How do I deal with being told I'm unattractive and undesirable?
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Camarose79 wrote: »I mean my comment as something for you to do just for yourself. Not to try to impress anybody else. And these people are right about them not being very good friends if they make you feel bad but don't try to help you feel good.
No I completely understand. It's just I don't wear makeup for various reasons. But thanks for the tips!
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As long as you are happy with yourself, who cares what others think?
The people that say those things to you are insecure about themselves some maybe threatened by your beauty so belittle you to make themselves feel better.
Look around you I'm sure you see others who are unattractive to you and they have someone that loves them the way they are and who finds them more beautiful than anyone else in the world. It is true what they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder plus beauty goes deeper than looks. Confidence and humour and personality are attractive too and for some more attractive that looks.
This is what I tell myself most of the time. That I don't care what others think. Only it gets me down sometimes because I have low self esteem to begin with. I mean at the very least, I've never considered myself to be physically attractive. Not at least conventionally.
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your friends don't sound like good "friends" to me.
Drop em....You are better off. I really question why any person would say such a thing to another person unless it was self-fulfilling. Maybe they are jealous of your beauty?
Self-fulfilling is they key word there. I often wonder if it makes them feel better about themselves. But then you would think people of the same gender would do something like that, not the opposite sex!
I guess jealousy would be a long shot, but I haven't really pondered over the reasons.
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Thanks @Hearts_2015 . That's what I do most of the time. Take time out for myself I mean. I'm an introvert so I find myself hanging out with me a lot. But no complaints there. It gives me time to work on myself and I've found that to be fulfilling.Hearts_2015 wrote: »Camarose79 wrote: »Some people may get mad at me for this, because it could be taken to seem shallow, but maybe to feel more beautiful you can do things like paint your nails or try playing with make up. You can watch you tube videos and play around with colors. Try a bb cream or coloured nail polish or style your hair. Just like a fabulous new top can make you feel great wearing it, sometimes some make up can make you feel good too. Just for a quick fix, you know? For yourself.
I know that helps me sometimes, to take out time just for me, to pamper myself. For some it's a walk, cook a special recipe you're been wanting to try out, try something new with your hair, nails, so many choices on how to pamper.
I agree with @Camarose79 sometimes doing for ourselves makes us feel beautiful when we might not feel that inside at the moment. I don't think it's being vain, I think of it as loving ourselves enough to care for ourselves like we would another.
Hon, I think you're very beautiful, such lovely deep brown eyes.... As Ninerbuff up above shared, words can hurt only if we let them.
I know various cultures can vary on what parents say and so perhaps that has something to do with it?
Find the beauty within and you'll be beautiful in all ways. You've shared some things you like about yourself, hang on to those, continue the list and pursue them.
Hearts
Thanks for thinking I'm beautiful. I also think in my culture, it's more of what my friends have been watching in the movies. Also most of the guys I know regard someone as attractive based on what she's wearing. I kind of dress down for the most part if you know what I mean.
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glennstoudt wrote: »capriqueen wrote: »Most of the people I hang out with have said this directly or indirectly. The only person who has said spoken otherwise is a people-pleaser so I wouldn't take her seriously. I've been told no one would fall for me, that I am unattractive and many other things that fall in that category. It usually doesn't bother me as I'm not generally conscious about how I look, nor do I crave attention. But sometimes it gets my self-esteem down and I avoid social interactions altogether.
How do I deal with this?
A poetic and song vituoso of our time wrote "someday this will all seem funny" That was Bruce Springsteen. While it is sometimes difficult to dismiss, you must. None of that matters, now or in the future. Especially in your immediate future. You are as you are, not as others wish you to be. And that is as good as you would like you to be on your own accord. Best wishes.
