How to Avoid Getting Discouraged.
kk811
Posts: 8 Member
So, I understand that fitness is a journey and weight loss is a challenging thing. But how do people keep from feeling upset or even embarrassed by their lack of progress or how bad things have gotten?
Ive been to the gym almost every day for the last 3-4 weeks. I usually stick to cardio and weight machines, but today a friend (who is super in-shape) offered to help teach me about free weights. We did weighted squats, and I felt absolutely pathetic and embarrassed that I could barely do 100lbs. Afterwords we did crunches and box steps and that was a mess too. All I could think was how bad of shape I was in and how did I ever let myself get to the point where simple things like this were so hard? Im going to keep going to the gym and not stop, but im just really in a negative headspace regarding today.
Ive been to the gym almost every day for the last 3-4 weeks. I usually stick to cardio and weight machines, but today a friend (who is super in-shape) offered to help teach me about free weights. We did weighted squats, and I felt absolutely pathetic and embarrassed that I could barely do 100lbs. Afterwords we did crunches and box steps and that was a mess too. All I could think was how bad of shape I was in and how did I ever let myself get to the point where simple things like this were so hard? Im going to keep going to the gym and not stop, but im just really in a negative headspace regarding today.
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Replies
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Part of the journey is being a bit more gentle with yourself.
Nobody is judging you or shaming you when you are at the gym. Your friend went to the gym with you to help and encourage you. People like to support and encourage one another.
It is hard to outgrow the mindset of feeling judged or shameful. Once you make better friends with yourself you will see that others are there to support you.
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you got to crawl before you walk man…
All of us started somewhere. When I started doing pull ups and chin ups I could barely do one, now I can do chin ups with a 45# plate hanging off my waist and pull ups with 35# hanging off my waist. When I started squatting it was like 145# now I can squat 245#….when I stated deadlifting I was doing like 175# now I can max out at 375# …< see where I am going with this...
I would suggest accepting the help from your friend with the free weights, as they are superior to the machines.
I woud also suggest looking into a structured lifting program like strong lifts or starting strength….
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In life as in exercise and eating I have learned that tomorrow is a new day. You can always start again. Best to you.0
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you are out there trying that puts you miles ahead of those that are still on the couch0
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Don't focus on what you can't do. Focus on what you can do and on making small improvements over time. Setting incrementally challenging, achievable goals and meeting those will give you a sense of accomplishment. So, next time do X more weight, or volume, or intensity, etc.
Give yourself a pat on the back for sticking with it for the last several weeks and not giving up.0 -
You need to just keep your eyes on the prize.
I didn't feel like I was "getting anywhere" in the beginning. For me, it was (and is) a matter of weight loss so each time I lost a pound, I'd think: Wow, last week I'd have been overjoyed to be one pound down. And now I'm here! I went that way, pound by pound and so far at this point I'm 30 pounds down, and NOW it feels like I'm getting somewhere. 
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And even though it is hard sometimes to think this. Screw what others think, we are all our own journey.0
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Hey, only a few months ago I could barely run for three minutes. Like, I felt like I was dying. Now I can run up to an hour. Then I discovered trail running and I was almost back at square one.
You need to start somewhere and you need to have a destination in mind--but don't stress about how much time or effort it takes you to get there.0 -
I'm still recovering, poorly, from doing 10 bodyweight squats 2 days ago. 10! So, don't feel bad. We all have to start somewhere, just like the guys in the gym did, and everyone on MyFitnesspal.0
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1. Lifting weights is never easy considering you are always lifting as much as you can.
2. Somebody will always be lifting a heavier weight then you so stop comparing and lift your load.0 -
There is always someone in worse shape than you. If you saw them working out to improve themselves and they confessed that compared to you they feel pathetic and embarrassed you would probably tell them that it is awesome that they are working hard and encourage them.
Cut yourself the same slack!0 -
Everyone has to start somewhere. Don't be discouraged, keep at it and you will see progress and that will keep you motivated.0
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"Progress has little to do with speed, but much to do with direction."0
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Just remember the first time your friend squatted or did any of those things he probably was as terrible as you. Everyone who starts out in the free weight section doesn't automatically start squatting 200 lbs or deadlifing twice your body weight. I had to start out with the pre-weighted bars because I couldn't even bench, squat or deadlift the olympic bar. I thought it was embarrassing until I realized that no one at the gym knows what you're doing, what you background is, what you might be recovering from. It's just important that you're trying. Give it a few months and you'll be a pro in the free weights section! Promise. I'm recovering from leg surgery now and am still only squatting 60 lbs, no one has judged me at the gym (or at least not enough that I've noticed)0
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So, I understand that fitness is a journey and weight loss is a challenging thing. But how do people keep from feeling upset or even embarrassed by their lack of progress or how bad things have gotten?
