Where does your resolve come from?

Fit_Natasha

Ejorneys, thank you for your post, I love it! I am finding hard time to stay on track because of my husband's diet. He eats tons of carbs and doesn't gain any weight. His food shopping is what usually kicks me off the horse. If I don't have sweets at home, I simply don't eat them, and it is easy for me not to buy them. But if he brings sweets home, I can't resist it. Where do you guys get the willpower to fight your partner's bad habits?

Rhonda21km

I think each person finds that time when enough is enough. I have tried and failed many times, but previously I had always been following a prescribed "diet" whether it was Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, Cabbage soup diet, or even starving myself!!
I always had a straight and narrow path to follow with rules and restrictions that made me feel horrible when I would step one toe off the path. I would then think "well, I've already BLOWN it, so what's a little more!" One bad day would lead to another and another and before I knew it, not only had I undone all my work but added more to the problem.

The difference for me (and this was a big "ah ha" moment) was that I don't have to be perfect! I don't have to have a perfect day every single day. It's not ALL or nothing. It's making the best choices you can each day, forgiving yourself if you choose something less wise, or even allowing yourself to have it without guilt by providing more calories burned that day.

Removing the feeling of "failure" is what changed my mind-set. I am very much an all or nothing person so, making a lifestyle change was key - not DIETING. I also set goals. The only goals I had set in the past were ones regarding dates in which I demanded of myself that I be a certain weight by. I don't do this anymore.

I set goals for fitness events. Things I want to accomplish no matter what my weight is that day. This year, I will complete my first
full marathon. I don't care what I weigh that day - I will cross that finish line and be proud of myself.

I hope you find what works best for you and forgive yourself for your perceived failures in the past.
Your future self will thank the woman you are today for never giving up!!

Ed98043

I've only lost 23 lbs since January, but I weigh less now than I have in about 4 years. My dieting history is similar to yours, all gung-ho for a few days, a week, or maybe 3 months at the most, and then giving up and gaining it all back, plus interest. It's hard to put my current mindset into words because it really just boils down to "failure it not an option", but I'll try.

First off, I had to address what has caused me to quit all the other times. Mainly hunger, feeling deprived of food pleasure, and unmet expectations. So this time:

-I'm not starving. I eat 1400 to 1600 calories most days. This is truly a revelation for someone who thought I had to eat under 1200 calories a day to lose any weight at all.

-I'm not completely depriving myself of the junk food I like. I have a couple of cheat meals or treats per week and full cheat day every couple of weeks. It slows down my weight loss but I know from experience that if I restrict too much I'll quit completely. It's all about doing something you can sustain. I try to be about 80% "good".

-I'm not obsessing about whether I'm on track to lose X amount of weight by X date. I don't have a deadline. If I keep doing the right things the weight will come off. If I keep doing the wrong things it will stay and probably continue to climb. It's as simple as that. I understand and accept that my weight fluctuates, it goes down 2 and back up 1, stays the same for a week or two, drops 3 overnight, etc. As long as I'm in a generally downward trend then I'm succeeding. 2014 is going to come no matter what. Do I want to weigh more, the same, or less when it gets here? I choose less.

Another thing is to try and really get control of my inner dialogue. I'm very good at coming up with justifications to eat too much (I have fat genes. I'm hormonal. I'm too old. It won't work in the long run anyway. What difference will it really make in my life if I lose weight. I'm not that fat. I don't eat that much.). All just excuses to eat too much. Sometimes I think my fat is a separate entity that puts these thoughts in my head until I silence it with pizza and ice cream. I hear those thoughts creeping in sometimes and I tell my fat to shut the hell up. I try to replace those thought habits with more positive mantras.

I guess the bottom line is that I'm just being gentler with myself. I can lose weight without my motivation being self-hatred, and I can eat outside the plan without beating myself up about it afterwards. That being said, I don't criticize anyone who does best in a more structured plan. I'm just someone who does better without rigid discipline.

phyllisgehrke

DO NOT GIVE UP!!!

My awakening was I am 66 years old, and I did not want Heart Trouble, Diabetes or Cancer.
In addition, I was in size 14 clothes and they were getting tight.
I refused to go to a bigger size.

I am now in size 12 clothes and feel great.
I can only exercise minimal because of arthritis in my back and hip and now I have Tendonitis in both of my feet.
I was walking, but now after 5 minutes, that is too painful.
Going to the Doctor next week.

I keep my diary and that keeps me going.
Also keep drinking your water. I drink 8 to 9 glasses of water a day.


