Spouse that is not supportive

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ruffneckred
ruffneckred Posts: 69 Member
in Motivation and Support
Does anyone have any advise for when your spouse is not very supportive of using MFP as a weight loss tool. Mine can be summed up as "meh", counting the calories is just not something she will do and I can live with that, record keeping has always been something that I was good at, but the meals and lunch that are put in front of me are not conducive to weight loss. I like salad but a nose full of French fry smell is a buzzkill for my diet
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Replies

  • las07s
    las07s Posts: 150 Member
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    Sometimes, I just need to get into the kitchen and make up something for myself. I will eat before my boyfriend does so that when I smell the fatty foods, I am already full. Plus, it is so much harder to cheat when your stomach is full. (Roasted veggies are my belly filler on nights I feel like cheating.) You can be together at meal time, but maybe munch on an orange and drink water to keep busy at the table while she eats. Otherwise, make something up and set it aside until the main dinner food. There is no shame in eating different food than your family.

    Beginning something like this requires a lot of will power, but soon you will make healthy choices a habit. Try having your own schedule until that happens. In the end, I bet your wife will feel inspired by your weight loss/health choices. She may never be a food tracker, but your improvements can be the inspiration she needs to join you on the road to a healthier lifestyle.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    You dont explain the situation very clearly. Why should your spouse be interested in MFP, is she meant to be on a diet as well?

    Talk to her and explain what support you need, if you have the sort of relationship where you cna talk and she will listen. If not then rather than let it cause conflict id jusr get on with it and do the diet without her interaction. Instead of relying on her to ccook, then couldnt you rpeare your own, you would need to do that to understand what ingredients are going in. You really are going to have to get used to doing a lot of this yourself and commiting to doing what it takes.
  • shereenasjc
    shereenasjc Posts: 21 Member
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    I used that as my excuse for a really long time. I know there are influences from what we see around us, but the whole idea of weight managing/losing is to resist the urge to give in. Maybe have a few fries, don't deny yourself. Just keep in control. If record keeping on MFP works for you and not with your wife, hopefully she is understanding with what makes you work it out. If she doesn't understand... well... that's a whole 'nother issue.
  • yhealthy2000
    yhealthy2000 Posts: 111 Member
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    If your meals are basic, you can tell what ingredients are in them...you can then add to MFP. Just start with what you can work with. It's all going to help. Using MFP is a good habit to have! It tells you your fat, carb and protein intake on a pie chart and you can see in one quick glance what you need to eat more of or less of on a particular day. There is a lot that MFP offers...just get started from the point you are at right now!!
  • FatFreeFrolicking
    FatFreeFrolicking Posts: 4,252 Member
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    This is a conversation you need to have with your wife- not strangers on the internet.

    Why is she not supportive of you using MFP as a weight loss method?

    It doesn't matter that she has no interest in counting calories and using MFP. YOU are and that's all that matters.

    If you don't like what is being cooked, I would suggest you do the grocery shopping. That way you can buy what you would like to eat.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,565 Member
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    It's your journey and not hers. Unfortunately sometimes SO's aren't aboard with what you want to do. And that's okay. So just take care of you.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    I'd say offer to take over the kitchen more often.
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    Your wife being "meh" about MFP and eating fries isn't being unsupportive. She's not trying to lose weight, you are. No one cares about your journey like you do - and expecting them to is just setting yourself up for disappointment.

    Have some fries with your salad. Or don't. But don't blame your wife.
  • annied1961
    annied1961 Posts: 48
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    Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
    Younger,thinner and first starting out.
    Tape it to the fridge.
    Then write one word above it.
    Beautiful !!!
    Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
    edited March 2015
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    Why should your wife care about MFP? It's your thing, not hers. If the meals are not what you would like, take over the cooking, or eat smaller portions and supplement with a side salad or veg. Just because you've chosen to make a change doesn't mean she has to, and not doing so isn't "unsupportive", its just having different priorities.
    Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
    Younger,thinner and first starting out.
    Tape it to the fridge.
    Then write one word above it.
    Beautiful !!!
    Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.

    Wow, how utterly passive aggressive. Also presumptuous. I was 25lbs heavier than I am now when I was first married, should I put that picture on the fridge with "Ick" written above it?
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    annied1961 wrote: »
    Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
    Younger,thinner and first starting out.
    Tape it to the fridge.
    Then write one word above it.
    Beautiful !!!
    Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.

