controlling partners.
glovepuppet
Posts: 1,710 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have a curiosity burn, so give me your opinions, your experiences and your thoughts. From any angle you choose.
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Replies
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However. despite not experiencing it myself, I have seen what controlling someone can do. I have a friend who doesn't work and her boyfriend works full time. She made him take a week off work once because she was having a bad time and because she was lonely, she never lets him go out and if he does go out to socialize she is calling him every five minutes. She checks his phone and his emails and facebook. He once told us that he was playing an online game and she was in bed, his computer dropped connection, she had disconnected the router because she wanted him to go to bed. Yes, giving a forty year old man a curfew of 10pm.
Personally, I don't believe that someone should control another person regardless of their relationship. I relish when my husband goes out because I get the place to myself and I think it would take too much time and energy to keep tabs on someone like that, it's crazy and clearly indicates trust issues. I will text my husband when he is out but only if its late so I can ensure he is all right or to gauge what time he is coming home. I can never go to sleep if he is out on the town, which is rare but that's about the extent of it. I mean that person is not there to be your sole entertainment, it's a partnership for a reason.
If my husband started going that **** I would get out of there, and I am sure he would say the same. Just my take.0 -
I was in a controlling friendship once..when I told my friend I was getting married, she " dumped" me..saying it would split us up...I wasn't in a great place at that time but she fed off it..but it would never happen now. Anyone who allows themselves to be controlled have low self esteem...I realise that some may be so controlling they can't find a way out of it..but I'd always hope that they find the courage to leave.0
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I guess I'm not too sure why people enjoy mayonnaise Especially in Great Britain.
To me the texture is just weird. It's like puss or something. Ugh and then people (i.e. flatmates) leave it out at room temperature and it gets even grosser.
Now hot sauce . . . that's a condiment. I could add hot sauce to anything and it would taste better.0 -
What is a glove puppet, exactly?0
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the name does suggest some interesting images, no?What is a glove puppet, exactly?0 -
What about them? I'm sure we've all had our experiences, whether it be our relationships or those of friends.0
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I was in a controlling friendship once..when I told my friend I was getting married, she " dumped" me..saying it would split us up...I wasn't in a great place at that time but she fed off it..but it would never happen now. Anyone who allows themselves to be controlled have low self esteem...I realise that some may be so controlling they can't find a way out of it..but I'd always hope that they find the courage to leave.
my best friend said the exact same thing to me when I got pregnant... weird. I would have been really happy for her if she had a baby and would want to be involved. She just got really angry about it though and walked away after 10 years of friendship.
People be scary.... :huh:0 -
several shades of perverted.What is a glove puppet, exactly?0 -
I had a controlling boyfriend in HS/college who would get upset if I wore short skirts and always accused me of cheating. In fact, he was the one cheating. My DH tries to control me occasionally, to which he gets 'I refuse to be treated like that'. I get harder to control with age
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one of my exes wouldn't let me leave the house, see my friends or anything really. she would feign illness to stop me going to work (fake vomiting) and was insanely jealous of anyone I know, as well as inanimate objects like my records (do you like your records/friends/family more than me?). I said no, but I did like my records more than her. she liked me brushing her hair. it was some proper misery *kitten* right there. eventually i broke up with her, and she went into therapy 3 times a week 2 hour sessions. she started calling my work to find out when I was working so she could come in and stare wide eyed like that girl on youtube. I remember one day she wanted to meet me and tried to convince me we should get back together, but I said no and I had to go. on the way to my car she force hugged me and told me if I date anyone else she will smack her in the face. coincidentally I had a cute girl in my car. thankfully she parked somewhere else, cause she was really really unstable.
