Proper things to say to coworkers or people you don't know as well...
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I never tell people that I can't have something, because that's just opening the door for them to argue with me, and my food choices aren't up for discussion. I'll occasionally say something like "that looks wonderful, but I'm saving calories for the birthday cake (or whatever) I have at home," but I'll only say that when it's true. Most of the time, I'll try to put a positive spin on it and tell them that I prefer what I'm eating, or the salad looks really good, or it's summer and all I want to eat is fresh fruit while it's still in season. Nobody is going to argue with you saying you like something, because how stupid does that make them look?0
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I just tell people that I prefer to have my treats at night when I can relax and enjoy them (which is true), and I feel better and more productive when I eat healthy during the day0
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food. I understand standing ones ground is a lot easier for some than it is others. So kudos to sticking to your guns.
To be fair, the post said "try to" sabotage you. Which doesn't suggest that it's not your choice.
I think going around thinking that people are proactively trying to sabotage you is truly bizarre - and pretty self centered.
Perhaps. But it does happen. Sometimes the person isn't even doing it knowingly.
Thank you. I didn't mean everyone had terrible intentions. Things happen and people do things unintentionally. All I simply was asking for advice when these situations arise and what polite responses were. I didn't think it would result in getting bashed for being self centered and jealous but hey I guess that's the risk you take when you post these things!0 -
Speaking of... just received notice that 10 pizzas are about to be delivered to our office. I have worked here too long, I guess. People don't make comments so much anymore about my eating habits. They will comment now & again how healthy I eat but they have also seen me scarf down a big ol' plate of enchiladas for lunch. I don't think they are judging you, it's conversation. You don't need some sort of constructed response. Just be polite. When I am offered something I don't want, I typically respond with "That looks yummy, but, no thank you". And, don't let their comments bother you. "You" do "You".0
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lbetancourt wrote: »Speaking of... just received notice that 10 pizzas are about to be delivered to our office. I have worked here too long, I guess. People don't make comments so much anymore about my eating habits. They will comment no & again how healthy I eat but they have also seen my scarf down a big ol' plate of enchiladas for lunch. I don't think they are judging you, it's conversation. You don't need some sort of constructed response. Just be polite. When I am offered something I don't want, I typically respond with "That looks yummy, but, no thank you". And, don't let their comments bother you. "You" do "You".
Awesome advice! Thank you! I think part of it does stem from the fact I've only been here 2 and a half months.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food. I understand standing ones ground is a lot easier for some than it is others. So kudos to sticking to your guns.
To be fair, the post said "try to" sabotage you. Which doesn't suggest that it's not your choice.
I think going around thinking that people are proactively trying to sabotage you is truly bizarre - and pretty self centered.
Perhaps. But it does happen. Sometimes the person isn't even doing it knowingly.
Thank you. I didn't mean everyone had terrible intentions. Things happen and people do things unintentionally. All I simply was asking for advice when these situations arise and what polite responses were. I didn't think it would result in getting bashed for being self centered and jealous but hey I guess that's the risk you take when you post these things!
OK. I have to jump in here again.
OP - I'm not bashing you. I'm responding to a post that another person wrote.
Why are you taking offense to something that A) wasn't in response to you and B ) wasn't meant to be offensive. Perhaps you are a tad over sensitive? Maybe you are taking people's comments the wrong way?
Just something to think about.-2 -
AbsoluteTara79 wrote: »Let's say they are judging. So what? Actually answer that for yourself. Does their judgement matter?
Second, treat it as a compliment on your efforts and respond as such. Even if you feel like it's judgement and very well may be.
Example:
"C'mon, you deserve a treat".
"Awww, thank you. But I'm good with what I'm ordering!"
This is light-hearted, work-appropriate, and doesn't open the door for further meddling on their part.
Good luck.
That's a great, work appropriate response! It's short and sweet, acknowledges that you know they know you've put in effort to lose weight, thanks them for their invitation and lets you do what you want. I actually think that's the best response I've heard.
Another variation: "Thanks
! This [insert menu item] is a treat for me though because it has [insert certain ingredient] which I love!"
