I hate food - but I'm fat and hungry all the time
NewXila
Posts: 8 Member
Hello, I'm new to the board. I've been using the food tracker off and on for a long time, though. I've gained about 54 pounds in 2 years and it's making me really mad. I'm pretty stressed out. My situation is sort of complicated. I'm hoping someone here might relate to me maybe. I'm sorry this is kind of long. I just feel panicked.
The thing is, I hate food. I hate the way it feels. I hate the way it smells. I hate cooking and having to touch slimy, sticky meat. Sauces and dressing and gravy make me nauseous to just think about them. They contaminate everything with slime. Vegetables are okay, some of them. Others not so much. Food is so incredibly disgusting to me. Watching The Food Network is like watching Fear Factor. It makes me sick.
You see, I have Selective Eating Disorder. Food is my enemy. I hate food so much. It's poison. Food touching is even worse. Mixing foods together is a nightmare. Also, cooking stresses me out. It makes me angry. Very, very angry. And then you have to clean up all the slime and glop after when it's all congealed and running together. So you can guess I tend to get things that are really easy to cook (noodles, chicken nuggets,) and that I don't have to touch or spend time thinking about. Trying to put together a big dinner with multiple side dishes gives me panic attacks. Because I'm afraid of things being done at the wrong time, or burning them, or they are not cooked. And I tend to burn myself a lot when I cook. My favorite thing to cook that is healthy is steamed chicken and veggies in my electric pressure cooker.
(also for dinners I have to deal with the food issues of my family, which is another thing all together.)
So why am I fat? Because safe foods are bad for you. Chicken strips = bad. Plain cheese pizza = bad. Fries = bad. Candy (the only food I feel remotely safe with most of the time,) = very bad. Plain rice with nothing on it = bad. Noodles = bad. I work with dietitians. I know what I'm supposed to eat. But then they always give these tips like "add mustard." Might as well say "add urine" because that's so gross. I would just go without eating if I could, but that isn't happening. I'm always hungry and it makes me mad. When I was a teenager I was rarely ever hungry. Now I am hungry even if I have a snack between meals.
Today for example they wanted to get lunch at this Greek food place for a staff meeting. I had a plate of lettuce. Chopped lettuce. Nothing else. It doesn't matter where I go. If they don't have "plain" on the menu (chicken strips / unseasoned chicken breast or plain burger or plain cheese pizza,) And in a place like that I fear that the slime from something else might have gotten into my lettuce.
What's worse, is that since there are probably 50 foods in whole world that I feel safe with. I was 34 years old the first time I had cheese on a burger, and I'm still suspicious of that at most places. So, cutting out foods freaks me out and I panic.
Also, I'm low income. So increasing protein is hard I already don't buy cheese because it's too expensive, so switching it to low-fat cheese isn't an option. I don't eat lunch meat. I can't even touch it. I can't eat Greek yogurt (my doctor told me to eat Greek yogurt and just force myself but I couldn't do it,) regular yogurt is okay but it's so slimy I have to add nuts or something to it and I can't always afford nuts.
And, now I have to cut out pretty much all of them. No more chicken strips, no more fries, no more burgers, that's fine. I don't mind eating chicken breast (yes, plain,) with veggies but my family doesn't like eating that every day. I've been having hard boiled eggs for breakfast with a high fiber granola bar. And chicken and rice soup from Healthy Choice for lunch. And then I'm hungry all day long. And I get home and if there's anything around to eat I eat because being hungry makes me grumpy. And yes, I eat lots of veggies like I replace chips with carrots and stuff like that.
(tl;dr - I have an eating disorder that makes food incredibly gross to me and my safe foods are all unhealthy. I have no idea what to do because healthier options are too expensive, I don't even buy enough cheap food to get me through the work day as it is. And I hate cooking.)
So how does someone who hates food lose weight? What is a good tip for not being hungry or how do you deal with the moodiness?