I didn't really dodge that bullet. it grazed me.
also she had a tendency to break down into tears screaming "WHY WERENT YOU HERE" if i wasnt home when she got home. even if i turned up 15 minutes later. usually this would go on for 45 minutes to an hour. after a while i just stopped having an opinion and was kind of like a mental prisoner in my own apartment. she tried to control everything, even to what I said and what I thought, so I'd just say what she wanted to hear. "yes you were sick the other day (she wasn't), I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking".
she also had a tendency to come out with some really dark *kitten* like saying "Marilyn manson makes me want to kill myself" while listening to Marilyn Manson. she also was a "wicken" and was kind of obsessed with the occult.
man. I must have been desperate. being 18 sucks.0 -
one of my exes wouldn't let me leave the house, see my friends or anything really. she would feign illness to stop me going to work (fake vomiting) and was insanely jealous of anyone I know, as well as inanimate objects like my records (do you like your records/friends/family more than me?). I said no, but I did like my records more than her. she liked me brushing her hair. it was some proper misery *kitten* right there. eventually i broke up with her, and she went into therapy 3 times a week 2 hour sessions. she started calling my work to find out when I was working so she could come in and stare wide eyed like that girl on youtube. I remember one day she wanted to meet me and tried to convince me we should get back together, but I said no and I had to go. on the way to my car she force hugged me and told me if I date anyone else she will smack her in the face. coincidentally I had a cute girl in my car. thankfully she parked somewhere else, cause she was really really unstable.
I didn't really dodge that bullet. it grazed me.
also she had a tendency to break down into tears screaming "WHY WERENT YOU HERE" if i wasnt home when she got home. even if i turned up 15 minutes later. usually this would go on for 45 minutes to an hour. after a while i just stopped having an opinion and was kind of like a mental prisoner in my own apartment. she tried to control everything, even to what I said and what I thought, so I'd just say what she wanted to hear. "yes you were sick the other day (she wasn't), I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking".
she also had a tendency to come out with some really dark *kitten* like saying "Marilyn manson makes me want to kill myself" while listening to Marilyn Manson. she also was a "wicken" and was kind of obsessed with the occult.
man. I must have been desperate. being 18 sucks.
I picture you as this guy diving out the window:
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It sounds depressing as *kitten*, I hope the sex was good! (gif below is at last persons response, not the crazy girlfriend story)one of my exes wouldn't let me leave the house, see my friends or anything really. she would feign illness to stop me going to work (fake vomiting) and was insanely jealous of anyone I know, as well as inanimate objects like my records (do you like your records/friends/family more than me?). I said no, but I did like my records more than her. she liked me brushing her hair. it was some proper misery *kitten* right there. eventually i broke up with her, and she went into therapy 3 times a week 2 hour sessions. she started calling my work to find out when I was working so she could come in and stare wide eyed like that girl on youtube. I remember one day she wanted to meet me and tried to convince me we should get back together, but I said no and I had to go. on the way to my car she force hugged me and told me if I date anyone else she will smack her in the face. coincidentally I had a cute girl in my car. thankfully she parked somewhere else, cause she was really really unstable.
I didn't really dodge that bullet. it grazed me.
also she had a tendency to break down into tears screaming "WHY WERENT YOU HERE" if i wasnt home when she got home. even if i turned up 15 minutes later. usually this would go on for 45 minutes to an hour. after a while i just stopped having an opinion and was kind of like a mental prisoner in my own apartment. she tried to control everything, even to what I said and what I thought, so I'd just say what she wanted to hear. "yes you were sick the other day (she wasn't), I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking".
she also had a tendency to come out with some really dark *kitten* like saying "Marilyn manson makes me want to kill myself" while listening to Marilyn Manson. she also was a "wicken" and was kind of obsessed with the occult.
man. I must have been desperate. being 18 sucks.
I picture you as this guy diving out the window:
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^stolen :flowerforyou:0
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It sounds depressing as *kitten*, I hope the sex was good! (gif below is at last persons response, not the crazy girlfriend story)one of my exes wouldn't let me leave the house, see my friends or anything really. she would feign illness to stop me going to work (fake vomiting) and was insanely jealous of anyone I know, as well as inanimate objects like my records (do you like your records/friends/family more than me?). I said no, but I did like my records more than her. she liked me brushing her hair. it was some proper misery *kitten* right there. eventually i broke up with her, and she went into therapy 3 times a week 2 hour sessions. she started calling my work to find out when I was working so she could come in and stare wide eyed like that girl on youtube. I remember one day she wanted to meet me and tried to convince me we should get back together, but I said no and I had to go. on the way to my car she force hugged me and told me if I date anyone else she will smack her in the face. coincidentally I had a cute girl in my car. thankfully she parked somewhere else, cause she was really really unstable.
