what should i do about this
prettigirl01
Posts: 548 Member
My boyfriend mother has been staying with us for over a year now. It was only supposed to be for a couple weeks but of course a couple weeks always turns into more. I never had a problem with her until recently when she started treating my daughter differently than her grandson who is also with us because his father has him 90% of the time. We all know that kids are going to be kids and they are going to try and test you. My daughter is 9 almost 10 and she is a little mouthy. I correct her when she is wrong. His mother hates this and now doesn't like to be around my daughter. She mumbles things under her breath. She used to take my daughter out with her and offer to watch her but she doesn't want to do any of that anymore. Last night the kids were playing and my daughter called her a devil. My boyfriend son who is 7 told his grandmother and loudly she said "I don't care what kayla says" in a nasty way. I talked to my daughter and told her not to worry about it. Shes a mean lady and sometimes people cant help being the way they are but its taking a toll on my daughter. I told my boyfriend she has to go and he said he talked to her this morning but shes the type of person who is just mean and nasty and will stick around just to cause tension between us. I will not allow my daughter to be around her any longer. I will leave if I have to but what do you guys suggest about this? Thanks
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There more to the story I'm sure so I cannot make a decision base on this.0
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Well, the mother is mean and nasty and the little girl is mouthy. I would suggest everyone learn some basic manners and use them. I may have been a little mouthy growing up, but I was never permitted to be disrespectful to an adult. EVER. If you aren't willing to teach your daughter how to talk to adults you cannot get mad when adults don't want to be around her.0
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Yeah, thisJenAndSome wrote: »Well, the mother is mean and nasty and the little girl is mouthy. I would suggest everyone learn some basic manners and use them. I may have been a little mouthy growing up, but I was never permitted to be disrespectful to an adult. EVER. If you aren't willing to teach your daughter how to talk to adults you cannot get mad when adults don't want to be around her.
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my daughter has never been rude or disrespectful to her ever and I teach my daughter respect so to assume I don't I don't know where you came up with that. she hears how my daughter sometimes whines when she cant have her way and stomps her feet and like I said I correct her. my child has never said anything to this woman in a rude way. she just doesn't like her. I cant speak for anyone else but I was a very mouthy child coming up. my grandmother beat me everytime. I choose not to do that to my child but like I said kids will be kids and she is learning. I think his mother is just a nasty person that's all0
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Its a boyfriend. Just break up.
What is more important? Your daughter or the bf?0 -
welp, then /thread.prettigirl01 wrote: »my daughter has never been rude or disrespectful to her ever and I teach my daughter respect so to assume I don't I don't know where you came up with that. she hears how my daughter sometimes whines when she cant have her way and stomps her feet and like I said I correct her. my child has never said anything to this woman in a rude way. she just doesn't like her. I cant speak for anyone else but I was a very mouthy child coming up. my grandmother beat me everytime. I choose not to do that to my child but like I said kids will be kids and she is learning. I think his mother is just a nasty person that's all
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JenAndSome wrote: »Well, the mother is mean and nasty and the little girl is mouthy. I would suggest everyone learn some basic manners and use them. I may have been a little mouthy growing up, but I was never permitted to be disrespectful to an adult. EVER. If you aren't willing to teach your daughter how to talk to adults you cannot get mad when adults don't want to be around her.
well I guess im on my daughters side when it comes to this. what grown woman gets an attitude or try to start an argument with a 9 year old? the fact that shes living with us is stressful enough but to add this to the mix I will not allow it.
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prettigirl01 wrote: »my daughter has never been rude or disrespectful to her ever and I teach my daughter respect so to assume I don't I don't know where you came up with that. she hears how my daughter sometimes whines when she cant have her way and stomps her feet and like I said I correct her. my child has never said anything to this woman in a rude way. she just doesn't like her. I cant speak for anyone else but I was a very mouthy child coming up. my grandmother beat me everytime. I choose not to do that to my child but like I said kids will be kids and she is learning. I think his mother is just a nasty person that's all
Calling her grandmother a devil isn't rude?0 -
Of_Monsters_and_Meat wrote: »Its a boyfriend. Just break up.
