Social events-how to deal with them
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PeachyPlum wrote: »
If the dining room chairs in that pic are covered in plastic, you nailed it.... Wait, I don't see a print of The Last Supper on the wall!
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Laurend224 wrote: »PeachyPlum wrote: »Thankfully, my family and friends are respectful of each other's eating habits. That said, I also don't think we should make a huge issue of the fact that we're dieting or eating differently than everyone else during those events. It comes across as overly dramatic, IMHO.
Also, I've found it's really not necessary. A simple "no, thanks" works just fine, or repeating it if the person doesn't accept it the first time. Most people don't know or care what you take on your plate -- they're preoccupied with eating what's on theirs.
Yes, but in families where there have been long-standing boundary issues, this will take a bit of training. A simple "no, thanks" doesn't always work the first time, but people will eventually figure out that you're not going to budge!
When I first started dating my husband and he would come to family events, he would always ask me why my mother was 'pushing food' on him. She wasn't, she just offered stuff and wanted him to feel like part of the group and he wasn't used to that. Food is a big priority at our family events (big Italian family), and he would always be amazed at the spread of desserts. When I went to see his family I finally understood why it made him uncomfortable. It was definitely more of a fend for yourself environment.
Yep ^^PeachyPlum wrote: »
Story of my life! ^ For some families food is a way to share love, to provide, to comfort - if you don't eat something it could be taken as offense because that's one way of bonding. It takes some discussions to helping change the point of view. I love to cook and feed my friends and family, I can definitely go overboard - I can see it from both perspectives. So, don't think your family is trying to sabotage you, they just need some help understanding.
For family gatherings (or events, eating out with friends, etc) I plan ahead/save calories and even if I go over I don't beat myself up about it. Enjoy your time with people you love and have a good time. You can still go out and practice portion control. I try to always take half home (I love left-overs for lunch). Sometimes, spur of the moment meals out happen, just try to pick the best options and good portions or make it up the next day/rest of the week.0 -
The worst that happens is you overindulge. Move on, it's one day.0
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Regarding the comment above - food is love. This is the way the family I grew up in was and is. If you refused grandma's cooking that, in her mind, meant: "Don't you love grandma" So that can be difficult. Eventually, you realize that it says more about the other person than it does about you if you refuse to eat something that is high calorie (or more of it than you want). People who push food onto others just don't see the point in limits when, in their eyes, food is love and gatherings are based around that. Don't eat their food and it's like giving them the middle finger.
Once they understand your goals, some will come around - but some never will. The key is finding it within yourself to trust yourself and do what is right for YOU. It took a long time to stop getting the 'glare' when I visit family (who are always trying to lose, but lose and gain the same 40 -60 lbs all the time). But now, I don't even worry about it and bring something healthy. They can eat it or not....but it is there for the taking. For me, I just got so tired of having to get anxious about going to visit because so much food is constantly available - and by food I mean, cake, cookies, pies, meatballs, gravy, etc. I still eat some of it, but I always make sure my balance is in check!
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I'll make sure to go for a jog or bike ride that day, have a small breakfast and lunch, drink water before you go.
I would never take my own meal as that's bonkers and removes the joy of free food that someone else has provided! Unless it's a barbecue or a meal that I've said I'll take something too. Last time I did that though was Easter Day at my parents'... I took a creme egg cheesecake!!!
Just don't go crazy, if it's a buffet try not to pick and get one plate that you can make sense of.
Depends how often it happens. Once a month then just go with it and get back on track the next day.0 -
I ballpark my calories when I get home. (Try to remember what I ate and look up something comparable on MFP and estimate the portion size. It'll be wrong but it's something.)
I eat something light before I go so I'm not starving, then ask for small amounts of each food so I can try most things (and not be rude) but also not overdo it. I also try to put as much salad as I can on the plate. Finally, I only eat whatever actually tastes really good and leave the rest.
And yes, sometimes I've messed with my plate a little to make it look like I ate more than I did. (Think the old hiding the peas under the mashed potatoes trick only instead I'm hiding the puff pastry pie under the salad.)
Of course I've always been a stubborn person so don't tolerate pushy people (even family) well. They might get that enormous piece of cake on my plate but they're not going to be able to shovel it down my throat.0 -
How do you deal with social events/eating out/eating at another person's place? How do you keep track of your calories? Do you have any strategies to make the "impact" of these events lower like e.g. bring a low calories meal to a party?
I am especially curious how you overcome family getherings with family members that do NOT want you to maintain or lose weight.....(sabotage!!!!)
First of all, nobody can sabotage you, we can only sabotage ourselves by giving into them pushing us to eat more food. That is about them, sabotage is about ourselves.
I just take smaller portions and find something comparable in the database, and I eat just a little of whatever I want.
