Stop the "I wish" body envying

DirrtyH

emmydoodles83 wrote: »

I wish I was a little bit taller....... I wish I was a baller....... I wish I had a gi.....ah no nevermind. Come on somebody had to reference it.

I thought I was the only who remembered this song! People look at me like I'm nuts when I quote that.

fatcity66

My problem is, I really don't know exactly what I can achieve, because I've never worked hard enough, or long enough to get there. I'm perfectly happy with my overall shape and build, there are just areas I want to reduce the fat on, like my belly, and inner thighs. My issue is, even if I get to my goal of 18% body fat, will those areas be toned, or will they still be saggy and have cellulite? The truth is, I don't know, because I've never felt the extra effort was worth the result. I got close, but of course, I still had those problem areas.

williams969

Thanks for the perspective! I'll admit, I started my weight loss based on a little bit of body envy. But, thankfully, I turned a "negative" motivation into a positive. Athletic/fit people are INSPIRING--not something to be envied. Reading success stories and following the journeys of others helped me define my own realistic, yet challenging goals--and I learned how to make a fitness "action plan" to achieve them.

Will I be an "hourglass"? Perhaps not--I've got a nice "baby" booty starting to grow, but slim/narrow hips. But I will work to make those glutes the strongest they can be, as clearly I have "booty potential" that I need to embrace.

Will I have big, buff calves? Probably not compared to others--but I will work to make them as big and as strong as I can (c'mon PLEASE get to 14 inches, lol).

And I will always have a belly, hips, and thighs covered with stretchmarks (some are very wide, very damaged skin areas). However, I love them. They are joyful reminders of the birth of my children--which, forgive me, makes me misty/weepy with joy to reminisce.

yesimpson

I think 'body envy' has to be framed within the context of what is realistic for you. Using people's work as inspiration or admiring somebody else's genetic gifts doesn't have to go hand in hand with looking down on what you already have. I put a lot of work into turning thoughts like 'that girl has amazing legs, mine are nothing like that, hers are much better...' into 'that girl has amazing legs, maybe if I do more strength training like she's doing mine will look better too'. I don't really want anybody else's body, I just want the best version of mine. I always admire people who have overcome obstacles, such as poor health, pregnancy, personal issues etc., to improve themselves in some way, so I try to envy the hard graft and dedication more than the end result.

I'll always sort of want to swap body parts with other people if it's something I'll never have, like really long legs, but it's a fleeting thought that doesn't diminish the positive way I regard my body generally, so I guess it's harmless.

rawstrongchick

I think very very few people actually turn their motivational "I wish" into an extreme obsession or expectation of achieving the un-achievable. I think it's also normal to slightly envy on occasion people who are different to you - I'm not sure that's something you can just snap out of or switch off. One of my relatives has dead straight hair and drools over my curls, I'm a natural blonde and yet I think dark hair is much more striking on a woman etc.

I wish I had J Lo's figure, but I know that with my inverted triangle shape I've got no chance of achieving pert little boobies or an ample backside that come with a pear shape. None of that stops me from being the best version of me I can be though! I feel much better about myself for being motivated and achieving, and I've come to realize that I have both assets and strength that I didn't even realize.

Nothing wrong with a healthy "I wish" for anyone who is sensible, IMHO.

SteampunkSongbird

herrspoons wrote: »

SteampunkSongbird wrote: »

Me wishing I had another person's figure has zero effect on you or anyone else, so I'll go right on wistfully wishing. It's in most people's nature to compare ourselves to others who are perceived to be better, and wanting people to basically 'get over it' is about as easily done for them as trying to push a boiled egg through a keyhole intact, and the suggestion is about as useful. It's great that you're so accepting of yourself that you don't feel the need to wish for a change, I envy you that, but you can't seriously think that saying 'stop it, it's pointless' actually makes a difference to the way the majority of people think.

Yeah.... think you missed the point.

I really didn't. I'm very aware that there isn't much point wishing for something that genetically you won't ever have, you can't change your genes, and it's not very productive to wish that you could. It's a simple idea and I understand it. My point was only that it's human nature to want things that we don't have, and that the OP telling people that it's pointless to want a body you genetically can't achieve, is also pointless, as it's not going to change how anyone thinks. Most of us will probably never achieve a bank account with a billion quid in it, and we're all aware of that, doesn't mean we can't dream; and it doesn't hurt anyone else if we do, so some random person who has mastered self-acceptance has no right to tell those of us who haven't to basically 'buck up, it'll never happen anyway'. We KNOW it won't. These types of posts always just come across as condescending, to suggest that none of us know that our longings are often unachievable.

Lourdesong

I wish I had a magic lamp or a fairy Godmother or a monkey's paw. Then all of my crazy wishes can finally come true.

tulips_and_tea

TheBeachgod wrote: »

Isn't this just common sense? Using someone as an inspiration, even if you know you won't acheive that particular look, seems harmless to me and may help someone to attain their goals. If someone honestly wishes to have a totally unattainable physical attribute they have some serious issues in dealing with reality.

