Proper things to say to coworkers or people you don't know as well...
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AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
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This is a topic that comes up alot, and I think there are alot of reasons people respond to your healthy choices the way they do.
It is important for you to stand your ground, alot of people are ok with the "no thanks". If they keep nagging then you just have to assert yourself a little bit.
I would lead with honesty "I do not appreciate you pressuring me" that is addressing the problem directly, has nothing to do with the food and everything to do with your rights to make your own decisions about anything.
Other options:
"I appreciate your input but my food choices are none of your business"
"I am an adult, I can decide how to feed myself"
Hopefully it only needs to be said once to one person and it will shut the whole thing down.
Good luck!
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Thankfully the office I'm at now, everyone is pretty fit and health conscious so there is not a lot of crap brought in.
BUT, the last office I worked at had 60 lawyers plus support staff and it was always a parade of food. But, I found that saying (at least in terms of donuts, bagels, various sweets in the break room) "O, I heard that and I looked but my favorites where gone. Maybe next time!!"
In terms of lunches brought in, I used the line "I would love to but I'm just so swamped I don't even have time to go pee let alone get lunch!!"
It made it seem like I was busy (even though I wasn't) and by brushing it off or making stupid excuses I didn't have to hear the diet/lifestyle/food/etc. comments. Yes, I know lying is bad but A. I work for lawyers anyways so insert joke here about lying and B. I don't give a hoot what my co-workers think about anything, ever. (Maybe my bosses but that's it). That being said, I don't feel like explaining to everyone what I'm doing and giving logical and polite reasons. I just throw out a quick brush-off and go back to my own thing.
Besides, you can get away saying a lot of things if you smile!!0 -
AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food... it's not meant to be malicious.
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I have a friend who says at our age who cares? I am going to eat what I want. She is 60 like me and weights 300 lbs. She seems to care about her kids and their weight but not hers. I just reply I like to fit in my clothes,0
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Some of our feelings about others judging or thinking harshly about our eating habits comes from our internal feelings about ourselves. Frankly your co workers are likely to be far kinder and more supportive than you might think. I find that when I make better friends with myself, the perception that others are judging me harshly disappears.
That said...if you have a work culture that involves having meals together on a regular basis...it can really make dieting stressful. I don't enjoy these kind of work lunches and potlucks....I try to schedule carefully around not attending them.0 -
WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
T-shirt words!!! Of course you could never read the tiny words... But you get my point. No, get HER point! It's a very constructive point.0 -
I deal with the same thing. I am only 26, so none of my co-workers understand why i'm so worried about what I eat. I am working towards my nutrition goals for health-related reasons, but I don't feel the need to explain myself to every person who doesn't understand why I don't load my plate down with pizza and nachos. It IS hard to be part of the celebration and stay strong. I have two meals next week, and i'm dreading it. Just order what you want, and don't bring attention to yourself. That's what i'm doing.
There is a food day next week. The things on the sign up list are cheeseballs, pulled pork, meatballs, buffalo chicken dip, etc... I am bringing a veggie tray. HAHA!0 -
SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food. I understand standing ones ground is a lot easier for some than it is others. So kudos to sticking to your guns.
To be fair, the post said "try to" sabotage you. Which doesn't suggest that it's not your choice.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food. I understand standing ones ground is a lot easier for some than it is others. So kudos to sticking to your guns.
To be fair, the post said "try to" sabotage you. Which doesn't suggest that it's not your choice.
I think going around thinking that people are proactively trying to sabotage you is truly bizarre - and pretty self centered.0 -
I was very assertive with my co-workers when I started this weight-loss journey. I let them know under no circumstances was I going to drift away from the course I have planned. Employee meal is served daily at 10:45am in the kitchen. It's always junk. No veggies, no salads, nothing remotely even close to healthy.
I'm very fortunate. They respect my decision not to partake in Employee meal. I eat breakfast at home, I eat lunch here at work at my desk, and I eat dinner at home with my husband. No changes. Not for anyone. I have been on the journey since the end of July 2014. This is too important to me to let people "talk me into" having bad foods. My husband is notorious for that. But he's slowly understanding no means no when it comes to my lifestyle change. What I eat is my decision, no one else's.
Good luck to you, hang in there, every day gets a little easier!0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food. I understand standing ones ground is a lot easier for some than it is others. So kudos to sticking to your guns.
To be fair, the post said "try to" sabotage you. Which doesn't suggest that it's not your choice.
I think going around thinking that people are proactively trying to sabotage you is truly bizarre - and pretty self centered.
Perhaps. But it does happen. Sometimes the person isn't even doing it knowingly.0 -
I get this all the time! From family and friends the most! I let it be known that I'm trying to start a healthier lifestyle and if they don't like it SO WHAT! I'm starting to decline dinners and even going to my parents house. I don't care what people think because when I have to work harder in the gym and make up for days because I decided to be nice and eat junk with people. Nope not happening anymore!! I'm so over it! People need to respect what i'm trying to do.....PERIOD! If I want to go out and eat bad it'll be my choice not theirs! Ok sorry but this hit a soft spot and I had to vent lol. This has been my issue this week so I feel your pain!!0
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"No thanks, I'm good" with a smile. If the other person continues, say it again, with a slightly puzzled tone and expression. This has worked wonders for me--got me out of the habit of justifying or making excuses for what I choose to eat. Also it leaves what the other person says just hanging there, and they might reflect on why they are teasing, criticizing or pushing food on someone who simply does not want it.0
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WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
^^^^^ yes this and all of it. My boyfriend started a new job at a factory where alot of his co-workers are over weight and unhealthy. They also bring in sweets and have stuff brought in from local restaurants weekly and he ran into the same issues.
Keep your head up, rely on those who are positive and forget those who make reaching your goals harder!
Good luck!0 -
I work in corporate America as well. It's interesting, because I get the opposite impression from the people I work with. Many of them are fit and healthy eaters. If I order an unhealthy meal, I feel out of sync with my peers.
My suggestion to you is don't respond at all to their comments and don't let anyone influence your thinking over what you eat or don't eat. Do what is right for you. They will respect you for this more than anything else.0 -
WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
Wow bravo my friend because that is an awesome answer. This is so true. Don't worry about them take care of yourself.0 -
I deal with the same thing. I am only 26, so none of my co-workers understand why i'm so worried about what I eat. I am working towards my nutrition goals for health-related reasons, but I don't feel the need to explain myself to every person who doesn't understand why I don't load my plate down with pizza and nachos. It IS hard to be part of the celebration and stay strong. I have two meals next week, and i'm dreading it. Just order what you want, and don't bring attention to yourself. That's what i'm doing.
There is a food day next week. The things on the sign up list are cheeseballs, pulled pork, meatballs, buffalo chicken dip, etc... I am bringing a veggie tray. HAHA!
Awesome! I get that about being young. I'm only 22, and yeah I get the same thing. Or they don't understand why I'm not the first one to hop up for happy hour.0 -
I get this all the time! From family and friends the most! I let it be known that I'm trying to start a healthier lifestyle and if they don't like it SO WHAT! I'm starting to decline dinners and even going to my parents house. I don't care what people think because when I have to work harder in the gym and make up for days because I decided to be nice and eat junk with people. Nope not happening anymore!! I'm so over it! People need to respect what i'm trying to do.....PERIOD! If I want to go out and eat bad it'll be my choice not theirs! Ok sorry but this hit a soft spot and I had to vent lol. This has been my issue this week so I feel your pain!!
Love it! Can relate in every aspect on your response!0
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