Stop putting responsibility and control onto other people or food.
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AllonsYtotheTardis wrote: »annaskiski wrote: »Well, I have to say I've seen lots of posts where people were ranting angrily that their coworkers brought in donuts when they KNOW that the OP was on a diet.
I mean seriously, the world doesn't revolve around you. Donuts will always be there. People aren't going to change their own behaviors for you.....
I think this is more what the OP is talking about
I have a lot more compassion and sympathy for someone who says "ugh, I just couldn't resist that donut. I wish I hadn't eaten it. ". vs the person who says "Ugh! My coworker brought in donuts! Why are they trying to sabotage me?"
See the difference?
Yup. saying you couldn't resist a donut is basically just saying that you were REALLY craving it and that in that moment eating it > being in a deficit. So it was still on you for eating it, no one forced you to eat it. Sometimes it sucks being at maintenance or above if you're trying to lose, but I think that this hesitation and disappointment lessens over time. Like how I used to be weary of eating when I couldn't log... now it's not really a big deal, becuase I'm aware of how it might affect my progress.0 -
Very preachy. What made you an authority on this subject that you an post a directive rather than have a discussion listening to both sides and people's struggles. This is not helpful. Let's all try to remember where we came from.0
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So your friend is the one expert about alcoholics that's going to school everyone? Guess what? I'm on 17 years in recovery from alcohol, and there is a definite correlation. Many addicts replace one addiction for another, it's extremely easy to do. If your friend didn't, GREAT! She's in the minority. In fact, more old school AA meetings used to encourage people to eat instead of picking up a drink. Not really the best idea, and NOW they're realizing this isn't a good idea because a lot of alcoholics in recovery are packing on pounds. It's about numbing out. It's fantastic that you, OP, are perfect and strong and mentally healthy and wonderful. Good for you.
People do have legitimate eating disorders, addictions, substance abuse addictions (and yes, food IS a substance) where it's not just as easy as "yay, I'm great, I'm not gonna eat that cuz I'm awesome." Not everyone can do that as easily as you.
As NO, I never said it's ok to play the victim and blame others. I don't blame anyone for my alcoholism or my being overweight. However, my path in life has obviously not been as easy as yours, so yeah, I struggle. I don't get mad at co-workers when they bring food to work, and I dont' blame them. I never have.
But you don't see many bring-your-favorite-mixed-drink-to-work-day. Whereas, at my workplace, every Friday is bring your favorite snack to work day. Some days I can avoid it, some days I cant.
Does that make me weak? Maybe. YOU need to take your journey as your own and not be so fast to judge others on their journey. Maybe you see yourself as a great role model for weight loss or whatever, but works for you isn't necessarily going to work for everyone else. People DO have issues you know nothing about. So lumping every single person trying to lose weight into one giant category of "you're just WEAK" is pretty arrogant.0 -
SwankyTomato wrote: »I get what you are saying OP. In short my line is,"we are a product of our choices".
It is not an easy place to get to for some people and that is just reality.
This is most likely true, although I'm curious to see under what conditions it would be easiest to accept responsibility and control. I know that when I ate "clean" I also had a poor relationship with food, and I did not really accept responsibility. It was more that food or exercise controlled my outcomes, and as I mentioned earlier I got angry when chips were brought into the house. Imo now chocolate is worth the calories more than chips are, but my dad still buys big bags of chips regularly. I'm no longer angry about that haha.
I wonder too if one's readiness to actually lose weight will affect one's willingness to accept responsibility. I was 120% ready to lose weight and change my body composition this time around, so that likely helped me accept responsibility. But most importantly, dropping my negative view of food ("good" and "bad" food) really helped. Seeing that it's really just about calories for weight managemnet and macros for body composition/satiety, it's made it far easier for me to know how to make choices but also to accept when I make bad choices.
Complaining about others making your decisions harder is in no way the same thing as not taking responsibility for decisions.
Congrats on finding what works for you, but not everyone is like you. Different strokes.0 -
HappyCampr1 wrote: »And this is why, when a coworker gives me a Hershey's nugget or a chicken biscuit out of the blue, I take out my phone, log it, and then enjoy it. The logging it first is my acknowledgement that I chose to eat it. My decision, no one else's.