Just keep trying and you will succeed.

ktsmom430

Ultimately, I think you have to want it. That simple, and that complex.

My initial motivation was $$$$$. In December of 2011 we were given the option of participating in a health assessment at work. I was good in all categories, except weight (BMI - I was morbidly obese). I procrastinated for several more months. Through a favorite web site I found out about MFP in February 2012. Procrastinated until March 12th when I finally took it seriously and have been logging ever since. I am a couple of pounds away from my initial goal, but would like to lose about 15 more pounds by December. I think that most people can achieve their goals if there are no health issues. I will be 62 next fall, and if I can do it, most anyone can.

caffeinekandie

My resolve has come from the realization that I've never been fit and healthy (and that being fit and healthy will help me mentally). I didn't have the best eating habits as a child, then developed an eating disorder that had me from 195+lbs to around 120lbs. Then I started the road to recovery, especially in the past year where I gained weight from medication then added another 10lbs on top of it, I just do not want to be unhealthy anymore. I'm healthy mentally now, and now I want my body to match. I've decided to do this my way, meaning I still want to eat the foods I love (and find more that I love), nothing is off limits, as I need this to be sustainable in the long haul. I've just really slacked off cooking for myself and eating a lot of carbs.

Bernadette60614

My resolve came from realizing that resolution, at least for me, is a delusion.

I have eating habits..those are a combination of my childhood, what is readily available to me, what is engineered to appeal to my palate.

I started reading about habits and willpower. Two great books: The Power of Habit and Willpower by Roy Baumeister. The take away for me: The more I could make eating right a habit, the less I would have to reply upon willpower.

So, that's what I'm doing....I'm changing habits.

Once I took all the judgemental stuff out of my equation I found it a lot easier to change habits one at a time.

Yes, I want to look good and feel good, but mostly I want to get the "dieting monkey" off my back and just have naturally good eating habits..though I have to work to make them natural.

jenns1964

I feel fantastic eating better and exercising than I did when I weighed 260 with a lousy eating habits, chronic pain and depression. I do not EVER want to feel that lousy again. That is what keeps me going on this journey.

zachherda

Mine comes from a few sources, the biggest one that really
Put me in gear was when I switched jobs in my company to an all day sitting desk job. *i was in shipping and receiving so we were up constantly*. When I left all my coworkers said man you are going to be sitting all day, the next time we see you you'll be 300 lbs. I am already overweight and that pushed me over the edge. I decided that I would kick my butt with Insanity and the next time they see me ill be my goal weight of 190 and lean!

Joehenny

I feel stupid posting this, I've posted similar a time or two... I just feel lost in this journey to get healthy.
I've been studying what I want to do- and I already know- I feel I will succeed with the EM2WL group, I've succeeded with it before, but I always quit. I do great for a week or two, maybe even a month, but then I have a day off track which turns into two and then I end up weighing more than I ever did.
Right now I'm at my highest weight feeling hopeless, afraid to start because with my history I'm afraid that will just lead me to quitting again.
I really WANT this- but apparently not as much as I want bad food, which makes me very disappointed. I'm starting to feel the effects of this weight on me- my legs are getting sore, my back hurts, I'm tired- all things that I know from experience will go away when I work out & eat just a little less! Its just so hard sticking with things with the exhaustion of night shift, but I know in the long run being healthy would help even that.
SO I guess my question is- how do you get your actions to connect with what your head already knows (and not quit!!- even after a day of messing up!)

After awhile your obsession with a healthy lifestyle starts to become part of your identity.

I couldn't imagine not working out or eating way more than I need to for an extended amount of time.

Even if I lost my legs I'd still be in a wheel chair swole as fak; and if I was on bed rest I'd be the guy with huge arms.

You are what you think

ashleyplus3

You shouldn't feel stupid! I think everyone struggles with the same exact feelings that you have. I do anyway. I guess you just keep trying and hope that this time might be the time that you do stick with it. I would tell you where my resolve comes from, but I can't say that I've ever had success with keeping the weight off. It's usually a pregnancy which derails me. Or Christmas or a few bad days, like you. :-( I will say that I will never "diet" again. I am not restricting my calories so much that this feels like a diet or where I am hungry all of the time. I have in the past done some crazy diets to try and lose weight quickly and I know now that doing that is setting myself up for failure. I am logging my food here simply to be more aware and I eat SO MUCH healthier when I log my food on MFP. I played with the idea of starting MFP for months and finally just did it one day. Can't say why or what changed to make me start, but 2 months in, I am glad I did.

