Social events-how to deal with them
Tatarataa
Posts: 178 Member
How do you deal with social events/eating out/eating at another person's place? How do you keep track of your calories? Do you have any strategies to make the "impact" of these events lower like e.g. bring a low calories meal to a party?
I am especially curious how you overcome family getherings with family members that do NOT want you to maintain or lose weight.....(sabotage!!!!)
I am especially curious how you overcome family getherings with family members that do NOT want you to maintain or lose weight.....(sabotage!!!!)
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Save your calories for the event and eat smaller portions, and enjoy the day, logging your best guess as to what you ate. Or, eat before you go. Do you really think people are trying to sabotage you? Genuinely curious.0
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Be mindful of what you eat, but otherwise enjoy it. As for logging, look for comparable entries and guesstimate.
I'm curious though to this:I am especially curious how you overcome family getherings with family members that do NOT want you to maintain or lose weight.....(sabotage!!!!)
Your family specifically does not want YOU to lose weight or maintain? Why would they not want you to at least maintain? Are you underweight?
And unless they are physically forcing food down your throat, they are not "sabotaging" you.
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Suggest a potluck and volunteer to bring a main dish! That way you can control what you're having for an entrée, and you know exactly how many calories to log for it. You can just take small portions of some of the other foods and nibble on them to be polite.
Is your family in fact sabotaging you? Or are they just not as accommodating as you'd like them to be as far as choosing healthy options? Like the above poster, I'm genuinely curious what this behavior looks like - because then I'll know how I'd suggest you deal with it!0 -
Exercise harder that day to earn more calories and log the meal to the best of your ability. If I'm asked to bring something, it's almost always a salad or a vegetable side dish so at least I'll know there's something on the table that is healthy and can be logged accurately. Portion control the rest. But most importantly, try to have fun. I've stressed over this kind of thing for years and it's really not worth it.0
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Depends on the type of event. If I must eat there, I typically eat mostly meat. If I don't have to eat there, I mostly eat before I get there and then sample a couple of things that look good and/or spicy.0
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It depends a bit on the event. I usually try to get an idea of what food there is going to be, ahead of time. If I can, I take a big salad or veggie dish with me. Most parties I go to end up with salad or veggies and my experience hosting is that making them gets put off until the last minute and then it's "oh crap, I still have to cut up the stuff for the veggie tray." So offering to take it myself is both self-serving (I know it'll have the veggies I like) and helpful for the host.
I may or may not save extra calories for an event. I'm going to a birthday party this weekend. I probably will not have cake at it because it's going to be gluten free cake and I'd rather use my calories on something else. But if I was going somewhere with something really tasty, I'd plan on using extra calories.
I've never encountered an individual who was truly out to make me gain weight, which is what is implied by your last paragraph. If I did, I'd just walk away from him/her. I'm not the most social person in real life and tend to ghost as soon as possible so making myself scarce is a pleasure, particularly when I find others tedious.0 -
You can't put the onus on other people to lose weight for you. You can always take smaller portions of whatever they offer, refuse seconds and thirds, etcetera. But don't assume they're out to get you. The only person who can sabotage your weight loss is you.
Social events don't have to be stressful. Go, enjoy, have fun, and just eat less food than you would have otherwise.0 -
I married into a large Italian family and social events are a nightmare! Especially when it comes to desserts. Even if we have a gathering of no more than a dozen people we end up with at least three or four cakes and two plates of cookies bought from a bakery. I try to limit myself to a small slice of the cake that appeals to me the most and one or two cookies. Forget letting one of them cut a slice. No matter how many times you ask for a small slice you end up getting a slab! The times I don't get to cut my own piece I end up sharing it with my wife.
I don't think it's that their sabotaging you so much as since they are not watching their weight they're just giving you what they think is a "normal" portion.0 -
Dave_GettingFit wrote: »I married into a large Italian family and social events are a nightmare! Especially when it comes to desserts. Even if we have a gathering of no more than a dozen people we end up with at least three or four cakes and two plates of cookies bought from a bakery. I try to limit myself to a small slice of the cake that appeals to me the most and one or two cookies. Forget letting one of them cut a slice. No matter how many times you ask for a small slice you end up getting a slab! The times I don't get to cut my own piece I end up sharing it with my wife.
I don't think it's that their sabotaging you so much as since they are not watching their weight they're just giving you what they think is a "normal" portion.
Dave, I married an Italian too! I'm just all "Oh, thanks for the cannoli!" to the pusher and then I'll wander away while taking a small nibble and then shove the plate into my husband's hands. He works out a lot, he can afford it. Plus his body's already used to all that rich food!!
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I have a Jewish mother. I have learned to refuse excess food.
If I can do it, anyone can.0 -
Thankfully, my family and friends are respectful of each other's eating habits. That said, I also don't think we should make a huge issue of the fact that we're dieting or eating differently than everyone else during those events. It comes across as overly dramatic, IMHO.
