I hate food - but I'm fat and hungry all the time
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Don't knock steamed vegetables and chicken. If you can eat it every day, do it. Eventually you might find a way to work in some other proteins, although you can eat very well without any kind of meat (beans are one of the cheapest sources of protein you can buy).
You say ..."safe foods are bad for you. Chicken strips = bad. Plain cheese pizza = bad. Fries = bad. Candy (the only food I feel remotely safe with most of the time,) = very bad. Plain rice with nothing on it = bad. Noodles = bad."
All those foods can be modified: Chicken strips- bake them, don't deep fry! Plain cheese pizza- get thin crust instead of deep dish. Candy- ONE piece as opposed to several. Plain rice and noodles- not bad at all in moderation. I get that you don't like the texture of a lot of condiments and sauces because of the 'slime factor' so could you use dry seasonings for some flavor? Doing your own cooking not only will save you a ton of money, but will empower you to take control of your meals and eat healthier. It doesn't have to be time consuming or complicated, either.
You've got a lot of challenges but I really hope you succeed.1 -
Than you to everyone about the advice to see a therapist. However, I can't afford healthier food so how do I afford a therapist? I have health insurance through my work with a $12000 deductible. I already have a therapist and I see her 3 times a year on my employee assistance program for other mental health issues. Also, I definately do not want to like more foods. That's not my issue. I don't want to add foods like sauces, for example.
I realize no one can help me.
Also I don't see dietitians, I work with them in a clinic. So, I'm okay on that. I'm just lost because so many diet tips are all about cutting out things I already don't eat.-1 -
Do not cut your safe foods. (!!!!!)
Get them all logged. Play around with the database to find the most accurate entries for the foods you do consume. If you need to, log them all in MFP on a day just to get them into your Recent Foods (and ignore that day, obviously).
Look at the data. Play with portion sizes and combinations. You should be able to eat your safe foods and stick to a calorie goal. Do not worry about "healthy" or "unhealthy" foods -- that's a lot of buzz, really. Rice is fine. It's just that people often don't realize how calorie dense rice is, and easily eat 2+ cups (cooked) in a sitting, with sauces and meats and things on top, and maybe a side, and it just balloons calorie-wise. Burgers are fine, and there are ways to cut the calories in burgers anyway. (You likely don't overeat red meat, so don't cut your one source of it. You probably don't slather it in mayo. You could do half a bun, or no bun, or a lower calorie bun.)
Start creating meal templates. Things like this: Lunch Option #1: 1 chicken strip, 1 cup cooked rice, plain, 2 cups steamed veggies. Calories: #. Create several options for each meal, and snacks as well, and it will help you plan and stick to a calorie budget. (Plus, I find the structure is beneficial for anxiety, aka the fear and anger and disgust you describe.)
About being grumpy: So 1, you will adjust somewhat. If this cutting calories thing is new, you may just need to give it a few weeks. 2, if that's not an option, or that doesn't work, go with a smaller deficit. If your ticker is right, you only have 19 lbs to lose? Go for 0.5 lb a week. Need more food? Exercise a bit. Even walking will burn a decent amount, enough for an extra snack or a bit extra on each meal, or a decent extra on one meal.
Other options for hunger: Check your logs, or log for a couple weeks. Are you low on: protein, fat, or fibre? This can cause hunger. I am suspecting that since you seem to eat a lot of very dry foods, you may be quite low on fat, and somewhat low on protein. You can (and should) try to adjust those meal templates to try to get those macros up a bit. Also try to keep a log of what meals keep you full longer -- a thin soup like chicken soup with nothing else would not do for me, anymore than juice would. So if it isn't working for you, how could you bulk it up, or what could you eat on the side?
Are there any other foods you can think to identify that you might be able to add to your safe list? You like rice. What about couscous? You like nuts in your yoghurt... what about seeds, like flaxseeds? Or pumpkin seeds? What if you froze the yoghurt in a popsicle mold? What about drying fruit -- you can slice, say, strawberries very thinly and then bake them to make a sweet, dry chip. (Buy when in season to save money.) Do you have a bulk store in your area that might help you afford things like nuts? What about feta cheese (you can buy big tubs of it for not too bad a price)? I think that foods that would help you meet your nutritional needs would take first priority (ex, more sources of fat, if you are in fact low), but adding anything to the safe list will benefit you.
And on an aside: Start working on your words. For example, you use "slimy" to describe the texture of yoghurt. Fine, okay. But then you say you were afraid that "slime" from something else had gotten on your lettuce. Foods don't produce slime, they are not monsters. I know what you mean, but I think that allowing yourself language choice like that is going to fuel the fear. You say "food is poison" which may be a literal belief or may be an exaggeration because of your fear and anger and other feelings, but either way, it's not beneficial to allow yourself to say that. Work on finding neutral ways to articulate your needs and challenges, and practice not feeding the fears you do have. You may not be able to control having a certain response, but you can definitely work on whether you feed/amplify/keep it going, or not.