Logging first is pretty much always a good strategy. But even if you don't log first, you are still making a choice about whether to eat something or not an it's your own resposnsibilty. Like the one time I ate out at a restaurant before logging because I had no wifi access and it was a spontaneous outing, once I logged i saw I was at about maintenance anyways. So in that moment I had to decide if the social outing outweighed potentially over-eating, and it totally did. I was responsible for what I ordered and how much I ate, me buying a drink was also my choice.. no one forced me!0 -
Having an addiction to food is a mental disorder? I guess 3/4 of america has a mental disorder then. Is addiction to cigarettes a mental disorder. Hmmmm....Kind of an offensive post. Why are you such an authority now on this and eating. It doesn't really look like you don't have any food issues.
Food is not an addiction. Bulimia and anorexia, and other eating disorders.. those ARE mental disorders, as they are often linked with other psychological phenomena.
OH, and I've struggled with depression since I was a child, and did have food issues for quite a while. So much so that I refused to eat out at restaurants in any situation, refused to eat anything that wasn't "clean," and got upset when others brought home food that I "couldn't" eat. And I struggled over whether rice cakes were something I was "allowed" to eat.0 -
blktngldhrt wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Team_Hownd wrote: »I can agree to some extent, but some people do have legitimate eating disorders where it's not quite as simple as "just stop eating"
Exactly. It's like telling an alcoholic "just don't drink". Sure, that is obviously the answer, but it doesn't mean the spouse bringing liquor into the house is not a problem.
I have one friend on my friendslist who happens to have been an alcoholic. I'm going to tag her in this and see what she has to say about this comparison (I know for a fact that she does not agree with people equating drug addictions to food consumption, though).
i thought certain foods also triggered chemicals, such as dopamine, in the brain..that are linked to addiction.
what about someone who can't eat carbs because of the effects? example, i eat carbs and feel awesome for 30 minutes until i produce too much insulin, my blood sugar drops and i feel like crap. eating carbs again will immediately make me feel better. a cycle starts. sounds similar to addiction to me.
i agree that people shouldn't be pissed that others are bringing donuts or whatever around. thats ridiculous. my SO offers to pick up ice cream whenever he gets some for himself and i always decline. my aunt brought a homemade rhubarb pie over for the family and i had a coffee while everyone else ate it. thats not difficult for me. if i do eat carbs..its another story..and it took a long time and trial and error to figure out how to get things under control.
not everyone is at your level yet..and thats ok. hopefully they will get there.
So your consumption of carbs results in your inability to lead a productive life, interferes with your relationships, affects your ability to hold a job and be financially secure, and results in you spending all of your money on buying carbs?
Medical conditions do not equate to "food addictions"0 -
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Having an addiction to food is a mental disorder? I guess 3/4 of america has a mental disorder then. Is addiction to cigarettes a mental disorder. Hmmmm....Kind of an offensive post. Why are you such an authority now on this and eating. It doesn't really look like you don't have any food issues.
Food is not an addiction. Bulimia and anorexia, and other eating disorders.. those ARE mental disorders, as they are often linked with other psychological phenomena.
OH, and I've struggled with depression since I was a child, and did have food issues for quite a while. So much so that I refused to eat out at restaurants in any situation, refused to eat anything that wasn't "clean," and got upset when others brought home food that I "couldn't" eat. And I struggled over whether rice cakes were something I was "allowed" to eat.
Honey, you need to do a little more research.0 -
inhibits productive life, interferes with relationships, causes problems at work, yes. which is why i severely limit my intake. people who have the money to support whatever addiction aren't really addicted because they can pay for it? really?0
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I'm with you, OP. Stop playing victim and start taking control of your actions. You are a willing participant in what you do and don't eat. Nobody is opening your mouth and forcing it down your throat for you.0
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Team_Hownd wrote: »So your friend is the one expert about alcoholics that's going to school everyone? Guess what? I'm on 17 years in recovery from alcohol, and there is a definite correlation. Many addicts replace one addiction for another, it's extremely easy to do. If your friend didn't, GREAT! She's in the minority. In fact, more old school AA meetings used to encourage people to eat instead of picking up a drink. Not really the best idea, and NOW they're realizing this isn't a good idea because a lot of alcoholics in recovery are packing on pounds. It's about numbing out. It's fantastic that you, OP, are perfect and strong and mentally healthy and wonderful. Good for you.
People do have legitimate eating disorders, addictions, substance abuse addictions (and yes, food IS a substance) where it's not just as easy as "yay, I'm great, I'm not gonna eat that cuz I'm awesome." Not everyone can do that as easily as you.
