why people are so cruel??

AmigaDona

2 days ago I was in a party with my friends, I was with my best friend when someone came close to me and told me is it your daughter?, I was so embarrassed when my friend told her no she we are friends. I feel so broken, we are the same age my friend and I but she is skinny and I am overweight, how to overcome this bad situation? I am so broken from what happened.

johnsonGA15

Don't take it to heart, and channel your pain to do something constructive. I've been picked on the same way. You're among a community who cares about you.

999tigger

You cannot choose how people behave, but you can choose how you respond. From what you post theres no certainty she was being cruel or that they even knew you.

Use it as an opportunity to commit to making changes and losing the weight you want to. Getting upset about it doesnt get you anywhere, but using it as motivation and doing something about it will.

rachelnumberone

I'm so sorry that happened to you, people who pick on others are insecure on the inside. Yes you could channel your bad feelings into working out or improving yourself, but I think the first step should be working on accepting yourself just as you are. In a lot of ways it's actually harder than losing weight is. I struggle with accepting myself a lot, but over time I'm getting there.
Good luck!

ninerbuff

People are mistaken for age all the time. When I was 16, I looked to be 12 years old. My best friend at the time (also 16) had a beard and could pass for 21. Letting it affect you is more telling since the person that said it won't really give it a second thought.

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Sued0nim

maybe you look older than your age...a lot of that could be down to hairstyle, make up, dress sense...and maybe your friend looks younger than hers. Why would you automatically jump to it must be because I'm overweight

I bet the person who said it feels much worse ..sounds like social chitchat gone horribly wrong

If you are overweight you can do something about it, unlike being old ..that's just an upward trend

So either use it to knock you down or use it to build you up ...you have a choice here

annette_15

A cab driver once asked me if my husband was my dad...and he doesnt look old for his age at all. Hes 28 and I'm 26. It was awkward...ppl say weird things sometimes, just try to not to let it get to u

Alatariel75

I don't think it sounds cruel so much as it may have been thoughtless, or even a misguided attempt to hit on your friend (kinda like a reverse "wow you guys must be sisters!" to a mother and daughter). I don't really see how it would relate to your weight though, it's not the kind of comment that I'd assume related to that?

Reema_capricorn

I get rude comments about my weight all the time. People can be really tactless. You can either cry into a tub of ice cream or go out and get your body moving. If you live in cold weather, there's always youtube. Look up fitness blender on youtube. I am very confident if you workout you'll be having the last laugh!! All the best with your goals and stay strong.

Ms_LisaKay

Okay, I am about to give you some bad advice.

Try shopping for one outfit at Torrid if you have the means. I found that the heavier I was, the frumpier the available clothing selections became. Torrid has -sexy- clothes for big women. Now, limit your retail therapy to ONE outfit, because the better goal is to work from the inside out, not the outside in. If you are working on the weight, there is no sense in investing in a big girl wardrobe. But sometimes, a great outfit for a night out can help avoid this sort of scenario.

For better advice, see all other posts.

KarenJanine

How you interpret it could make a difference - maybe your friend was also offended if the person thought of her as being much younger than she is.

AllonsYtotheTardis

I don't thnk that person was trying to be cruel. I think they are just stupid

Lounmoun

I think you are probably interpreting the question much more negatively than it was. It was likely an innocent mistake from someone trying to start a conversation at a party and not a jab at you.
Maybe you did look older than your friend at that time. Maybe your friend just looked exceptionally young at that time. Maybe you will look younger after you lose weight and maybe you won't. Some people just look/dress/act older or younger than they are.

Need2Exerc1se

I don't know the intent of the person that asked the question. But whatever their intent, you can't control it. Don't let some thoughtless, stupid or even intentionally cruel comment control you. Shake it off and move on with your life. That comment can only break you if you let it. Don't.

SingRunTing

People ask if my husband is my son all the time and he's a little older than me. People just really suck at judging ages. It's better to let the small stuff go than to hold onto it. You'll be much happier.

urloved33

AmigaDona wrote: »

2 days ago I was in a party with my friends, I was with my best friend when someone came close to me and told me is it your daughter?, I was so embarrassed when my friend told her no she we are friends. I feel so broken, we are the same age my friend and I but she is skinny and I am overweight, how to overcome this bad situation? I am so broken from what happened.