The thing is, I hate food. I hate the way it feels. I hate the way it smells. I hate cooking and having to touch slimy, sticky meat. Sauces and dressing and gravy make me nauseous to just think about them. They contaminate everything with slime. Vegetables are okay, some of them. Others not so much. Food is so incredibly disgusting to me. Watching The Food Network is like watching Fear Factor. It makes me sick.
You see, I have Selective Eating Disorder. Food is my enemy. I hate food so much. It's poison. Food touching is even worse. Mixing foods together is a nightmare. Also, cooking stresses me out. It makes me angry. Very, very angry. And then you have to clean up all the slime and glop after when it's all congealed and running together. So you can guess I tend to get things that are really easy to cook (noodles, chicken nuggets,) and that I don't have to touch or spend time thinking about. Trying to put together a big dinner with multiple side dishes gives me panic attacks. Because I'm afraid of things being done at the wrong time, or burning them, or they are not cooked. And I tend to burn myself a lot when I cook. My favorite thing to cook that is healthy is steamed chicken and veggies in my electric pressure cooker.
(also for dinners I have to deal with the food issues of my family, which is another thing all together.)
So why am I fat? Because safe foods are bad for you. Chicken strips = bad. Plain cheese pizza = bad. Fries = bad. Candy (the only food I feel remotely safe with most of the time,) = very bad. Plain rice with nothing on it = bad. Noodles = bad. I work with dietitians. I know what I'm supposed to eat. But then they always give these tips like "add mustard." Might as well say "add urine" because that's so gross. I would just go without eating if I could, but that isn't happening. I'm always hungry and it makes me mad. When I was a teenager I was rarely ever hungry. Now I am hungry even if I have a snack between meals.
Today for example they wanted to get lunch at this Greek food place for a staff meeting. I had a plate of lettuce. Chopped lettuce. Nothing else. It doesn't matter where I go. If they don't have "plain" on the menu (chicken strips / unseasoned chicken breast or plain burger or plain cheese pizza,) And in a place like that I fear that the slime from something else might have gotten into my lettuce.
What's worse, is that since there are probably 50 foods in whole world that I feel safe with. I was 34 years old the first time I had cheese on a burger, and I'm still suspicious of that at most places. So, cutting out foods freaks me out and I panic.
Also, I'm low income. So increasing protein is hard I already don't buy cheese because it's too expensive, so switching it to low-fat cheese isn't an option. I don't eat lunch meat. I can't even touch it. I can't eat Greek yogurt (my doctor told me to eat Greek yogurt and just force myself but I couldn't do it,) regular yogurt is okay but it's so slimy I have to add nuts or something to it and I can't always afford nuts.
And, now I have to cut out pretty much all of them. No more chicken strips, no more fries, no more burgers, that's fine. I don't mind eating chicken breast (yes, plain,) with veggies but my family doesn't like eating that every day. I've been having hard boiled eggs for breakfast with a high fiber granola bar. And chicken and rice soup from Healthy Choice for lunch. And then I'm hungry all day long. And I get home and if there's anything around to eat I eat because being hungry makes me grumpy. And yes, I eat lots of veggies like I replace chips with carrots and stuff like that.
(tl;dr - I have an eating disorder that makes food incredibly gross to me and my safe foods are all unhealthy. I have no idea what to do because healthier options are too expensive, I don't even buy enough cheap food to get me through the work day as it is. And I hate cooking.)
So how does someone who hates food lose weight? What is a good tip for not being hungry or how do you deal with the moodiness?
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Replies
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Are you working with a therapist about this? Because I don't think you're going to get very far with a dietician until you've worked through some of this with a mental health professional.3
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PeachyPlum wrote: »Are you working with a therapist about this? Because I don't think you're going to get very far with a dietician until you've worked through some of this with a mental health professional.
this...100x. Health isn't just physical...
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I have no advice for the complex issues that are at play here, they should be sought from a professional.
However, in regards to your final question, you lose weight by eating at a calorie deficit. It's going to be up to you to create this deficit however you see fit taking in to account your issues.
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I have no advice for the complex issues that are at play here, they should be sought from a professional.
