Dating while being fat
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Your weight is NOT to blame. Maybe the first guy left because you're fat...but that's not your fault. Yes, it's your fault you're fat...but it's his fault for being a shallow a$$ho|e if I may say so.
There's a difference between taking responsibility for our actions (over eating, not exercising, whatever it is) but it's another to BLAME ourselves and take the burden of OTHERS' complete lack of class and dignity.
I don't really have any advice other than to just say I think right now you need to work on you. And I don't mean the outside. You need to come to terms that you deserve a loving, HEALTHY relationship where the man appreciates you, loves you, dotes on you, and adores you, JUST as you are now. Not fifty less pounds from now... not a new haircut from now. Just now. I believe every good person deserves love...not because we did anything to deserve it, but just because we are existing. We were made to love. We were created with the absense of love so it could be filled. Adam was the first person on the earth and didn't know anything and yet, he was still lonely, so God created him a wife.
There's no reason why you shouldn't be happy in the arms of a man... and there's also no reason for you to think otherwise. So please see that this guy who pursued you and then told you he wasn't ready... maybe he's the one and it's just not the right time. Maybe it's just an instance where you needed your eyes opened to the fact that you can be loved and appreciated in the right way.0 -
People are attracted to confidence regardless of body size. Although never "skinny" or "in shape", I've always been pretty confident and did my share of dating. I was in a band for about 7 years and you really notice it there - if you can play and sing, it doesn' t matter what you look like, women will find you appealing.
There's definitely someone for everyone!0 -
People are attracted to confidence regardless of body size. Although never "skinny" or "in shape", I've always been pretty confident and did my share of dating. I was in a band for about 7 years and you really notice it there - if you can play and sing, it doesn' t matter what you look like, women will find you appealing.
There's definitely someone for everyone!
I agree with this 100%. I dated a lot when I was bigger, I had this confident appearence, but it was all a show. Underneath I wasn't really happy with myself though, I just wanted people to think I was.
You have to be HAPPY and LOVE yourself in order to find and maintain and healthy relationship.
I think the OP has a lot of soul searching and self-reconstruction to do before she should jump back into the dating game. JMO though.0 -
Hey!You sound like a smart girl-men are like busses,if you miss one there is always another on the way.
Someone out there will love you just the way you are.I personally prefer a man with a couple extra pounds than just skin and bones...not everyone expects perfection
Keep working out and counting calories-focus on yourself and your career.Not to become what you think someone else would want,but for your own health and well being.Every thing else will eventually fall in place.
Good luck:flowerforyou:0 -
oh my!!! i never got asked out.. im so jealous of the whole us dating thing.. i mean its so skipped over over here..
you make out then your dating and thats that.. wheres the romance gone over here? xxx0 -
Your as beautiful as you think you are- The right man will love you no matter what you weigh. My boyfriend is wonderful- when we started dating i was 20lbs lighter-( i joke that love made me gain) I'm the one having the issues with my weight gain- hes fine with it. He tells me everyday that he can't tell ive gained. Love must truely be blind- lol. Whatever your size you deserve to be treated like a queen!!!0
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What great posts and good topic! I'm going to quit being so hard on myself then. 0
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Ok maybe I am living in lala land or something but I think I am the best thing since sliced bread! If you don't like it the next one will. As imperfect as I am, I have perfected being me! I make no apologies. I have not had a problem in the dating world. I am very confident in who I am and how I want to be treated. Just anyone can't be on my team. You have to earn your spot on my roster.
My surgeon told me at my pre-op appointment to remind him at the end of the visit to talk about my weight. I asked "what doc you want to know how to get this fine?"
My journey in weight loss and managment is for me. To be healther. No for my doctor to write it in my chart like he has done something. Not to impress a man. Not to be liked more or fit in a size two. Everyone has their own battles to deal with.
It is all in how you carry yourself.
As of April I am a breast cancer survivor and my lala land has turned into a lala world! lol I love me some me. Be yourself, everyone else is taken.0 -
oh my!!! i never got asked out.. im so jealous of the whole us dating thing.. i mean its so skipped over over here..
you make out then your dating and thats that.. wheres the romance gone over here? xxx
haha Same here! He asked me to "hang out" after work and we did... then asked me to a movie the next night and since I didn't have a car, just kept coming over to my apartment every night that week. After about a week and a half, I was like "What do you consider us?" 'cause I had no idea! He was like, "I consider us together" and that was that!0 -
Beautifully put, by a very beautiful woman, your heart & soul shines through your post and anyone would be lucky to be a friend with you. You put off such positive energy Sapptastic :flowerforyou:Ok maybe I am living in lala land or something but I think I am the best thing since sliced bread! If you don't like it the next one will. As imperfect as I am, I have perfected being me! I make no apologies. I have not had a problem in the dating world. I am very confident in who I am and how I want to be treated. Just anyone can't be on my team. You have to earn your spot on my roster.
My surgeon told me at my pre-op appointment to remind him at the end of the visit to talk about my weight. I asked "what doc you want to know how to get this fine?"
My journey in weight loss and managment is for me. To be healther. No for my doctor to write it in my chart like he has done something. Not to impress a man. Not to be liked more or fit in a size two. Everyone has their own battles to deal with.
It is all in how you carry yourself.