@glennstoudt True. I agree. It feels funny even now, at times. But there's always the niggling doubt.0 -
Sounds like these friends and "people" are shallow and immature. What makes someone attractive is so much more than just appearance, this becomes a lot more evident the older we get. Wit, intellect, humor and humanity are attractive...even the most "beautiful" person will be seen as ugly if their personality is ugly. I chose wit over beauty hands down- keeps life interesting...also the mind is a gorgeous thing
Ignore the immaturity and you will be better for it.0 -
Um those arent friends. Punch 'em in their *kitten* sucker!0
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I was married to someone like your so called friends. Try not to let them control how you think of your self...Stand tall and show them they have no idea what they are talking about.
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Girl you put on your sexiest thong, bend over, and say "kiss my *kitten*"
Seriously though, it sounds like you need to get better friends. Trust me, it's not worth it.
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I'm not sure why people are telling you you're unattractive, especially directly. I agree with the others that say do things that make you feel beautiful. Even if you don't wear makeup, wear things that make you feel good, and style your hair in the way you like. If you don't know how, you can always ask a trusted friend or youtube! I learned a lot about hair and beauty from youtube. And if you have a lovely personality, friendly, kind, etc. you are automatically more attractive.0
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capriqueen wrote: »Most of the people I hang out with have said this directly or indirectly. The only person who has said spoken otherwise is a people-pleaser so I wouldn't take her seriously. I've been told no one would fall for me, that I am unattractive and many other things that fall in that category. It usually doesn't bother me as I'm not generally conscious about how I look, nor do I crave attention. But sometimes it gets my self-esteem down and I avoid social interactions altogether.
How do I deal with this?
So heres whats going on. I can see from your photo you're beautiful. So these people saying this to you need to get their eyes checked.
Here's what I suggest we do. We go to their house, you ring the doorbell, when they andwer I punch them in the junk and you point at them while they're doubled over in pain and say. 'You know why!'
Good plan? Good plan0 -
capriqueen wrote: »Most of the people I hang out with have said this directly or indirectly. The only person who has said spoken otherwise is a people-pleaser so I wouldn't take her seriously. I've been told no one would fall for me, that I am unattractive and many other things that fall in that category. It usually doesn't bother me as I'm not generally conscious about how I look, nor do I crave attention. But sometimes it gets my self-esteem down and I avoid social interactions altogether.
How do I deal with this?
Uhhh easy. You sleep with every single one of their boyfriends then you say, "who's unattractive now, *kitten*?" Just. Like. That.0 -
Why would people say such a thing to you? How old are you? It's saddening that people would just tell you you're unattractive, and judging by your picture you are definitely NOT unattractive. If you love you, that's all that matters! Be happy with yourself, no matter who you are.0
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Just saw your 2nd photo - what a knock out smile! Dump those jealous "friends" and smile more. And good job on your loss so far. You should be proud of yourself not down on yourself!
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Those are lousy friends. Beauty is incredibly subjective and people are attracted to so many different types. Finally, you are beautiful!0
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I like what leut_underpants wrote.leut_underpants wrote: »Dress your best. Learn what that means and apply what you can within your budget.
Stand tall. Cultivate your confidence and remove those from your life who tear you down.
Get fit. Really fit. Get good with makeup. Fix your teeth. Find a flattering hairstyle. Learn something new and interesting.
I agree your friends aren't going to be getting any friends awards this year, and perhaps suggest finding some more supportive friends, I too would say the same as leut said. Attractiveness is not just about our features, it pretty much includes the way you dress and carry yourself. So work on your self if causes you to have low self esteem at times, you have big eyes which look quite nice and a lovely smile (I think you're attractive, not sure what your friends mean by you being undesirable, they are malicious...don't listen to them. I also get told by some spiteful people that I am not attractive enough or have a big nose, I once got told that I looked like a mole. Ha!)
If you want to try dress in colours that compliment your skin tone and silhouettes that flatter your figure, sometimes even the slightest of change in hairstyle makes the look very different (while tight buns and updos are very professional looking, they also tend to look severe most times so perhaps a side braid, or low ponytail to look different if you don't want a haircut)
So look up and socialize, you're young, pretty and I am sure you have a great personality!
