My partner's sweet tooth problem - he is making me eat more than I should!
Yoyo_Fitness
Posts: 84 Member
I'm sure this happens to all of us. My partner, who have a sweet tooth, always expect me to join him whenever he has cravings for sweets. Eat half of this muffin, share this with me, order this with me, etc. I do eat a bit to be polite, but at the same time it really makes me angry because I don't want to!!! Of course you could say NO but I know that he won't like it. He is already much healthier than before but he is trying to put his guilt on me, too.....How do you deal with this??? Has anyone had a similar experience?
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I have a VERY hard time passing up the sweets, and admittedly I still indulge more than I should. That being said, I am responsible for my eating, no one is force feeding me. I started to respond to the food pushers in my life by saying "would you walk into an AA meeting with a fifth and push that too???". Yeah, it's off putting, but it works.0
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You can't blame your partner for what you put in your mouth.
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my partner is similar he eats unhealthy and does NOT gain weight if anything gains muscle and lots of it....we have issues here and there BUT he knows now how serious i am and how much it sucks to see him eating those things especially when he offers...WILL POWER is your best friend....JUST SAY NO0
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Sorry, but it sounds like you are making an excuse to indulge a little here. If you choosing what you do and do not eat makes him angry, then he has serious problems that need addressing. Because that's actually quite a disturbing way to behave.0
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First, he isn't making you. That's not me nitpicking your wording, it's an important mindset to get rid of right now. Take ownership of your actions and learn to say no.
Second, he's your partner. You have to communicate with him. I do a lot of things just to be polite with other people, and of course I do whatever I can to make my husband happy, but there's got to be a point where you just sit him down and say "hey, this is making things harder for me. Please cut it out." If he's a good partner he'll try.
That said, there's no reason you can't work a few sweets in here and there. Maybe you could arrange something with him, like once per week the two of you go out for dessert or whatever. Don't assume that he's "putting his guilt on you" unless that's what he's told you. Personally I eat sweets all the time. I usually have ice cream every night. I have no guilt. I always offer some to my husband, because that's how I was raised. But if he ever said "I wish you'd stop offering" I'd do it in a heartbeat.0 -
You won't be able to change your behavior until you acknowledge that YOU are responsible for it. Stop blaming your partner for "making you" eat sweets and be accountable for what you do.
Have you talked to him about this, or are you just assuming that he won't like it if you pass up the sweets? I don't understand how someone who cares for you would be upset if you wanted to get healthier. You say that he is "healthier than before". Why wouldn't he want that for you?0 -
I think we worry too much about upsetting others and don't consider how much they upset us. You are your own person and he is his. Nobody "makes" us do anything. If want it have it. If you really don't want it don't have it. When you start letting other people become the master of your life you have lost control. Be careful with that one!0
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ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »First, he isn't making you. That's not me nitpicking your wording, it's an important mindset to get rid of right now. Take ownership of your actions and learn to say no.
Second, he's your partner. You have to communicate with him. I do a lot of things just to be polite with other people, and of course I do whatever I can to make my husband happy, but there's got to be a point where you just sit him down and say "hey, this is making things harder for me. Please cut it out." If he's a good partner he'll try.
That said, there's no reason you can't work a few sweets in here and there. Maybe you could arrange something with him, like once per week the two of you go out for dessert or whatever. Don't assume that he's "putting his guilt on you" unless that's what he's told you. Personally I eat sweets all the time. I usually have ice cream every night. I have no guilt. I always offer some to my husband, because that's how I was raised. But if he ever said "I wish you'd stop offering" I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Great response! Couldn't have said it better myself.
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You can't blame your partner for what you put in your mouth.
^This. OP, you said it yourself. You can say no. It is a complete sentence. If he won't like it, tough. He'll learn to deal. You need to learn to deal with issues you might have about people pleasing.
On the surface, and I'm saying this kindly, it sounds like you're making excuses.
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The reality of life is, that other people have got their own, different goals, and temptation will be around you, always. My partner is trying to gain weight, I know the feeling, but I make sure that I choose for MYSELF, bring my own healthy snacks and we'll eat out at places where we both can choose something according to our own individual goals. If you perhaps pre-plan and log your food it might help you to stay focused, or workout more or even joint exercise, so there's a little less pressure on you. Just let him know that you're trying to stick to your goals, and hopefully he will not offer or in any way try to influence you. Utlimately, though, It's going to be up yo your own willpower to still enjoy the same foods, but know when to stop.0
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You can say No. And if he cannot accept No for something that simple, thne you have much bigger problems in this relationship than who gets to eat what.0
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I don't think you need to cut out sweets entirely to be successful in reaching whatever your particular goal is (I eat chocolate every day - usually in the form of semi-sweet chocolate chips, lol). I choose to do this and make it fit into my daily allowances. However, placing the blame on your spouse for this behavior is not acceptable. You are your own person and are solely responsible for what goes in your mouth.