I use that one a lot when ordering a salad. Eg. "I'm really looking forward to this salad because it has avocado! I'm too cheap to buy avocado regularly haha" or "Mmmm this salad looks so good, I love cashews!"
And that works for lots of stuff. So I order the "Healthy Picks" at Boston Pizza a lot... so if someone has implied I need to justify it and I feel like humouring them, I might go with something like "Ah, I like this dish since it uses whole wheat pasta. It's cheaper than other dishes plus I feel just a full. Bonus!" or if I order the lower cal calzone I'll go with - "Oh goodie! I love calzones! This one is great because it has a little less cheese" - of course that one works better for us lactose intolerant folks
You can kind of just emphasize any positive attribute you want and make it sound like you're super gung-ho about it.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food. I understand standing ones ground is a lot easier for some than it is others. So kudos to sticking to your guns.
To be fair, the post said "try to" sabotage you. Which doesn't suggest that it's not your choice.
I think going around thinking that people are proactively trying to sabotage you is truly bizarre - and pretty self centered.
Perhaps. But it does happen. Sometimes the person isn't even doing it knowingly.
Thank you. I didn't mean everyone had terrible intentions. Things happen and people do things unintentionally. All I simply was asking for advice when these situations arise and what polite responses were. I didn't think it would result in getting bashed for being self centered and jealous but hey I guess that's the risk you take when you post these things!
OK. I have to jump in here again.
OP - I'm not bashing you. I'm responding to a post that another person wrote.
Why are you taking offense to something that A) wasn't in response to you and B ) wasn't meant to be offensive. Perhaps you are a tad over sensitive? Maybe you are taking people's comments the wrong way?
Just something to think about.
Yep! That must be it!0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food. I understand standing ones ground is a lot easier for some than it is others. So kudos to sticking to your guns.
To be fair, the post said "try to" sabotage you. Which doesn't suggest that it's not your choice.
I think going around thinking that people are proactively trying to sabotage you is truly bizarre - and pretty self centered.
Perhaps. But it does happen. Sometimes the person isn't even doing it knowingly.
Thank you. I didn't mean everyone had terrible intentions. Things happen and people do things unintentionally. All I simply was asking for advice when these situations arise and what polite responses were. I didn't think it would result in getting bashed for being self centered and jealous but hey I guess that's the risk you take when you post these things!
OK. I have to jump in here again.
OP - I'm not bashing you. I'm responding to a post that another person wrote.
Why are you taking offense to something that A) wasn't in response to you and B ) wasn't meant to be offensive. Perhaps you are a tad over sensitive? Maybe you are taking people's comments the wrong way?
Just something to think about.
Yep! That must be it!
You're right. I am personally out to get you. I don't even know you, but I want to bash you. It's not like I quoted the other posters or anything, either. I'm obviously gunning for you.
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food. I understand standing ones ground is a lot easier for some than it is others. So kudos to sticking to your guns.
To be fair, the post said "try to" sabotage you. Which doesn't suggest that it's not your choice.
I think going around thinking that people are proactively trying to sabotage you is truly bizarre - and pretty self centered.
Perhaps. But it does happen. Sometimes the person isn't even doing it knowingly.
Thank you. I didn't mean everyone had terrible intentions. Things happen and people do things unintentionally. All I simply was asking for advice when these situations arise and what polite responses were. I didn't think it would result in getting bashed for being self centered and jealous but hey I guess that's the risk you take when you post these things!
OK. I have to jump in here again.
OP - I'm not bashing you. I'm responding to a post that another person wrote.
Why are you taking offense to something that A) wasn't in response to you and B ) wasn't meant to be offensive. Perhaps you are a tad over sensitive? Maybe you are taking people's comments the wrong way?
Just something to think about.
Yep! That must be it!
You're right. I am personally out to get you. I don't even know you, but I want to bash you. It's not like I quoted the other posters or anything, either. I'm obviously gunning for you.
I just agreed with you?0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food. I understand standing ones ground is a lot easier for some than it is others. So kudos to sticking to your guns.
