My partner's sweet tooth problem - he is making me eat more than I should!
Replies
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mamapeach910 wrote: »
You know it!
Wait I thought only yellow peeps for cleansing!
Aren't blue peeps for bulking?
does this mean you are doing a clean bulk?
I think its the green peeps for bulking
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Errr... I say no. Because my partner doesnt grab my hand, pick up the cake and put it in my mouth.0
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I just had to answer to this. My lovely (skinny) husband has been pushing food, especially sweets on me since we've been married--28 yrs. We go out to dinner on friday and saturday nights, and I used to fight him tooth and nail in public. I said no, and no and no. I couldn't win. If he wore me down and I ate it, I was miserable. If I held my ground to the end, he had a long face and I felt awful. Since I started MFP 2 yrs ago, it's been a liberation. Now I know how many calories I can eat a day and I prepare for our outings. I leave enough calories to eat half a desert, and 2 pieces of his pizza( I have a salad). He still tries to give me half his pizza, but I politely say "no, a third to a half". Everyone has to figure it out, but I can now actually enjoy an evening out with my husband.
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Yoyo_Fitness wrote: »I'm sure this happens to all of us. My partner, who have a sweet tooth, always expect me to join him whenever he has cravings for sweets. Eat half of this muffin, share this with me, order this with me, etc. I do eat a bit to be polite, but at the same time it really makes me angry because I don't want to!!! Of course you could say NO but I know that he won't like it. He is already much healthier than before but he is trying to put his guilt on me, too.....How do you deal with this??? Has anyone had a similar experience?
Be firm and say no. Tell your partner that he can eat what he likes but you will not join him eating those things as you don't want it.
You control what goes in your body. You don't have to eat something just because he wants it. If he only wants half a portion he can throw the other half away or dave the rest for another time.
If he makes you feel bad, guilty or gets angry at you just for declining food please rethink your relationship with him.0 -
MrCoolGrim wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »
You know it!
Wait I thought only yellow peeps for cleansing!
Aren't blue peeps for bulking?
does this mean you are doing a clean bulk?
I think its the green peeps for bulking
They make green peeps now?
@tincanonastring needs to clarify all this. Clearly I wasn't paying enough attention0 -
Just say no- I can't afford it today.
And that's it.0 -
ActuarialChef wrote: »I agree with all of the comments here. I just have one thing to add:
If you feel bad or guilty for not eating the half of whatever he's offering you because it's wasteful (not sure if you do, but I just wanted to address it since no one else did) - thank him for the offer and wrap it up and put it in the fridge/freezer/wherever. HE can eat it the next time he has a craving for half a muffin or whatever else. You do NOT have to eat it just because it's there.
This, 100%. I have a hard time not "finishing my plate" or simply eating food because it exists in my space, and it's taken me years to get used to the idea that I can either save it for later (whatever it is) or simply choose not to eat something available and offered to me.
This may not be your experience, OP, but if you feel like you absolutely cannot say no, then you need to examine why. And if it's because your partner makes you feel bad/guilts you into it when you do decline, then that's a relationship issue you need to discuss with him. Not a food issue.
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Mine is the same, I just say no thanks. I don't know why he would be upset that you didn't eat a certain food?0
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Ahhhh it wasn't supposed to be a serious thread guys!!!
If I eat more sweets, I just eat less in the next meal or do more workout... not a big deal. not talking about a huge cake here! I have talked about it with him and it's been better. but many years ago my ex's mother used to get really, really upset if I did not eat enough of her food (she was Italian) when we visited her.... kind of scary if you have to experience everyday like this. anyways! happy, healthy fitness! 0 -
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You can't blame your partner for what you put in your mouth.
this
I don't really get this whole "I know he will not like it" bit.....it sounds to me like he is trying to control his portions by sharing with you, so he is already in a similar mindset. You may need to share with him your specific goals (goal weight, calorie target and the like), it's possible that since he is a guy and has a higher maintenance he does not realize how much he is derailing you.