    Ew.
  • cottonwithoutthecake
    cottonwithoutthecake Posts: 8 Member
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    Thing is, it can be really disheartening to have someone so close to you not take an interest in this, and not be supportive. I get that, I do. I think the best thing you can do is show her how committed you are to this, and the progress it helps you to make. Over time, I think she'll warm up ♥
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,862 Member
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    My wife never needed to lose weight and when she offered to change her meals so I wouldn't be tempted, I suggested she eat whatever she wants. The outside world isn't going to accomodate me so I figured I might as well get used to temptation.
  • Sarasari
    Sarasari Posts: 139 Member
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    My husband wasn't supportive of me using mfp when I tried a while ago, this time he really is. I think the difference is I don't talk about what I am doing nearly as much, I just do it. I plan my meals when he isn't home so he isn't seeing it. The last time I did this when we would eat out I would meal plan in the car on my phone sacrificing our time together, now I try to plan ahead, so it doesn't effect him as much. Maybe your spouse is wondering how it will effect them. Your time together, their eating habits, etc.
  • jennifershoo
    jennifershoo Posts: 3,198 Member
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    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    Why should your wife care about MFP? It's your thing, not hers. If the meals are not what you would like, take over the cooking, or eat smaller portions and supplement with a side salad or veg. Just because you've chosen to make a change doesn't mean she has to, and not doing so isn't "unsupportive", its just having different priorities.
    Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
    Younger,thinner and first starting out.
    Tape it to the fridge.
    Then write one word above it.
    Beautiful !!!
    Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.

    Wow, how utterly passive aggressive. Also presumptuous. I was 25lbs heavier than I am now when I was first married, should I put that picture on the fridge with "Ick" written above it?

    Lol!

    I was fatter too when I got married! i hate my wedding photos.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
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    There is nothing more boring than listening to someone talk about the diet they're on. If you're the one on MFP, why would your wife need to be counting calories? If what she's making for you doesn't fit in with your day, either find a way to make room for it or cook for her. I'm guessing that you started telling her that she's feeding you unhealthy food, or how what she serves doesn't work on your new diet. No wonder she's not enthusiastic about the changes you're making! I wouldn't be either if my BF suddenly started criticizing my cooking and blaming it on a website.
  • booksandchocolate12
    booksandchocolate12 Posts: 1,741 Member
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    annied1961 wrote: »
    Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
    Younger,thinner and first starting out.
    Tape it to the fridge.
    Then write one word above it.
    Beautiful !!!
    Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.

    Wow. I would find that incredibly insulting.

    I've been married for 23 years. Obviously I'm older and yes, I have a few (cough*thirty*cough) extra pounds on me. But my husband tells me that I'm as beautiful now as the day we married.


  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    jennifershoo wrote: »
    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    Why should your wife care about MFP? It's your thing, not hers. If the meals are not what you would like, take over the cooking, or eat smaller portions and supplement with a side salad or veg. Just because you've chosen to make a change doesn't mean she has to, and not doing so isn't "unsupportive", its just having different priorities.
    Dig thru the photo album and find a earlier picture of the two of you when you were first married.
    Younger,thinner and first starting out.
    Tape it to the fridge.
    Then write one word above it.
    Beautiful !!!
    Give her time to remember she'll follow your lead.

    Wow, how utterly passive aggressive. Also presumptuous. I was 25lbs heavier than I am now when I was first married, should I put that picture on the fridge with "Ick" written above it?

    Lol!

    I was fatter too when I got married! i hate my wedding photos.

    Me too. I was like 60 pounds heavier. I'm totally going to have a fancy vow renewal for our 10th next year, so I can have better photos.
  • Wiseandcurious
    Wiseandcurious Posts: 730 Member
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    I think long term the best solution for you will be to learn to eat less of the same thing the family/your spouse is having. At least if you want not just to lose the weight, but to keep it off for life. I have learned to accept the fact that 10-20 homemade fries is all I can afford. For the third month going, I cook for my family the same things as I ever did, not even low-cal substitutions like fat-free this and sugar-free that, and I've lost over 20 lb.

    If you need to make substitutions/major cuts, try to have them at lunch when you are probably away from her, it will be easier.

    And if nothing else works for you, take on the cooking at home! Problem solved.
  • alicaramik2
    alicaramik2 Posts: 71 Member
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    My husband was not only unsupportive, but would go out of his way to try to sabotage me when I would try to lose weight. Then he would complain about how embarrassing it was to be seen with me. Getting him out of my life was the best decision I ever made. Now I'm focusing on what I need to do to get healthy.

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