As NO, I never said it's ok to play the victim and blame others. I don't blame anyone for my alcoholism or my being overweight. However, my path in life has obviously not been as easy as yours, so yeah, I struggle. I don't get mad at co-workers when they bring food to work, and I dont' blame them. I never have.
But you don't see many bring-your-favorite-mixed-drink-to-work-day. Whereas, at my workplace, every Friday is bring your favorite snack to work day. Some days I can avoid it, some days I cant.
Does that make me weak? Maybe. YOU need to take your journey as your own and not be so fast to judge others on their journey. Maybe you see yourself as a great role model for weight loss or whatever, but works for you isn't necessarily going to work for everyone else. People DO have issues you know nothing about. So lumping every single person trying to lose weight into one giant category of "you're just WEAK" is pretty arrogant.
This ^^^^^^
People are probably sick of me popping into topics and saying this, but the MFP community is mostly made of once-fat (or otherwise, "out of shape") people who shed some weight, hit a PR, gain some muscle, whatever and suddenly feel the need to criticize everyone and everything. For those of us who do have some sense, let these once-fatties pat each other on the back for their weight loss and noob strength gains like some kind of f*cked up sorority while the rest of us just shake our heads in disbelief and keep it moving.
And I know I'm not helping the situation by name-calling. But I'm tired of former fat people forgetting that they too had the very mindset, at least at SOME point, that they now criticize others for having.-2 -
I agree with you. If we are going to control our weight, we have to control what goes in regardless of what others are doing. There are donuts, or cupcakes or some kind of treat in the break room where I work everyday. I used to go in there and be drawn to it like a magnet. But now I just remind myself how well I'm doing and that it's just a temptation that I don't need. Not so hard after a month or so. Until we master overcoming the temptation, we will not feel in control. Mind over matter!0
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furioushummingbird wrote: »I'm with you, OP. Stop playing victim and start taking control of your actions. You are a willing participant in what you do and don't eat. Nobody is opening your mouth and forcing it down your throat for you.
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krisalexine wrote: »Team_Hownd wrote: »So your friend is the one expert about alcoholics that's going to school everyone? Guess what? I'm on 17 years in recovery from alcohol, and there is a definite correlation. Many addicts replace one addiction for another, it's extremely easy to do. If your friend didn't, GREAT! She's in the minority. In fact, more old school AA meetings used to encourage people to eat instead of picking up a drink. Not really the best idea, and NOW they're realizing this isn't a good idea because a lot of alcoholics in recovery are packing on pounds. It's about numbing out. It's fantastic that you, OP, are perfect and strong and mentally healthy and wonderful. Good for you.
People do have legitimate eating disorders, addictions, substance abuse addictions (and yes, food IS a substance) where it's not just as easy as "yay, I'm great, I'm not gonna eat that cuz I'm awesome." Not everyone can do that as easily as you.
As NO, I never said it's ok to play the victim and blame others. I don't blame anyone for my alcoholism or my being overweight. However, my path in life has obviously not been as easy as yours, so yeah, I struggle. I don't get mad at co-workers when they bring food to work, and I dont' blame them. I never have.
But you don't see many bring-your-favorite-mixed-drink-to-work-day. Whereas, at my workplace, every Friday is bring your favorite snack to work day. Some days I can avoid it, some days I cant.
Does that make me weak? Maybe. YOU need to take your journey as your own and not be so fast to judge others on their journey. Maybe you see yourself as a great role model for weight loss or whatever, but works for you isn't necessarily going to work for everyone else. People DO have issues you know nothing about. So lumping every single person trying to lose weight into one giant category of "you're just WEAK" is pretty arrogant.
This ^^^^^^
People are probably sick of me popping into topics and saying this, but the MFP community is mostly made of once-fat (or otherwise, "out of shape") people who shed some weight, hit a PR, gain some muscle, whatever and suddenly feel the need to criticize everyone and everything. For those of us who do have some sense, let these once-fatties pat each other on the back for their weight loss and noob strength gains like some kind of f*cked up sorority while the rest of us just shake our heads in disbelief and keep it moving.
And I know I'm not helping the situation by name-calling. But I'm tired of former fat people forgetting that they too had the very mindset, at least at SOME point, that they now criticize others for having.