As of April I am a breast cancer survivor and my lala land has turned into a lala world! lol I love me some me. Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
Becca0 -
oh my!!! i never got asked out.. im so jealous of the whole us dating thing.. i mean its so skipped over over here..
you make out then your dating and thats that.. wheres the romance gone over here? xxx
OK, this is a tough one for me, cause I got the body, being in shape doesn't help me attract a date! sucks, but true .I NEVER EVER get asked out EVER! So don't be so hard on yourself. I figure there's someone out there for me, that can put up with me. The fact that I have 6 kids, makes most men go running..why wouldn't it?! lol...keep your held up high and you'll stumble accross that guy when you least expect it. I know it sucks big time, i'm tired of taking my kids as my dates to dinner and to movies, a little male companionship would be nice, but they all think you wanna marry them! PUH LEEEEAZZE! been there, done that, just a date, that's it...my mom tells me that men are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped! lol0 -
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:laugh:
my mom tells me that men are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped! lol0 -
Brilliant thread I blame everything on me being overweight ,a few people I know who have lost lots of weight still say they have the same mindset even though they are slimmer now .
I assumed once they had lost the weight everything would fall into place if you know what I mean .0 -
Brilliant thread I blame everything on me being overweight ,a few people I know who have lost lots of weight still say they have the same mindset even though they are slimmer now .
I assumed once they had lost the weight everything would fall into place if you know what I mean .
Absolutely! So many people spend so much of their life obsessing about their weight (guilty at times, I'll admit) that they forget to actually have a life. I remember watching Kirstie Alley on Oprah and she was on the other end of the stick - thinking she didn't want to try to lose weight because she felt like she should find a man who accepted her for who she was and she talked about waking up one morning and thinking 'but since when is being fat who I am?'. To be honest (and a little brutal) if the best thing about an individual is that they are skinny then I don't think relationships are going to come easy to them at all.0 -
When I meet my wife I was 262lbs. We dated for about 6 months and decided it was time for the next level so we got engaged. We then started working out trying to get in shape for the upcoming wedding. On our wedding day I weighed 204lbs. I had lost 58lbs for the wedding in about 6 months. Then my wife got pregnant, and I gained the weight with her, only I put more on then she did. I went all the way back to 262lbs before I said enough. I am currently 232.5lbs, doing it a little slower and healtier this time.
My point to this story is: My wife fell in love with me when I was that heavy. I think when you find the right person your appearance really doesn't matter.
You will find the one, just keep doing what your doing and it will happen.0 -
I just wanted to add a skinny chicks perspective.
The BEST and longest lasting relationship I have ever seen in 49 yrs of living is my friend and her spouse.
As young girls entering the dating world, I was 110 pounds and she was 210 pounds. I with the blond flowing hair and big blue eyes, she with the unruly curls and thick glasses.
I had zip, zero, nada in the confidence area.
She excuded confidence!
She ALWAYS got better quality dates than I. How many nights I called her crying because some idiot had tried to put the moves on me and when I said no he dumped me. Once, she had to pick me up in the middle of the night because he kicked me out of his car when I asked him to take me home!!!
I remember when she met her hubs. We had a party for her kids at the bowling alley. Her friend from work told her about her brother, also recently divorced and with 3 kids of his own. T invited him and his children to the party. I was nervous for her, because I was always very protective.....had a lot of fights in middle school if someone called her fat................grrrrrrrrrrr
Anyway........he arrived and I swear to you this is the smiley I would use from when he first set eyes upon her
They have never been apart since that day! That was ........oh, 20 some odd years ago?! He adores her, she adores him.
He is respectful and kind and helps around the house. OH and did I mention he is handsome??? :glasses:
I feel it is all about how we feel about ourselves. If we treat ourselves with respect and dignity, love the person we are at THIS moment, others will do the same.
Great job thus far on your journey! You can do this!!:flowerforyou:0 -
I have dated several men over the years that have not complained about my being a curvey girl... they actually liked it. But it seems that many people in this world are so fixated on someone's appearance that they dont look any further than skin deep. So I am 34 and as single as ever. When my friends try to "fix me up" with someone, usually the response I get is "she has a pretty face, BUT she's overweight" which automatically makes me "not their type". I wish those people could experience for a short while what it would be like for them if the shoe was on the other foot for a change. I would love to find that special someone to spend my life with, but I guess I'm gonna have to lose a bit of weight so that someone will bother to take the time to look more than skin deep.0
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:flowerforyou: It's our confidence level I totally agree with the above poster, if we feel beautiful, we exude it, if we feel fat and frumpy, we'll exude that. Learning to love ourselves FIRST before even beginning to bring in a partner is most important.\WOW
You almost sound as though you feel like you don't DESERVE to have a meaningful relationship because you're overweight.
Can I speak frankly?
Get a grip! You deserve, and can have a meaningful relationship as a fat chick! Stop taking the blame for every relationship that goes south! Even the most beautiful Skinny girls have failed relationships. (Halle Berry)
Come on girlfriend. Stay in the game!
We'll always have ourselves, but others come and go in our lives. If we learn to be true to ourselves and really really learn to love who we are, inside and out, only then can we make long lasting positive changes! That's why I pulled myself outta the game for awhile because I wasn't feeling that about me, so on my own, I've made far more positive strides than I feel I would have in a relationship for the time being.
But I'm working on getting back in the game, putting myself first and keep in mind we're all a work in progress! If we dislike ourselves how can we possibly expect another to like us or let alone have respect for who we are.
It is entirely possible, he really isn't ready to be in a relationship, perhaps he was being truthful, if he wasn't being truthful he's not worth your time, right?
Becca
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Thank you to everyone that has commented. I was down on myself recently because dating is so frustrating. I find it's harder now that I'm 32, have a son, and full time job. When I was in high school/college, you met new people all the time. I've done the online thing....bummer. I've checked out people in the grocery....bummer. I just remind myself every now and then that it's not time for me to be with someone. Right now I wouldn't really have the time anyways.
There are some people here that their beauty really shows through their posts.
Congrats on everyone's weight loss.....0
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