What is more important? Your daughter or the bf?
of course my child is but we have been together for 5 years. I don't want to end a relationship over a woman who shouldn't even be living with us. If I have to leave him I will. I just wanted to know if I was wrong for feeling the way I do
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prettigirl01 wrote: »my daughter has never been rude or disrespectful to her ever and I teach my daughter respect so to assume I don't I don't know where you came up with that. she hears how my daughter sometimes whines when she cant have her way and stomps her feet and like I said I correct her. my child has never said anything to this woman in a rude way. she just doesn't like her. I cant speak for anyone else but I was a very mouthy child coming up. my grandmother beat me everytime. I choose not to do that to my child but like I said kids will be kids and she is learning. I think his mother is just a nasty person that's all
But you did say she called her a devil, right?0 -
prettigirl01 wrote: »my daughter has never been rude or disrespectful to her ever and I teach my daughter respect so to assume I don't I don't know where you came up with that. she hears how my daughter sometimes whines when she cant have her way and stomps her feet and like I said I correct her. my child has never said anything to this woman in a rude way. she just doesn't like her. I cant speak for anyone else but I was a very mouthy child coming up. my grandmother beat me everytime. I choose not to do that to my child but like I said kids will be kids and she is learning. I think his mother is just a nasty person that's allprettigirl01 wrote: »My boyfriend mother has been staying with us for over a year now. It was only supposed to be for a couple weeks but of course a couple weeks always turns into more. I never had a problem with her until recently when she started treating my daughter differently than her grandson who is also with us because his father has him 90% of the time. We all know that kids are going to be kids and they are going to try and test you. My daughter is 9 almost 10 and she is a little mouthy. I correct her when she is wrong. His mother hates this and now doesn't like to be around my daughter. She mumbles things under her breath. She used to take my daughter out with her and offer to watch her but she doesn't want to do any of that anymore. Last night the kids were playing and my daughter called her a devil. My boyfriend son who is 7 told his grandmother and loudly she said "I don't care what kayla says" in a nasty way. I talked to my daughter and told her not to worry about it. Shes a mean lady and sometimes people cant help being the way they are but its taking a toll on my daughter. I told my boyfriend she has to go and he said he talked to her this morning but shes the type of person who is just mean and nasty and will stick around just to cause tension between us. I will not allow my daughter to be around her any longer. I will leave if I have to but what do you guys suggest about this? Thanks
That is not rude?
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I feel where you are coming from. My children try to push their limits ALL THE TIME, it is what kids do. My son and oldest daughter (4 and 3 years old) are mouthy and slams doors. I am fast to correct that. Last thing I need is bratty teenagers haha. When kids feel comfortable around someone they do seem to try and test their limits. It doesn't make it right but it happens. As long as you are correcting her and letting her know she can't talk to you bf's mom like that or any authority figure that way I don't see the problem there. My OPINION: Have you ever tried sitting down and talking to your bf's mother and just apologizing for your things your daughter has maybe said that maybe she has been holding on to (try not to be confrontational and remember no one wants to think they are in the wrong). At the end of the conversation bring in your daughter to apologize herself and let her know that respect is a two way street (say it in front of the bf's mom as a subtle hint). Hopefully things will get better from there if not, I understand you will have to do whats best for your daughter. I really hope this helps!0
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Yeah, there would have been serious consequences for my daughter (who is 7, by the way... not a hypothetical person) called ANY adult a devil, or any other kind of derogatory word.
Your daughter is mouthy. Teach your kid to know when to speak and when not to. I'm all for being your own person and having your own thoughts, but that doesn't mean you get to say the first thing that pops into your head.
If grandma used to like being around your daughter, then something's changed.
Further - I'm the child of a divorce, am divorced and live with my boyfriend. You are clearly drawing lines in the sand, and your kid is picking up on it. If you cannot respect your boyfriend's mom, your kid won't either.0 -
-Katiebear_81 wrote: »
Further - I'm the child of a divorce, am divorced and live with my boyfriend. You are clearly drawing lines in the sand, and your kid is picking up on it. If you cannot respect your boyfriend's mom, your kid won't either.
I strongly agree with this part.
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Katiebear_81 wrote: »
Further - I'm the child of a divorce, am divorced and live with my boyfriend. You are clearly drawing lines in the sand, and your kid is picking up on it. If you cannot respect your boyfriend's mom, your kid won't either.