Ive been to the gym almost every day for the last 3-4 weeks. I usually stick to cardio and weight machines, but today a friend (who is super in-shape) offered to help teach me about free weights. We did weighted squats, and I felt absolutely pathetic and embarrassed that I could barely do 100lbs. Afterwords we did crunches and box steps and that was a mess too. All I could think was how bad of shape I was in and how did I ever let myself get to the point where simple things like this were so hard? Im going to keep going to the gym and not stop, but im just really in a negative headspace regarding today.
If thsi is how you felt, then you need to let your friend know he is not a good teacher
If this was the very first time you were using weights, it should have been about learning form, not worrying at all about weights. Like using the bar only for squatting, and this assuming you had decent form for bodyweight squats, amnd so on.
It is not a race, you need to first figure out what to do, how to do it, then worry about progress. And your body will take time adjusting to any new exercise.
Take a long distance runner who has never lifted and ask him to lift for the first time and see how "out of shape" he will look. Or take someone powerlifting for years and ask him to join a yoga or pilates class and then watch him fall back on the mattress exhausted after 2 minutes, while the little old lady next to him is going from pose to pose with perfect form and is giving him puzzled looks. Everything takes practice.0 -
So, I understand that fitness is a journey and weight loss is a challenging thing. But how do people keep from feeling upset or even embarrassed by their lack of progress or how bad things have gotten?
Ive been to the gym almost every day for the last 3-4 weeks. I usually stick to cardio and weight machines, but today a friend (who is super in-shape) offered to help teach me about free weights. We did weighted squats, and I felt absolutely pathetic and embarrassed that I could barely do 100lbs. Afterwords we did crunches and box steps and that was a mess too. All I could think was how bad of shape I was in and how did I ever let myself get to the point where simple things like this were so hard? Im going to keep going to the gym and not stop, but im just really in a negative headspace regarding today.
If thsi is how you felt, then you need to let your friend know he is not a good teacher
If this was the very first time you were using weights, it should have been about learning form, not worrying at all about weights. Like using the bar only for squatting, and this assuming you had decent form for bodyweight squats, amnd so on.
It is not a race, you need to first figure out what to do, how to do it, then worry about progress. And your body will take time adjusting to any new exercise.
Take a long distance runner who has never lifted and ask him to lift for the first time and see how "out of shape" he will look. Or take someone powerlifting for years and ask him to join a yoga or pilates class and then watch him fall back on the mattress exhausted after 2 minutes, while the little old lady next to him is going from pose to pose with perfect form and is giving him puzzled looks. Everything takes practice.
I agree with this.
Get a personal trainer to show you the basics so you can build from there. Your friend was just walking you through his workout. (Which isn't his fault if he's not a trainer or good at training naturally.)
Did he trash talk you by the way, was he really competitive? Or was he cool and it was more you doing the comparing?0 -
also you have to let go of your ego, a little, and accept where you are now.
but it's no big deal, honestly, because with fitness, you're pretty much guaranteed progress as long as you work at it. you'll be back to where you were in no time.0 -
One of the reasons people get disappointed is because they gauge what they do now to what they USED to be able to do when they were smaller and younger in most cases.
Now that not to say that you can't get there again, but expectation should be limited to your current state of physicality. If you could do now what you could do before, you probably wouldn't be out of shape in the first place.
Press on.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Congrats for giving it a go follow a program like the others have said and before u know it you will be just fine. Don't give up.
reading this had flashbacks of when I first started out and trying to do a plank. It was the most horrific thing for me ever. Then I encountered the burpee. I now can't believe how much fitter I am.0 -
Everyone starts somewhere. I remember when I first worked with my trainer, I was so enthusiastic to get under the squat bar! And then I could barely even hold it on my shoulders, let alone squat parallel. I did terrible sets of 1-3 because I couldn't hold it for very long. I was mortified. But I went back, and I just kept trying.
Form > weight. Do the squats properly and worry about the weight later.0 -
So, I understand that fitness is a journey and weight loss is a challenging thing. But how do people keep from feeling upset or even embarrassed by their lack of progress or how bad things have gotten?
Ive been to the gym almost every day for the last 3-4 weeks. I usually stick to cardio and weight machines, but today a friend (who is super in-shape) offered to help teach me about free weights. We did weighted squats, and I felt absolutely pathetic and embarrassed that I could barely do 100lbs. Afterwords we did crunches and box steps and that was a mess too. All I could think was how bad of shape I was in and how did I ever let myself get to the point where simple things like this were so hard? Im going to keep going to the gym and not stop, but im just really in a negative headspace regarding today.
Maybe that's how you can motivate yourself. Realising and remembering how unfit your are and comparing it to how unfit you were.
Maybe after a month 6 month a year you can look back and laugh at how you couldn't do 130kg leg press and now your doing 240kg leg presses.
Got to start somewhere. That super fit friend wasn't always able to do what he can now.
Just got to start and head in the right direction.
