350lbs and hate what I've done to myself

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  • LavenderLeaves
    LavenderLeaves Posts: 195 Member
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    Hey, Carrie. I know how you feel. I'm currently 50 lbs heavier than you are...I lost 39 since January. I hit that moment where I realized I was completely crippling myself emotionally, mentally, and physically. I turned off any notion that I was going to be on a diet and realized what was going to be the real change for me would be completely changing how I viewed food and my behaviours. I don't see any food as addictive - but I DEFINITELY feel that eating in and of itself can be an addictive behaviour.

    Some of us use it as a comfort and coping mechanism which causes us to feel like we have no control over ourselves and see food as the enemy. We are in control, and food is wonderful! It's a long road but for the first time in my life I have hope about my future and know that in 2 years I'll be a very different person. There's still days where I struggle, but having support here on MFP with like minded people and surrounding myself with good reading materials on binge eating disorder and emotional eating has helped A LOT. Please feel free to check out my profile and if you feel like my ideas mesh with yours, feel free to drop a request. Best of luck on your journey!
  • nannersp61
    nannersp61 Posts: 2,315 Member
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    What a heart felt story. Thank you for bearing your soul. You are not alone here. We are here to bear each other's burdens. I have joined before, with a small amount of success. This time when I joined again, I began logging everything and decided to get involved in the Biggest Loser. A new season begins the week after next. I'm on Team Teal. There are a lot of great people on there at all stages of weight loss. They have really helped me. You can check it out by going to the Community tab then scroll down to the bottom of the page and click on Biggest Loser Season16. Or message Lisa Child lmc8009 and tell her you'd like to join.
  • jen7eleven
    jen7eleven Posts: 83 Member
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    Hi!I am happy for you that you made the decision to live your life now, to the fullest. I grew up with food as a companion, and I only realized that very recently. I have always been overweight. I would always tell myself that I would try things that interested me "when I lose weight", and I would try to lose weight "tomorrow". It's a terrible cycle. Cliche as it is, right now I am taking things one day at a time and it is really helpful.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sending over a friend request because I like your positive outlook. :)
  • MOTIMUNIYA
    MOTIMUNIYA Posts: 4
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    Hello.

    I have really broken all records of being fat. At 220 lbs in a 5'3 inch frame and just 21 years on my personal watch... I think I have really abused my body. Not that I didn't try. I just am not motivated enough and I don't have enough self control. Combine that with a razor sharp brain and hence, the talent to exert myself as less as possible by using my grey matter over my body.

    Anyway. I hope I derive motivation from all you awesome people. I will support all of you and I just expect less of ridicule and I will derive a bit of solace from any positivism from your end.

    Please encourage me :)
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    Welcome to MFP! Looks like you're in a great place to start this journey! Adding you!
  • Ibknute
    Ibknute Posts: 43 Member
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    Carrie,

    You have taken the first steps necessary in acknowledging you have a problem and deciding to do something about it. Congratulations on these big milestones! I to lived in denial for many years thinking I was okay with how I was and not really caring to change. All of that changed in late September/early October last year and it has been a great journey for me so far. I started at just under 400 pounds and am 2/3 of the way to breaking through the 300 pound mark so the overall goal and plan is similar to your situation.

    Seeing the doctor is important so you can find out if there are any specific issues or problems that might need to be dealt with differently than making a lifestyle change to become a healthier and better you. I am on medication right now for diabetes, blood pressure, and cholesterol. Based on my last checkup in early Feb we plan to cut the dosages in half this summer assuming the numbers continue to look good with the ultimate goal of getting completely off the meds. You may be put on some for now but that should be a goal of yours as well.

    I know it has been mentioned a couple times already but be careful not to try to too much too fast. For the first month or so I focused on walking 5-6 days a week and paying attention to how much I was eating. I started logging my food as you have done but didn't try to make too many immediate changes. Getting your mind used to thinking that way will help you in the long run as you continue to make adjustments along the journey.

    You can do this and your MFP friends are a great resource for support and encouragement as well as help and information. You can read more about my story on my profile and feel free to send a friend request if you would like to keep in touch on a regular basis.

    Your openness and honesty will serve you well and I appreciate you sharing your story with us. Hope to talk to you soon.

    Scott
  • mom4tav
    mom4tav Posts: 21 Member
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    I am so overwhelmed by the responses and I can't stop crying. I believe these are tears of relief and letting go of all of the pain that I've been keeping to myself for so long that it just feels so wonderful to hear such kind words and to be encouraged and supported and not judged! I'm just very grateful to have put it out there and in learning to receive all the blessings. I'm grateful for you all. Hope to reciprocate very soon. ;)
  • Amie211
    Amie211 Posts: 5
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    wow your story made me tear up! you already took the first step in my opinion you addressed the issue and took action! good for you! you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to!
  • harmar21
    harmar21 Posts: 215 Member
    edited March 2015
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    Good job on taking charge! Now I may be male, but I was also 350lbish back in September last year, miserable and disgusted with myself. 6.5 months later and as of this morning I am 282. If you told me 7 months ago that in 5 months I would be below 300 lbs, and in 7 months almost 280 I would have been thinking "yeah right, go sell your snake oil to someone else". If I can do it, anyone can do it. I wish I would have started years ago.