Yes0 -
prettigirl01 wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Well, the mother is mean and nasty and the little girl is mouthy. I would suggest everyone learn some basic manners and use them. I may have been a little mouthy growing up, but I was never permitted to be disrespectful to an adult. EVER. If you aren't willing to teach your daughter how to talk to adults you cannot get mad when adults don't want to be around her.
well I guess im on my daughters side when it comes to this. what grown woman gets an attitude or try to start an argument with a 9 year old? the fact that shes living with us is stressful enough but to add this to the mix I will not allow it.
I was raised by my grandparents and had a constant flow of aunts, uncles cousins, etc living in the house with us at various times for various lengths. Who was there for however long was never my business as a child. I was still supposed to be respectful of the adults. If you do not want to live with your boyfriends mother any longer than you and he need to either ask her to move out or you need to move out. Your daughter should not be involved in any of that drama and, even if his mother gets attitude with your daughter, allowing her to call his mother names isn't doing anyone any favors. It's your job as a mother to stand up for your daughter if you feel like she is being treated poorly by any adult.
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clperrault89 wrote: »I feel where you are coming from. My children try to push their limits ALL THE TIME, it is what kids do. My son and oldest daughter (4 and 3 years old) are mouthy and slams doors. I am fast to correct that. Last thing I need is bratty teenagers haha. When kids feel comfortable around someone they do seem to try and test their limits. It doesn't make it right but it happens. As long as you are correcting her and letting her know she can't talk to you bf's mom like that or any authority figure that way I don't see the problem there. My OPINION: Have you ever tried sitting down and talking to your bf's mother and just apologizing for your things your daughter has maybe said that maybe she has been holding on to (try not to be confrontational and remember no one wants to think they are in the wrong). At the end of the conversation bring in your daughter to apologize herself and let her know that respect is a two way street (say it in front of the bf's mom as a subtle hint). Hopefully things will get better from there if not, I understand you will have to do whats best for your daughter. I really hope this helps!
thank you for suggestions and I tried this yesterday but she blew me off and said shes not worried about it. she does not want to hear anything I or my daughter has to say which is why I feel the way I feel about her. I respect her because she is my bf's mother but im not sure how much more I can take
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TavistockToad wrote: »prettigirl01 wrote: »my daughter has never been rude or disrespectful to her ever and I teach my daughter respect so to assume I don't I don't know where you came up with that. she hears how my daughter sometimes whines when she cant have her way and stomps her feet and like I said I correct her. my child has never said anything to this woman in a rude way. she just doesn't like her. I cant speak for anyone else but I was a very mouthy child coming up. my grandmother beat me everytime. I choose not to do that to my child but like I said kids will be kids and she is learning. I think his mother is just a nasty person that's all
Calling her grandmother a devil isn't rude?
it is rude and I talked to my daughter about this and told her that it wasn't nice. the kids were going back and forth talking about each other and I guess at some point someone said something about me and she said that about his grandmother. im not saying any of what my daughter does is right
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Katiebear_81 wrote: »Yeah, there would have been serious consequences for my daughter (who is 7, by the way... not a hypothetical person) called ANY adult a devil, or any other kind of derogatory word.
Your daughter is mouthy. Teach your kid to know when to speak and when not to. I'm all for being your own person and having your own thoughts, but that doesn't mean you get to say the first thing that pops into your head.
If grandma used to like being around your daughter, then something's changed.
Further - I'm the child of a divorce, am divorced and live with my boyfriend. You are clearly drawing lines in the sand, and your kid is picking up on it. If you cannot respect your boyfriend's mom, your kid won't either.
the thing is I always have respect for her. I speak when I come in, I ask if she needs anything from the store etc. ive never said a bad thing about her or to her so my daughter isn't picking up on anything I did. children are very smart and if you want the truth you can be sure to get it from a child so she isn't picking up on anything from me but clearly the way this woman treats her
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prettigirl01 wrote: »Katiebear_81 wrote: »Yeah, there would have been serious consequences for my daughter (who is 7, by the way... not a hypothetical person) called ANY adult a devil, or any other kind of derogatory word.
Your daughter is mouthy. Teach your kid to know when to speak and when not to. I'm all for being your own person and having your own thoughts, but that doesn't mean you get to say the first thing that pops into your head.
If grandma used to like being around your daughter, then something's changed.