Re: cooking and cleaning: I think that setting up meal templates for your family dishes would help you as well. As I said, structure benefits anxiety, helps keep the trigger factors down. You don't even have to tell them, just do it for your own way of thinking about it. Try to identify ways you could do prep ahead of time, too -- if you could sort of steel yourself to do 2 hours of work on a Sunday to reduce the time, work and stress of food prep for the whole rest of the week, I think it'd be worth it (it is for me). You may also want to delegate a bit... is anyone old enough to basically deal with their own dishes, or take over doing the dishes, or do the dishes on some nights? Avoiding dishes entirely could make you worse, actually, but why do you have to do them all, all the time? I feel like if you could reduce the stressors a bit -- make a meal template and follow it, deal with your own dishes only, deal with meal prep dishes as you go, maybe get rubber gloves for the kitchen (or some other tool to help you out), etc then you may actually cope BETTER on the whole because you'll be less overwhelmed. They make hand guards / fancy gloves to help keep you from cutting yourself. You could wear oven mitts even when working with a frying pan, as well as get a long sleeved shirt or two from a thrift shop and make it your cooking overshirt, then oil can't burn you if it spits up. Use a spatter guard over your pans for the same reason. Get creative.
And... I do think you'd benefit from therapy. If you have access, and have been avoiding getting help because it's difficult and scary, please work on getting there in baby steps. Not hating food, not fearing food, not being angry with food, and prep, and clean up, and all things food-related, multiple times a day, every day, forever, would be awesome and is a life change worth fighting for with all your might.3 -
What pretty much everyone said x1 time more!
If somewhere inside you you've decided that it is time to do it, you will!
There is no magic bullet when you stack up the issues like you have. But if you have lots of lemons it is time to make the best lemonade that you can!
You CAN lose weight by logging and eating less of whatever it is that you CAN eat. Regardless of how "healthy" or "unhealthy" that food is.
Obviously you will be hungrier than others since you won't be able to make more filling choices and substitution because of your limitations.
Because of that I would suggest that you start with a smaller deficit. Maybe a lb a week as opposed to anything more aggressive. Or even half a lb if you're accurate with your logging.
While making the best choices you can within your current limits try to see if you can work into expanding your options by getting help as others have suggested.
Looking forward to you posting your successes in changing your relationship with food and activity/exercise!0 -
No. Those foods are not bad for you. Eating too many calories is what makes you gain weight. Eating just candy would be a poor choice because you would miss out on nutrients but the other foods do have nutrients and can be part of a healthy diet in appropriate portion sizes.So why am I fat? Because safe foods are bad for you. Chicken strips = bad. Plain cheese pizza = bad. Fries = bad. Candy (the only food I feel remotely safe with most of the time,) = very bad. Plain rice with nothing on it = bad. Noodles = bad.
Don't cut out foods just reduce portion sizes of higher calorie foods. Eat the foods you feel safe with. Fit them in your calorie goal. See a therapist to work on your problem with food.What's worse, is that since there are probably 50 foods in whole world that I feel safe with. I was 34 years old the first time I had cheese on a burger, and I'm still suspicious of that at most places. So, cutting out foods freaks me out and I panic.
Protein, fiber and fats will help you feel satisfied and full. Drink water. Plan your meals and snacks ahead of time. You could prepare all your food for the week in one day so you don't have to cook often. Pre-logging my whole day helps me.What is a good tip for not being hungry or how do you deal with the moodiness?
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Oh and to people who don't understand how you get fat hating food...
1 serving chicken strips is 220 calories. Fries are 300-500 calories depending on how many you eat. 720 calories per meal adds up. I work at a desk all day in an office with no window. Depression kicks in, you don't get enough exercise and boom you're fat.-1 -
A lot of great advice in this thread! I don't remotely have the same issue as you, but I did find it very freeing when I realized I didn't have to A. cut out foods I enjoy and B. force feed myself things I don't in order to lose weight. You can find a way to incorporate your safe foods and still lose weight. It's doable. You'll figure it out! You can still have all those things.0
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Others have given you great advice. I just wanted to add that there are no "bad" foods -- you're giving food a moral value that it doesn't have. Go ahead and eat your safe foods, just weigh and track them so that you're in a calorie deficit. It sounds like your safe foods will provide you with all your nutritional needs, so don't worry about that for now. And just to repeat what others have said, work with a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. Working with a nutritionist who tells you to add mustard when you loathe mustard is going to get you nowhere. Good luck!
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You list a number of items you do eat. You aren't overweight because those foods are "bad" but because you ate too much. To lose weight, eat the things you like but eat less.Oh and to people who don't understand how you get fat hating food...
1 serving chicken strips is 220 calories. Fries are 300-500 calories depending on how many you eat. 720 calories per meal adds up. I work at a desk all day in an office with no window. Depression kicks in, you don't get enough exercise and boom you're fat.