Social events are for getting together with the people we love and almost all social events revolve around food. I know that if I'm eating to plan every other day, one day of eating over my calorie goal isn't going to ruin my hard work. I eat what I want, drink what I want, don't usually log it and then get back to the plan the next day.0 -
I find that "saving" calories to "spend" on special events removes some of the stress of eating food that can't be as accurately logged, or I'll schedule a heavier workout for that morning. I also try to choose familiar foods that aren't heavily prepared if possible, and if I'm very concerned about the options that will be there, I might "pre-game" by filling up a bit on some fresh veggies or fruit. Bringing a dish you'll feel confident eating is another great idea that you brought up - when we have celebrations at work that are usually filled with cookies, donuts, bagels, and homemade dishes, I like to bring fruit or veggies so I can have something without worrying. I don't usually eat during work hours because I prefer eating a couple bigger meals later in the day. I tire of explaining my Intermittent Fasting to people who say I'll gain weight by not having breakfast first thing and eating after 8 (which I've been doing for more than a year and am down 89 lbs), so I usually avoid it coming up in the first place.
Restaurant-wise, I always check menus ahead of time and try to be aware of foods that tend to be more calorific than you'd expect. Over time I've found I feel much less of a compulsion to eat at social events just because it's there. This has made a big difference on its own.
I'm really sorry you have people who are sabotaging your loss. I'm lucky not to for now, but I imagine many people do these things without actively thinking about it. From what I've experienced, there's two big reasons for it - insecurity, and genuine concern. Many people fear that as you lose weight you will lose touch with them or judge them, or that you're going about it in a way that will leave you unhappy or unhealthy. People also have very warped ideas about what a healthy weight looks like, and sadly people of healthy build are often described as too skinny or unhealthy when in reality our perception is what is skewed. I've just tried to be as transparent about the process as possible by explaining my reasons and methods in easy-to-understand ways. If you haven't already, teaming up with your doctor to set goals and monitor your loss is a great deterrent to people who try to throw you off.0 -
Thankfully, my family and friends are respectful of each other's eating habits. That said, I also don't think we should make a huge issue of the fact that we're dieting or eating differently than everyone else during those events. It comes across as overly dramatic, IMHO.
Also, I've found it's really not necessary. A simple "no, thanks" works just fine, or repeating it if the person doesn't accept it the first time. Most people don't know or care what you take on your plate -- they're preoccupied with eating what's on theirs.0 -
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Thankfully, my family and friends are respectful of each other's eating habits. That said, I also don't think we should make a huge issue of the fact that we're dieting or eating differently than everyone else during those events. It comes across as overly dramatic, IMHO.
Also, I've found it's really not necessary. A simple "no, thanks" works just fine, or repeating it if the person doesn't accept it the first time. Most people don't know or care what you take on your plate -- they're preoccupied with eating what's on theirs.
Yes, but in families where there have been long-standing boundary issues, this will take a bit of training. A simple "no, thanks" doesn't always work the first time, but people will eventually figure out that you're not going to budge!0 -
I picked up a great piece of advice at a Weight Watchers meeting years ago - if you go off plan, such as at a special event, just relax and enjoy (try not to go too far off plan but definitely RELAX and enjoy the occasion). Then, when you get home, get back on plan immediately - even if it is a glass of water, before going to bed.
This way, when you wake up the next day, you are already back on plan and can enjoy pleasant, guilt-free memories of the day before while looking forward to another successful day on plan.
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PeachyPlum wrote: »Thankfully, my family and friends are respectful of each other's eating habits. That said, I also don't think we should make a huge issue of the fact that we're dieting or eating differently than everyone else during those events. It comes across as overly dramatic, IMHO.
Also, I've found it's really not necessary. A simple "no, thanks" works just fine, or repeating it if the person doesn't accept it the first time. Most people don't know or care what you take on your plate -- they're preoccupied with eating what's on theirs.
Yes, but in families where there have been long-standing boundary issues, this will take a bit of training. A simple "no, thanks" doesn't always work the first time, but people will eventually figure out that you're not going to budge!
When I first started dating my husband and he would come to family events, he would always ask me why my mother was 'pushing food' on him. She wasn't, she just offered stuff and wanted him to feel like part of the group and he wasn't used to that. Food is a big priority at our family events (big Italian family), and he would always be amazed at the spread of desserts. When I went to see his family I finally understood why it made him uncomfortable. It was definitely more of a fend for yourself environment.
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Take a deep breath
Make healthy choices, as much as possible
Enjoy your social gathering
Carry on0 -
PeachyPlum wrote: »
If the dining room chairs in that pic are covered in plastic, you nailed it.... Wait, I don't see a print of The Last Supper on the wall!
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Laurend224 wrote: »PeachyPlum wrote: »Thankfully, my family and friends are respectful of each other's eating habits. That said, I also don't think we should make a huge issue of the fact that we're dieting or eating differently than everyone else during those events. It comes across as overly dramatic, IMHO.
Also, I've found it's really not necessary. A simple "no, thanks" works just fine, or repeating it if the person doesn't accept it the first time. Most people don't know or care what you take on your plate -- they're preoccupied with eating what's on theirs.
Yes, but in families where there have been long-standing boundary issues, this will take a bit of training. A simple "no, thanks" doesn't always work the first time, but people will eventually figure out that you're not going to budge!