Anyway, I do have the same fears and worries that you describe, I am trying to silence them and just keep logging. Even when I've gone way overboard on calories, which I still do. I am really trying not to give up after a day or two of unhealthy and / or overeating. The people I see that have succeeded here have had days and even weeks where they go over on their calories, but they log anyway.

I'm not sure I did any good answering your question or helping, but just wanted you to know you are not alone.

P.S. Here is a blog that I just discovered that seems like it has some positive and encouraging non-diet weight loss inspiration.

http://gokaleo.com/

Sqeekyjojo

I stopped trying to be the person everybody else wanted me to be, stopped squashing the resulting anger and resentment down with food I didn't even like, and started doing the things I wanted to do, eat the things I wanted to eat because they tasted good and I was actually hungry - and if something made me feel angry, I stood up and said so.

It's working for me.

tuathanari

I can't really give advice on losing weight/keeping it off because while I am losing weight, I just started and I won't really feel qualified to say anything until I've lost it all and maintained for a while.

That said, I think I can give a bit about motivation, because I have dug myself out of some pretty bleak holes in a couple of areas of life.

I'd say I have very little resolve, I just know how to build habits, and I recognize that motivation follows action. I also don't view my actions as good/bad - I don't "fail" if I don't reach a daily goal, I don't have "bad" days, just days to learn from.

Start small, build big. Don't worry about how much "resolve" you have for the big picture. The more energy you spend worrying about if/how you're going to make it, the less you have making sure you reach your daily goals. For example, make it a habit to log every day. Don't worry about how much you're eating, just log. Do it until it becomes ingrained. Make it a ritual. The most important thing to this process, though, is that on that day that you don't log (and it will happen), be it a week, a month, or only a couple of days in... don't beat yourself up! So many people get so discouraged from "messing up" that they actually let that stop their progress. Expect to break the habit you're building sometimes, and account for it. On days you miss, think about why you missed, and it'll help you not miss for those reasons in the future.

Your life is a set of small, ingrained habits, and the "bad" ones can be hard to break. They take time, and action. But I wouldn't necessarily say "resolve." Resolve is for people who power through, and lots of people can do that, but not everyone. Work smart, not hard! Find ways to make the healthy option the easier one for you. Path of least resistance and all that.

Basically, don't think that there are magical people out there with more resolve than you. I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of people who do have more resolve than you or I do, but that's beside the point. There are plenty of people with the same or less that are achieving their goals as well. I think ruminating on how much willpower you have and how others just seem to have more is what gets many people stuck, and then hearing "you just don't want it enough" puts the nail in the coffin.

Okay, I had a point, and hopefully it can be found somewhere in all of that word salad. :laugh:

lauradian

What a great reply. Thank you so much for the encouragement!

As the saying goes, "One day at a time."
I don't put myself on a timetable.
Yes, I have a goal. I'll get there when I get there.
My keyword here is "sustainability." This is not a one-shot deal. This is one day at a time, one meal at a time, for the rest of my life.
If I need to take a day off, I take a day off, but that is a conscious choice and I own it. I'm back on track the next day, and I still log everything.
I may grow impatient, but I don't get discouraged. When I feel impatient during a plateau, I tell myself that I am in much better shape than I was in when I started this journey. In other words, I've already won.

By starting, you've already won. It doesn't matter whether you fall off the horse. Just get back on it. Above all, be kind to yourself. This is a learning process like everything else in life.

Bad food is made to be addictive. That makes cutting the food out an uphill battle.
I've cut out most processed foods through substitutions, and through what I call bridge foods, like this one:



Ghirardelli 60% Cacao Bittersweet Chocolate Chips were one of my “Before” snacks. I’d dump a healthy handful or two into a bowl for my chocolate fix. Note the calorie counts above and the amounts. The package defines a serving as 16 chips/80 calories, but a handful could easily contain 32 chips. Most of those calories came from fat.

These days grapes are my after-workout snack. I usually eat two cups of them. They contain a lot of water, so they’re pretty filling, and the red grapes especially are nice and sweet.

I didn’t turn to grapes immediately. Raisins were my “bridge” food. They were sweeter by volume than grapes and less fattening than chocolate. But a half cup of raisins had almost as many calories as four times the volume of grapes.

The first couple of weeks took a lot of my willpower, but then my body adjusted. These days, willpower is hardly an issue for me. We still have several bags of Ghirardelli chips in the house because my partner eats them. They don’t tempt me at all, but I could eat them if I wanted to. I ate 32 chips on September 15, 2012, and haven’t had any since. I just haven’t felt the need. I also used to eat a lot of energy bars, which my partner still eats. Again, I can walk right past those without getting tempted. I turn to fresh produce, which is much more filling -- but I needed a sweeter bridge food to get me to the point of being satisfied with (and preferring) fresh produce.