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Dude... I can't even do one actual press up. So you are already a winner in my eyes!0
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Accept your noobness at the new training. Understand that being bad at something and trying it out is an opportunity for GROWTH. It's actually smart and good to try new stuff on a regular basis. Body adapts pretty fast. Enjoy the victories when your muscle memory kicks in and the exercise that used to feel like hell, suddenly feels easy and too light Babysteps and incremental progress. 0
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Don't hammer yourself with negative thoughts! One year ago I could not get up the stairs or get in and out of the bath. Now I can run, do sit-ups, press-ups and lift heavy weights. Unlike me, you have youth on your side - you can do it! 0
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So, I understand that fitness is a journey and weight loss is a challenging thing. But how do people keep from feeling upset or even embarrassed by their lack of progress or how bad things have gotten?
Ive been to the gym almost every day for the last 3-4 weeks. I usually stick to cardio and weight machines, but today a friend (who is super in-shape) offered to help teach me about free weights. We did weighted squats, and I felt absolutely pathetic and embarrassed that I could barely do 100lbs. Afterwords we did crunches and box steps and that was a mess too. All I could think was how bad of shape I was in and how did I ever let myself get to the point where simple things like this were so hard? Im going to keep going to the gym and not stop, but im just really in a negative headspace regarding today.
Remember your friend has already worked themselves up to where they are now, and probably worked hard too. You will get there but its like climbing a ladder - you gotta work your way up.
Might I suggest keeping a tracker of exercise/weight/reps in each set each time you do it. Then next time aim to do a little better - you will be so happy when you look back realise you are progressing. Doesn't have to be a novel, just print a grid and write on it - Its what I do.
Eg
Dumbell Curl, 10kg, 3 sets of 15: completed = 15, 14, 11
Next time try for 15, 15, 13... then when you can do all/close to all reps up the weight to keep pushing yourself.
Comparing yourself to others will just set you up to either feel super awesome or super bad. In my experience it's not a healthy thing to do. Focus on *your* progress. I am sure your friend is just excited you are there and to share their knowledge.
Hope this is helpful
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Everyone start somewhere. Your friend probably understands that since he showed you something new. Can't expect to go from 0 to 60 in nothing flat (unless you're in a Tesla). You gotta hit the lower numbers first before you reach 60.0
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It can't be avoided. Can't. We ALL get disvouraged.
The key is to have the commitment to get through the discouraging times.
Commitment and simple discipline.
Marathon training was mine. 7 years ago I had to stop halfway into the first mile at a 17 minute pace (basically walking). Talk about discouraging... Now I run Full Monte 26.2 at 6:45-ish/mile pace and can burn through a 5k at damned close to the 1 mile pace that made me stop.
The commitment to get out there every day... for 7 years... The discipline to do it, even when it sucks.
It's not magic, right? There's no secret.
The old Nike ads said it best: just do it.
Tony Horton says it in his P90X videos: Just keep hitting play... (hit the play button on the DVD every day)
Just do it.
That's it.
Easy Peasy.0 -
So, I understand that fitness is a journey and weight loss is a challenging thing. But how do people keep from feeling upset or even embarrassed by their lack of progress or how bad things have gotten?
Ive been to the gym almost every day for the last 3-4 weeks. I usually stick to cardio and weight machines, but today a friend (who is super in-shape) offered to help teach me about free weights. We did weighted squats, and I felt absolutely pathetic and embarrassed that I could barely do 100lbs. Afterwords we did crunches and box steps and that was a mess too. All I could think was how bad of shape I was in and how did I ever let myself get to the point where simple things like this were so hard? Im going to keep going to the gym and not stop, but im just really in a negative headspace regarding today.
You have posted about this before and your friend. I was surprised becayse I hought it was just that thread being bumped. You got a lot of good advice previously about this. Just acpet you are where you are, stop comparing yourself to others and start focusing on making small amounts of progress by trying to improve in a reaslistic manner. Try and go that little bit longer or faster from wherever you are. Keep a record and you will see through consistent effort you will improve. Just keep on doing that and you will go a long way.
I have never felt embarassed by my lack of progress, it takes time, so patience and dtermination will get you a long way. Be your own biggest cheerleader and supporter. With weights you shouldnt be focusing on how heavy , but the correct form and taking in the information your friend is trying to help you with. Time out and stop stressing becayse you are making it harder than it need be.
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SergeantSausage wrote: »It can't be avoided. Can't. We ALL get disvouraged.
The key is to have the commitment to get through the discouraging times.
Commitment and simple discipline.
Along with just about everything else mentioned, especially this ^.
OK, so you didn't hit the numbers/speed/whatever you wanted. Get on a solid, tried-and-true plan that will help get you to your goals. Of course, it's important to take a step back and figure out if your goals are reasonable.
Set a reasonable goal.
See that/where you need/want improvement.
Find a plan that will help.
FOLLOW IT - DON'T TRY TO CHANGE WHAT IS KNOWN TO WORK.
Succeed.
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