When I first started dating my husband and he would come to family events, he would always ask me why my mother was 'pushing food' on him. She wasn't, she just offered stuff and wanted him to feel like part of the group and he wasn't used to that. Food is a big priority at our family events (big Italian family), and he would always be amazed at the spread of desserts. When I went to see his family I finally understood why it made him uncomfortable. It was definitely more of a fend for yourself environment.
Yep ^^PeachyPlum wrote: »
Story of my life! ^ For some families food is a way to share love, to provide, to comfort - if you don't eat something it could be taken as offense because that's one way of bonding. It takes some discussions to helping change the point of view. I love to cook and feed my friends and family, I can definitely go overboard - I can see it from both perspectives. So, don't think your family is trying to sabotage you, they just need some help understanding.
For family gatherings (or events, eating out with friends, etc) I plan ahead/save calories and even if I go over I don't beat myself up about it. Enjoy your time with people you love and have a good time. You can still go out and practice portion control. I try to always take half home (I love left-overs for lunch). Sometimes, spur of the moment meals out happen, just try to pick the best options and good portions or make it up the next day/rest of the week.0 -
The worst that happens is you overindulge. Move on, it's one day.0
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Regarding the comment above - food is love. This is the way the family I grew up in was and is. If you refused grandma's cooking that, in her mind, meant: "Don't you love grandma" So that can be difficult. Eventually, you realize that it says more about the other person than it does about you if you refuse to eat something that is high calorie (or more of it than you want). People who push food onto others just don't see the point in limits when, in their eyes, food is love and gatherings are based around that. Don't eat their food and it's like giving them the middle finger.
Once they understand your goals, some will come around - but some never will. The key is finding it within yourself to trust yourself and do what is right for YOU. It took a long time to stop getting the 'glare' when I visit family (who are always trying to lose, but lose and gain the same 40 -60 lbs all the time). But now, I don't even worry about it and bring something healthy. They can eat it or not....but it is there for the taking. For me, I just got so tired of having to get anxious about going to visit because so much food is constantly available - and by food I mean, cake, cookies, pies, meatballs, gravy, etc. I still eat some of it, but I always make sure my balance is in check!
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I'll make sure to go for a jog or bike ride that day, have a small breakfast and lunch, drink water before you go.
I would never take my own meal as that's bonkers and removes the joy of free food that someone else has provided! Unless it's a barbecue or a meal that I've said I'll take something too. Last time I did that though was Easter Day at my parents'... I took a creme egg cheesecake!!!
Just don't go crazy, if it's a buffet try not to pick and get one plate that you can make sense of.
Depends how often it happens. Once a month then just go with it and get back on track the next day.0 -
I ballpark my calories when I get home. (Try to remember what I ate and look up something comparable on MFP and estimate the portion size. It'll be wrong but it's something.)
I eat something light before I go so I'm not starving, then ask for small amounts of each food so I can try most things (and not be rude) but also not overdo it. I also try to put as much salad as I can on the plate. Finally, I only eat whatever actually tastes really good and leave the rest.
And yes, sometimes I've messed with my plate a little to make it look like I ate more than I did. (Think the old hiding the peas under the mashed potatoes trick only instead I'm hiding the puff pastry pie under the salad.)
Of course I've always been a stubborn person so don't tolerate pushy people (even family) well. They might get that enormous piece of cake on my plate but they're not going to be able to shovel it down my throat.0 -
How do you deal with social events/eating out/eating at another person's place? How do you keep track of your calories? Do you have any strategies to make the "impact" of these events lower like e.g. bring a low calories meal to a party?
I am especially curious how you overcome family getherings with family members that do NOT want you to maintain or lose weight.....(sabotage!!!!)
First of all, nobody can sabotage you, we can only sabotage ourselves by giving into them pushing us to eat more food. That is about them, sabotage is about ourselves.
I just take smaller portions and find something comparable in the database, and I eat just a little of whatever I want.
I have 100% control over the food I choose to eat 100% of the time.0 -
I'm mindful. I will eat smaller meals earlier in the day. Mainly, I go work out or something before hand so I have the calories to eat at such events. Smaller portion, lots of fluid. Etc.0
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How do you deal with social events/eating out/eating at another person's place? How do you keep track of your calories? Do you have any strategies to make the "impact" of these events lower like e.g. bring a low calories meal to a party?
I am especially curious how you overcome family getherings with family members that do NOT want you to maintain or lose weight.....(sabotage!!!!)
I don't have a lot of these events or people I can not say no to but I would only take a dish to a gathering if it was meant to be shared with everyone. I would eat lighter the rest of the day and exercise. I would put food on my plate and eat slowly until I was full. Then I would stop. I would say nice things to those who cooked. I would not mention weight loss or diet. I would say I was full. I would not stress about it.0 -
PeachyPlum wrote: »
LOL that's not too far from the truth in our family. Especially when it comes to desserts. You wouldn't believe the number of cakes and cookies that come out at family gatherings. Actually though, you probably would! And then there's the problem with them trying to push food on you to take home. Usually a cake or cookies because as usual there was far more than was needed. Gah!
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