Not sure why friends care what you eat
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My friends don't really comment on what I'm eating. I do eat when I go out - why shouldn't I?
But in general they're more interested in talking, and what's on their own plates, than what's on mine! 0 -
Like it or not, food consumption is more than just tool for survival, it's a ritual that has certain connections, feelings and money attached to it.
Does it make them think that you are feeling superior about the quality of the food you eat?
Does it make them feel like it's something that you shared but no longer can?
Does it make them feel like they are trying to do something nice for you, but you are being rude by refusing?
Does it make them feel like you are sabotaging their plans to have a good time?
Does it make them feel like they are wasting their money?
...etc
I like to keep my personal goals and my social life separate. One does not need to interfere with the other, or I may have problems at one side or the other. If I know I'm going out with friends I keep my food intake light for the day then share a meal with them. If I'm offered some love offering that comes in the form of food, like a cookie or a piece of cake, I take it and say thank you then make up for it later. If I'm invited to some event with lots of high calorie foods I don't stand there nitpicking and looking for lower calorie options, I just indulge like everybody else and call it a day. If I make an event about me and my selfish need to be perfect every single day instead of communication, fun, and living, then I'm missing out on a lot and unnecessarily.0 -
Well, I can see myself being a little put off if I made plans with a friend to go out to lunch or (worse) dinner and when we got to the restaurant, that person had already eaten and just drank water while I had a meal. Yes, it would make me feel awkward and a little annoyed that now I'm hungry and have to spend money to eat when we could have both eaten at home and then done some other activity together.
Perhaps the next time you are invited out, you can try suggesting an alternative activity, like taking a walk in a park. That way your friend doesn't expect that you will be lunching together, only to find him/herself eating while you watch.
I totally agree.
I don't care what my friends eat at all. But if we have made plans to get dinner and you don't order food and I am eating alone, then what was the point of going out to dinner together? I could have saved money and we could have done something else.
The point would be that your friend wants to socialize with you and presumably, you would have said you wanted to eat or you'd do something else. They just aren't hungry, or don't care for the food, or have a meal planned for later, who knows.
Maybe it's just me, but that's why I go to a restaurant with a friend. Because one of us wants to eat, and I want to socialize. For me, eating is secondary. If I'm not hungry, I'll just get a drink. I've had friends do similar with me. It never even occurred to me to be bothered by it, and I'm pretty sure they weren't bothered either, or they'd have said something.0 -
Well, I can see myself being a little put off if I made plans with a friend to go out to lunch or (worse) dinner and when we got to the restaurant, that person had already eaten and just drank water while I had a meal. Yes, it would make me feel awkward and a little annoyed that now I'm hungry and have to spend money to eat when we could have both eaten at home and then done some other activity together.
Perhaps the next time you are invited out, you can try suggesting an alternative activity, like taking a walk in a park. That way your friend doesn't expect that you will be lunching together, only to find him/herself eating while you watch.
I totally agree.
I don't care what my friends eat at all. But if we have made plans to get dinner and you don't order food and I am eating alone, then what was the point of going out to dinner together? I could have saved money and we could have done something else.
The point would be that your friend wants to socialize with you and presumably, you would have said you wanted to eat or you'd do something else. They just aren't hungry, or don't care for the food, or have a meal planned for later, who knows.
Maybe it's just me, but that's why I go to a restaurant with a friend. Because one of us wants to eat, and I want to socialize. For me, eating is secondary. If I'm not hungry, I'll just get a drink. I've had friends do similar with me. It never even occurred to me to be bothered by it, and I'm pretty sure they weren't bothered either, or they'd have said something.
I still think it's strange to make plans to eat, to just not eat. Again, I don't care my friends eat or don't eat, but if I think we are having dinner together as the social event and then I'm eating alone, I'd be put off. And I would remember that the next time and make different plans - like a movie or coffee or drinks.
But, then again, my friends like food as much as I do and eating out for us IS the experience we want to share.
But, hey, you do you. If your friends don't mind, then that's all that matters.0 -
I have literally a myriad of dietary restrictions and it's very difficult to find a restaurant where I can eat. Sometimes if everyone wants to eat someplace in particular and I can't eat there, we all go and I just get water while they eat. The socialization is what we're there for anyway. I just eat later. They all know what my restrictions are and they don't worry or judge me for for them. That's because they are good friends. If your friends are judging you, perhaps you need to reconsider your friends.0
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The only time I ever got annoyed when eating out with a friend was when I went out with an annorexic freind (medically, not figurativley). She would order a huge amount of food (perhaps all her cravings at once) and then pick at bits and try to force it on other people- then finally waste whatever was left. Sometimes she would order a meat pie and eat the top crust and maybe one chunk of meat and then smush up and leave the rest-that was annoying when done regularly. I hate waste.
