've lot over 95 lbs and believe me, I would never ever have been able to do it without his support. I still have 70 lbs to go and together we mapped out mini goals and long term goal for this year. We are booked on a cruise beginning of Dec and I should be down to somewhere around 177 when we leave (currently I'm 239).

Married 15 years this year and love him as much today as I did at the beginning.

babebump

Yeah im the only one worried about being healthy in the family. Its not that hes not supportive its just that i dont get any positive reinforcement for any of my efforts. But i know if i didnt worry about how i looked or watched what i ate my bf would not be down..

Farm_Girl_Strong

My first weight loss journey after baby #2 was a struggle. My hubby did not care about it, he did not want to eat the healthy meals and had no interest in joining. This caused a lot of marital issues as I was feeling great about myself and he was feeling insecure.

This time around, he has realized that he needs to also loss weight, get fit and healthy to keep up with our three beautiful children. So now, he is on Fitbit, has a gym pass and let's me do all the cooking. He never tries to pick up takeout unless it's our 'cheat night' which is actually only once a month since takeout is pricey and we have to literally drive 20mins to even pick it up (small town life...).

The change in our relationship, sex life and respect for each other has grown exponentially in the past four months, it has been absolutely amazing!

Lounmoun

We've been married for 15 years and I've been try to lose weight for about that long. He says he is happy if I am happy. He is supportive. He has told me I seem more confident and in the mood more often so he is all for that. I think we are pretty secure with each other.
Dh lost some weight since starting a medication last year and really doesn't need to lose any more.

ceruleanmuse

He's been happy that my starting to exercise regularly has made me happier, healthier, and stronger. We now have an activity that we can do together that we both enjoy. I love lifting with him. We get to do obstacle races and 5Ks together. We buy protein and supplements together. It's really bonding.

fitfreakymom

theadamswolfpack wrote: »

When I met my husband 8 yrs ago I was 5'11 135 lbs and wore a size 8. After high school I went away for college so we were long distance for 4 years and I gained a lot of weight. I'm currently still 5'11 but I weight 227 and I'm a size 16. We just got married last month and I've been wanting to hit the gym because we're having a beach wedding in Aug. However, he DOES NOT want me to get skinny again because he's afraid I will leave him. So he always encourages bad eating habits and whenever I want to go to the gym he says "babe, let's watch a movie" things like that. It's getting really frustrating.

And this does not worry you?

DanniB423

Thanks for sharing all of your experiences! Interesting to read!

mhausler93

I haven't read through all of the answers to see if someone else has had this same issue. But I'm getting married in August. My whole life I've been overweight, but when I met my fiancé, I was only about 20lbs overweight (as I am again, currently) but at that point I was in denial so I was "happy" and had accepted that j was overweight and I wasn't self concious about it. In that first year, I dropped 20-25 lbs, I was at a healthy weight, I was happy, I truly loved myself. Then I got an office job, I didn't exercise and we moved in together and I took on his eating habits. I put on the 20lbs again. And now, I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't like what I see. I don't like how I feel. And that has taken a major hit on my self esteem. So now that I'm trying to lose those 20lbs again, I'm very critical of my body and my appearance, and it makes it difficult to accept compliments from my fiancé. He tries to reassure me that he loves me the way I am, that I'm beautiful etc. but I always tell myself he is just saying that to make me feel better. He knows it, I know it. And it makes him feel like crap knowing I don't believe a single compliment that comes out of his mouth. So that has taken a toll on our relationship a bit. And I often ask for his support but he won't give me that support until he knows that I can accept myself again.

Wow. That was a novel. Sorry.