I didn't really dodge that bullet. it grazed me.
also she had a tendency to break down into tears screaming "WHY WERENT YOU HERE" if i wasnt home when she got home. even if i turned up 15 minutes later. usually this would go on for 45 minutes to an hour. after a while i just stopped having an opinion and was kind of like a mental prisoner in my own apartment. she tried to control everything, even to what I said and what I thought, so I'd just say what she wanted to hear. "yes you were sick the other day (she wasn't), I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking".
she also had a tendency to come out with some really dark *kitten* like saying "Marilyn manson makes me want to kill myself" while listening to Marilyn Manson. she also was a "wicken" and was kind of obsessed with the occult.
man. I must have been desperate. being 18 sucks.
I picture you as this guy diving out the window:
lol epic gif. no the sex was not good. she gained a lot of weight while we were together (8 months). there really was no redeeming feature, other than her family was really nice and I enjoyed spending time with them.0 -
I believe all relationship disputes should be solved with the simple act of street fighter moves.
"Oh you want to watch teen mom tonight?"
HADOUKEN!
"Yeah, i thought i heard wrong."0 -
wow... crazy, crazy girlfriend, nikilis! :noway:0
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i used to have a...well IDK what he was. We only technically dated for a week, but we were off and on with liking each other and flirting and stuff for a good year in HS. Anyway, he wasn't controlling in the sense that he would say who I could or couldn't hang out with, etc, but he would do a lot of backhanded compliments (one that comes to mind is "Wow, that shirt looks good on you. It brings more attention to your boobs and less to your fat") and tell me that everyone liked my friend better because she was a lot prettier than I was, or tell me that I only date him because no one else wanted me anyway, which used to make me feel bad that he thought that's the only reason I dated him, while driving my self esteem further into the ground.
He basically used to say things to me to build me up, and then say lots of things to being me back down to make sure I wouldn't go for anyone else. He made sure to make me feel like he was the only person that wanted to date me. I really don't know why I was so hung up on him for so long, either. ****in' 16 year olds, man. I wish I had listened to my mom when she would tell me how ****ty he was for me! lol.0 -
I believe all relationship disputes should be solved with the simple act of street fighter moves.
"Oh you want to watch teen mom tonight?"
HADOUKEN!
"Yeah, i thought i heard wrong."
I like you.0 -
Just shut up and do as I say.0
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Just shut up and do as I say.
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Just shut up and do as I say.
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I had two of those....
The first one didn't want me talking to anyone but him. Once he seen me talking to a friend, and he came up to me yelling in my face. So, I broke up with him right then and there. He started stalking me, and a group of really good guy friends made it clear that he needed to move on.
The second one was great at first. Carrying my books home from school. Doing anything for me, and was really sweet. One day he decides that we need to have sex to keep our relationship spicy. When I wouldn't have sex with him he got violent and bit me. I fought him off, and told him that it wouldn't happen until I was ready. Well, over the next few months things got worse. If I was talking to someone he would kiss me hard mid sentence so I couldn't finnish talking. He kicked me across a room because someone asked me to get them something. He told me to tell them to get it their self, and I told him no. When I went to stand up he kicked me and I went flying. He started calling me names in front of my friends to try to embarrass me. When I would ignore him he would punch me or bite me.
One day I was in a bad mood, and I told him I didn't feel like being bother. I just wanted to sit alone. So he grabbed me up in a choke hold. My feet were off the ground. I grabbed a handful of his stomach, squeezed it as hard as I could, and twisted it till he dropped me. Then I jumped up, and swung my fist as hard as I could as I spun around. I punched him so hard in the cheek he fell. I screamed I want nothing else to do with you ever again at him, and I ran home. He got friends, his sisters, and even his Aunt to try to talk me into giving him another shot. I showed them bruises, and told them things he had done to me. I never looked back.0 -
there's mopr than one type of control freak though. you get your bullies, emotional blackmailers, passive aggressives.
in the past i've dated guys who tried those methods, failed, went completely insane. suicide, addection, assault, etc.
these days, wouldn't stay one minute with a guy who even tried to undermine my self esteem or who threw tantrums.