No "boom you're fat". You are making excuses. Eat less and move more.3 -
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Than you to everyone about the advice to see a therapist. However, I can't afford healthier food so how do I afford a therapist? I have health insurance through my work with a $12000 deductible. I already have a therapist and I see her 3 times a year on my employee assistance program for other mental health issues. Also, I definately do not want to like more foods. That's not my issue. I don't want to add foods like sauces, for example.
I realize no one can help me.
Also I don't see dietitians, I work with them in a clinic. So, I'm okay on that. I'm just lost because so many diet tips are all about cutting out things I already don't eat.
That's OK. Just eat less of the foods you do like, and you'll be able to lose weight. Measure and log everything carefully to make sure you know how much you're really eating.
You'll probably find this easier if you try to eat more of the steamed chicken and veggies and less of the candy. You can still lose weight either way, but you'll feel less hungry eating chicken and veggies than you will candy.1 -
Than you to everyone about the advice to see a therapist. However, I can't afford healthier food so how do I afford a therapist? I have health insurance through my work with a $12000 deductible. I already have a therapist and I see her 3 times a year on my employee assistance program for other mental health issues. Also, I definately do not want to like more foods. That's not my issue. I don't want to add foods like sauces, for example.
I realize no one can help me.
Also I don't see dietitians, I work with them in a clinic. So, I'm okay on that. I'm just lost because so many diet tips are all about cutting out things I already don't eat.
If you haven't already, check out this website. It seems they might offer info on finding support groups for EDs and an opportunity to speak to someone on a hotline/online chat. Any kind of help is better than nothing at all, especially if the only reason behind you not going is financial constraint. I'm sorry, it simply is not true that no one can help you. Someone can, if you seek it out.
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support
My only other advice has already been stated, just manage better portions of your safe foods in the mean time. I know there is a big kick of protein/fiber enriched versions in easy prepare foods, so maybe seek those out if you can afford them. I really wish you the best and hope you can find proper treatment soon.
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ok, find a new job, stop eating, and spend more time in the sun. Since you stated no one can help you, I figured you just were looking for pity or one someone to validate you.-3
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Therapy won't force you to like more foods, it will help you deal with your basic physical need for food (like it or not, you'll die without it) without it causing you a mental break. Look into options for low-income people. I don't know since I'm not in that situation, but surely there must be resources, assuming you're in the U.S.1
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Ignore the insensitive comments here. Some folks are not reading between the lines.
I don't understand your specific situation, but I certainly understand the anxiety and depression aspect of it. I also get the fact that no matter how much you explain yourself, what makes perfect sense to you is totally irrational to others. I get it. I empathize with you completely.
I'm not a professional, but I know without a doubt that your limited therapist visits are not going to cut it. This is a mental health challenge and you need more frequent and ongoing support. If you have to rework your family budget in other areas to be able to afford more therapy, please do so.
I wish you all the best as you work through this.
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No, I was looking for maybe people who are in a similar boat. There are 7,000,000,000 people on earth and we are not as unique and special as preschool teaches us, my issue may be more unusual than some but there must be others out there with some similarities.nopotofgold wrote: »ok, find a new job, stop eating, and spend more time in the sun. Since you stated no one can help you, I figured you just were looking for pity or one someone to validate you.
What I meant by "no one can help me" is that none of the people on the forum could help with my disorder. Just like no one can help you from lashing out at a stranger for no reason. I could recommend therapy but I don't know your situation with healthcare or finances. I can't really help you with your anger issues. People like you make it harder for someone to want to ask for help from a community.
And yes, to someone else. "boom, your fat." I gained 2 lbs this weekend for not moving enough. I didn't say that wasn't my fault. You gain weight exponentially faster than you lose it, and if you have a slow metabolism and you don't constantly stay aware you're fat before you realize it.
To everyone else, thank you. I do bake my food at home. Frying is more work, but a lot of packaged foods like chicken strips are pre-fried (This is an example.) cutting portions is my best bet, and then distract myself from the hungry feeling.
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Doesn't seem like I am the only one with anger issues under your own guidelines.
You are a picky eater that likes junk food. Here is a link to help you get the help you need for your multiple issues like the 'food disorder (since that is how you presented your picky eating)', depression, and anger management. http://www.coaccess.com/access-behavioral-care
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Now the flags are flying?
@nopotofgold It sounds like it's more than picky eating. But it does also sound like there's a thread of validation-seeking in there.
@NewXila It really, really isn't "boom you're fat". I can gain two pounds today if I drink two pounds' of water. There's a lot of stuff here to unpack; certainly some patience with internet strangers who are attempting to help you is in order.2 -
+1,000keithcw_the_first wrote: »Now the flags are flying?
@nopotofgold It sounds like it's more than picky eating. But it does also sound like there's a thread of validation-seeking in there.
@NewXila It really, really isn't "boom you're fat". I can gain two pounds today if I drink two pounds' of water. There's a lot of stuff here to unpack; certainly some patience with internet strangers who are attempting to help you is in order.
/thread (please /thread)
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