However, in regards to your final question, you lose weight by eating at a calorie deficit. It's going to be up to you to create this deficit however you see fit taking in to account your issues.
This ^^0 -
I can't relate to this directly, but I do have a 6-year-old grandson who is incredibly difficult to feed and has screamed at me "I hate food!" The key to losing weight isn't so much eating the right foods but keeping track of the calories in the food you eat no matter what it is. Definitely be generous with the vegetables that you will eat; they will help fill you up. Drinking water or coffee or tea will help fill you up, too. It's funny how your "safe foods" are pretty much all on my "unsafe" list because they're full of all kinds of additives and preservatives, definitely not healthy. My safe foods are organically grown (not that I can always afford it) and as close to nature as I can get it - raw fruits and vegetables, things like that.0
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I'll also say, "please see a professional".
You may be a good candidate for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy -- where you purposefully expose yourself to small amounts of a stressor in a controlled manner.
If it was fear of spiders; it might start with pictures of spiders and then footage of spiders and maybe observing spiders and finally end with holding a tarantula.
But I don't know. I'm not a professional.2 -
Therapy and have your husband cook or children if they are old enough if they don't lie what you are making. From what it sounds like you aren't a good cook with stuff burning all the time. It's ok though, my mom suffers from that too and I started cooking at 12. Most of the foods that are safe for you are normally pricey if you are going out to eat to get them all the time.0
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Sorry, but I am your opposite. I love food.
I think you can lose weight by eating within the fifty foods that you are comfortable with, as long as you stay in your calorie goal.
Are you required to cook for your family? Can you switch it around so the other members of the family can take care of their own cooking?
BTW, hubby's got a touch of OCD and I am pretty sure he is grossed out by soggy food leftovers in dishwater. He has subtly shifted the chores so I end up washing and he dries and puts away.1 -
Since there are so few foods that you can actually eat, I wouldn't cut them out! Just keep eating them, but in smaller portions. Can you consult a professional to help with your Selective Eating Disorder specifically? If your doctor suggested eating a food that you cannot palate, then that is not helpful at all. I'm sure they meant well, but if they don't understand your food issues then they cannot help.
I know you mentioned income is an issue. Can you talk to your doctor or other health professional that can refer you to a specialist? Hope you can find some help!0 -
I'm fascinated by the OP. I've never heard of anyone who really hates food, and describes that predicament in such vivid detail.
But respectfully I'll add, I don't understand how an individual with this aversion toward food could be 50+ lbs. overweight.
I know. If I hated food, I would not eat enough of it to be overweight in the first place. Especially 50 plus pounds. Come on now!0 -
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Professional help is required, not the internet.2
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I don't get it, you hate food but you ate more than enough of it to make you be fat, makes no sense. Then you are fat because safe food is bad? What does all that mean?
I can imagine this. Meals, meal prep, and cleanup is unpleasant. But we all have a biological urge to eat which can't be avoided. So this person is eating (overeating a little) the few fifty foods she can tolerate, hating every minute of it.0 -
I definitely agree you would benefit from the support of a professional.
It sounds like your issues with food are textural and you prefer simple foods without sauce etc. Have you tried less calorific versions of the foods you do feel comfortable eating - for example would you eat slices of baked chicken rather than fried chicken strips? Baked potatoes instead of chips/fries? Portion sizing of things like rice is what you need to worry about, not the rice in of itself. You said you can eat some vegetables so that's a good start. There are ways to reduce your calorie intake and therefore lose weight without you having to choke down food that is disgusting to you.0 -
The advice everyone has given you to find a therapist to work with is right on. Also, if you have a husband/bf/roommate/other person at home - they can cook whatever they want. Maybe I'm a giant b word, but the idea that one person (usually the female) in the home is solely responsible for cooking is like the 1800's come to life. I can't.0
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Surprisingly, I kind of get what your saying. First, I agree with everyone here about finding some psych help.. it really is a great thing to do! Ive gone in an out most of my teen-early adult life, its always been a good experience. I dont require it anymore.