For some people, yes. For others, no. Ninerbuff is a trainer and no doubt hears these "wishes" constantly. He's just trying to be helpful to those that this applies to.

tulips_and_tea

skinnyinnotime wrote: »

Personally I love it when someone tells me they wish that had *something I have* so stop telling them not to do that lol!

And that's awesome! But again, Ninerbuff is mentioning something in hopes to help SOME people; not all.

For me personally, what you mentioned makes me uncomfortable. A few years ago a lady about 15 years older than me would be in the gym the same time I was every day, but she worked with the personal trainer. I did not. She would tell her trainer (almost every day), "I want to look like her" and would point me out. Made me very uncomfortable. I am friends with the trainer and we talked about it once and he said he tries to dissuade her (and anyone else who emulates others, as Ninerbuff mentioned), but he can only do so much. JMHO.

wolfsbayne

I wish I had the fittest version of my body. I will have it because I'm working on it.

AmerTunsi

I understand the underlining meaning of the message ; stop wishing to essentially be someone else, and to own your body for what it is. I think it is a great message. However (you knew that was coming), 'wishing' or envying another persons attributes can serve as a motivator for others. Hopefully, they'll take the steps to work towards that attribute, and in many cases when they're 'done' they'll find that they love their version of whatever they were seeking. People are going to be more body positive about their own bodies when they've worked hard to accomplish something that they wanted. There are plenty of studies that show the power of visualization or even the placebo response.

I will say that some things I thought weren't possible because I was built a certain way proved to be absolutely inaccurate. For example, I always hated having larger feet and after losing weight my feet shrunk and I was thrilled to be in the smaller size shoe.

I say as long as people aren't wishing and going after these body parts like Ed Gein - let them.

j6o4

Cant' believe people are standing up for envy. Let's defend greed and jealousy to... if anything, these things are self destructive and hurts you more than anyone else. I agree with the op. No one can attain perfection (or someone else's genetic attributes) , but everyone can attain greatness.

ninerbuff

sunglasses_and_ocean_waves wrote: »

ninerbuff wrote: »

sunglasses_and_ocean_waves wrote: »

Honestly, do you really think someone who says, "I wish I had her calves" just sits there wishing and not doing anything about it?

I wish for a lot of things in my life. Each step brings me closer to my goals. I wish for calves I may not be genetically predisposed to ever have, but I sure as heck am going to try.

One of my good friends has high insertion points on his calves. They look like Shawn Crawford's here in the middle:


He was doing every calf exercise 2 times a week for over a year to see if he could change their look. Well they did get stronger and slightly more defined, but it didn't change the shape at all. Now he just trains them on leg day and accepts them. Shawn Crawford will NEVER have the calves of the fellow runners with him, but he did train to beat them in races. Point is, one works with what they have to get the best out of what they have and not try to achieve a look that they aren't genetically predisposed to attaining.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

So what?

The point is there. Can't explain it any more clearly if you don't see it.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

ninerbuff

zyxst wrote: »

Oh well, I better stop doing what I'm doing because ninerbuff said so.

You're trying to look like Ace Ventura?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

ninerbuff

SteampunkSongbird wrote: »

herrspoons wrote: »

SteampunkSongbird wrote: »

Me wishing I had another person's figure has zero effect on you or anyone else, so I'll go right on wistfully wishing. It's in most people's nature to compare ourselves to others who are perceived to be better, and wanting people to basically 'get over it' is about as easily done for them as trying to push a boiled egg through a keyhole intact, and the suggestion is about as useful. It's great that you're so accepting of yourself that you don't feel the need to wish for a change, I envy you that, but you can't seriously think that saying 'stop it, it's pointless' actually makes a difference to the way the majority of people think.

Yeah.... think you missed the point.

I really didn't. I'm very aware that there isn't much point wishing for something that genetically you won't ever have, you can't change your genes, and it's not very productive to wish that you could. It's a simple idea and I understand it. My point was only that it's human nature to want things that we don't have, and that the OP telling people that it's pointless to want a body you genetically can't achieve, is also pointless, as it's not going to change how anyone thinks. Most of us will probably never achieve a bank account with a billion quid in it, and we're all aware of that, doesn't mean we can't dream; and it doesn't hurt anyone else if we do, so some random person who has mastered self-acceptance has no right to tell those of us who haven't to basically 'buck up, it'll never happen anyway'. We KNOW it won't. These types of posts always just come across as condescending, to suggest that none of us know that our longings are often unachievable.

If you happen to search on threads on the forums, there are lots and lots of inquiries asking "how can I get thigh gap?", "how do I make my calves smaller?", "how do I get rid of my wide broad shoulders?" and so on looking for exercises or training regimens to convert their shape to another. Yes, there are people that actually believe that exercising a certain way can make that happen.
I'm not "imposing" my will on anyone, I'm informing them that what they are asking for isn't possible if their genetics don't allow for it. If it saves people some time and effort (especially if they are investing money into it, IE. corsets) from trying to do it, then that's not a bad thing.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

999tigger

Tbf niner perspective and a sense of realism doesnt run strong in some people. Thats my non mean version.

When I started going to the gym I though oooh it would be nice to be a little less fat... move your *kitten* then and work harder...ok.