Last Saturday I had my first real "treat" day as part of social gatherings: pizza at one place, cheesecake at another. Sure, my weight blipped up. But it blipped up for only a couple of days, because I had gotten right back on track -- and my "treat" day felt wonderfully decadent and special. And that was enough for me. In fact, I've gotten so used to my standard food that I was happy to get back to stuff that was less rich and that had much less sodium.

Having good food accessible also makes a big difference for me. I'm a caregiver, so I drive my partner to medical appointments, including appointments 75 miles away. She's big fan of fast food. To stay on track, I carry my own food in a small cooler:



The cooler typically holds crispbread, canned chicken, and an orange or banana.

Half the trick is having the good stuff readily accessible. I try to make this as easy on myself as possible.
Good luck and keep on keepin' on.

llcjmama

Today for me it was a number of things that made me so happy, it's pure motivation to keep going.
1. My dad who is a very fit man told me how awesome I looked and how proud he was of me.
2. My younger sis, who is very tiny brought me clothes when she was downsizing her closet,
3. Getting 2 huge garbage bags of "fat" clothes to give away to community living. ( I found an old bra today that I had wore before I started my lifestyle change, and I couldn't believe I was EVER that big, we had a good laugh)
4. My health has improved GREATLY!
5. I have energy to keep up with my active little boys!
6. I feel amazing!
7. I have been an inspiration to others, if I can do it, they can too!
8. I want my family to be healthy too!
9. New self confidence
10. Encouragement from friends and acquaintances on my change.

jenilla1

I have always been an intrinsic rewards person. I'm just not very motivated by outside forces or material things. I get great personal satisfaction from the positive things that I do. (In fact, I left a lucrative career because it left me feeling like my soul was being sucked out of me.) I'd rather live on a tight budget and be happy and relaxed, than have tons of money and be miserable.

So for me, when I set my mind to something, it's gotta be something I really want. And when I want something, and find enjoyment in it, I just naturally focus on it and follow through. You make that thing (whatever your goal is) a priority. You find ways to make it enjoyable. You become proud of that thing. Other things that aren't as important fall in behind the goal. You can tell what people's priorities are by looking at the way they live their lives.

Sometimes, when the rewards are too far off in the future, it can be hard to stay motivated. That's where short-term goals come into play. They give you little goal posts along the way where you can pause to celebrate and build up the momentum to keep it up for the long term. Good luck!

littlebrownbat3

I don't want to feel bad. That's it. Being sad and lethargic sucks, and if the price to pay for not feeling that crappy is regular workouts and nutritious food, well, I'll pay it.

bryn10

I love how it feels to stand up straight and feel lighter on my toes and have the energy to do anything I want. I used to want to sit at my desk all day...now I'm the go-to person to help move office furniture/give tours where I work/run out to grab everyone's lunch and it feels awesome! For me it was just that feeling of being alive! I used to be SO TIRED. And don't get me wrong...I still have those days, we all do. But they're infrequent now. I hate the feeling of overeating and actually feeling like I can't move. That feeling where you just want to lounge around and it's hard to breathe and you feel like you just don't fit inside your body. I'm a big foodie, but I definitely watch my intake. Because as much as I love food...I love feeling good more.

fizzfizz

Thanks for starting this thread - I am keeping it handy for when I start to falter .. because everyone is human. Perfect people never have 'off days' but you know what? Perfect people don't exist. Don't beat yourself up for 'spoiling' a perfect plan, just get on with getting back on track.

My resolve comes from injured knees. Walking is painful and I have had a lot of operations too. I prefer to be a very outdoor type who burns a lot of calories off via mountain sports. That isn't true now. But I so badly want to be that outdoor person again that even the smallest chance to protect my joints, like losing a few pounds, is a massive prize.

It's funny though, a couple of weeks ago I was seriously considering getting life coach-style help for comfort eating because I was so frustrated with zero sport and a rubbish home life that I felt unable to stop. Finding some research that implied (to me) that my knees might benefit from less of me made an overnight change. But I would be lying to say it's overnight conversion to being a 'perfect ' eater. It's always one day at a time and despite doing really well in a short space of time, I joined the forums because it's hard.

Don't be hard on yourself, if you hadn't made the resolution to begin, you wouldn't be asking the question on a diet forum - so well done, you've made an amazing decision to really love your body. Good luck!

sd_dilligaf

Best. Thread. Ever.