I have had trouble with peer pressure as well so I can understand...but just stand firm and if you have a good man then he will be understanding and not put you in those positions.0 -
is he holding you down and shoving it in your mouth?
no?
then hes not making you eat it, is he?
My husband eats tons of crap i dont, and always asks if i want some (cause you know, its polite!). 9/10 times I decline.
You control what goes in your mouth. Not him.0 -
I agree with all of the comments here. I just have one thing to add:
If you feel bad or guilty for not eating the half of whatever he's offering you because it's wasteful (not sure if you do, but I just wanted to address it since no one else did) - thank him for the offer and wrap it up and put it in the fridge/freezer/wherever. HE can eat it the next time he has a craving for half a muffin or whatever else. You do NOT have to eat it just because it's there.0 -
I get what your saying. My dear MIL weekly buys us chocolate. We asked her to stop, but it seems she has selective hearing. So we put them all in a box and if we have the calories spare, we may indulge. Sometime people either can't take the hint and don't want to take the hint. At the same time I get your partners view that he wants enough to satisfy his craving but not have the whole thing. Maybe you should let him know its ok to throw the other half away or keep it for another day and not pester you with it?0
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I get what your saying. My dear MIL weekly buys us chocolate. We asked her to stop, but it seems she has selective hearing. So we put them all in a box and if we have the calories spare, we may indulge. Sometime people either can't take the hint and don't want to take the hint. At the same time I get your partners view that he wants enough to satisfy his craving but not have the whole thing. Maybe you should let him know its ok to throw the other half away or keep it for another day and not pester you with it?
My fiance's grandmother does this, but with fresh donuts from a bakery by her house. A full dozen gourmet delicious donuts, delivered to us EVERY time she visits.
We usually keep two and split one for dessert for the next two nights, and I take the rest to work. Plenty of people there appreciate them and most importantly, they're out of my house and totally gone from the kitchen at work within hours!!
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ActuarialChef wrote: »I get what your saying. My dear MIL weekly buys us chocolate. We asked her to stop, but it seems she has selective hearing. So we put them all in a box and if we have the calories spare, we may indulge. Sometime people either can't take the hint and don't want to take the hint. At the same time I get your partners view that he wants enough to satisfy his craving but not have the whole thing. Maybe you should let him know its ok to throw the other half away or keep it for another day and not pester you with it?
My fiance's grandmother does this, but with fresh donuts from a bakery by her house. A full dozen gourmet delicious donuts, delivered to us EVERY time she visits.
We usually keep two and split one for dessert for the next two nights, and I take the rest to work. Plenty of people there appreciate them and most importantly, they're out of my house and totally gone from the kitchen at work within hours!!
Oooh donuts would be harder to deal with! Well done for coping with that, taking them to work would definitely do the trick! 0 -
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yes, I did …
I divorced her…
I suggest you do the same. ...0 -
Yoyo_Fitness wrote: »I'm sure this happens to all of us. My partner, who have a sweet tooth, always expect me to join him whenever he has cravings for sweets. Eat half of this muffin, share this with me, order this with me, etc. I do eat a bit to be polite, but at the same time it really makes me angry because I don't want to!!! Of course you could say NO but I know that he won't like it. He is already much healthier than before but he is trying to put his guilt on me, too.....How do you deal with this??? Has anyone had a similar experience?
Nope doesn't happen to me. My husband's default diet is burgers, pizza, and donuts. The only fruits/veggies he eats are iceberg lettuce, mashed potatoes, french fries, pizza sauce, spaghetti sauce, and ketchup. He still doesn't push me to eat anything and if he does offer me food and I don't want it I just say no. You have to take responsibility for what you put in your body. Nobody else has that responsibility but you.0 -
If it's your partner, that's easy. Tell him if he quits handing you junk food, you will be far more likely to crave his trouser treat - and then follow through as often as time allows. Much tougher when coworkers or Grandma does it. Good luck.0
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mamapeach910 wrote: »
You know it!
Wait I thought only yellow peeps for cleansing!
Aren't blue peeps for bulking?
does this mean you are doing a clean bulk?0 -
mamapeach910 wrote: »
You know it!
Wait I thought only yellow peeps for cleansing!
Aren't blue peeps for bulking?
does this mean you are doing a clean bulk?
I'm mixing things up to shock my body.
(And Giggity Again!)
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Graceious1 wrote: »I think we worry too much about upsetting others and don't consider how much they upset us. You are your own person and he is his. Nobody "makes" us do anything. If want it have it. If you really don't want it don't have it. When you start letting other people become the master of your life you have lost control. Be careful with that one!
Absolutely this.0 -
Sigh. So HIM liking to eat sweets is forcing you to eat it? No. These foods can also be eaten within a calorie deficit.
He is not forcing anything. You are simply not saying no. Stop shoving off control onto other people or other things and take responsibility for your eating and for waht will happen when you go over/under your caloric intake needs.
Unless he is literally shoving these foods down your throat, he is not forcing you.0
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