If he can't see your point of view or does not wish to support your efforts to reach healthy goals then maybe he is not the best partner for you. Similarly, if you are that afraid to disagree and/or say no to him that is also a red flag.
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Nope doesn't happen to me. My husband's default diet is burgers, pizza, and donuts. The only fruits/veggies he eats are iceberg lettuce, mashed potatoes, french fries, pizza sauce, spaghetti sauce, and ketchup. He still doesn't push me to eat anything and if he does offer me food and I don't want it I just say no. You have to take responsibility for what you put in your body. Nobody else has that responsibility but you.
Someone else with a defective husband! (I say that lovingly or coarse!)
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MrCoolGrim wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »
You know it!
Wait I thought only yellow peeps for cleansing!
Aren't blue peeps for bulking?
does this mean you are doing a clean bulk?
I think its the green peeps for bulking
Confirmed - Yellow for Cleanse/Detox, Geen for Bulking, and Blue for something I can't remember from a thread I can't find.
Gainz like a mofo, yo!
ETA: This was a lazy pic find on my part because I'm at work and really busy. Will do better next time. Please forgive me.0 -
If you can't talk to your partner about this and/or he's not supportive, then I would focus on that issue0
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Maybe he thinks you're depriving yourself, or maybe he's just used to the fun time eating together?
We just had a whole 2 layer carrot cake with cream cheese frosting in our house. I had two very small pieces and I'm done. Hubby's b-day. He thankfully knows better than to urge me to eat more of something. He knows how hard I am trying to loose the weight. I did 25 minutes on the elliptical this morning and it only burned 222 calories. It was a lot of work, seemed like forever and I was a sweaty mess when I was done. That's not a lot of calories burned when it comes to deserts especially ones from a restaurant. I don't want to work that hard just to derail myself and slow down what I'm working so hard to do just to please someone, or eat something I know I will be sorry and feel bad about eating. Also the less sugary sweet stuff you eat, the less you crave. For this I am thankful. I hope you can tell him your goals, assure him you don't feel deprived, you enjoy spending time with him, but it doesn't always need to include high calorie foods. Good luck and keep trying.0 -
My husband does stuff like occasionally and he doesn't like it when I refuse. But if I don't want it, I refuse anyway. He's a big boy. He'll get over it.0
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ActuarialChef wrote: »I get what your saying. My dear MIL weekly buys us chocolate. We asked her to stop, but it seems she has selective hearing. So we put them all in a box and if we have the calories spare, we may indulge. Sometime people either can't take the hint and don't want to take the hint. At the same time I get your partners view that he wants enough to satisfy his craving but not have the whole thing. Maybe you should let him know its ok to throw the other half away or keep it for another day and not pester you with it?
My fiance's grandmother does this, but with fresh donuts from a bakery by her house. A full dozen gourmet delicious donuts, delivered to us EVERY time she visits.
We usually keep two and split one for dessert for the next two nights, and I take the rest to work. Plenty of people there appreciate them and most importantly, they're out of my house and totally gone from the kitchen at work within hours!!
Oh, nice job sabotaging everyone at work.
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ActuarialChef wrote: »I agree with all of the comments here. I just have one thing to add:
If you feel bad or guilty for not eating the half of whatever he's offering you because it's wasteful (not sure if you do, but I just wanted to address it since no one else did) - thank him for the offer and wrap it up and put it in the fridge/freezer/wherever. HE can eat it the next time he has a craving for half a muffin or whatever else. You do NOT have to eat it just because it's there.
This, 100%. I have a hard time not "finishing my plate" or simply eating food because it exists in my space, and it's taken me years to get used to the idea that I can either save it for later (whatever it is) or simply choose not to eat something available and offered to me.
This may not be your experience, OP, but if you feel like you absolutely cannot say no, then you need to examine why. And if it's because your partner makes you feel bad/guilts you into it when you do decline, then that's a relationship issue you need to discuss with him. Not a food issue.
