Spouse that is not supportive
ruffneckred
Posts: 69 Member
Does anyone have any advise for when your spouse is not very supportive of using MFP as a weight loss tool. Mine can be summed up as "meh", counting the calories is just not something she will do and I can live with that, record keeping has always been something that I was good at, but the meals and lunch that are put in front of me are not conducive to weight loss. I like salad but a nose full of French fry smell is a buzzkill for my diet
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Sometimes, I just need to get into the kitchen and make up something for myself. I will eat before my boyfriend does so that when I smell the fatty foods, I am already full. Plus, it is so much harder to cheat when your stomach is full. (Roasted veggies are my belly filler on nights I feel like cheating.) You can be together at meal time, but maybe munch on an orange and drink water to keep busy at the table while she eats. Otherwise, make something up and set it aside until the main dinner food. There is no shame in eating different food than your family.
Beginning something like this requires a lot of will power, but soon you will make healthy choices a habit. Try having your own schedule until that happens. In the end, I bet your wife will feel inspired by your weight loss/health choices. She may never be a food tracker, but your improvements can be the inspiration she needs to join you on the road to a healthier lifestyle.0 -
You dont explain the situation very clearly. Why should your spouse be interested in MFP, is she meant to be on a diet as well?
Talk to her and explain what support you need, if you have the sort of relationship where you cna talk and she will listen. If not then rather than let it cause conflict id jusr get on with it and do the diet without her interaction. Instead of relying on her to ccook, then couldnt you rpeare your own, you would need to do that to understand what ingredients are going in. You really are going to have to get used to doing a lot of this yourself and commiting to doing what it takes.0 -
I used that as my excuse for a really long time. I know there are influences from what we see around us, but the whole idea of weight managing/losing is to resist the urge to give in. Maybe have a few fries, don't deny yourself. Just keep in control. If record keeping on MFP works for you and not with your wife, hopefully she is understanding with what makes you work it out. If she doesn't understand... well... that's a whole 'nother issue.0
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If your meals are basic, you can tell what ingredients are in them...you can then add to MFP. Just start with what you can work with. It's all going to help. Using MFP is a good habit to have! It tells you your fat, carb and protein intake on a pie chart and you can see in one quick glance what you need to eat more of or less of on a particular day. There is a lot that MFP offers...just get started from the point you are at right now!!0
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This is a conversation you need to have with your wife- not strangers on the internet.
Why is she not supportive of you using MFP as a weight loss method?
It doesn't matter that she has no interest in counting calories and using MFP. YOU are and that's all that matters.
If you don't like what is being cooked, I would suggest you do the grocery shopping. That way you can buy what you would like to eat.0 -
It's your journey and not hers. Unfortunately sometimes SO's aren't aboard with what you want to do. And that's okay. So just take care of you.
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I'd say offer to take over the kitchen more often.0
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Your wife being "meh" about MFP and eating fries isn't being unsupportive. She's not trying to lose weight, you are. No one cares about your journey like you do - and expecting them to is just setting yourself up for disappointment.
Have some fries with your salad. Or don't. But don't blame your wife.0 -
Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
Younger,thinner and first starting out.
Tape it to the fridge.
Then write one word above it.
Beautiful !!!
Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.
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Why should your wife care about MFP? It's your thing, not hers. If the meals are not what you would like, take over the cooking, or eat smaller portions and supplement with a side salad or veg. Just because you've chosen to make a change doesn't mean she has to, and not doing so isn't "unsupportive", its just having different priorities.Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
Younger,thinner and first starting out.
Tape it to the fridge.
Then write one word above it.
Beautiful !!!
Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.
Wow, how utterly passive aggressive. Also presumptuous. I was 25lbs heavier than I am now when I was first married, should I put that picture on the fridge with "Ick" written above it?0 -
annied1961 wrote: »Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
Younger,thinner and first starting out.
Tape it to the fridge.
Then write one word above it.
Beautiful !!!
Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.
