How do I deal with being told I'm unattractive and undesirable?

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  • Camarose79
    Camarose79 Posts: 86 Member
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    I mean my comment as something for you to do just for yourself. Not to try to impress anybody else. And these people are right about them not being very good friends if they make you feel bad but don't try to help you feel good.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    ninerbuff wrote: »
    These "friends" are being bribed by your parents. Parents secretly don't want to children to have intimate relations with anyone till their married.


    As mentioned above, people have a narrow view sometimes. I have many friends I'm not physically attracted to, nor do I find them desirable.....................to me. Doesn't mean someone else won't. I do the old "schluff it off" and move on. Words hurt, but only if you let them.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    :)
  • capriqueen
    capriqueen Posts: 974 Member
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    kbxiii wrote: »
    hun, there's always something that someone doesn't like..

    You can look at a model and think her nose is too big, or a gorgeous face and think if only she lost weight, there's no pleasing everyone..

    So true. I've had friends look at pretty people and say their nose is too big. Or that their eyebrows are too thick. Sometimes it's just hilarious.
  • kbxiii
    kbxiii Posts: 865 Member
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    Camarose79 wrote: »
    Some people may get mad at me for this, because it could be taken to seem shallow, but maybe to feel more beautiful you can do things like paint your nails or try playing with make up. You can watch you tube videos and play around with colors. Try a bb cream or coloured nail polish or style your hair. Just like a fabulous new top can make you feel great wearing it, sometimes some make up can make you feel good too. Just for a quick fix, you know? For yourself.

    That's not shallow, and I agree with you 100%.

    That it's for herself, if it makes her feel better about herself, not to seek approval or attention.
  • Cking1162
    Cking1162 Posts: 65 Member
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    your friends don't sound like good "friends" to me.
    Drop em....You are better off. I really question why any person would say such a thing to another person unless it was self-fulfilling. Maybe they are jealous of your beauty?
  • allaboutthecake
    allaboutthecake Posts: 1,535 Member
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    Really? Your friends are undermining your confidence. They secretly see you as competition (w/guys). And your guy friends think of you as a sister....who wants to be romantic with a sister? (eew, lol). So wear whatever makes you feel pretty, dab on a bit of perfume, pretty up those lips, hold your head high, and go out and have FUN!!

    Confidence attracts.
  • capriqueen
    capriqueen Posts: 974 Member
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    Hearts_2015 wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    These "friends" are being bribed by your parents. Parents secretly don't want to children to have intimate relations with anyone till their married.


    As mentioned above, people have a narrow view sometimes. I have many friends I'm not physically attracted to, nor do I find them desirable.....................to me. Doesn't mean someone else won't. I do the old "schluff it off" and move on. Words hurt, but only if you let them.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    :)

    Words hurt, but only if you let them. So true. I tell this to myself as much as possible.

  • MeiannaLee
    MeiannaLee Posts: 338 Member
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    Just accept it and move on
    Life doesnt revolve around looks
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    Camarose79 wrote: »
    Some people may get mad at me for this, because it could be taken to seem shallow, but maybe to feel more beautiful you can do things like paint your nails or try playing with make up. You can watch you tube videos and play around with colors. Try a bb cream or coloured nail polish or style your hair. Just like a fabulous new top can make you feel great wearing it, sometimes some make up can make you feel good too. Just for a quick fix, you know? For yourself.

    I know that helps me sometimes, to take out time just for me, to pamper myself. For some it's a walk, cook a special recipe you're been wanting to try out, try something new with your hair, nails, so many choices on how to pamper.

    I agree with @Camarose79 sometimes doing for ourselves makes us feel beautiful when we might not feel that inside at the moment. I don't think it's being vain, I think of it as loving ourselves enough to care for ourselves like we would another.

    Hon, I think you're very beautiful, such lovely deep brown eyes.... As Ninerbuff up above shared, words can hurt only if we let them.

    I know various cultures can vary on what parents say and so perhaps that has something to do with it?

    Find the beauty within and you'll be beautiful in all ways. You've shared some things you like about yourself, hang on to those, continue the list and pursue them.

    Hearts <3
  • glennstoudt
    glennstoudt Posts: 403 Member
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    capriqueen wrote: »
    Most of the people I hang out with have said this directly or indirectly. The only person who has said spoken otherwise is a people-pleaser so I wouldn't take her seriously. I've been told no one would fall for me, that I am unattractive and many other things that fall in that category. It usually doesn't bother me as I'm not generally conscious about how I look, nor do I crave attention. But sometimes it gets my self-esteem down and I avoid social interactions altogether.

    How do I deal with this?

    A poetic and song vituoso of our time wrote "someday this will all seem funny" That was Bruce Springsteen. While it is sometimes difficult to dismiss, you must. None of that matters, now or in the future. Especially in your immediate future. You are as you are, not as others wish you to be. And that is as good as you would like you to be on your own accord. Best wishes.
  • capriqueen
    capriqueen Posts: 974 Member
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    Camarose79 wrote: »
    I mean my comment as something for you to do just for yourself. Not to try to impress anybody else. And these people are right about them not being very good friends if they make you feel bad but don't try to help you feel good.

