Weight loss and marriage/relationship

cazpom37

my husband is extremely supportive and him being the cook in the house, he'll quite happily prepare a healthy meal for me. sometimes he'll cook his separate when he wants burgers or bacon etc but most of the time he'll quite happily eat what i'm having. i'm now the same size i was when i met him but at my biggest after having the boys, i ballooned to a uk size 24. at my biggest he never went off me or found me less attractive and always continued to show me attention which has been wonderful because i know he loves me any size. the weight loss is for me though, i want to feel good about myself. makes me a happier person to be around

AngryViking1970

My husband is very supportive and encouraging. Sometimes, though he'll suggest things I should be doing to make my weight loss "better". I tell him to STFU.

fattofit_fritch26

My husband and I met at my highest weight...I lost some before our wedding, then gained some after the honeymoon, now I'm losing again..it doesn't make much of a difference to him. I'm curvy, so the extra fluff around the middle goes unnoticed with him. It does me a lot of good knowing he loves me no matter my weight, and makes me want to work harder because it's really for me and I don't have the added pressure of my partner wanting me to change. He is supportive with my workouts and usually comes with me or helps me plan them (he's in the military so he has a better idea of what workout programs to do), we meal plan together, eat healthy meals through the week but have one bigger meal most weekends to treat each other, take our pup to the park a lot, walk together, go on bike rides...We mainly want to develop a healthy, happy lifestyle for us now, and for our family in the future. I am blessed with a husband who is supportive in all that I do.

fattofit_fritch26

mhausler93 wrote: »

I haven't read through all of the answers to see if someone else has had this same issue. But I'm getting married in August. My whole life I've been overweight, but when I met my fiancé, I was only about 20lbs overweight (as I am again, currently) but at that point I was in denial so I was "happy" and had accepted that j was overweight and I wasn't self concious about it. In that first year, I dropped 20-25 lbs, I was at a healthy weight, I was happy, I truly loved myself. Then I got an office job, I didn't exercise and we moved in together and I took on his eating habits. I put on the 20lbs again. And now, I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't like what I see. I don't like how I feel. And that has taken a major hit on my self esteem. So now that I'm trying to lose those 20lbs again, I'm very critical of my body and my appearance, and it makes it difficult to accept compliments from my fiancé. He tries to reassure me that he loves me the way I am, that I'm beautiful etc. but I always tell myself he is just saying that to make me feel better. He knows it, I know it. And it makes him feel like crap knowing I don't believe a single compliment that comes out of his mouth. So that has taken a toll on our relationship a bit. And I often ask for his support but he won't give me that support until he knows that I can accept myself again.

Wow. That was a novel. Sorry.

When my husband and I first got married I felt great, I had lost almost 30 lbs before the wedding...but honeymoon and newlywed weight caught up with me. I really struggled to see myself as attractive, and still do some days...and it was hard for him to see me beat myself up. Eventually I realized that he really does find me attractive (maybe TMI, but we can't keep our hands off each other). So now I focus on how he sees me, and try to see myself in the same way, focus on the good instead of beating myself up about what I think should be different.

The things we women notice the most are the things we don't like (the extra around the middle, our thighs, arms, etc)...what they notice are the things they love (our curves, cleavage, smile, laugh, quirks, booties), all the things they find attractive.


You're a hottie, deal with it lady!

KariQuiteContrary

My ex who was a fairly lanky guy and I met when I was at my highest weight (I was 5'4" and 197 - He was 5'9" and 145) and he seemed pretty ok with that arrangement. About 3 1/2 years in I decided to start losing weight (which he was 'supportive' of at the time) and dropped to about 137 in a period of about 6-7 months. Once I was fit and healthy his insecurities got the best of him and set us on a pretty rocky course for the remainder of the relationship. He was jealous, insecure, didn't make an effort to support my healthy eating habits (did pretty much the opposite) and eventually ended up being unfaithful in part due to his insecurities about the attention I was getting in my fit state. Towards the end of the relationship I put back on 35 of that hard fought loss in part because of stress and in part because my heartbroken brain thought that maybe just maybe if I was chubby again he'd feel more secure. (Yes, I'm aware of how idiotic that was...love turns smart people into morons). The relationship took me to unhealthy places both emotionally and physically not only because of his lack of support (and sometimes sabotoge) but also because of his emotional/social reaction to my desire to be healthier.

My current boyfriend is beyond supportive. In fact, that I lift and make an effort to have a healthy lifestyle inside and out is a big part of what he says attracted him to me (Quote "A chick with a squat rack photo as her profile pic is badass"). Don't get me wrong. I'm still fighting to drop those pounds I let creep back on (however I know I'm in better shape as I'm much much much stronger than I was at my lowest weight and still fit into smaller clothes than I did previously at my current weight) but I can say without a doubt, emotionally, mentally, physically, having a supportive partner is so incredibly valuable. He's also been where I have (he's been chunky, he's been skinny, and is currently pretty dang muscular). We don't always lift or run together but I know I can count on him to tell me how proud of me he is and how happy he is that I am doing something to take care of myself.

allycado

My boyfriend and I are on MFP together (I halfheartedly joined two years ago, he started in January when I decided to take it seriously). He's not quite as motivated as I am, but it's great that he understands the ins and outs of MFP. It's made a huge difference in our lives since we live together: We can't just sit on the couch and eat all night long anymore.