I have 100% control over the food I choose to eat 100% of the time.0 -
I'm mindful. I will eat smaller meals earlier in the day. Mainly, I go work out or something before hand so I have the calories to eat at such events. Smaller portion, lots of fluid. Etc.0
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How do you deal with social events/eating out/eating at another person's place? How do you keep track of your calories? Do you have any strategies to make the "impact" of these events lower like e.g. bring a low calories meal to a party?
I am especially curious how you overcome family getherings with family members that do NOT want you to maintain or lose weight.....(sabotage!!!!)
I don't have a lot of these events or people I can not say no to but I would only take a dish to a gathering if it was meant to be shared with everyone. I would eat lighter the rest of the day and exercise. I would put food on my plate and eat slowly until I was full. Then I would stop. I would say nice things to those who cooked. I would not mention weight loss or diet. I would say I was full. I would not stress about it.0 -
PeachyPlum wrote: »
LOL that's not too far from the truth in our family. Especially when it comes to desserts. You wouldn't believe the number of cakes and cookies that come out at family gatherings. Actually though, you probably would! And then there's the problem with them trying to push food on you to take home. Usually a cake or cookies because as usual there was far more than was needed. Gah!
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How do you deal with social events/eating out/eating at another person's place? How do you keep track of your calories? Do you have any strategies to make the "impact" of these events lower like e.g. bring a low calories meal to a party?
I am especially curious how you overcome family getherings with family members that do NOT want you to maintain or lose weight.....(sabotage!!!!)
Here is what I do. I don't recommend it.
Social Events: First question, do I NEED to be there? Is it just some work thing I can blow off? Great, skip it! Is it for a family member or close friend where I NEED to be there or else be ostracized forever? Fine, I'll go, but I've studied the menu ahead and know what I'm ordering walking in there. They picked the place last minute? Fine, I'll pull off in a parking lot and look at the menu/nutritional information and fake that I got lost for 5-10 minutes when I get there. Either way, I'll pick the item with the least ingredients because it's easier to guess the calorie count.
I guess the calories when I get home. Generally I've had a couple days notice so that I can do damage control, like cutting calories back a bit knowing there's no way I won't go at least a bit over.
Family gatherings stocked with saboteurs? Of course, the bring your own food is an option, but only if you're bringing it to share and it's that kind of affair, but if they're like my family, you have to try everything or risk hurting feelings and starting a fight you didn't want to have. If it's not a special event and just a regular dinner, I'll occasionally fake food poisoning. The added benefit is that when you leave early and sick, they all get to fight over who's food made you sick. Win win. Haven't had to use that in a long time as the whole extended family is on a weight loss kick.
When it's a special event, I'll just eat a bit of everything and worry about it tomorrow. There's only so many special events and you don't always get a do over. It's not worth ruining what could be someone's last holiday dinner over something like weight loss that you weren't doing anything about a few months ago. Ya know?
Sorry, big chunks of this post are sarcastic, I'm also a hopeless social outcast largely because of this sort of behavior.
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jenniferinfl wrote: »How do you deal with social events/eating out/eating at another person's place? How do you keep track of your calories? Do you have any strategies to make the "impact" of these events lower like e.g. bring a low calories meal to a party?
I am especially curious how you overcome family getherings with family members that do NOT want you to maintain or lose weight.....(sabotage!!!!)
Here is what I do. I don't recommend it.
Social Events: First question, do I NEED to be there? Is it just some work thing I can blow off? Great, skip it! Is it for a family member or close friend where I NEED to be there or else be ostracized forever? Fine, I'll go, but I've studied the menu ahead and know what I'm ordering walking in there. They picked the place last minute? Fine, I'll pull off in a parking lot and look at the menu/nutritional information and fake that I got lost for 5-10 minutes when I get there. Either way, I'll pick the item with the least ingredients because it's easier to guess the calorie count.
I guess the calories when I get home. Generally I've had a couple days notice so that I can do damage control, like cutting calories back a bit knowing there's no way I won't go at least a bit over.
Family gatherings stocked with saboteurs? Of course, the bring your own food is an option, but if they're like my family, you have to try everything or risk hurting feelings and starting a fight you didn't want to have. If it's not a special event and just a regular dinner, I'll occasionally fake food poisoning. The added benefit is that when you leave early and sick, they all get to fight over who's food made you sick. Win win. Haven't had to use that in a long time as the whole extended family is on a weight loss kick.
When it's a special event, I'll just eat a bit of everything and worry about it tomorrow. There's only so many special events and you don't always get a do over. It's not worth ruining what could be someone's last holiday dinner over something like weight loss that you weren't doing anything about a few months ago. Ya know?
Sorry, big chunks of this post are sarcastic, I'm also a hopeless social outcast largely because of this sort of behavior.