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capriqueen wrote: »Most of the people I hang out with have said this directly or indirectly. The only person who has said spoken otherwise is a people-pleaser so I wouldn't take her seriously. I've been told no one would fall for me, that I am unattractive and many other things that fall in that category. It usually doesn't bother me as I'm not generally conscious about how I look, nor do I crave attention. But sometimes it gets my self-esteem down and I avoid social interactions altogether.
How do I deal with this?
By getting new friends? I am being serious here. I am not the best looking person, and my weight has always been a constant battle, but I am married and my husband loves me and tells me I am beautiful and I believe him. My personality is what drew us to each other and while looks fade with age, personality and who you are on the inside doesn't.0 -
capriqueen wrote: »Most of the people I hang out with have said this directly or indirectly. The only person who has said spoken otherwise is a people-pleaser so I wouldn't take her seriously. I've been told no one would fall for me, that I am unattractive and many other things that fall in that category. It usually doesn't bother me as I'm not generally conscious about how I look, nor do I crave attention. But sometimes it gets my self-esteem down and I avoid social interactions altogether.
How do I deal with this?
You deal with it by cutting these toxic people out of your life. Who the hell says that to a friend?!
You're a beautiful girl and deserve so much better than this0 -
Confidence! Wear it proudly... There is nothing wrong with your appearance, you have lovely features. I have witnessed unattractive people (my perception of "unattractive" differs from others) parading around with confidence as if walking down a runway, and for whatever mystical reason.... It works for them. Some people will take advantage, and use your insecurities to try and belittle you. Walk with your chin up and rock what you were given, and you will shine. Hope this works out for you... Some people are spiteful, and just suck lol0
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wtf kind of people are you hanging out with? First thing to do is tell them to fvck off Secound thing is to keep on loving you and try to ignore the hurtful comments even though I know its way easier said then done
just know that what they say is not true because it really isn't you are not unattractive or unworthy of love0 -
Your friends are jerks! Get new ones 0
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I don't see you as outwardly unattractive. You have some nice features. Besides, yes we all want to be that HOTTIE, however, beauty fades and you are left what you have inside. And too me a persons personality and warmth is so much more hotter than a perfect 10!! Keep your head up, be yourself, and the right people will see that!0
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I know all about feeling unattractive. Like @leut_underpants sad I realized that I could make myself more attractive, but for me. A big reason as to why I felt unattractive was because I didn't care, I didn't dress my best, I was very over weight, didn't maintain hair and nails. I decided one day that I wanted to be better for myself, not anyone else. I got a gym membership, lost weight, take the time in the morning to fix my hair and put on just a little makeup. With this my confidence grew and you can ask most, they think confidence is attractive. I feel so much better now, I am healthier, more active, and there are still some people who don't find me attractive, but I do and that's what matters. Find some friends who are supportive, life is too short to be put down by people who are supposed to care about you!0
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Deal with it by finding new "friends". Anyone who would be so cruel isn't really your friend and doesn't deserve your friendship.0
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Those are not friends. I honestly could never say that to someone, period. That's just wrong. I think you are a cutie and it sounds like you are very grounded. Please don't let them bring you down. 0
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Real friends lift each other up; not tear each other down. Find some real friends and you'd be amazed at the difference it makes in your life. Once you have even one or two REAL friends, everything else matters less and less.0
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Your problem isn't that you're unattractive, your problem is that you need to lose weight.
You need to lose the combined weight of your so-called friends that are callous enough to demean you like they do.0 -
I can't imagine why anyone is telling you that you are unattractive, because you are actually beautiful, if that is your photo. (Not that it should matter!) And I see no reason why anyone has to wear make up to be attractive--If you are clean, well-groomed, and take care of your health, you are doing enough for normal purposes. Find some better friends and move on. There is nothing wrong with you, but there is a lot wrong with them.0
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