Yes. Growing up, it was unacceptable to not finish my plate. I think that has caused me a lot of issues in my adult life, and I am still working through them. First step is definitely allowing yourself to throw things away and/or save them for later.ActuarialChef wrote: »I get what your saying. My dear MIL weekly buys us chocolate. We asked her to stop, but it seems she has selective hearing. So we put them all in a box and if we have the calories spare, we may indulge. Sometime people either can't take the hint and don't want to take the hint. At the same time I get your partners view that he wants enough to satisfy his craving but not have the whole thing. Maybe you should let him know its ok to throw the other half away or keep it for another day and not pester you with it?
My fiance's grandmother does this, but with fresh donuts from a bakery by her house. A full dozen gourmet delicious donuts, delivered to us EVERY time she visits.
We usually keep two and split one for dessert for the next two nights, and I take the rest to work. Plenty of people there appreciate them and most importantly, they're out of my house and totally gone from the kitchen at work within hours!!
Oh, nice job sabotaging everyone at work.
I was waiting for someone to point that out. So many people bring in so many treats every week, and they are each gone within hours. My coworkers have no self control, and yes, I take advantage of that! haha 0 -
Nataliegetfit wrote: »Maybe he thinks you're depriving yourself, or maybe he's just used to the fun time eating together?
The danger of 'eating healthy' is you could get obsessed with it, and you started having less fun you know.... we've always cooked well, ate well.... we love food. But he's been influenced by my diet and he also lost lots of weight and he LOVES it. but he cannot give up everything... and he misses something sweet.... cute! hahaha
I eat just a little bit, never really refuse. I may order a scoop of ice-cream but I just leave half. I've learnt a few tricks
My friend went so extreme, she stopped going to restaurants, how sad is this. I think a good balance is very important in life!!!
Anyways, happy fitness))))))))
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I totally get what you are saying, my boyfriend is the same way. Ice cream and red meat seem to be his two favorite food groups. Every night he's eating ice cream, and it's so hard not to want some too but I just remember that I just spent an hour on the treadmill and the ice cream just isn't worth it for me. He's naturally slim and I'm not so it's always a struggle!0
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What will he do if u say no?
mine is the same, some days i will join in, some days its my fault as i told him to go and buy the sweets(recently Peanut m&m's), other times i say no. if i say no he will just eat them himself. I think i am missing something here.0 -
I can't figure out if some of you need to learn to say no without guilt or your partners need to hear no like an adult.
"Have some"
"no, Thanks"
"Kay, more for me!" nom nom.
This is how a functional exchange works.0 -
Yoyo_Fitness wrote: »Nataliegetfit wrote: »Maybe he thinks you're depriving yourself, or maybe he's just used to the fun time eating together?
The danger of 'eating healthy' is you could get obsessed with it
So you shouldn't eat healthy, just in case.... :huh:0 -
At the end of the day only YOU decide and choose what to put in your mouth. There's no such thing as "he/she made me". And a guy who gets angry at his girlfriend for not eating his leftover junkfood? What kind of prat does that? Just calmly explain why and say no and be consistent. Sometimes the people around you whose habits are not helpful to your own, you've got to gently teach them into your new routine and habits much like convincing a child to get used to brocolli. The only thing that wins is firmess and consistency.
My husband has an incredibly sweet tooth which I found hard to deal with early in our marriage because in part he is Canadian and comes from a country of abundant trashy food where as I grew up in New Zealand in poverty. New Zealand grocery stores have 1/10 the amount of junkfood North America has and its 4x times the regular price because it has to be shipped in and the govt taxes junkfood so people don't buy it in general. In part, some of my weight gain (not all of it) was in part because I moved to Canada and all of a sudden every yummy sweet thing I never knew existed as a kid was open to me. $1 this $1 that. I never knew what coco-pops tasted like til I was 24. But as always I was the one to put garbage in my mouth not my husband. Four weeks ago I had a "talk" with him where I very kindly asked him to stop bringing me sugary food after he comes home from work, and he agreed and consistently respects my decision. And Im not going to force my hubby to stop eating his garbage even though he knows I don't like it. Thats his decision to make, I refuse to nag him and I hope I'll convince him over time by my healthier influence. And Im fully capable of sitting in the same room as him while he drinks a slurpee (since I think they're disgusting anyway).0 -
I have a VERY hard time passing up the sweets, and admittedly I still indulge more than I should. That being said, I am responsible for my eating, no one is force feeding me. I started to respond to the food pushers in my life by saying "would you walk into an AA meeting with a fifth and push that too???". Yeah, it's off putting, but it works.