I think I love you.0 -
jenniferinfl wrote: »How do you deal with social events/eating out/eating at another person's place? How do you keep track of your calories? Do you have any strategies to make the "impact" of these events lower like e.g. bring a low calories meal to a party?
I am especially curious how you overcome family getherings with family members that do NOT want you to maintain or lose weight.....(sabotage!!!!)
Here is what I do. I don't recommend it.
Social Events: First question, do I NEED to be there? Is it just some work thing I can blow off? Great, skip it! Is it for a family member or close friend where I NEED to be there or else be ostracized forever? Fine, I'll go, but I've studied the menu ahead and know what I'm ordering walking in there. They picked the place last minute? Fine, I'll pull off in a parking lot and look at the menu/nutritional information and fake that I got lost for 5-10 minutes when I get there. Either way, I'll pick the item with the least ingredients because it's easier to guess the calorie count.
I guess the calories when I get home. Generally I've had a couple days notice so that I can do damage control, like cutting calories back a bit knowing there's no way I won't go at least a bit over.
Family gatherings stocked with saboteurs? Of course, the bring your own food is an option, but only if you're bringing it to share and it's that kind of affair, but if they're like my family, you have to try everything or risk hurting feelings and starting a fight you didn't want to have. If it's not a special event and just a regular dinner, I'll occasionally fake food poisoning. The added benefit is that when you leave early and sick, they all get to fight over who's food made you sick. Win win. Haven't had to use that in a long time as the whole extended family is on a weight loss kick.
When it's a special event, I'll just eat a bit of everything and worry about it tomorrow. There's only so many special events and you don't always get a do over. It's not worth ruining what could be someone's last holiday dinner over something like weight loss that you weren't doing anything about a few months ago. Ya know?
Sorry, big chunks of this post are sarcastic, I'm also a hopeless social outcast largely because of this sort of behavior.
"The added benefit is that when you leave early and sick, they all get to fight over who's food made you sick. Win win." Hahaha! Brilliant!0 -
PeachyPlum wrote: »jenniferinfl wrote: »How do you deal with social events/eating out/eating at another person's place? How do you keep track of your calories? Do you have any strategies to make the "impact" of these events lower like e.g. bring a low calories meal to a party?
I am especially curious how you overcome family getherings with family members that do NOT want you to maintain or lose weight.....(sabotage!!!!)
Here is what I do. I don't recommend it.
Social Events: First question, do I NEED to be there? Is it just some work thing I can blow off? Great, skip it! Is it for a family member or close friend where I NEED to be there or else be ostracized forever? Fine, I'll go, but I've studied the menu ahead and know what I'm ordering walking in there. They picked the place last minute? Fine, I'll pull off in a parking lot and look at the menu/nutritional information and fake that I got lost for 5-10 minutes when I get there. Either way, I'll pick the item with the least ingredients because it's easier to guess the calorie count.
I guess the calories when I get home. Generally I've had a couple days notice so that I can do damage control, like cutting calories back a bit knowing there's no way I won't go at least a bit over.
Family gatherings stocked with saboteurs? Of course, the bring your own food is an option, but if they're like my family, you have to try everything or risk hurting feelings and starting a fight you didn't want to have. If it's not a special event and just a regular dinner, I'll occasionally fake food poisoning. The added benefit is that when you leave early and sick, they all get to fight over who's food made you sick. Win win. Haven't had to use that in a long time as the whole extended family is on a weight loss kick.
When it's a special event, I'll just eat a bit of everything and worry about it tomorrow. There's only so many special events and you don't always get a do over. It's not worth ruining what could be someone's last holiday dinner over something like weight loss that you weren't doing anything about a few months ago. Ya know?
Sorry, big chunks of this post are sarcastic, I'm also a hopeless social outcast largely because of this sort of behavior.
I think I love you.
That's all well and good, just don't invite me to any social events.. lol
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I eat what I want, if I dont want it, I say no... u dont like it? Sucks for u. I couldnt care less if I get judged if I decide not to eat something0
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Many thanks for all your great advice and for sharing your own problems and strategies around this!! I am at a lower weight end close to maintenance but it is more my family who always finds something to criticize and to try to influence me. They would attack me with words and they would try to cook something really rich and give me a big portion on my plate and then criticize again if I do not eat everything...but you are all right it is all still up to me it is just that I am not in the mood to be criticized for my body shape and eating (note they are doing it also when I am or was heavier-they are just like this)...apart from this at least they can cook quite well and there is always plenty and very tasty food, too ....apart from the rich main plates they will force on me...0
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I usually offer to bring something and I know exactly how many calories are in it, and then I eat that mostly along with little bits of whatever else is offered. It tends to work pretty well.0
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