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hezemakiah wrote: »I agree with you. If we are going to control our weight, we have to control what goes in regardless of what others are doing. There are donuts, or cupcakes or some kind of treat in the break room where I work everyday. I used to go in there and be drawn to it like a magnet. But now I just remind myself how well I'm doing and that it's just a temptation that I don't need. Not so hard after a month or so. Until we master overcoming the temptation, we will not feel in control. Mind over matter!
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hezemakiah wrote: »I agree with you. If we are going to control our weight, we have to control what goes in regardless of what others are doing. There are donuts, or cupcakes or some kind of treat in the break room where I work everyday. I used to go in there and be drawn to it like a magnet. But now I just remind myself how well I'm doing and that it's just a temptation that I don't need. Not so hard after a month or so. Until we master overcoming the temptation, we will not feel in control. Mind over matter!
And that's what it's like trying to break an addiction to alcohol too. Only about 1,000 times harder to pass it up. And 17 years later, it's still hard, it doesn't go away after a month.
I think we all agree it's up to each of us to make our own choices, no one is arguing that. And I don't condone blaming others for our personal struggles. However, I do disagree with the thought that it's just THAT easy for everyone. What's easy for you now isn't easy for others, and may never be easy for them.
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Team_Hownd wrote: »hezemakiah wrote: »I agree with you. If we are going to control our weight, we have to control what goes in regardless of what others are doing. There are donuts, or cupcakes or some kind of treat in the break room where I work everyday. I used to go in there and be drawn to it like a magnet. But now I just remind myself how well I'm doing and that it's just a temptation that I don't need. Not so hard after a month or so. Until we master overcoming the temptation, we will not feel in control. Mind over matter!
And that's what it's like trying to break an addiction to alcohol too. Only about 1,000 times harder to pass it up. And 17 years later, it's still hard, it doesn't go away after a month.
I think we all agree it's up to each of us to make our own choices, no one is arguing that. And I don't condone blaming others for our personal struggles. However, I do disagree with the thought that it's just THAT easy for everyone. What's easy for you now isn't easy for others, and may never be easy for them.
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In none of these situations have I seen people say that SO buying donuts makes their decisions harder, but instead "my husband bought donuts, he is sabotaging me" is usually the norm.Need2Exerc1se wrote: »SwankyTomato wrote: »I get what you are saying OP. In short my line is,"we are a product of our choices".
It is not an easy place to get to for some people and that is just reality.
This is most likely true, although I'm curious to see under what conditions it would be easiest to accept responsibility and control. I know that when I ate "clean" I also had a poor relationship with food, and I did not really accept responsibility. It was more that food or exercise controlled my outcomes, and as I mentioned earlier I got angry when chips were brought into the house. Imo now chocolate is worth the calories more than chips are, but my dad still buys big bags of chips regularly. I'm no longer angry about that haha.
I wonder too if one's readiness to actually lose weight will affect one's willingness to accept responsibility. I was 120% ready to lose weight and change my body composition this time around, so that likely helped me accept responsibility. But most importantly, dropping my negative view of food ("good" and "bad" food) really helped. Seeing that it's really just about calories for weight managemnet and macros for body composition/satiety, it's made it far easier for me to know how to make choices but also to accept when I make bad choices.
Complaining about others making your decisions harder is in no way the same thing as not taking responsibility for decisions.
Congrats on finding what works for you, but not everyone is like you. Different strokes.
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MrCoolGrim wrote: »
Yeah I'm sure it will be a poopnado in here, but IDC. I regularly see these "omg so and so is sabotaging me" or related i-have-no-say-or-control-in-what-i-eat threads and it's like... come on! Grow some balls and stop blaming external factors on your inability to do things. If you fail to meet your goals or you succeed in meeting your goals, it's always on YOU. Even if the choices you make don't seem explicit, you are still making them. I don't have an internal debate with myself every time I eat things, it's a far more implicit process, but it's still a decision that I am making - good OR bad.
I don't think that anyone who posts 'help! my bf is sabotaging me' is doing anything other than venting their frustration at struggling to take the control you speak of.
I recently posted that its not fair Fitbit took some calories after I had been'given' them. As a result I ended up going over my allowance. I wasn't really stamping my foot and crying that it wasn't fair - I was simply sharing something that had happened to me, and how it made me feel, with a group of supposedly like minded people.
I don't see the point of your thread apart from to cause a stir. You cant make an over eater feel any more guilty that he/she already does after over eating. We are all here because we want to share this experience with understanding people. We don't come here to be judged for our shortcomings
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