To be fair, the post said "try to" sabotage you. Which doesn't suggest that it's not your choice.
I think going around thinking that people are proactively trying to sabotage you is truly bizarre - and pretty self centered.
Perhaps. But it does happen. Sometimes the person isn't even doing it knowingly.
Thank you. I didn't mean everyone had terrible intentions. Things happen and people do things unintentionally. All I simply was asking for advice when these situations arise and what polite responses were. I didn't think it would result in getting bashed for being self centered and jealous but hey I guess that's the risk you take when you post these things!
Out of curiosity, could you kindly provide an example of where people were bashing you? Or bashing you for being "self centered and jealous"?
Just a little confused because I reread the thread and I didn't particularly find a point where anyone was bashing, merely trying to provide an alternate opinion.
Unfortunately, there is no way to indicate tone on forums...sometimes people (not saying you, per se) just take things the wrong way.0 -
Jerseygrrl wrote: »I have a coworker who actually brings the piece of cake, the doughnut, the cookie to my office and puts it on my desk. It doesn't matter how many times I've said no thank you. Now, I just throw it in the trash. It may sound childish, but I'm done "being polite." If others can't respect my boundaries, I don't need to spare their "feelings."
Wow, I have a coworker who is nearing retirement and has trouble walking. He never comes down for doughnuts or cake for birthdays or work anniversaries, but part of that is because he's a tad antisocial. Since he works in my lab, I usually bring him something from whatever the event is. I hope he doesn't feel this way about me bringing him sweets. I really do do it to be nice. I even bring him his favorite doughnut when it's up for grabs. Sometimes he says, "thank you", but it's hard to tell when that's sincere. I wonder if he really wants me bringing him stuff. Maybe I should check his trash, lol.
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HealthyBodySickMind wrote: »Jerseygrrl wrote: »I have a coworker who actually brings the piece of cake, the doughnut, the cookie to my office and puts it on my desk. It doesn't matter how many times I've said no thank you. Now, I just throw it in the trash. It may sound childish, but I'm done "being polite." If others can't respect my boundaries, I don't need to spare their "feelings."
Wow, I have a coworker who is nearing retirement and has trouble walking. He never comes down for doughnuts or cake for birthdays or work anniversaries, but part of that is because he's a tad antisocial. Since he works in my lab, I usually bring him something from whatever the event is. I hope he doesn't feel this way about me bringing him sweets. I really do do it to be nice. I even bring him his favorite doughnut when it's up for grabs. Sometimes he says, "thank you", but it's hard to tell when that's sincere. I wonder if he really wants me bringing him stuff. Maybe I should check his trash, lol.
Or just ask him....
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I just ignore it. A lot of the time, the "scrutiny" is in your head. Some of the time, people are just trying to make conversation. A small part of the time, it's jealousy.
Just smile, nod and move on. It's really not worth getting aggravated about - there are much worse things in the world to worry about.
This^^WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
And this^^
I hope the little misunderstanding b/n this user and the OP is cleared up. Heed her advice! You'll have a much pleasanter life if you do.
PRMinx can I mentally shake your hand?0 -
Wiseandcurious wrote: »I just ignore it. A lot of the time, the "scrutiny" is in your head. Some of the time, people are just trying to make conversation. A small part of the time, it's jealousy.
Just smile, nod and move on. It's really not worth getting aggravated about - there are much worse things in the world to worry about.
This^^WishesOnTheStar wrote: »To be honest, most people do not want to see you make it where they have failed. Your success highlights their lack of success, your determination reminds them of every time they tried and gave up because it was too hard.
Just because they lack self control doesn't mean you should let them influence you. They aren't saying these things to help you out, they are saying them so that they feel better about their own lack of discipline. Subconsciously or not, they are projecting this out on you. Some people will even deliberately try to sabotage your quest for self improvement, even your partner or your family, I *kitten* you not.
How to respond? It's easy, be assertive, tell them no. Don't let other people distract you from your goal. Ultimately the choice is yours.