So.. I was super picky growing up. I didnt even eat a bell pepper until 26. I still cant touch peaches, plums or nectarines. I bought a plum once because they look awesome, but I would just hold it and look at it unable to bite it. Eventually I drilled a little hole to try and suck some juice out, but then was freaked out and tossed it. Everything felt alive, I stopped meat and fruit, and by 15 ate mostly packaged side kicks and potatoes. But heres the deal.. I ended up getting so unhealthy my genetic weaknesses came out, and I got ulcerative colitis at 24. I battle this every day and it isnt fun. I spent 6 years in school for my chosen career, and I can not do it now because of my illness. I actually had my dream job and had to leave it because of how I ate when I was younger. I had to change because if not, I will end up on endless prescription drugs and having surgeries cutting out my intestines like my father has.
It was hard work. It took time. But, I did it. Im from a European home, I like heavy feeling foods, warm and cozy. I had to create my own eating style that incorporates my food needs with my wants. It took years, its a process. But, please start. Please start before you hurt yourself. Its great your here! Get some outside professional support too. And, believe in yourself. Feel free to add me, Im new here but posting my recipes as I make them. Best of luck!2 -
My son has sensory issues, and has similar issues with most foods. You can lose weight and thrive on a diet of very simple foods.
Eat what you can afford to eat, and what you are able to eat. Don't get caught up in the "good foods" vs "bad foods" mentality.
You can lose weight eating plain hamburgers, noodles, chicken strips, etc. the fact that you can eat vegetables is a real advantage.
I recommend you research ARFID, and the adult picky eaters website and corresponding yahoo group.
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Definitely see a professional and consider CBT as mentioned previously. Also, even if your family doesn't like the plain (but lower calorie) options that doesn't mean you can't make them for yourself. Focus on your calories and stick to eating what you're comfortable with while getting professional help. Weigh everything!0
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My son can't eat meat, pasta, or rice. So you aren't doing as bad you think.0
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I'm fascinated by the OP. I've never heard of anyone who really hates food, and describes that predicament in such vivid detail.
But respectfully I'll add, I don't understand how an individual with this aversion toward food could be 50+ lbs. overweight.
If her Safe foods are calorie dense, it's easy to over do it on the calories while trying to get full.0 -
Don't knock steamed vegetables and chicken. If you can eat it every day, do it. Eventually you might find a way to work in some other proteins, although you can eat very well without any kind of meat (beans are one of the cheapest sources of protein you can buy).
You say ..."safe foods are bad for you. Chicken strips = bad. Plain cheese pizza = bad. Fries = bad. Candy (the only food I feel remotely safe with most of the time,) = very bad. Plain rice with nothing on it = bad. Noodles = bad."
All those foods can be modified: Chicken strips- bake them, don't deep fry! Plain cheese pizza- get thin crust instead of deep dish. Candy- ONE piece as opposed to several. Plain rice and noodles- not bad at all in moderation. I get that you don't like the texture of a lot of condiments and sauces because of the 'slime factor' so could you use dry seasonings for some flavor? Doing your own cooking not only will save you a ton of money, but will empower you to take control of your meals and eat healthier. It doesn't have to be time consuming or complicated, either.
You've got a lot of challenges but I really hope you succeed.1 -
Than you to everyone about the advice to see a therapist. However, I can't afford healthier food so how do I afford a therapist? I have health insurance through my work with a $12000 deductible. I already have a therapist and I see her 3 times a year on my employee assistance program for other mental health issues. Also, I definately do not want to like more foods. That's not my issue. I don't want to add foods like sauces, for example.
I realize no one can help me.
Also I don't see dietitians, I work with them in a clinic. So, I'm okay on that. I'm just lost because so many diet tips are all about cutting out things I already don't eat.-1 -
Do not cut your safe foods. (!!!!!)
Get them all logged. Play around with the database to find the most accurate entries for the foods you do consume. If you need to, log them all in MFP on a day just to get them into your Recent Foods (and ignore that day, obviously).