Regarding what he thinks about my weight, he knows that he doesn't get to have any say in what I do with my body. No boyfriend of mine ever has, nor will.

scar47

fattofit_fritch26 wrote: »

mhausler93 wrote: »

I haven't read through all of the answers to see if someone else has had this same issue. But I'm getting married in August. My whole life I've been overweight, but when I met my fiancé, I was only about 20lbs overweight (as I am again, currently) but at that point I was in denial so I was "happy" and had accepted that j was overweight and I wasn't self concious about it. In that first year, I dropped 20-25 lbs, I was at a healthy weight, I was happy, I truly loved myself. Then I got an office job, I didn't exercise and we moved in together and I took on his eating habits. I put on the 20lbs again. And now, I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't like what I see. I don't like how I feel. And that has taken a major hit on my self esteem. So now that I'm trying to lose those 20lbs again, I'm very critical of my body and my appearance, and it makes it difficult to accept compliments from my fiancé. He tries to reassure me that he loves me the way I am, that I'm beautiful etc. but I always tell myself he is just saying that to make me feel better. He knows it, I know it. And it makes him feel like crap knowing I don't believe a single compliment that comes out of his mouth. So that has taken a toll on our relationship a bit. And I often ask for his support but he won't give me that support until he knows that I can accept myself again.

Wow. That was a novel. Sorry.

When my husband and I first got married I felt great, I had lost almost 30 lbs before the wedding...but honeymoon and newlywed weight caught up with me. I really struggled to see myself as attractive, and still do some days...and it was hard for him to see me beat myself up. Eventually I realized that he really does find me attractive (maybe TMI, but we can't keep our hands off each other). So now I focus on how he sees me, and try to see myself in the same way, focus on the good instead of beating myself up about what I think should be different.

The things we women notice the most are the things we don't like (the extra around the middle, our thighs, arms, etc)...what they notice are the things they love (our curves, cleavage, smile, laugh, quirks, booties), all the things they find attractive.


You're a hottie, deal with it lady!

That's one of the most intelligent posts that I've seen on MFP. Also, some women really don't understand how much men love the smiles, laughs, and quirks. Kudos to you and your husband. You got it right!

mhausler93

fattofit_fritch26 wrote: »

mhausler93 wrote: »

I haven't read through all of the answers to see if someone else has had this same issue. But I'm getting married in August. My whole life I've been overweight, but when I met my fiancé, I was only about 20lbs overweight (as I am again, currently) but at that point I was in denial so I was "happy" and had accepted that j was overweight and I wasn't self concious about it. In that first year, I dropped 20-25 lbs, I was at a healthy weight, I was happy, I truly loved myself. Then I got an office job, I didn't exercise and we moved in together and I took on his eating habits. I put on the 20lbs again. And now, I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't like what I see. I don't like how I feel. And that has taken a major hit on my self esteem. So now that I'm trying to lose those 20lbs again, I'm very critical of my body and my appearance, and it makes it difficult to accept compliments from my fiancé. He tries to reassure me that he loves me the way I am, that I'm beautiful etc. but I always tell myself he is just saying that to make me feel better. He knows it, I know it. And it makes him feel like crap knowing I don't believe a single compliment that comes out of his mouth. So that has taken a toll on our relationship a bit. And I often ask for his support but he won't give me that support until he knows that I can accept myself again.

Wow. That was a novel. Sorry.

When my husband and I first got married I felt great, I had lost almost 30 lbs before the wedding...but honeymoon and newlywed weight caught up with me. I really struggled to see myself as attractive, and still do some days...and it was hard for him to see me beat myself up. Eventually I realized that he really does find me attractive (maybe TMI, but we can't keep our hands off each other). So now I focus on how he sees me, and try to see myself in the same way, focus on the good instead of beating myself up about what I think should be different.

The things we women notice the most are the things we don't like (the extra around the middle, our thighs, arms, etc)...what they notice are the things they love (our curves, cleavage, smile, laugh, quirks, booties), all the things they find attractive.


You're a hottie, deal with it lady!

Thank you! I know I need to try to see myself differently. And I'm really working on it. Thank you again, it helps to get that swift kick from other ladies

scaryg53

ernurse167 wrote: »

I was pretty chunky when my GF and I met, still amazed she went out with me actually! She started working out first when she hit 40, just wanted to tone up and lose the extra baggage of 3 kids, though I didn't think she needed to change anything. I saw just how hard she was working and started to see the change in not only her shape, but also in her moods and energy levels. When she started asking me for positive affirmations that is when I was spurned into working on myself.

Now we both exercise quite a bit and watch our diets most of the time. She is my biggest cheerleader by far. Always telling me how much she likes my upper body being so hard and asking daily how my workout was and what did I do in crossfit. She keeps me motivated!

I try to do the same for her by asking about her zumba classes and suggesting higher weights and rubbing her sore legs and butt after each class.

This is so sweet, I love the support. I've never really had support from the people I have dated. My boyfriend wishes I would eat with him more but he understands that my fitness is important to me and he loves my body. He does get annoyed sometimes, but he would never try to stop me from being happy with myself. And he loves to rub my butt after workouts!! Haha!