How do you deal with feeling unattractive?

HappyTrails7

RedRockChic wrote: »

It really isn't a fair question, especially considering the direction the conversation sounds like it was taking. There is no winning answer there, especially for him.

I am not defending the "Shallow Hal" in him, nor the "Honest Man" you would want him to be... but you're right, extra weight would apparently bother him.

My Xhusband had some issues with my weight, but it wasn't like he ever said anything. Or at least it wasn't like he said anything while I was carrying extra weight. After a dramatic weight loss of 20lbs and an absence of 6 months, he confided in me after a few minutes of intimacy.

There is so much damage that can be caused to a relationship when one person is prepared to be honest but the other person is not prepared to hear honesty.

I repulsed him when I was carrying the extra weight. It validated all of my fears and insecurities more-so in that moment, than the several years before that moment that I had carried the extra weight. He never really did understand what the big deal was, I mean I wasn't heavy anymore, and I looked great... so why was this "opinion of how I was" such a big deal??

Yeah. We never had sex again. It was a big deal. I stayed much longer than I should, even after being told I had "repulsed" him.

Now, mind you, when I say I was 20lbs overweight.. I was still active duty in the Army and "fit" by their standards. I was not on the Overweight Program, and I made my body fat tapings each time. But I was a little fluffier than I had been when we had met, dated, and yes, even married.

The thing you should concentrate on is learning how to love yourself, void of other's opinions. It is hard to do. I still have not mastered it. But you cannot chase an imaginary number, or someone else's opinion of how big or little you should be.

Well, you can chase it..
but if you are busy chasing that unicorn when will you have time to chase happiness?

I hope that helps...

Be healthy.
Be happy.
Be.

+1000 - Well said. [Clapping in the background]

MindySaysWhaaat

I weighed 220lbs when I met the guy who I'm going to be marrying in August of this year. Throughout the eight years we've been together, I've gone up to 250lbs, down to 200lbs, and then I shot back up to 265lbs.

I have asked him if my weight has ever bothered him. He always has liked somewhat chubbier girls, and I know I'm the biggest person he's ever dated. He's said "To be honest...sometimes it bothers me, but I still love you so I don't care." He's never pressured me to lose weight, and he's never ridiculed me for being fat. He has told me "The only reason I would want you to lose weight is because I know you're not happy at your current weight." which is absolutely true. He's been there for a bunch of my emotional melt-downs when it comes to my appearance.

I don't know how to deal with what your man has said to you, but I can tell you this: Every day, look in a mirror and find one thing you like about how you look. Try to compliment yourself. And even when you're feeling crappy about your appearance, try extremely hard not to put yourself down. The only person who's opinion about how you look that matters is your own.

gamesandgains

JaneiR36 wrote: »

He says no one wants to be with someone who's overweight and lazy. You ask what if you became overweight and lazy. I don't get it

I like you.

gamesandgains

RedRockChic wrote: »

There is so much damage that can be caused to a relationship when one person is prepared to be honest but the other person is not prepared to hear honesty.

*claps*