Ew.0 -
Thing is, it can be really disheartening to have someone so close to you not take an interest in this, and not be supportive. I get that, I do. I think the best thing you can do is show her how committed you are to this, and the progress it helps you to make. Over time, I think she'll warm up ♥0
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My wife never needed to lose weight and when she offered to change her meals so I wouldn't be tempted, I suggested she eat whatever she wants. The outside world isn't going to accomodate me so I figured I might as well get used to temptation.0
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My husband wasn't supportive of me using mfp when I tried a while ago, this time he really is. I think the difference is I don't talk about what I am doing nearly as much, I just do it. I plan my meals when he isn't home so he isn't seeing it. The last time I did this when we would eat out I would meal plan in the car on my phone sacrificing our time together, now I try to plan ahead, so it doesn't effect him as much. Maybe your spouse is wondering how it will effect them. Your time together, their eating habits, etc.0
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Alatariel75 wrote: »Why should your wife care about MFP? It's your thing, not hers. If the meals are not what you would like, take over the cooking, or eat smaller portions and supplement with a side salad or veg. Just because you've chosen to make a change doesn't mean she has to, and not doing so isn't "unsupportive", its just having different priorities.Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
Younger,thinner and first starting out.
Tape it to the fridge.
Then write one word above it.
Beautiful !!!
Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.
Wow, how utterly passive aggressive. Also presumptuous. I was 25lbs heavier than I am now when I was first married, should I put that picture on the fridge with "Ick" written above it?
Lol!
I was fatter too when I got married! i hate my wedding photos.
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There is nothing more boring than listening to someone talk about the diet they're on. If you're the one on MFP, why would your wife need to be counting calories? If what she's making for you doesn't fit in with your day, either find a way to make room for it or cook for her. I'm guessing that you started telling her that she's feeding you unhealthy food, or how what she serves doesn't work on your new diet. No wonder she's not enthusiastic about the changes you're making! I wouldn't be either if my BF suddenly started criticizing my cooking and blaming it on a website.0
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annied1961 wrote: »Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
Younger,thinner and first starting out.
Tape it to the fridge.
Then write one word above it.
Beautiful !!!
Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.
Wow. I would find that incredibly insulting.
I've been married for 23 years. Obviously I'm older and yes, I have a few (cough*thirty*cough) extra pounds on me. But my husband tells me that I'm as beautiful now as the day we married.
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jennifershoo wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »Why should your wife care about MFP? It's your thing, not hers. If the meals are not what you would like, take over the cooking, or eat smaller portions and supplement with a side salad or veg. Just because you've chosen to make a change doesn't mean she has to, and not doing so isn't "unsupportive", its just having different priorities.Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
Younger,thinner and first starting out.
Tape it to the fridge.
Then write one word above it.
Beautiful !!!
Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.
Wow, how utterly passive aggressive. Also presumptuous. I was 25lbs heavier than I am now when I was first married, should I put that picture on the fridge with "Ick" written above it?
Lol!
I was fatter too when I got married! i hate my wedding photos.
Me too. I was like 60 pounds heavier. I'm totally going to have a fancy vow renewal for our 10th next year, so I can have better photos.0 -
I think long term the best solution for you will be to learn to eat less of the same thing the family/your spouse is having. At least if you want not just to lose the weight, but to keep it off for life. I have learned to accept the fact that 10-20 homemade fries is all I can afford. For the third month going, I cook for my family the same things as I ever did, not even low-cal substitutions like fat-free this and sugar-free that, and I've lost over 20 lb.
If you need to make substitutions/major cuts, try to have them at lunch when you are probably away from her, it will be easier.
And if nothing else works for you, take on the cooking at home! Problem solved.0 -
My husband was not only unsupportive, but would go out of his way to try to sabotage me when I would try to lose weight. Then he would complain about how embarrassing it was to be seen with me. Getting him out of my life was the best decision I ever made. Now I'm focusing on what I need to do to get healthy.0
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When my husband was doing MFP a few years ago (and ended up losing over 100 lbs), I was supportive, but didn't change my cooking. I made up a menu plan for the week, so he could plan accordingly. Pasta nights, he just had a salad. Or he would have the pork chop but not the rice. I was not putting our entire family (with young kids) on a diet with him. Now that I am doing MFP, it's the same way. I still cook the same foods, but now I watch my portion sizes. It's lifestyle change vs. diet. I don't want to give up pasta or fries forever, so I'm learning what moderation really means.
The one way that I wasn't supportive of him is that I remember one night asking him if he was ever going to be fun again.
But, he refused to snack at all after dinner. I was pregnant (and not dieting!) so I would need to snack. And he would make disparaging comments about what I was eating and how many calories were in it. For the first few months, all he talked about was the diet, and that sucked. Especially when I was pregnant and gaining weight! But even after the pregnancy...if your wife isn't into it for herself, she's not going to be into it for you. I was and am so proud of my husband for making the changes he did. And I tried to do it and failed many times. But now that my heart is really into making my own changes, I get it.