The other thing is that my closest friend is 10 inches taller than me and proportionally built so her daily calorie allowance was much higher than mine. We'd order pizza and split it evenly and I'd be gaining weight whilst she was maintaining- so i had to start eating less than my half or make allowances elsewhere (which is hard when it's a spare of the moment after-club pizza).... that's the only time I cared about what someone else was eating .....well apart from when it's stolen off my plate- coz then it's MINE! Then I care very deeply 0 -
I have a friend who likes to eat, a lot. She's gained about 100 lbs in the 6 years I've known her. Whenever I go out to dinner with her, she tries to strong-arm the entire table into getting something that she "just NEEDS" to eat. One time, she spent about 7 minutes trying to pressure me and another friend into getting an appetizer sampler just because she wanted mozzarella sticks. I was getting a wrap that came with fries and coleslaw, the other friend was just getting coffee and a crock of french onion soup. We weren't that hungry, neither of us were trying to lose weight at the time, it was just a ton of food for no reason. We knew we'd just end up over-eating chicken fingers and jalapeno poppers to appease her, so we held firm. She ended up getting an entire side of mozz sticks on top of her full meal (with dessert and frappe).
Sometimes I care what other people eat because they try to push food on me when I don't want it. We don't have to gorge ourselves because "socializing = food sharing" in our culture.0 -
Well, I can see myself being a little put off if I made plans with a friend to go out to lunch or (worse) dinner and when we got to the restaurant, that person had already eaten and just drank water while I had a meal. Yes, it would make me feel awkward and a little annoyed that now I'm hungry and have to spend money to eat when we could have both eaten at home and then done some other activity together.
Perhaps the next time you are invited out, you can try suggesting an alternative activity, like taking a walk in a park. That way your friend doesn't expect that you will be lunching together, only to find him/herself eating while you watch.
I totally agree.
I don't care what my friends eat at all. But if we have made plans to get dinner and you don't order food and I am eating alone, then what was the point of going out to dinner together? I could have saved money and we could have done something else.
The point would be that your friend wants to socialize with you and presumably, you would have said you wanted to eat or you'd do something else. They just aren't hungry, or don't care for the food, or have a meal planned for later, who knows.
Maybe it's just me, but that's why I go to a restaurant with a friend. Because one of us wants to eat, and I want to socialize. For me, eating is secondary. If I'm not hungry, I'll just get a drink. I've had friends do similar with me. It never even occurred to me to be bothered by it, and I'm pretty sure they weren't bothered either, or they'd have said something.
I still think it's strange to make plans to eat, to just not eat. Again, I don't care my friends eat or don't eat, but if I think we are having dinner together as the social event and then I'm eating alone, I'd be put off. And I would remember that the next time and make different plans - like a movie or coffee or drinks.
But, then again, my friends like food as much as I do and eating out for us IS the experience we want to share.
But, hey, you do you. If your friends don't mind, then that's all that matters.
I would feel it was a bit strange too, and it's uncomfortable to just sit there and eat in front of someone who is...sitting there watching you eat.
There are so many ways of socializing. Even non-dinners/non-lunches that include food, but don't require it. Parties, movies, whatever.
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levitateme wrote: »I have a friend who likes to eat, a lot. She's gained about 100 lbs in the 6 years I've known her. Whenever I go out to dinner with her, she tries to strong-arm the entire table into getting something that she "just NEEDS" to eat. One time, she spent about 7 minutes trying to pressure me and another friend into getting an appetizer sampler just because she wanted mozzarella sticks. I was getting a wrap that came with fries and coleslaw, the other friend was just getting coffee and a crock of french onion soup. We weren't that hungry, neither of us were trying to lose weight at the time, it was just a ton of food for no reason. We knew we'd just end up over-eating chicken fingers and jalapeno poppers to appease her, so we held firm. She ended up getting an entire side of mozz sticks on top of her full meal (with dessert and frappe).
Sometimes I care what other people eat because they try to push food on me when I don't want it. We don't have to gorge ourselves because "socializing = food sharing" in our culture.