Perfect response!
I quit smoking a year ago, and everyone in my family and office was supportive. When i started tackling my diet, i noticed that lots of coworkers and even family members are quick to encourage me to have a brownie, cookie, ice cream etc. It was well-intentioned... as is the pathway to hell....
A couple months back i first asked a colleague why they didn't offer me cigarettes while i was quitting, but now they keep trying to talk me into cookies. That finally drove the point home.
I'm now a bit over a year nicotine-free and thirty pounds lighter, and feeling a damn sight better than i did a year ago.
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Yoyo_Fitness wrote: »... but at the same time it really makes me angry because I don't want to!!! Of course you could say NO but I know that he won't like it. He is already much healthier than before but he is trying to put his guilt on me, too.....How do you deal with this??? Has anyone had a similar experience?
You know, you don't have to make your partner happy all the time. He won't like it? TOUGH CHEESE, PARTNER. I DO WHAT I WANT. If your partner expects you to NEVER disagree with him (not for nothing, but especially in regards to your own health), you guys have got some issues to work on.
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Yoyo_Fitness wrote: »Nataliegetfit wrote: »Maybe he thinks you're depriving yourself, or maybe he's just used to the fun time eating together?
The danger of 'eating healthy' is you could get obsessed with it, and you started having less fun you know.... we've always cooked well, ate well.... we love food. But he's been influenced by my diet and he also lost lots of weight and he LOVES it. but he cannot give up everything... and he misses something sweet.... cute! hahaha
I eat just a little bit, never really refuse. I may order a scoop of ice-cream but I just leave half. I've learnt a few tricks
My friend went so extreme, she stopped going to restaurants, how sad is this. I think a good balance is very important in life!!!
Anyways, happy fitness))))))))
I can't imagine not enjoying food or depriving myself of amazing meals out or cooking pretty great food for myself (oh, and my family).
DH's offering used to err on the side of pressing and putting food on my plate. It stopped when I finally hit the roof about the food-on-the-plate thing and commented (ok, ok, yelled) that it wasn't politeness but controlling-man-telling-wife-what-to-do-how-to-live-what-to-eat and he could stop that *@&! right now! It stopped and he might offer now, but he expects me to say "no thanks". After all, I can get my own snacks, can't I? We've gotten around it by having his and hers snacks mainly and he respects that I don't need feeding at the age of 42..
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You haven't mentioned how you feel because you don't think he will like it? What's the point of having a life partner if we can't have an earnest conversation? Here's how to do it.
At a peaceful moment NOT when he is offering you a treat, let him know that it is not a kindness or act of love to offer you half. Suggest different ways he can show his love and kindness not related to food.
Then, the next time he offers, politely say "no thanks".
The treats in the shopping cart are for my chocoholic hubby, not for me. LOL. I'll still have one here and there but I don't need sweets every day. That's my tastes.0 -
I can relate to this, though he doesn't guilt me into eating junk, he brings home my favorites just when I'm getting on a roll.
I'm the only one in the house that drinks Dr pepper, but trying to at least cut back, which means one fountain drink a day. Its like as soon as I get that fountain from 32 to 16 oz., he comes home with a 12pack, knowing I am gonna reach for those before water, once its in the house I just dont stop. That's on me, but I make a point not to buy it. *big weakness
Same thing happens with cheesecake, cookies, pizza, anything that I've decided I dont need to eat every day.
We have argued and discussed many times how much I need his support or at least less temptation. It still happens, but he has made some effort to buy ice cream flavors and cakes and such that aren't my favorites and some I just dont like. He constantly has a sucker in his mouth!
Just keep fighting for what you want and need, the less happy I appear when the cheesecake walks in the door, the less it comes around.0
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