    My profile pic is from 5 months ago. My face is so much thinner now then in this pic.
  • cheekitty
    cheekitty Posts: 101 Member
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    Your story sounds so much like mine. My highest point was 380, and when I found that out, I went home and threw up. (Then got comfort food, because... hey, it worked all my life, right?)

    I've seen some really remarkable success stories on these forums, and if you need a friend that's walking the same road you are, feel free to shoot me a request. (I ended up having bariatric surgery for myself, but I have seen a lot of people that have managed it simply with logging their food and getting active. There's hope!)
  • ShannonMpls
    ShannonMpls Posts: 1,936 Member
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    I just want to let you know that you can do it. My highest weight was 322. I started here at 308. Now I have a healthy BMI (high end, but still healthy - my usual weight is 176-178, and I am 5'11"). I've been maintaining this weight for 2.5 years.

    I could write a book of tips and support to you, but mostly I just want to say that the best way to move forward is to drop the self-hate. So you hate your weight and hate what you've done to yourself. Fine, that's history. Every healthy choice is an exercise in self-love. Every time you nourish your body with healthy food and mindful eating, every walk you take, each step will get you closer to simply feeling better. And you deserve to feel better, mentally and physically.

    I cannot explain to you the difference this weight loss has had in my life. Thin does not equal happy, but self-care does. You deserve to feel comfortable and happy in your skin.

    My blog might have insights and tips you would appreciate:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/ShannonMpls

    Just keep going. When you have as much to lose as you do (and I did), this trip is long - so make it enjoyable, celebrate each small milestone, and know that you CAN get to a healthier place.

    Good luck :)
  • Caseys925
    Caseys925 Posts: 4 Member
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    Hi Carrie...good job! You are making the right steps towards being healthy and happy. I am a food addict also and it is difficult not to dive into a bowl of ice cream when I am sad, work goes bad or anything else that makes me upset. I know you can do this, and know that your are not alone and that everyone on this page has probably struggled a time or two or more. In October of 2009 I weighed 256 lbs. I lost over 100 lbs. and have kept it off since. I run and do yoga as often as I can....so what I am saying is, if I can do this I know you can. Best of luck and you have my support!!!
  • mom4tav
    mom4tav Posts: 21 Member
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    ShannonMpls, your comments on dropping the self-hate ring so true!! I love what you said "Every healthy choice is an exercise in self-love" and being a believer of the law of attraction, I need to replace the ugly words I say to myself with positive ones.

    Thank you!

  • wandalula
    wandalula Posts: 5 Member
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    Carrie,
    You are probably not as different as you think from so many other people on this site. Good luck to you through your journey. Remember, each step in the right direction is a good one and each meal that you take control of is one step in the right direction.
    I am 45 (and a half), have a husband and 2 kids, and work in the medical field. I have my Master's degree and still cannot believe that I cannot control myself when it comes to food. Hence, the reason why I am on this site.
    I hate to have to think about this every day, every meal, but clearly, I cannot do it on my own. I need help from a site like this.
    I hope you find strength and inspiration here and that you and your husband continue your journeys together and get stronger each day.
  • mom4tav
    mom4tav Posts: 21 Member
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    Thank you Wandalula.. food is terribly powerful, isn't it? I am glad I started up again and appreciate all the kind words! :) Have a terrific weekend!
  • IslanderLily
    IslanderLily Posts: 11 Member
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    Carrie! Congratulations on getting started, I really think this the hardest step. Thank you for sharing your story and know you aren't alone! This is my second go at this after a few years of hiding behind a wall of anxiety and depression and eating my feelings. It's time to rejoin the land of the living. One day at a time!
    You have friends here, and all the encouragement you could ask for!
  • lov3fill3d
    lov3fill3d Posts: 6
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    These people said awesome things.... All I can say is that it is not your fault... We do have a choice but addiction is addiction. Weight gain is a symptom of the food addiction. Please add me would love to go on this journey with you. I have 150 to lose. It's been a long go for me to.... But I'm back. We can do this.
  • clarkkentdh
    clarkkentdh Posts: 1
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    i havent had time to read the people above me but congratulations for realising that you need to change your ways , that is the hardest step and no matter what happens the most important thing is to put one foot in front of the other . the fact that you know you need to change is why i have faith you will make it :) just remember we all started from where you are , well i know i did. You can do it! baby steps one day at a time
  • JMC3Terp
    JMC3Terp Posts: 2,803 Member
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    Hi Carrie! I am really glad you have started. I started two weeks ago. I weighed 321 lbs. I am 24 and have struggled with my weight since I was 18. I think the important thing is to realize you have a problem.

    I am in law school and we had to sit through a drug and alcohol addiction seminar (law students have a higher rate that most people of addiction issues). During the presentation I realized many of the addiction signs for abusers were identical to mine when it came to food, but more importantly to pop (Coke in particular). Identifying this is huge.

    Understanding your situation is the first step to correcting it. Just stay positive and take it one day at a time and don't give up if you struggle, that has always been my problem.

    Good Luck!
  • NicoleMartinelli8
    NicoleMartinelli8 Posts: 51 Member
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    Do you feel motivated now? I tried to comment on your intro it took me a while to get to the end of the page to comment!

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