Further - I'm the child of a divorce, am divorced and live with my boyfriend. You are clearly drawing lines in the sand, and your kid is picking up on it. If you cannot respect your boyfriend's mom, your kid won't either.
the thing is I always have respect for her. I speak when I come in, I ask if she needs anything from the store etc. ive never said a bad thing about her or to her so my daughter isn't picking up on anything I did. children are very smart and if you want the truth you can be sure to get it from a child so she isn't picking up on anything from me but clearly the way this woman treats her
So what's happened between your daughter and grandmother? You said they used to get on?0 -
prettigirl01 wrote: »My boyfriend mother has been staying with us for over a year now. It was only supposed to be for a couple weeks but of course a couple weeks always turns into more. I never had a problem with her until recently when she started treating my daughter differently than her grandson who is also with us because his father has him 90% of the time. We all know that kids are going to be kids and they are going to try and test you. My daughter is 9 almost 10 and she is a little mouthy. I correct her when she is wrong. His mother hates this and now doesn't like to be around my daughter. She mumbles things under her breath. She used to take my daughter out with her and offer to watch her but she doesn't want to do any of that anymore. Last night the kids were playing and my daughter called her a devil. My boyfriend son who is 7 told his grandmother and loudly she said "I don't care what kayla says" in a nasty way. I talked to my daughter and told her not to worry about it. Shes a mean lady and sometimes people cant help being the way they are but its taking a toll on my daughter. I told my boyfriend she has to go and he said he talked to her this morning but shes the type of person who is just mean and nasty and will stick around just to cause tension between us. I will not allow my daughter to be around her any longer. I will leave if I have to but what do you guys suggest about this? Thanks
You and your daughter..but especially your daughter needs to have a safe and uplifting home. FIND ONE FOR HER...for her.
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prettigirl01 wrote: »My boyfriend mother has been staying with us for over a year now. It was only supposed to be for a couple weeks but of course a couple weeks always turns into more. I never had a problem with her until recently when she started treating my daughter differently than her grandson who is also with us because his father has him 90% of the time. We all know that kids are going to be kids and they are going to try and test you. My daughter is 9 almost 10 and she is a little mouthy. I correct her when she is wrong. His mother hates this and now doesn't like to be around my daughter. She mumbles things under her breath. She used to take my daughter out with her and offer to watch her but she doesn't want to do any of that anymore. Last night the kids were playing and my daughter called her a devil. My boyfriend son who is 7 told his grandmother and loudly she said "I don't care what kayla says" in a nasty way. I talked to my daughter and told her not to worry about it. Shes a mean lady and sometimes people cant help being the way they are but its taking a toll on my daughter. I told my boyfriend she has to go and he said he talked to her this morning but shes the type of person who is just mean and nasty and will stick around just to cause tension between us. I will not allow my daughter to be around her any longer. I will leave if I have to but what do you guys suggest about this? Thanks
You and your daughter..but especially your daughter needs to have a safe and uplifting home. FIND ONE FOR HER...for her.
I agree. thank you
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prettigirl01 wrote: »clperrault89 wrote: »I feel where you are coming from. My children try to push their limits ALL THE TIME, it is what kids do. My son and oldest daughter (4 and 3 years old) are mouthy and slams doors. I am fast to correct that. Last thing I need is bratty teenagers haha. When kids feel comfortable around someone they do seem to try and test their limits. It doesn't make it right but it happens. As long as you are correcting her and letting her know she can't talk to you bf's mom like that or any authority figure that way I don't see the problem there. My OPINION: Have you ever tried sitting down and talking to your bf's mother and just apologizing for your things your daughter has maybe said that maybe she has been holding on to (try not to be confrontational and remember no one wants to think they are in the wrong). At the end of the conversation bring in your daughter to apologize herself and let her know that respect is a two way street (say it in front of the bf's mom as a subtle hint). Hopefully things will get better from there if not, I understand you will have to do whats best for your daughter. I really hope this helps!
thank you for suggestions and I tried this yesterday but she blew me off and said shes not worried about it. she does not want to hear anything I or my daughter has to say which is why I feel the way I feel about her. I respect her because she is my bf's mother but im not sure how much more I can take
That's sad to hear
When you said your bf talked to his mother this morning did you mean he asked her to start looking for a new place to move or about her attitude towards your child? Just curious. 0 -
Until your BF says she has to go, she isn't going anywhere, so you'll either have to make it work or leave.0
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_dracarys_ wrote: »Until your BF says she has to go, she isn't going anywhere, so you'll either have to make it work or leave.