Do what you need to do to be successful toward your goals. I'm sure your wife will come around. It's an adjustment phase for her, too. If she does all the cooking, she may be taking it personally that now you aren't eating any of it. I had those feelings, too. I'd make a delicious dinner (and nothing crazy calorie-wise) and my husband would eat a salad instead. I wondered why I was bothering. Give it time. Good luck!0 -
Yes I have to make all my healthy meals.myself, then on certain days make do with what she prepares0
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Corny. With a side of smarmy condescension.annied1961 wrote: »Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
Younger,thinner and first starting out.
Tape it to the fridge.
Then write one word above it.
Beautiful !!!
Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.
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Look, I come home to a guy making fresh fry bread for Navajo tacos...you ain't seen nothing about "unsupportive".0
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ruffneckred wrote: »Does anyone have any advise for when your spouse is not very supportive of using MFP as a weight loss tool. Mine can be summed up as "meh", counting the calories is just not something she will do and I can live with that, record keeping has always been something that I was good at, but the meals and lunch that are put in front of me are not conducive to weight loss. I like salad but a nose full of French fry smell is a buzzkill for my diet
I think many of us live with people who are not needing or wanting to lose weight. They are going to eat things they like and you just have to deal with it.
Keep your eyes on your own plate.
Eat foods you like and fit them in your calorie goal every day. You don't have to live on salad and skip french fries all the time. Eat smaller portions of higher calorie items.
Share meal planning, shopping and meal prep duties.
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Thanks for all the responses. My wife is also overweight and has been since a child, being overweight is somewhat new to me. I want us both to lose weight, not just to be happier and healthier, but to set an example for our overweight daughter. Our living arrangement has me working long hours and her being a stay at home mom, so my cooking (if I could call it that) doesn't work well when I roll in late and have a short time to eat before bed. She doesn't plan meals out very well or far in advance, but I have always accepted her the way she is. MFP has definitely opened my eyes to portion control, but my perfectionist flaw of counting calories exactly may escalate my baldness.. Thanks for the input0
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Be supportive, but never try to coerce. Communicate by expressing how you would like to do healthy activities together rather than simply losing weight. Just me, but weight loss by itself isn't much of a goal. Hiking up a mountain or being able to run a 5k is much more motivational.0
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My husband could stand to lose a bit of weight and mainly just adapt a healthier lifestyle, but I have learned that it's not something that *I* can make him do. He has to reach the point where he WANTS to do it for himself.
Having said that, if you're not happy with the food that your wife is preparing for you, I think you need to prepare your own food. You can't expect her to make things only tailored to what you want, ya know? Maybe it's a good opportunity for you to step up and do more of the meal prep so that BOTH of you are eating healthier meals. I do the meal planning and cooking most of the time for my family, and it's great because we all eat healthier as a result!
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This and this.FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »This is a conversation you need to have with your wife- not strangers on the internet.
Why is she not supportive of you using MFP as a weight loss method?
It doesn't matter that she has no interest in counting calories and using MFP. YOU are and that's all that matters.
If you don't like what is being cooked, I would suggest you do the grocery shopping. That way you can buy what you would like to eat.
My husband has a physical job, so he burns through them calories. Does it suck sometimes when he can have a whole pizza and wings and I can only fit maybe three pieces instead of the whole damn pizza? Yes.
BUT I realize where my goals are and I make my own decisions based on what works for me. Because, it's my body and I'm the one that has to live in it.
I never understand these "my spouse doesn't support me" threads because in the end you need to do you and tell that spouse to STFU and get on the support train.
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My wife never needed to lose weight and when she offered to change her meals so I wouldn't be tempted, I suggested she eat whatever she wants. The outside world isn't going to accomodate me so I figured I might as well get used to temptation.
Smart man. I agree with this line of thinking as well.
OP, I do understand the difficulty of your situation, however: working long hours, unable to prepare your own daily meals, other family members over weight, but not ready to make changes yet, etc. Difficult circumstances. Can pre-make meals on your days off to heat up quickly when you get home? Or, just eat smaller portions of whatever your wife is currently making? It will definitely take some trial and error on your part, but you can find a method that works for you, I'm sure!0
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