...on the other hand, i'm quite content to have the right guy control pretty much every aspect of my life.0 -
by about the middle of our relationship, my ex and i were in a constant battle of wills. he wanted to do what he wanted to do, that's it. the things he wanted to do were not the same things that made me feel comfortable or safe. he didn't accept my input as equal to his own, and took it as a challenge to his - what, will, authority, idk - rather than a mutual exchange of goodwill. resented accommodating my comfort or interests, if they conflicted with his.
i sometimes gave in for the sake of peace. those times, i think he hated me even more.
can't say he was ill-intentioned, exactly. he even supported me, around certain goals. but then again, his support was like, "you should do this, this way*" and not "hey, whatever you want to do, however you want to do it, is good with me". did not trust my decisions. did not respect my mind.
i know he's happy with someone who's basically decent now, so it's not like he's incapable of compromise. we were a bad match, temperamentally. and i'm not sure he ever loved me. i think some 'dominant' men will give up control for a woman they love.
edit: glovepuppet - my guy TOTALLY threw tantrums.0 -
...on the other hand, i'm quite content to have the right guy control pretty much every aspect of my life.
I think a lot of people don't understand this concept. For instance, I ask my fiance before I buy something. I ask him before I go somewhere. I ask him if I can do a lot of things and lots of people think that it's because he's controlling. What they don't consider is 1.) that it's not "Can I go out with my friend on Friday?" it's, "I'm going out with a friend Friday, is that okay?" I am not asking his permission, per se, I am double checking that we didn't have anything to do that day. It's not "Can I buy lunch?" it's, "I'm buying lunch, is that okay?" because I don't control the finances at all and I have no idea if we have money for that and 2.) he extends the same courtesy to me. We run things by each other. My mother hates that. She'll ask me something and I'll say "Let me run that by Nick" and she rolls her eyes. Or I'll tell her, well let me ask Nick if I have the money for that. She HATES that I "let him" have control of the finances, but fact is I have NO interest in doing that! We share our finances, but he controls them and it is one thing we never fight about! lol.0 -
my ex threw tantrums that would turn into sulks that lasted for days. weeks even. often over sex.edit: glovepuppet - my guy TOTALLY threw tantrums.
he's a decent guy, a great dad, his heart was always in the right place but...
i find it near impossible to respect or desire a person who is using toddler tactics.
i think i brought out the worst in him. his new mrs seems a far better match.0 -
Yes, sir!Just shut up and do as I say.
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I was married to one for 11 years. I married young and at a point where I was still wiling to subjugate me and my needs to make him happy. Unfortunately this set the tone and expectations for our marriage.
By the end I had one friend and even talking to her on the phone regularly was an issue. I wasn't allowed to work outside the home unless it was part time and I had to be out of there BAM no five minutes late leaving or it was a stressful ride with a pissy man.
We tried marriage counselling but the bottom line, he viewed me as a possession & an employee, and I had facilitated that for too many years for him to change that thinking.
We got a divorce , remained friends first for the kids and then just because we did actually like each other, and about 5 years later he apologised for the way he treated me. Said that he realised he didn't treat me fairly and I deserved better.
Cool.
Second controlling relationship I was in after that was simply because he was crazy jealous. Like CRAZY, STALKER JEALOUS. I ended that for my health and safety.0 -
my ex threw tantrums that would turn into sulks that lasted for days. weeks even. often over sex.edit: glovepuppet - my guy TOTALLY threw tantrums.
he's a decent guy, a great dad, his heart was always in the right place but...
i find it near impossible to respect or desire a person who is using toddler tactics.
god, so familiar. mine would scream, throw things, or hide in bed with a bloody 'tummy ache'. and yeah it would last weeks, there'd be quiet, simmering anger between the blow-outs. we'd have to eat dinner and try to live through that. i know i felt nauseous almost all the time.
and agree.i think i brought out the worst in him. his new mrs seems a far better match.
same here..
it's all about the fit. things go wrong when people don't work together, but want to pretend they can.0
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