I personally wonder why a person needs to mention another person age, weight, relationship with others anyway...."nice weather we are having isn't it..."

People can be invasive, rude, bullying...inconsiderate. Ignore them as best you can...it does hurt us all we cant deny that...mean things hurt. Hugs to you!

JoRocka

over thinking it.

little boy called me 40 this past weekend. I look no where near that.

you're over thinking it and I can promise you they aren't being cruel- just making conversation. They didn't give it a second thought.

Aine8046

annette_15 wrote: »

A cab driver once asked me if my husband was my dad...and he doesnt look old for his age at all. Hes 28 and I'm 26. It was awkward...ppl say weird things sometimes, just try to not to let it get to u

I was asked if my husband is my little brother several times... We look similar and we are of the same age, but he looked much younger than he was (till his forties at least)...

Aine8046

SingRunTing wrote: »

People ask if my husband is my son all the time and he's a little older than me. People just really suck at judging ages. It's better to let the small stuff go than to hold onto it. You'll be much happier.

Wow! And I thought "little brother" was bad!

MamaJ1974

Granted, it was in an old folks' home, but I was once asked if my son and I were brothers. Delighted that they thought I was young, horrified that they thought I was a boy!

urloved33

Well some people think more of themselves than they should...and then throw it up all over the rest of us.

nicfitnesszone

Some people lack social etiquette. This is on that person who had no tact. Keep your chin up and focus on you goals.

ThickMcRunFast

laurielima wrote: »

Well some people think more of themselves than they should...and then throw it up all over the rest of us.

How is making a mistake about someone's age an example of this?


OP, I highly doubt they were trying to be cruel to you. I don't even get how that comment is connected to weight. It seems that you are projecting your own insecurities. Just move on and don't let it affect your personal goals.

yesimpson

I think you should consider whether that person just wasn't wearing their glasses before you write yourself off as old-looking and unattractive.

rungirl1973

Ever since my kids were teenagers, servers ask if there will be one check or multiple checks when we go out to eat together.

My kids looked older than their ages, and I look younger. It is what it is. The person was probably not trying to be mean, people just need to learn to avoid the topics of age and weight in 99.9% of conversations.

urloved33

ThickMcRunFast wrote: »

laurielima wrote: »

Well some people think more of themselves than they should...and then throw it up all over the rest of us.

How is making a mistake about someone's age an example of this?


OP, I highly doubt they were trying to be cruel to you. I don't even get how that comment is connected to weight. It seems that you are projecting your own insecurities. Just move on and don't let it affect your personal goals.

I dont' remember asking your opinion. Throw it up all over someone else. Thank you.

hezemakiah

Maybe they have vision problems.

Once when I was 19 I was in a restaurant with my friends and two cops came up to me and started quizzing me about who I was, my age, my birthdate, etc....turns out I apparently looked like a 14-year-old runaway. It's not always easy to guess a person's age.

krysmuree

I've had children come up to me and ask me when I'm having my baby.
I don't have children, nor am I pregnant.
I'm also almost 25 and get mistaken for someone who can't see an R rated movie without an adult. Rude.

It'll happen. Don't let it get to you. Keep working towards your goals.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM

EvgeniZyntx

Someone this week thought I was Belgian. I was mortified.

marissafit06

My husband started balding at a 19 and people used to give him dirty looks when we were first dating and I was 18. I looked a good 2-3 years younger than my age and he looked about 10 years older. I used it hate it when people asked if I was 15, but you get used to and they weren't trying to be rude.

Rivers2k

This happens to people all the time. My mom asked my friends wife when she was due (she isn't pregnant). My mom was kicking herself for it all afternoon. Same thing happened to my sister recently.

When I was about 20 I took my mom out for mothers day and the waitress said let me move the center piece so you can see your partner. My mom laughed so hard and I was so grossed out. Stuff like that happens to people all the time. Probably has nothing to do with weight.