    No I completely understand. It's just I don't wear makeup for various reasons. But thanks for the tips!
  • capriqueen
    capriqueen Posts: 974 Member
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    m0ij0 wrote: »
    As long as you are happy with yourself, who cares what others think?
    The people that say those things to you are insecure about themselves some maybe threatened by your beauty so belittle you to make themselves feel better.

    Look around you I'm sure you see others who are unattractive to you and they have someone that loves them the way they are and who finds them more beautiful than anyone else in the world. It is true what they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder plus beauty goes deeper than looks. Confidence and humour and personality are attractive too and for some more attractive that looks.

    This is what I tell myself most of the time. That I don't care what others think. Only it gets me down sometimes because I have low self esteem to begin with. I mean at the very least, I've never considered myself to be physically attractive. Not at least conventionally.
  • capriqueen
    capriqueen Posts: 974 Member
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    Cking1162 wrote: »
    your friends don't sound like good "friends" to me.
    Drop em....You are better off. I really question why any person would say such a thing to another person unless it was self-fulfilling. Maybe they are jealous of your beauty?

    Self-fulfilling is they key word there. I often wonder if it makes them feel better about themselves. But then you would think people of the same gender would do something like that, not the opposite sex!

    I guess jealousy would be a long shot, but I haven't really pondered over the reasons.
  • capriqueen
    capriqueen Posts: 974 Member
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    Hearts_2015 wrote: »
    Camarose79 wrote: »
    Some people may get mad at me for this, because it could be taken to seem shallow, but maybe to feel more beautiful you can do things like paint your nails or try playing with make up. You can watch you tube videos and play around with colors. Try a bb cream or coloured nail polish or style your hair. Just like a fabulous new top can make you feel great wearing it, sometimes some make up can make you feel good too. Just for a quick fix, you know? For yourself.

    I know that helps me sometimes, to take out time just for me, to pamper myself. For some it's a walk, cook a special recipe you're been wanting to try out, try something new with your hair, nails, so many choices on how to pamper.

    I agree with @Camarose79 sometimes doing for ourselves makes us feel beautiful when we might not feel that inside at the moment. I don't think it's being vain, I think of it as loving ourselves enough to care for ourselves like we would another.

    Hon, I think you're very beautiful, such lovely deep brown eyes.... As Ninerbuff up above shared, words can hurt only if we let them.

    I know various cultures can vary on what parents say and so perhaps that has something to do with it?

    Find the beauty within and you'll be beautiful in all ways. You've shared some things you like about yourself, hang on to those, continue the list and pursue them.

    Hearts <3
    Thanks @Hearts_2015 . That's what I do most of the time. Take time out for myself I mean. I'm an introvert so I find myself hanging out with me a lot. But no complaints there. It gives me time to work on myself and I've found that to be fulfilling.

    Thanks for thinking I'm beautiful. I also think in my culture, it's more of what my friends have been watching in the movies. Also most of the guys I know regard someone as attractive based on what she's wearing. I kind of dress down for the most part if you know what I mean.
  • capriqueen
    capriqueen Posts: 974 Member
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    glennstoudt wrote: »
    capriqueen wrote: »
    Most of the people I hang out with have said this directly or indirectly. The only person who has said spoken otherwise is a people-pleaser so I wouldn't take her seriously. I've been told no one would fall for me, that I am unattractive and many other things that fall in that category. It usually doesn't bother me as I'm not generally conscious about how I look, nor do I crave attention. But sometimes it gets my self-esteem down and I avoid social interactions altogether.

    How do I deal with this?

    A poetic and song vituoso of our time wrote "someday this will all seem funny" That was Bruce Springsteen. While it is sometimes difficult to dismiss, you must. None of that matters, now or in the future. Especially in your immediate future. You are as you are, not as others wish you to be. And that is as good as you would like you to be on your own accord. Best wishes.

    @glennstoudt True. I agree. It feels funny even now, at times. But there's always the niggling doubt.
  • gyal3
    gyal3 Posts: 48 Member
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    Sounds like these friends and "people" are shallow and immature. What makes someone attractive is so much more than just appearance, this becomes a lot more evident the older we get. Wit, intellect, humor and humanity are attractive...even the most "beautiful" person will be seen as ugly if their personality is ugly. I chose wit over beauty hands down- keeps life interesting...also the mind is a gorgeous thing ;)
    Ignore the immaturity and you will be better for it.
  • LiquidSparkle86
    LiquidSparkle86 Posts: 736 Member
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    Um those arent friends. Punch 'em in their *kitten* sucker!
  • pwh300
    pwh300 Posts: 99 Member
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    I was married to someone like your so called friends. Try not to let them control how you think of your self...Stand tall and show them they have no idea what they are talking about.

  • blueyellowhorse
    blueyellowhorse Posts: 708 Member
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    Girl you put on your sexiest thong, bend over, and say "kiss my *kitten*"

    Seriously though, it sounds like you need to get better friends. Trust me, it's not worth it.
  • CoffeeNBooze
    CoffeeNBooze Posts: 966 Member
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    I'm not sure why people are telling you you're unattractive, especially directly. I agree with the others that say do things that make you feel beautiful. Even if you don't wear makeup, wear things that make you feel good, and style your hair in the way you like. If you don't know how, you can always ask a trusted friend or youtube! I learned a lot about hair and beauty from youtube. And if you have a lovely personality, friendly, kind, etc. you are automatically more attractive.

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