Look at the data. Play with portion sizes and combinations. You should be able to eat your safe foods and stick to a calorie goal. Do not worry about "healthy" or "unhealthy" foods -- that's a lot of buzz, really. Rice is fine. It's just that people often don't realize how calorie dense rice is, and easily eat 2+ cups (cooked) in a sitting, with sauces and meats and things on top, and maybe a side, and it just balloons calorie-wise. Burgers are fine, and there are ways to cut the calories in burgers anyway. (You likely don't overeat red meat, so don't cut your one source of it. You probably don't slather it in mayo. You could do half a bun, or no bun, or a lower calorie bun.)
Start creating meal templates. Things like this: Lunch Option #1: 1 chicken strip, 1 cup cooked rice, plain, 2 cups steamed veggies. Calories: #. Create several options for each meal, and snacks as well, and it will help you plan and stick to a calorie budget. (Plus, I find the structure is beneficial for anxiety, aka the fear and anger and disgust you describe.)
About being grumpy: So 1, you will adjust somewhat. If this cutting calories thing is new, you may just need to give it a few weeks. 2, if that's not an option, or that doesn't work, go with a smaller deficit. If your ticker is right, you only have 19 lbs to lose? Go for 0.5 lb a week. Need more food? Exercise a bit. Even walking will burn a decent amount, enough for an extra snack or a bit extra on each meal, or a decent extra on one meal.
Other options for hunger: Check your logs, or log for a couple weeks. Are you low on: protein, fat, or fibre? This can cause hunger. I am suspecting that since you seem to eat a lot of very dry foods, you may be quite low on fat, and somewhat low on protein. You can (and should) try to adjust those meal templates to try to get those macros up a bit. Also try to keep a log of what meals keep you full longer -- a thin soup like chicken soup with nothing else would not do for me, anymore than juice would. So if it isn't working for you, how could you bulk it up, or what could you eat on the side?
Are there any other foods you can think to identify that you might be able to add to your safe list? You like rice. What about couscous? You like nuts in your yoghurt... what about seeds, like flaxseeds? Or pumpkin seeds? What if you froze the yoghurt in a popsicle mold? What about drying fruit -- you can slice, say, strawberries very thinly and then bake them to make a sweet, dry chip. (Buy when in season to save money.) Do you have a bulk store in your area that might help you afford things like nuts? What about feta cheese (you can buy big tubs of it for not too bad a price)? I think that foods that would help you meet your nutritional needs would take first priority (ex, more sources of fat, if you are in fact low), but adding anything to the safe list will benefit you.
And on an aside: Start working on your words. For example, you use "slimy" to describe the texture of yoghurt. Fine, okay. But then you say you were afraid that "slime" from something else had gotten on your lettuce. Foods don't produce slime, they are not monsters. I know what you mean, but I think that allowing yourself language choice like that is going to fuel the fear. You say "food is poison" which may be a literal belief or may be an exaggeration because of your fear and anger and other feelings, but either way, it's not beneficial to allow yourself to say that. Work on finding neutral ways to articulate your needs and challenges, and practice not feeding the fears you do have. You may not be able to control having a certain response, but you can definitely work on whether you feed/amplify/keep it going, or not.
Re: cooking and cleaning: I think that setting up meal templates for your family dishes would help you as well. As I said, structure benefits anxiety, helps keep the trigger factors down. You don't even have to tell them, just do it for your own way of thinking about it. Try to identify ways you could do prep ahead of time, too -- if you could sort of steel yourself to do 2 hours of work on a Sunday to reduce the time, work and stress of food prep for the whole rest of the week, I think it'd be worth it (it is for me). You may also want to delegate a bit... is anyone old enough to basically deal with their own dishes, or take over doing the dishes, or do the dishes on some nights? Avoiding dishes entirely could make you worse, actually, but why do you have to do them all, all the time? I feel like if you could reduce the stressors a bit -- make a meal template and follow it, deal with your own dishes only, deal with meal prep dishes as you go, maybe get rubber gloves for the kitchen (or some other tool to help you out), etc then you may actually cope BETTER on the whole because you'll be less overwhelmed. They make hand guards / fancy gloves to help keep you from cutting yourself. You could wear oven mitts even when working with a frying pan, as well as get a long sleeved shirt or two from a thrift shop and make it your cooking overshirt, then oil can't burn you if it spits up. Use a spatter guard over your pans for the same reason. Get creative.