Well, THAT'S ridiculous.
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Well, I can see myself being a little put off if I made plans with a friend to go out to lunch or (worse) dinner and when we got to the restaurant, that person had already eaten and just drank water while I had a meal. Yes, it would make me feel awkward and a little annoyed that now I'm hungry and have to spend money to eat when we could have both eaten at home and then done some other activity together.
Perhaps the next time you are invited out, you can try suggesting an alternative activity, like taking a walk in a park. That way your friend doesn't expect that you will be lunching together, only to find him/herself eating while you watch.
I totally agree.
I don't care what my friends eat at all. But if we have made plans to get dinner and you don't order food and I am eating alone, then what was the point of going out to dinner together? I could have saved money and we could have done something else.
The point would be that your friend wants to socialize with you and presumably, you would have said you wanted to eat or you'd do something else. They just aren't hungry, or don't care for the food, or have a meal planned for later, who knows.
Maybe it's just me, but that's why I go to a restaurant with a friend. Because one of us wants to eat, and I want to socialize. For me, eating is secondary. If I'm not hungry, I'll just get a drink. I've had friends do similar with me. It never even occurred to me to be bothered by it, and I'm pretty sure they weren't bothered either, or they'd have said something.
I still think it's strange to make plans to eat, to just not eat. Again, I don't care my friends eat or don't eat, but if I think we are having dinner together as the social event and then I'm eating alone, I'd be put off. And I would remember that the next time and make different plans - like a movie or coffee or drinks.
But, then again, my friends like food as much as I do and eating out for us IS the experience we want to share.
But, hey, you do you. If your friends don't mind, then that's all that matters.
I would feel it was a bit strange too, and it's uncomfortable to just sit there and eat in front of someone who is...sitting there watching you eat.
There are so many ways of socializing. Even non-dinners/non-lunches that include food, but don't require it. Parties, movies, whatever.
Yep, that's all I'm saying. Instead of having that awkwardness, why not just do something else together. Bizarre.0 -
levitateme wrote: »Sometimes I care what other people eat because they try to push food on me when I don't want it. We don't have to gorge ourselves because "socializing = food sharing" in our culture.
Right. We don't have to gorge ourselves. Nor do we have to sip daintily on lemon water while everyone else eats.
Still don't see a reason to agree to go out for a meal and then not eat. There are other ways to socialize without going out to eat.
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levitateme wrote: »I have a friend who likes to eat, a lot. She's gained about 100 lbs in the 6 years I've known her. Whenever I go out to dinner with her, she tries to strong-arm the entire table into getting something that she "just NEEDS" to eat. One time, she spent about 7 minutes trying to pressure me and another friend into getting an appetizer sampler just because she wanted mozzarella sticks. I was getting a wrap that came with fries and coleslaw, the other friend was just getting coffee and a crock of french onion soup. We weren't that hungry, neither of us were trying to lose weight at the time, it was just a ton of food for no reason. We knew we'd just end up over-eating chicken fingers and jalapeno poppers to appease her, so we held firm. She ended up getting an entire side of mozz sticks on top of her full meal (with dessert and frappe).
Sometimes I care what other people eat because they try to push food on me when I don't want it. We don't have to gorge ourselves because "socializing = food sharing" in our culture.
Well, THAT'S ridiculous.
Yes. One other time it was a cheese plate with roasted peppers and such, we didn't argue and she ate most of it herself. I don't go out to eat with her and her boyfriend much anymore, which is sad. It's less about food and more about her being a control freak, though.
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More often I've had the opposite problem. People who know I'm tracking calories/working out will see me eating something they don't see as "diet food" and say "Are you supposed to be eating that?" or "Oh, there goes the diet, huh?" Pfffttt, they wish.
on the other hand, i get a LOT of that.
ummm i eat what i want. i had heath bar cake last night. i have some logged for today, and as long as i go on my walk, will have it and enjoy it tonight! - and if i DONT go on my walk, ill have it tomorrow LOL (was supposed to go to gym this afternoon but car died)0 -
OP, I think that you need better friends. Grown ups don't do this to each other.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with one person in a party having a cup of tea while the other(s) eat a meal. That doesn't make anybody look stupid. The conversation is the important thing. Anybody who makes a big deal about what you are or are not eating is just rude.
People who want to pressure you, manipulate you or use you to make themselves feel better about pigging out...eh, those people might not be be very good friends.0
LOL 
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