See, I call B.S. on this. I hate how people automatically assume that every comment is about jealousy and inner turmoil. Sometimes people just talk to talk and it has NOTHING to do with their own fitness goals, diet goals or self esteem. I think it's rude and arrogant to assume such and it sets up a "them v. me" dynamic that may not truly be there.
Sometimes, people just talk to fill up space, to make conversation, to show an interest. It's better to just let it roll off with the attitude that they meant nothing by it, then to get all offended and then, in turn, judge them right back.
And this^^
I hope the little misunderstanding b/n this user and the OP is cleared up. Heed her advice! You'll have a much pleasanter life if you do.
PRMinx can I mentally shake your hand?
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There's a Robert Downey Jr. quote that applies really well to this situation:
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SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food... it's not meant to be malicious.
Agreed. People are busy dealing with their own stuff. Why on earth would they contrive to force you to put on weight? People here are very quick to say "sabotage" or "haters gotta hate" but the reality is its probably thoughtless politeness - it's rude not to offer to share if you have treats.0 -
I just ignore it. A lot of the time, the "scrutiny" is in your head. Some of the time, people are just trying to make conversation. A small part of the time, it's jealousy.
Just smile, nod and move on. It's really not worth getting aggravated about - there are much worse things in the world to worry about.
I agree. Think of it this way.....what if, instead of judging you, they are actually feeling like you are sitting there eating your salad and judging them instead? Are you judging them? Of course you're not! The problem is not what they are saying, it's what you are perceiving them to be thinking. You can't really know what's going on in their head. They may be truly concerned that because you are not having a bacon cheeseburger with fries that you are "wasting your money" eating out or that you are not allowing yourself to "have a good time". Just let them know that you like to eat out for the atmosphere, having someone wait on you and of course, the scintillating conversation, the food is secondary.0 -
mumblemagic wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food... it's not meant to be malicious.
Agreed. People are busy dealing with their own stuff. Why on earth would they contrive to force you to put on weight? People here are very quick to say "sabotage" or "haters gotta hate" but the reality is its probably thoughtless politeness - it's rude not to offer to share if you have treats.
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SconnieCat wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »AislingHunter wrote: »Because it's civil convention. They aren't telling you want to do really, they are probably trying to be nice. When you say you can't have something because you are on a diet, it's human nature to respond, "Hey - you look great. Treat yourself."
And it's arrogant and rude to diagnose people by saying they are projecting or lacking self discipline. That's ridiculous.
I understand it's annoying, but if you think the world is out to get you all the time, then you will drive yourself crazy. I would honestly stop trying to be offended and let it roll off your shoulder.
Have you never had people try to sabotage your diet before? I haven't had it much, but I know someone who gets it a lot.
I've had people say things to me - and I just smile, nod and walk on down the hall. I don't let it bother me and I don't assume people are trying to offend, be mean or that they are jealous. I take it as an attempt at conversation.
Sabotage? I make the choices about what I eat and when I eat. There is no such thing as "sabotage" in my world.
I'm going to have to agree with you. At the end of the day, if someone is offering me pizza, burgers, pancakes, donuts, cake, or even a kilo of cocaine, it's my decision to consume any of those items, not theirs. So the only one sabotaging a diet would be me.
Most of the time when people offer, they're trying to be nice or social. If I got upset any time someone brought a pastry into our office at work, or we ordered pizza, I'd have sky-high blood pressure and zero friends. It's not that big of a deal to me. So I eat rabbit food sometimes. Whatever. If my eating a salad is the most atrocious thing they see that day, well then they're having a damn good day and I'm enjoying a damn good salad.
ETA: If it does bother you, OP, be firm and stand your ground with food. Chances are, people are trying to be kind in offering things as sometimes it's easy to bridge a gap or be social with food... it's not meant to be malicious.
Agreed. People are busy dealing with their own stuff. Why on earth would they contrive to force you to put on weight? People here are very quick to say "sabotage" or "haters gotta hate" but the reality is its probably thoughtless politeness - it's rude not to offer to share if you have treats.
I'm saving this for future reference 0
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