And... I do think you'd benefit from therapy. If you have access, and have been avoiding getting help because it's difficult and scary, please work on getting there in baby steps. Not hating food, not fearing food, not being angry with food, and prep, and clean up, and all things food-related, multiple times a day, every day, forever, would be awesome and is a life change worth fighting for with all your might.3 -
What pretty much everyone said x1 time more!
If somewhere inside you you've decided that it is time to do it, you will!
There is no magic bullet when you stack up the issues like you have. But if you have lots of lemons it is time to make the best lemonade that you can!
You CAN lose weight by logging and eating less of whatever it is that you CAN eat. Regardless of how "healthy" or "unhealthy" that food is.
Obviously you will be hungrier than others since you won't be able to make more filling choices and substitution because of your limitations.
Because of that I would suggest that you start with a smaller deficit. Maybe a lb a week as opposed to anything more aggressive. Or even half a lb if you're accurate with your logging.
While making the best choices you can within your current limits try to see if you can work into expanding your options by getting help as others have suggested.
Looking forward to you posting your successes in changing your relationship with food and activity/exercise!0 -
No. Those foods are not bad for you. Eating too many calories is what makes you gain weight. Eating just candy would be a poor choice because you would miss out on nutrients but the other foods do have nutrients and can be part of a healthy diet in appropriate portion sizes.So why am I fat? Because safe foods are bad for you. Chicken strips = bad. Plain cheese pizza = bad. Fries = bad. Candy (the only food I feel remotely safe with most of the time,) = very bad. Plain rice with nothing on it = bad. Noodles = bad.
Don't cut out foods just reduce portion sizes of higher calorie foods. Eat the foods you feel safe with. Fit them in your calorie goal. See a therapist to work on your problem with food.What's worse, is that since there are probably 50 foods in whole world that I feel safe with. I was 34 years old the first time I had cheese on a burger, and I'm still suspicious of that at most places. So, cutting out foods freaks me out and I panic.
Protein, fiber and fats will help you feel satisfied and full. Drink water. Plan your meals and snacks ahead of time. You could prepare all your food for the week in one day so you don't have to cook often. Pre-logging my whole day helps me.What is a good tip for not being hungry or how do you deal with the moodiness?
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Oh and to people who don't understand how you get fat hating food...
1 serving chicken strips is 220 calories. Fries are 300-500 calories depending on how many you eat. 720 calories per meal adds up. I work at a desk all day in an office with no window. Depression kicks in, you don't get enough exercise and boom you're fat.-1 -
A lot of great advice in this thread! I don't remotely have the same issue as you, but I did find it very freeing when I realized I didn't have to A. cut out foods I enjoy and B. force feed myself things I don't in order to lose weight. You can find a way to incorporate your safe foods and still lose weight. It's doable. You'll figure it out! You can still have all those things.0
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Others have given you great advice. I just wanted to add that there are no "bad" foods -- you're giving food a moral value that it doesn't have. Go ahead and eat your safe foods, just weigh and track them so that you're in a calorie deficit. It sounds like your safe foods will provide you with all your nutritional needs, so don't worry about that for now. And just to repeat what others have said, work with a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. Working with a nutritionist who tells you to add mustard when you loathe mustard is going to get you nowhere. Good luck!
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You list a number of items you do eat. You aren't overweight because those foods are "bad" but because you ate too much. To lose weight, eat the things you like but eat less.Oh and to people who don't understand how you get fat hating food...
1 serving chicken strips is 220 calories. Fries are 300-500 calories depending on how many you eat. 720 calories per meal adds up. I work at a desk all day in an office with no window. Depression kicks in, you don't get enough exercise and boom you're fat.
No "boom you're fat". You are making excuses. Eat less and move more.3 -
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