Unfortunately this is most accurate.0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »prettigirl01 wrote: »my daughter has never been rude or disrespectful to her ever and I teach my daughter respect so to assume I don't I don't know where you came up with that. she hears how my daughter sometimes whines when she cant have her way and stomps her feet and like I said I correct her. my child has never said anything to this woman in a rude way. she just doesn't like her. I cant speak for anyone else but I was a very mouthy child coming up. my grandmother beat me everytime. I choose not to do that to my child but like I said kids will be kids and she is learning. I think his mother is just a nasty person that's all
Calling her grandmother a devil isn't rude?
+1 Took the words right out of my mouth.
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prettigirl01 wrote: »clperrault89 wrote: »I feel where you are coming from. My children try to push their limits ALL THE TIME, it is what kids do. My son and oldest daughter (4 and 3 years old) are mouthy and slams doors. I am fast to correct that. Last thing I need is bratty teenagers haha. When kids feel comfortable around someone they do seem to try and test their limits. It doesn't make it right but it happens. As long as you are correcting her and letting her know she can't talk to you bf's mom like that or any authority figure that way I don't see the problem there. My OPINION: Have you ever tried sitting down and talking to your bf's mother and just apologizing for your things your daughter has maybe said that maybe she has been holding on to (try not to be confrontational and remember no one wants to think they are in the wrong). At the end of the conversation bring in your daughter to apologize herself and let her know that respect is a two way street (say it in front of the bf's mom as a subtle hint). Hopefully things will get better from there if not, I understand you will have to do whats best for your daughter. I really hope this helps!
thank you for suggestions and I tried this yesterday but she blew me off and said shes not worried about it. she does not want to hear anything I or my daughter has to say which is why I feel the way I feel about her. I respect her because she is my bf's mother but im not sure how much more I can take
is this something she told you, or something you infer? Because I know when someone apologizes to me, I might say something like "it's okay. I'm not worried about it." And in no way to i mean "i don't want to hear anything you say." I mean "it's okay."
also you say you respect her, because of the way you treat her to her face, but then you tell your daughter that she's just a mean lady. that doesn't show you respect her, but that you placate her.
i don't know. I'm not saying she's right, or you're right. I think there is more to this than is in this thread. it's possible the woman has just worn out her welcome and a little space may give everyone a fresh perspective.
what are the chances your bf will ask her to move?0 -
clperrault89 wrote: »prettigirl01 wrote: »clperrault89 wrote: »I feel where you are coming from. My children try to push their limits ALL THE TIME, it is what kids do. My son and oldest daughter (4 and 3 years old) are mouthy and slams doors. I am fast to correct that. Last thing I need is bratty teenagers haha. When kids feel comfortable around someone they do seem to try and test their limits. It doesn't make it right but it happens. As long as you are correcting her and letting her know she can't talk to you bf's mom like that or any authority figure that way I don't see the problem there. My OPINION: Have you ever tried sitting down and talking to your bf's mother and just apologizing for your things your daughter has maybe said that maybe she has been holding on to (try not to be confrontational and remember no one wants to think they are in the wrong). At the end of the conversation bring in your daughter to apologize herself and let her know that respect is a two way street (say it in front of the bf's mom as a subtle hint). Hopefully things will get better from there if not, I understand you will have to do whats best for your daughter. I really hope this helps!
thank you for suggestions and I tried this yesterday but she blew me off and said shes not worried about it. she does not want to hear anything I or my daughter has to say which is why I feel the way I feel about her. I respect her because she is my bf's mother but im not sure how much more I can take
That's sad to hear When you said your bf talked to his mother this morning did you mean he asked her to start looking for a new place to move or about her attitude towards your child? Just curious.
yes he told he she had until the beginning of summer to be out of the apartment
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_dracarys_ wrote: »Until your BF says she has to go, she isn't going anywhere, so you'll either have to make it work or leave.
he told her about 3 months ago that she had 30 days to leave. she was looking for an apartment and then all of a sudden stopped. honestly she doesn't have to go anywhere. ill take my daughter and leave
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